Knowing About Motives

How Motives Move Us Forward

Motives reflect what we want. They are the natural way we take action to affirm our Creative Nature. Each Motive is an impulse to do something. At the lowest level of Instinctive Motives, the masculine is the Motive of Arrogance, which is about looking smart. The feminine Instinctive Motive is about Greed, which is about possessing something. When these combine, they create the Motive of Lust where our desire to possess a person is founded upon the false belief that we know them. It is a fantasy resulting from our desperation to connect. With Instinctive Motives, it is all about claiming what we think is ours to begin with. We see everyone else as objects that play their roles in our particular story. We are frustrated when someone does not play their role the way we want, or respond in a way that affirms us. When we do not believe that our Motives serve us, we give up in living and fall into Inertia. We call this process ‘going to seed’.

On the Instinctive Level, Motives are about immediately getting our hands on what we want. Usually, we do not even think about the consequences. To do so would be to miss an opportunity because doubt comes into play, which keeps us from moving forward. This is because fear and inertia are the main obstacles to all instinctive activities. We feel a greater sense of confidence when our instinctive conditioning kicks in and we automatically do something. Motives become part of our conditioning, especially when they reinforce roleplaying proclivity or imprinted patterns. These are the ways we go on automatic pilot. We move from Instinctive to Intellectual Motives as we take responsibility for our own growth rather than letting ourselves drift in the wind.

Intellectual Motives

On the Intellectual level, Motives are more about a thought, referencing who we are, that reflects success programming and wish fulfillment. It is about thinking over and over about what we want, hoping something will shift and we will be able to acquire it. The Masculine expression is Personal Achievement, which is proving we can do what we say we can do. Personal Achievement is our first experience of differentiating ourselves from others by doing something they may not be able to do. It is about showing others what we are cable of so they will acknowledge us. The feminine Intellectual Motive is Personal Dominion, which is about finding a place where we can stand in our power and appreciate the things we own. It is a reflection that we must be worth something if we have physically manifested what we want. Typical items used to anchor this experience are power offices, cars or homes. The whole motivation is to show that we have ‘arrived’ and that we have experienced greater choices due to our success. We also see indicators of this Motive when we have to have the latest phone, computer, jewelry, clothes or hairstyle.

When we combine these two Motives (Personal Achievement and Personal Dominion), it creates Self Centered Activity, where we want others to notice us and the things we do to entertain ourselves. These activities will get us noticed, but will not place demands upon us to interact with others. We do these things to offset the stress of working so we minimize having to engage others on their timeframe. Typical examples of Self-Serving Activities are sporting events, the opera, movies, nightclubs, dancing and even reading. The key that makes these events Self Serving is that people are doing these activities in order to get approval and attention from others. To the degree that it is somewhat elite and isolating is a bonus. Those who go for the love of an event, is likely not a Self Serving Activity. Self-Serving activity needs to be something we do that we are not actually passionate about and we do not need to fully engage. Self Serving Activity is mainly an anchor to process our own experience without being distracted by others. We want a mindless activity that allows us to feel we are taking a break.

Intellectual Motives drive us to activities without considering the impact on us or those around us. The more we are preoccupied with ‘something’ that seems important, the less we see that what we are doing is not aligned with us. Intellectual Motives attempt to place our perspective upon others, believing we know what is good or bad for them. Most of the time we do not actually know the consequences of our choices. Until we are able to recognize our limitations, we do not fully participate in the world in a way that creates meaning and value for all. We shift from Intellectual Motives into Idealized Motives when we take responsibility for our choices and act Autonomously despite any differences with others.

Idealized Motives

On the Idealized level, Motives are about getting seen in the way we want to be valued. It is about other people appreciating us for what we are committed to being. At this level, we begin to develop Self Esteem and Self Respect, but now need affirmation from others. Idealized Motives attempt to take charge because we unconsciously believe others need our support. The masculine Idealized Motive is Idealized Unity, where we enjoy becoming the center of our thought universe. Idealized Unity can be seen most graphically in Nobel Prize winners. After they win the prize, they use the admiration and affiliation needs of others to impose their ideas on possibilities. We want other people to defer to our thinking because we are obviously the smartest person around. The feminine Idealized Motive is Idealized Trust, where we want other people to let us do what we want to do without oversight. Idealized Trust seeks others to adore them and appease their need for meeting expectations while being proper and appropriate. They are always trying to make others see things their way. When it does not work, we can still blame someone else. The critical issue is that we do not develop skills in knowing when to trust and when not to trust.

This interferes with our ability to deal with Idealized Co-Creation, where we do things with others, yet are not in control. Authentic Co-Creation operates from an equality of purpose and desire. Only one partner usually drives idealized Co-Creation, because they envision how the benefits will be helpful to both. Another issue is that both partners rarely have the same way of implementing an intention, in which one or both resist and rebel when things go awry. We imagine that this type of interaction will be so much better, only to find out that others get upset even when things do go well. We begin to doubt that there is any way to really satisfy another. We shift from the Idealized level to the Intuitive level when we learn how to invite others to step up to higher possibilities without compromising our nature.

Intuitive Motives

Ultimately, it is not until we take ownership of Intuitive Motives that we can distinguish between what we are responsible for and are willing to participate in, without being completely responsible for the result. With Intuitive Motives, we possess a balance and spaciousness that encourages others to see the good in us because we see the good in them. On the Intuitive level, Motives reflect a shared, transparent interest in doing the same thing. When we are both doing creative projects in alignment together, Intuitive Motives are what create our sense of alignment. The Masculine Intuitive Motive is Mutual Accomplishment, where we appreciate that our personal contribution does not need to take credit away from the larger group we are a part of. This is because we see it as a mutual effort, and everyone is uniquely contributing something necessary to bring the whole result into being.

The feminine Intuitive Motive, Universal Dominion, is about holding space for other people to be the way they want to be. When individuals are acknowledged for how distinct they are, they usually want to return the favor and provide opportunities for their partners to optimize their own creative engagement. People learn about differences and similarities, and no judgments are made. When these Intuitive Motives come together, it creates Conscious Participation, where we commit ourselves to an outcome without worrying about the result. This allows us to be surprised and learn a lot about what works and what does not work between us. Sometimes the results are much greater than we anticipated. Other times, it seems like we struggle because of differences or similarities that we have a hard time accepting.

From the above descriptions of the various Motives, we can see that each succeeding level of Motives requires greater self-acceptance and an ability to respond to others as they are. It also helps to consciously choose how we want to operate with each individual. We all become a laboratory for uplifting Motives. It is always best to start with lower Motives and move up the scale as we learn the best ways of being creative together. Motives are the primary framework for stepping into new domains and being more consciously engaged with our partners. If we are contracted or withdrawn from others, it tells us our Motives are greatly reduced. In this way, we can see how Motives vacillate over periods of time based on the kinds of relationships we have with each individual. What we want to do is maximize our Motives, which means owning there is a part of us in every Motive, but that we choose to experience our self in the most expansive Motives possible at any one time. This is how we create and enrich the relationship opportunities in our lives.