Wisdom (Intellectual Stimulation)

Wisdom is the higher level of expression for the process of Intellectual Stimulation and Growth. Initially, when individuals are less conscious, Wisdom is not a big issue. We barely notice it in ourselves or in others. Until the fire of Vibratory Response is lit within us and we seek growth and development in our lives, we seek partners who do the same thing day after day. This is because we like the safety of knowing that everything is under control. For unconscious individuals, this Vibratory Response in our partners is unsettling. Vibratory Response is an Attraction that awakens us to the power within us. It switches on a circuit within us, which opens our eyes to how we are interacting with others in terms of understanding our life lessons. This means that we are driven to try to understand our partners and make sense of how their world relates to ours. This awakening can also be useful in helping us determine our Defense Style and Façade.

Intellectual stimulation makes Wisdom possible because it is through self-reflection and discussion that Wisdom is born. Truth is the result of combining Thoughts with Emotions, which only occurs by some form of intellectual stimulation. Almost all individuals are impacted by either the presence of intellectual stimulation (or the lack of it) in a relationship, business partnership or with a family member. When there is no stimulation, then the relationship is boring or complacent, at best. The only reason we choose this kind of relationship is we have been overwhelmed by mindless chatter or conflicted, compromised relationships where no one listened to us.

It is ironic that intellectual stimulation is at the top of the feminine Attraction structure because it also has so much to do with embodying our masculine. This shift in awareness, where we are no longer intimidated by information, but instead, become curious, allows us to investigate the reasons for our interest. For example, what is the meaning of our Secondary Expression and why does pushing into it get us so much attention? The more we investigate the inner meaning of our structure and how we relate with everything in the world, the more likely intellectual stimulation will play a big part in achieving a sense of undeniable, inner Wisdom.

Wisdom is the capacity to integrate multiple Truths into a unified whole. It is the ability to see how our thoughts connect and amplify each other. Wisdom makes simple our experience and allows us to understand how we, and our Truth, relates to others. It is a Content expander because it allows us to organize who we are in terms of what is different about others. If we choose to honor our selves, we need to learn to honor others to create Wisdom with them. Without this shared Knowing, Wisdom and its power to unify us, instead, differentiates us. It is most delightful when we have a wide diversity of intelligences, which constantly interact in different ways together. Wisdom is greatly enhanced when we connect our Intelligence with the Intelligences of others. This requires complete trust and an ability to share thoughts without withholding them from each other. When Wisdom is repressed it is either due to the denial of our femininity or the denial that we can incorporate and act upon our Wisdom. This shows up as Intensity and our unwillingness to share what we know. When we do not believe in ourselves, we seek out others to believe in us. This repression keeps us from going deeper within ourselves to learn our own answers. In extreme situations we naturally choose partners with greater Wisdom either to take care of us or to provide the answers we need. Due to its location on the Attraction Holon, on the top line, it is the Intuitive attraction that helps us formulate conscious responses to others. This means that even through our Repression we know we are more than the Repression.

Wisdom is enhanced when we have deepened into our Self Knowing and can create understanding with others. Wisdom is based on the resonance we experience with the Thoughts of others. Its attraction is profound because it involves a partner incorporating our Truth with their Truth. In this circumstance, we use common Truths as the foundation for interacting, even with our differences. This can only occur when we first understand and accept our own Truth. Wisdom begins by building upon common Truths between our selves and others. It expands as we learn how to see that the Truth of others can be another way of expressing our own Truth. As long as we experience greater similarities, nothing can get between us. Wisdom is also the great leveler of the many types of experience (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts) incorporating each modality in unique ways to create a unified Context (recreating our mutual experience). Wisdom requires a unified Context to function well.

We create Wisdom by breaking down our Positions or Beliefs. Until we can achieve a fluidity of Knowing rather than rigidity based on defensive preconceptions, Wisdom will continue to be an elusive ideal. The core issue is to recognize that our Truth is ever-changing, in-the moment, and requires that we constantly check in as it evolves and grows. Otherwise, we fall victim to our history and past Beliefs, which limit our in-the-moment perception of the Truth. One of the best ways to accomplish this is either by meditation, where we practice eliminating our Attachments to Thoughts as a way of anchoring ourselves to our reality or just do 15-minute check-ins with where we are moment-to-moment, in Solitude and without distractions. In both of these situations it is about regenerating our Truth as it emerges and using it to move us forward in our lives.

