Understanding Differences and Similarities With Others

We invite you to playfully consider interacting with our website as initiating a dialogue for personal self-discovery. We accomplish this by explaining the various ways people operate so we can choose friends, lovers and business associates who can meet us in a way that works. What we discover is how predictable different patterns can be. The problem is that usually we avoid the best romantic partners and even limit our interactions to a very select group of individuals. Each person has a natural, creative and authentic way of being in the world. Often, in the process of growing up, we lose the connection to our authentic self. When we get locked into ways of being that are not natural for us, others often ignore us. We invite you to explore and choose what is authentic or inauthentic based on the aliveness, wisdom and awareness this process generates.

We need to remember that it is up to us to determine what is true and not true about us, as we are the only experts in our own life. When something is true for us and we engage it, it moves us along effortlessly. On the other hand, when it is not true, we feel a resistance within us and with others around us. This is why understanding our Compatibility Factors has such a powerful effect upon us.

The three impacts it makes are: 1) it helps us to separate our Imprinting from our natural expression; 2) it supports us in identifying where we have pre-existing conflicts that could be resolved if we were willing to make new choices about what works for us; and 3) it allows us to focus on those aspects of ourselves that can create a foundation for how we wish to contribute in the world. Until we accept our foundation, much of what we attempt to do becomes overly difficult and hard to focus on. By preparing a foundation, we can relax into our Creative Nature and let our own, creative process guide us.

We create this foundation by accepting those unique qualities that make us different from others. Instead of being apologetic because our factors may make others uncomfortable or less clear about themselves, we need to robustly affirm our true and Authentic Nature. There are two kinds of differences that we end up dealing with. Differences that are true and differences that are another’s projections upon us because they are not comfortable with some aspect of themselves.

When we can distinguish a comment that speaks to our truth about who we are from a comment that others use to make us wrong (because they are not clear about themselves), we know how to deal with the situation. First, when an individual makes a comment or observation because something challenges them in some way, it would be great to respond to find out more of what they are talking about. Sometimes, it becomes quickly apparent that they are irritated because we possess some quality or characteristic they do not. It is not our job to minimize the authentic expression of ourselves to please others. However, if we are sure that we are congruent with the way we are operating, we should tell them that this authentic for us.

If, on the other hand, it is an Imprint that we do because something they do makes us uncomfortable, then it is important to acknowledge this as well. Just being conscious about this and acknowledging it with others make us aware when it emerges. We can even ask for their support to bring it to our attention when it comes up again. The key issue to recognize within ourselves, is that this false way of being exists because we have been compromised in the past and we constructed it to divert attention away from something that was even more painful. What relief did we find by adopting this characteristic? What can we do now to heal and neutralize these false characterizations?

We have the same challenges with differences (as in the areas of similarities). We can have comfortable similarities where we are operating in our truth with others that are same as us and feel great affinity. There is little to do or say about this. Similarities assist us in working together, as teammates or partners because we have an innate understanding of what the other person is thinking and can anticipate their likely responses. The real problem is when we have Uncomfortable Similarities. In this situation, either of us have had an aspect of ourselves compromised to the point where we shy away from operating in a natural way. When we are caught in an Uncomfortable Similarity, the other person triggers it by being an example of who we should be. This creates pain in us because we are not living up to our own possibilities, which we immediately associate with them as creating pain for us. Our reaction indicates that this is our issue and not theirs.

How we clear this out is to acknowledge that first, there is something triggering us when people do certain behaviors so we can identify what that characteristic is. How have we felt limited for the way that others are expressing themselves? When we can take ownership for the quality that bugs us, we need to find a reason to express it for ourselves. If we cannot find such a reason, then nothing will change. What we need is the motivation to shift our beliefs so that they are supportive to our development. Sometimes, there are interlocking Uncomfortable Similarities between people. This is when each person has something they have repressed that their partner does. It is common for people with complementary repressions to be attracted to each other.

There are 15 Compatibility Factors, where differences and similarities routinely come up. Some of these factors are difficult for us to understand or remember, which is an indication that we are either imprinted or potentially repressed in our expression. We also have reactions to others regarding differences in Motives, Attractions and even Skills. This is because these factors inherently change the way that way that we operate and thus, the way other people perceive us. Comparisons operate most strongly at the second Status Quo Contract level and the third level of Partners In Process. As long as we are inappropriately comparing ourselves, rather than appreciating how our differences and similarities make us truly unique, we are missing the real reasons to be with others.