MODES COMPATIBILITY CONSIDERATIONS

Clearly Recognizing Our Mode Reactions

When we experience a reaction it indicates we have triggered an internal fear that we won’t be able to live up to the expectations of others. We then create counter-beliefs to offset these fears. Explore the following reactions primarily to identify our Mode imprinting. In this section we are assuming that all of the remaining compatibility factors are the same, so we can focus on the Mode differences. We will first deal with the reactions we experience when one person with a Mode meets another individual with the same Mode:

1. Reserved with Reserved. Either individual could react to the other person because the scope of their interest is different and doesn’t overlap. Therefore, the priorities and willingness to connect would be compromised. One of the biggest issues that comes up for a person in Reserved is when they feel forced to conform to others expectations. This means a person in Reserved could be very reactive to another person with a Mode of Reserved. The ironic issue is that both have something to contribute, but they are both so independent in their way of contributing it, they do not know how to meet each other.

2. Caution with Caution. These individuals will likely only get along to the degree that they both have a common fear that keeps them from breaking out of their prescribed framework of activities. When there is no common framework they are likely to test each other to determine if there is trust and acceptance. If not, it is common that they will seek to undermine the other. If some individual has natural Caution and another person has Caution imprinting, there is a high likelihood that they will fight to prove who can make things the safest. A competitive framework reducing dramatically the chance of any cooperation.

3. Perseverance with Perseverance. Two individuals in Perseverance could find it extremely difficult to be with each other if there was not a pre-established common goal. This is because Perseverance and Perseverance imprinting don’t like to hang out with each other unless they can be Persevering together. If there was a common purpose, two individuals in Perseverance could work as a team extremely well because of the alignment they feel about the common endeavor they are engaged in together. When two individuals have different goals and they’re being Persevering, there is a common understanding, but not a common interest, which makes them believe that competition will arise.

4. Passion with Passion. Two individuals in Passion could find it very easy to be with each other and work well together. The common process of writing down and clarifying what the goal is would help facilitate interactions if they agreed on the Modes they would use to accomplish it. They might experience conflict in the way it’s being approached, but this will not handicap them in their acceptance of each other because Passion is the most inclusive Mode.

5. Power with Power. Two individuals with a Mode of Power would not naturally find it easy to be with each other unless there was a common purpose to which both agreed. Since people in Power Mode are so task-oriented, it is about focusing on the sequence of activities and giving the people around them something to do. If two people in Power Mode are assigning work, there may be a conflict if the workers don’t know who, in the final analysis, is in charge. In this way, having two people with a Mode of Power who are in conflict could be the worst thing to do if we want to be successful. Usually, one person in Power Mode takes charge and they do the Power Mode for the group.

6. Aggression with Aggression. Two individuals in Aggression might find it very difficult to work together. Unless they were in a process that allowed them to both fully be doing the activity together, they would not be happy. The likelihood is that they would respect each other on an intellectual level, but would not know how to make things happen in a positive way. For example, two fighters in a ring, both in Aggression, would spur each other on to heroic feats of endeavor. If one fighter is not in Aggression Mode, it would not catalyze the other into making greater efforts because that connection is not there.

7. Observation with Observation. Two individuals in Observation would do very well together talking about possibilities until they actually starting going to their other Modes which may conflict. For example, if one person is in Observation and their secondary is to go to Caution and the other person’s secondary is to go to Power, this would create an immediate conflict. As long as people are in the Mode of Observation, they do very well with each other.

8. Reserved with Passion. An individual with a Mode of Reserved would tend to be very selective about what they are willing to engage. If the individual in Passion is willing to accommodate the person in Reserved, the relationship will go well. This is because both of these energies are based on Inspiration and they share a common heritage. As the individual with the Mode of Passion is group-oriented, they may not feel as empowered when they’re interacting one-on-one with the person in Reserved. Since this example is based on one-on-one interaction, it would be easier for the person in Reserved to deal with the person in Passion. This, of course, would change if they were interacting in a group.

9. Caution with Power. A person with a Mode of Caution could find it difficult to be with a person with a Mode of Power. This is because the one-on-one Caution focus would conflict with the group-oriented Power Mode where everything is pushed forward in urgency. This creates a conflict because it doesn’t allow for the person in Caution to check and double-check all the assumptions. On the other hand, a person in Power feels threatened when their plans are questioned or others believe the person in Power didn’t do their homework. In other words, the person with Power could be too driven and rash in a way that the individual with a Mode of Caution finds unsettling. Sometimes these two might feel they are working at odds, even though both are based on the quality of Expression.

10. Perseverance with Aggression. An individual with a Mode of Perseverance can do very well with an individual with a Mode of Aggression. This is because both believe action is the predominant variable that makes something succeed or fail. Since both are action Modes, they can get judgmental with each other if there is a difference in how they believe things should be done. The individual with the Mode of Aggression would have more flexibility around many people because of their group orientation. The person with the Mode of Perseverance would be more isolated and self-directed, preferring not to define themselves by the activities of the group unless there was a compelling reason to do so.