Vibratory Response is therefore the ability to distinguish the present from the past, affirming that we will choose the more expansive possibility. When it comes to Attractions, each level of lessons grows from the previous level, which means there is always a more expansive choice on the horizon. On the feminine level this means we move from Sexy, to Innocence, to Self Acceptance, to Wisdom. On the masculine side we move from Smarts, to Strength, to Personality Self Rejection, to Aliveness. To integrate ourselves on both the masculine and feminine side we move from Reliability, to Personal Autonomy, to Personal Intimacy to Awareness.  In each one of these holons, the lower step becomes the foundation for the next higher step, which is in the nature of honoring the nature of Vibratory Response. When a person is not open to this type of growth they cannot move with us when we are engaged in it. The duality of Vibratory Response is in recognizing that our personality system seeks certainty, while our Creative Self seeks openness and discovery moment-to-moment. Vibratory Response is when we choose to engage with a degree of uncertainty in every new discovery in our life. This allows us to keep superseding our personality frameworks so we can rebuild them rather than reinforce them in our life.

Through Vibratory Response we integrate our feminine nature by recognizing that it is our inner perception of self that is so much more important than our outer image. This is particularly true with the attractions of Sexy, Innocence, and Self Acceptance. The more we fixate on how others see us, the less true we can be to our inner attractions. Our goal, therefore, is to see the presence of Sexiness, Innocence, Self Acceptance, and Truth in our experience. These aspects are what actually make up Wisdom. Vibratory Response is the result of how others gravitate to us magnetically when we are true to ourselves. This can also show up on a negative level when we doubt and fear others will not accept us, and we actually end up repulsing them. Another way of saying this is that when we have so much fear compared to our opportunities that we can polarize others when these factors are too out of balance.

Transformation is the result of pushing beyond our fears and/or personality desires to embrace the unknown “Unknown” in our lives. Using the theory of Dissipative Structures proposed by Ilya Prigogine, the idea is a system outgrows its capacity to support itself and is pushed into a new organizational structure, which we call Transformation. This type of growth is based on embracing a larger Context or recognizing that the current definition of the problem is inadequate to the circumstances. Whenever we feel fearful when we step into a new area of self-responsibility it allows us to keep pushing until the system breaks down or breaks-through. As long as we are committed to growing in this process each one of these shifts is a transformation process where we discover new things about ourselves. Some individuals consider that a reorganization of the Content (Thoughts and Emotions) to create a bigger solution is an effective definition or transformation. Higher Alignment prefers to be inclusive between not only our Thoughts, but our emotional structures so that when the change happens it is a mutually reorganizing process. The more we combine and simultaneously distinguish the differences in these attraction continuums, the more profound will our transformations be.

Owning Our Attractions

Manifesting Our Masculine and Feminine demonstrates how, on the lower three levels, we feel the pull toward unification of masculine and feminine. This is experienced typically as having counter-balancing perspectives where we experience the value of the opposite qualities without knowing how to embody those qualities within ourselves. This is the second question we ask in any relationship: Does this individual understand me as much as I understand them? Now that we have demonstrated our capabilities to see and accept their needs (covered in the preceding section) do our partners have complementary lessons that will keep them committed to us? Beyond our initial attraction how does our actual connection benefit each other? Can and will our partner support our goals and aspirations? To what degree do we truly own our value to each other? Our response to this question is limited by the degree we see and accept our Self. It is also limited by our capacity to be present in our inner experience (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts) because any denial on these levels distorts our ability to own our self-perceptions as our authentic experience. When this occurs, we unconsciously seek out complementary perspectives to fill the gaps in our own experience. This is how unconscious attractions become addictive, co-dependent, and unfulfilling.

For example, we could validate our sexual identity by the degree we automatically honor potential and seek physical support in the world (which reflects the feminine) or how we automatically honor action and seek feeling support (which reflects the masculine). Of course, these distinctions may seem controversial (to some) primarily because women do not like to see themselves as physically needy and men do not like to see themselves as being needy about having their feelings validated. But it does make the point that every need provides us the opportunity to support our partner. It also reflects that we may not understand the meaning of physical and feeling support. The more women are clear that they can invite others to provide support in ways that they wish, the more they understand how the use of acknowledgement with men is a way of supporting men in organizing their Feelings. While men may not want to talk about it, Feelings are a reflection of the integration of Sensations in their body. Acknowledgements therefore honor the Sensations men have which make them feel useful and capable. Every need becomes an opportunity to also contribute something different to our partner. Women feel honored when they are physically supported, not because they are weaker but because someone was interested enough to acknowledge them and their presence.

