Validating Our Pretenses

1. How do we most likely get caught in mindless support of others?
a) Feeling we have to define ourselves in a way they will like and accept? (Expectation)
b) Hoping others will come out and play in a romantic way with pre-established, unspoken expectations? (Romantic Mythology)
c) Conveying a sense of expertise and certainty with an ability to physically deliver what is needed in a situation? (Control)
d) Do we try to help another by showing them they could be just as good as we are by following our advice? (Seduction)

2. What is our favorite way to grow?
a) Looking at what fits our current understanding, creating a sense of stability? (Expectations)
b) By focusing on ideas that don’t seem to fit, thus becoming more inclusive? (Romantic Mythology)
c) Focusing on things that matter most, becoming exclusive? (Control)
d) Focusing on what we have in common with another so we can discover a way for them to support our agenda? (Seduction)

3. In our childhood did we feel:
a) A victim of circumstances? (Expectations)
b) Like a person who overcame the odds by rescuing others? (Romantic Mythology)
c) Someone with insights and information that others didn’t listen to? (Controller)
d) We were ignored, except when we were resolving conflicts and negotiating solutions? (Seducer)

4. Do we deny or limit our Autonomy or Intimacy more?

Autonomy: Ability to tell our truth harmlessly
Intimacy: Ability to create a safe space where our truth and others’ truths can be heard and honored.
a) If Autonomy, do we compromise overtly by discussing things and negotiating upfront exchanges (Expectations) or do we expect them to know automatically what we need, and are then unwilling to provide guidelines for fear of ruining our fun (Romantic Mythology)?
b) If Intimacy, do we compromise overtly by attempting to establish the framework of any action or discussion in advance, requiring others to engage us on our own terms (Control), or do we covertly seek to compromise others by having them doubt their own truth so our truth will have greater prominence and strength (Seduction)?
c) If neither, do we attempt to encourage the natural creativity of others by refusing to let them compromise themselves for us in any way, and asking them to act in their highest good? If we have both the commitment and constitution to avoid being compromised or compromising others, then pretenses are more than likely a thing of the past.