Seduction Strategy Pretense

When we use a Seduction strategy we only link up with those who can be manipulated in order to protect ourselves. We may tell them that we are manipulating them for their own good, but it is seldom the case. When using Seduction it is easy to lose our compass or direction because we begin to believe the lies we tell others. Focusing on Seducing another keeps the discussion focused on promises that cannot be kept. We shift context and look for new angles when we approach others. Underneath, we do not believe we can be successful in our relationships by being who we are. When we operate from this pretense, what we lose is our opportunity for Mutual Growth and Intimacy. We naturally attract Romantics, other Seducers and Controllers. We do not do well with Expectors.

There are two levels of Seduction, one of which is relatively harmless and playful; the other preys on others to build self-esteem and respect. A simple Seducer does not take Seduction seriously and uses it as a playful exploration of differences and similarities. Master Seducers seeks to undermine and manipulate others in order to create the illusion that we are more powerful or capable than anyone else. The Pretense of Seduction, relates to individuals who need to seduce to survive. The pretense of Seduction operates only on those who are most naïve. As Seducers we exploit the doubts and confusion of our targets in order to obtain their acquiescence and obedience. We seek to change the minds of others indirectly by enlarging and enhancing problems so we have a greater influence in solving those problems. We use confusion and misdirection to enhance our own importance. We always subtly discount others’ choices in order to undermine their self-confidence. We succeed by undermining others’ Autonomy and Intimacy, collapsing boundaries that others have about themselves so they become servants to our wishes. The difference between a Pioneering or Creative Being and a Seducer is that a Pioneer/Creative Being will always honor others’ choices and will not expect others to do what they say. Free will is always sacrosanct for any individual who is conscious. Only if we have denied our creativity do we need to seduce others to enhance our power. Seducers always discount others’ autonomy and intimacy, and expect them to do what we say. Simply said, we will use guilt, blame, and shame indiscriminately to find the buttons others most wish to avoid. We seem flirtatious and suggestive, but are vindictive if not accepted.

Seduction Pretense Objective: Getting others to participate in our fantasies/desires.

I think you are a lot more sexy when you ______________.
Since I care about you… I want what is best for you, if you would only...
While I think you’re doing the best you can, I just wish more could be done about ____________________________________________.
If you’re willing to take care of _____________ for me, I will naturally want to do ___________________ for you.
While I like ________, it would be better if you would try___________.
Unconscious Assumption: We seek others’ affirmation at the cost of their well being.
Affirm our contribution by how much individuals accept our premises (by either being adoring and admiring of us).
Arrogantly believe we know what is best in any situation.
Want to change our victim’s perspective just to prove we can.
Are not happy and become vindictive when others ignore our invitation.

Releasing Seduction

Affirm fear of not being seen and valued by others.
Affirm personal creative power with others, not separated from others.
Express all uncertainty or doubt preemptively.
Acknowledge that we are developing our intuition and creativity.
Stop convincing others (at the cost of their truth) to do things just to prove we can.
Recognize that full personal Autonomy and Intimacy requires the full participation of others.
Work to uplift and honor the affirmative nature of others without any personal agenda.
Let go of attempting to define what others need.

Anti-Seduction

We are repulsed by Seduction, because we now recognize how we can lose ourselves in others and deny our own creative nature. We now fear that we will forget who we are, whenever somebody who appears strong and capable shows up. We believe we will become a follower because we are not as confident or experienced in our own creative expression. As a result, we attempt to choose associates who are not too flashy, confident or attractive, so we will not feel at the affect of them. We begin to appreciate that certain attributes or ways of being automatically trigger these fears, particularly when an individual seems smooth and resourceful. In effect, we need to disconnect our automatic associations with being subdued or unduly influenced when individuals have these particular attributes. Anti-Seduction means we are trying to regain our sense of our creative power without comparing ourselves to anyone else. We are left with the natural impulse to honor ourselves independently of others, recognizing that we each have our own natural path of development. Eventually, we release Anti-Seduction patterns when we no longer operate in a way that needs to be more or less powerful than others.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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