On the intellectual level, some individuals are more feminine and use more intuitive or circular thinking while others (who are more masculine) prefer sequential reasoning and logic. One primary indicator on this level is whether they are building self-esteem or self-respect. Self-esteem is primarily a masculine framework of seeing ourselves in terms of a résumé of work experiences. As we achieve greater results, our self-esteem improves. Self-respect is primarily a feminine framework that honors our potential or ability to contribute. As others come to value us for who we are, our self-respect improves. Self-esteem is a way to be honored in our work capabilities, while self-respect is a way to be honored in our relationship abilities. The more we

honor our self-respect and are building self-esteem, the more feminine we are naturally in our thinking processes. Intellectually feminine individuals are oriented more to how things relate to each other, which reflects a contextual orientation. The more we honor our self-esteem and are building self-respect, the more masculine we are naturally in our thinking process. Intellectually masculine individuals are oriented more to the structure or details of a conversation, which reflects a content orientation. We tend to attract complements to us on the intellectual level, not only to build a sense of mutual security, but also to support each other in developing opposing skills.

The masculine and feminine also show up in our idealized perspectives of each other. There are many aspects of the opposite gender that we idealize as a way to distinguish ourselves from that gender. For example, if as males, we consider females as soft, vulnerable and manipulative, it is likely we will identify ourselves as strong, powerful and up front. It should be noted that these idealizations are just projections on the opposite gender and that they may not actually reflect the reality of circumstances. Their importance is to provide a buffer zone where differences can simplify our decision-making. Both men and women making these projections know that their partners could feel attacked by these assumptions if they were shared.

On the idealized level, much of our masculine and feminine duality shows up in terms of adoration and admiration. Adoration (the feminine aspect) is placing trust in another that they will operate in our best interests. When we adore another, we want to see the best in them, even if it is only their potential. Admiration (the masculine aspect) comes from someone succeeding at something we wish to accomplish. When we admire someone, we honor their life experience and how he or she has been able to persevere in the face of adversity. Usually, we experience one and seek the other. For example, when we are identified with the ideal feminine, we live in a state of self-adoration and seek the admiration of others. When we are identified with the ideal masculine we live in a state of self-admiration and end up seeking the adoration of others. When we neutralize these polarities, we are able to both adore and admire others and ourselves.

On the Co-Creative and Intuitive levels, our masculine and feminine require a greater degree of integration to show up. Both Autonomy and Intimacy become the foundation for our Gender Identity healing. Autonomy reflects our ability to speak our Truth, Intimacy reflects an ability to mirror the Truth of others and be empathetic. Without these skills, Co-Creation is not possible. The feminine is embodied by first honoring Intimacy and then Autonomy. We see examples of mothers or businesswomen learning that Intimacy requires Autonomy to manifest their intentions. Women typically begin honoring the life energy aspects (nature) and then evolve over time to manifest the light energy aspects (Wisdom). The masculine begins with Autonomy or knowledge and then uplifts this energy through Intimacy or Unity. Where are we in the process of expressing our masculine or feminine natures? If we are focusing more on Intimacy, we tend to take on the problems of others and make them our own. If we are focusing more on Autonomy, we tend to distance ourselves from confusion and compromise by speaking what others are afraid to say.

See Expressing Masculine and Feminine Sides for a systematic presentation about how we take action to encourage others to accept us. The more consistently we operate in our masculine and feminine polarities the easier it is for our partner to know what to expect from us. In a way, our adoption of masculine and feminine stereotypes is an overhead that we accept in order to attract complementary partners based on personality attractions. The attachments we develop in either our masculine or feminine sides mirror this development process. Each layer

from the bottom up, deepens and expands our personality self. We cannot be more conscious by denying any aspect of our masculine/feminine ways of being. This does not mean that we need to lose our Self in our expression, just be present to it. We discover that embodying our Gender Identity is necessary before we can transcend and transmute it. This expansion of needs and personality wants needs to be confronted before we realize that knowing who we are does not require more things. Instead, we need to release any grasping or holding on so our attention is completely focused on our authentic contributions. Only when we care more about giving does the universe respond in kind.

