No Active Pretenses

When we let go of the need for pretenses, we are able to respond to others without getting lost in their perception of themselves. Instead of needing to reassure them, we internally affirm that they can reassure themselves and therefore do not get entangle in their self-perceived inadequacies. This does not mean that we do not affirm them, just that we do not affirm them in response to their pretense patterns. This does mean that it is difficult to affirm them when they are fully in their Pretenses and are not comfortable showing up in our relationship with them. Operating without Pretenses also requires that we are no longer traumatized by the rejection of others. Instead, we see any rejection as a self-affirming indication that we are not on the same path and there is no need for any further engagement.

Viewing rejection as a completion, which frees our energy to move in other directions, takes away the negative inference that we are somehow inadequate, unlovable or not wanted. What it really says is that somehow, in another’s eyes, we are not appropriate for them at this time. It is common for individuals who are creatively self-denied, to reject those individuals without pretenses. Unconscious individuals become more uncomfortable, the more they realize that others’ are not using Pretenses to reassure them. In this way, not playing into Pretenses naturally eliminates those individuals in our life who need Pretenses to engage. Neutralizing Pretenses has the effect of not reinforcing the Instinctive attractions of Excitement, where the appearance of Sexiness, Intelligence and Reliability dominates other forms of attraction.