Looking At Pacing On A Deeper Level

Pacing refers to the speed at which individuals cycle through their process sequence (i.e., Think, Feel, Act). This means that individuals have to complete all three elements of their process to finish a Pacing cycle. Unfortunately, because of wounding and/or imprinting, most people don’t honor their natural timing, which causes them to accelerate and leads to distancing, fatigue and boredom. All imprinting interferes with the ability to be our authentic selves. When we learn to be with others in the way they want us to, we end up separating from our true selves, which results in greater distortions in our Pacing and Process. For example, we might end up spending three to six cycles in an emotional sequence if we are a Think, Feel, Act because we are feeling vulnerable. This is because we either get stuck looking for validation from someone else or we second guess ourselves and switch back and forth between various processes because of different imprinting. The effect elongates each of the steps within a process, which, with self-acceptance and healing, begin to occur simultaneously with each other.

One of the most important things we can do for ourselves is start to recognize those people in our life that have the same Pacing as us. With similar Pacing we can stay with these people indefinitely without becoming tired or feeling frustrated. The experience of not being met or not being able to hold a creative connection with someone more than two to six hours is common. In such situations, fast-Paced people have an increasing sense of frustration, while slow-Paced people are gradually exhausted and end up collapsing. Both of these outcomes demonstrate that we need to manage our energy more effectively and remove ourselves from the situation when our energy or frustration level impacts our ability to remain and communicate effectively with these people. Unfortunately, we can even become more confused when we try to create a unique communication pattern (unconsciously based on various imprinting) with each person.

It is important to recognize that our natural Pacing takes place when we are most creative. While this cycle speed could be reflected in how fast someone speaks, it is not necessarily directly linked. For example, if we are completely familiar with a topic, we could speak about it extremely quickly, appearing to be very fast-paced, whereas our actual Pacing may be lower-Paced (Larry, for example). Pacing shows up most clearly and authentically when we are in a creative process doing things we’ve never done before. It is only in this situation that inner Pacing is manifested in a congruent way with outer demonstration of Pacing. Sadly, many people attempt to be faster-paced, incorrectly believing that speed is connected with intelligence.

The more we become clear about our true Pacing, the more we can satisfy ourselves by being really met by people with similar Pacing. This allows us to find our own energetic comfort zone, allowing us then to know what it is like to be met and feel at home in our bodies. With this awareness, it becomes easier to develop greater flexibility in Pacing so we can meet others where they are. It also then becomes possible to start adapting our Pacing toward a mid-range slowly over a period of years, developing additional flexibility and ability to be with others.