On the Instinctive level where everything is appearance driven, women use makeup, cosmetic surgery and perfume to expand the range of candidate options, recognizing that men make their initial qualifications based on appearance. Woman’s preoccupation with outer beauty keeps her from seeing and radiating her natural inner beauty. Men have a complementary attachment with possessions and the appearance of knowledge so that they will not be screened out by women-seeking some demonstration of competence in the world. Men’s preoccupation with cleverness and plans keep them from recognizing the instinctive communication going on all around them.  Instead, men learn to use their voice in seductive ways and to talk to women about their Truth so as to impress them with their sincerity. Women are susceptible to this approach because verbal suggestions, particularly about their beauty or their interests, fulfill the criteria of men taking an interest in and making an effort to meet them where they are.

On the Intellectual level, the way men and women attract each other is by demonstrating the qualities that make them great partners. Individuals operating from the feminine framework attempt to explore common fears and desire to determine if their partner has the ability to engage them creatively. These individuals may also test the relationship by creating conflicts to see if their partner is able to work with them and will make an effort to create a different solution from what is comfortable for them. This is a way they create a sense of security about the commitment level in the relationship. Individuals who have a more masculine orientation like to create a list of ways their partner can satisfy them. They seek to evaluate potential partners by how well their partner responds to these suggestions and is interested in serving their needs. The key for masculine based individuals is to be able to understand their partner’s decision-making process so that they are able to predict their partner’s responses with accuracy. Ultimately their desire for their partner will depend on how effectively their partner meets their needs. Our need to externalize our desire will continue to keep us unsatisfied and always seeking greener pastures.

On the Idealized level, the issues are based on common lessons. The feminine procedure is to discuss the possible interdependent lessons that are identified and see if their partner has a similar perception about the issues. An interdependent lesson is one where both individuals can provide a perspective that makes it easy to solve the overall problem. Interdependent lessons are complementary which requires that both individuals be willing to commit simultaneously to their resolution. The biggest problem that arises is to align both partners’ resources in a similar time frame. Individuals with a feminine orientation at this level want their partner to be flexible and fluid with them. Their partners’ responsiveness is seen as a key indicator of having a quality partner. The more masculine individual seeks more personal and independent acceptance about their career and life work. They evaluate their partner by the clarity of the support agreements and how quickly their partner can mobilize and address issues that change. What they seek most is a partner who can match their effectiveness. As long as we are defined by limited perceptions of our masculine or feminine, unconscious attraction will continue to haunt our lives.

On the Co-Creative level, we finally experience our choices moment-to-moment without any need to compromise. The feminine individuals become more capable of evaluating each individual’s strengths and weaknesses so that they can see what will work or not work easily. This impersonal assessment process is further enhanced by the neutralization of personality desires and the capacity to integrate different goals and scenarios into a larger mutual contribution. Those that operate from the masculine framework become more adept at unifying their contributions with others. This occurs because they are able to neutralize both their fears and the fears of others around them. This can be observed by a capacity to use time creatively and an ability to manage their energy and the energy of others around them effectively. The key is being able to simultaneously bring together both our feminine and masculine sides. When we can embody both aspects and work with others who can do the same, our flexibility is increased 100 fold. Everything becomes open to discussion so that multiple ways of creating not only become possibilities but realities to consider. Our capacity to be creative within ourselves means that we do not need others to be there, but that does not limit our desire to work with others in ways that are playful, paradoxical, and which provide maximum learning and growth.

Attractions support us in refining our true understanding of what it means to be masculine and feminine while urging us to expand and own the possibility that we are each both masculine and feminine simultaneously. This does not mean that we are not anchored in our Gender Identity, but as we grow, we become less attached to fixed notions about what it means to be a man or a woman. As we grow, we are able to explore how masculine and feminine perspectives can produce greater synergy when combined. As a result, we are able to be more inclusive in our interactions with others because of the creative range we are personally able to maintain. Instead of operating in predefined masculine and feminine roles, or competing in power struggles to maximize our impact, we can more fully reflect and be present with others.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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