11. Observation with Perseverance. An individual with Observation could be a little challenged by a person in a Mode of Perseverance. Both of the individuals do not demonstrate any strong leadership qualities. It is not just the leadership issue but the lack of a common sense of direction or interest between these two that will cause the problem. The individual with the Mode of Observation is the more self-reflective and passive when it comes to taking action. Perseverance, on the other hand, has strong opinions that translate directly into plans to make something occur. While both of these energies may admire each other, they are very different in nature.

12. Observation with Caution. An individual in a Mode of Observation can understand with a Mode of Caution because both are interested in understanding how things work. This means Observation Mode people are the most able to incorporate the input from an individual in Caution and bring it to the attention of a group. While a person in Caution may not feel comfortable with the open-mindedness of the person with a Mode of Observation, they will feel sympathy for the fact that the person in Observation wants to understand and review things before they happen. For the most part, this energy combination would be a positive one for both sides even though the person in Observation could feel limited by some of the concerns that an individual in Caution would have.

13. Observation with Reserved. An individual with a Mode of Observation operating with a person with a Mode of Reserved can be a great experience. Just like a person in Caution, an individual in Reserved doesn’t like to jump into action and, therefore, is more passive and reflective in their way of operating. This aligns with the person in Observation, allowing the person in Reserved to feel seen and valued where they are. In some ways, the person in Reserved is likely to come out more and be more energetically open around a person in Observation. Additionally, a person in Observation could feel uplifted by the inspirational energy of a person in Reserved. In a way, this connection can be very synergistic and transformational. This is not true for people with Reserved imprinting over their natural Reserved or those with Observation imprinting over their natural Observation.

14. Observation with Passion. An individual with a Mode of Passion can be frightening to a person in Observation because a person in Passion is willing to lose themselves in the process. On the other hand, a person in Observation maintains a sense of detachment from circumstances so they are unwilling to lose themselves in the process. Individuals in a Mode of Observation talk about things ad infinitum, while those in a Mode of Passion prefer to experience what it is, rather than talk about it. This could create conflict about when to do what. Individuals in a Mode of Passion tend to be more spontaneous and do not want to calibrate their activities in terms of a long-term plan, which is in conflict with what makes people in Observation feel safe. This means they will tend to view the person in Passion as a loose cannon. The individual with a Mode of Passion will find the Mode of Observation difficult to comprehend, not only because there is a sense of detachment and indifference to the outcome, but also because the person in Passion finds that the person in Observation shows no remarkable difference in the level of Passion for one option versus another.

15. Observation with Power. An individual with a Mode of Observation can do very well with an individual with a Mode of Power because both are focused on what is needed to make things work. Both have a similar sequence that they go through to validate their experience and the options in front of them. The difference that occurs is that the person in Power wants to be in charge, which means they seek to be the final arbiter of any decisions. This can conflict Mode of a person in Observation because they seek to present all the options to create a sense of free choice among all the participants. A person in the Mode of Power can also be more dramatic by seeking to establish ultimatums to facilitate the implementation of a plan, while the individual with a Mode of Observation feels more un-pressured and doesn’t respond well to being forced to make a decision in a pre-ordained timeframe. Individuals in Observation enjoy letting things occur and accept circumstances as they are. The person in Power is more set in with their way of making things happen, which can create conflict when others don’t see it the same way.

16. Observation with Aggression. When a person in Aggression is balanced and able to act in a creatively flowing way, they can be in alignment with those in a Mode of Observation fairly easily. The problem arises when people in Aggression Mode are frustrated and believe others aren’t willing to listen to them. In this situation, they can attack others for no reason and make the problem seem to be about the people in Observation when, in fact, it is not. The more attached a person in Aggression Mode is to what they’re doing, the more out of balance and conflicted the relationship is with those operating in a Mode of Observation.

17. Perseverance with Caution. An individual with a Mode of Perseverance would find it tough to be around someone with a Mode of Caution. The only common ground they would experience is their common skepticism that things will improve. The challenge with this would be trying to find any degree of alignment in terms of what they’re interested in accomplishing. Assuming there is some alignment, it could be a good match if the person in Perseverance is not put off by the critical nature of the person in Caution. If the person in Perseverance does not judge the person in Caution in any way, a longer-term relationship would be possible. Otherwise, the judgments of a person in Perseverance could wipe out the self-esteem of a person doing Caution.

18. Aggression with Power. An individual in a Mode of Aggression could find it very difficult to be around a person in Power on a personal level. In a business context, it may be possible to make this situation work by delegating the activities to the person in Aggression so that the management function is done by the person in the Mode of Power. This is because the person in Power Mode is more sensitive to the fast-changing circumstances and can re-organize themselves more effectively around the larger picture. The gift of a person doing Aggression Mode is that they can move into activities and make them occur effortlessly. What is ironic is that a person in a Mode of Aggression doesn’t like to take time out to re-prioritize and, in fact, hates the down time between activities. This is because a person in a Mode of Aggression likes to be given a task and be supported in making it happen without having to interrupt their own flow to report to others. A person in Power wants his directions carried out immediately and without question.

19. Caution with Reserved. This combination is usually fairly effective with each other because they both operate very independently in an internal way that doesn’t promote a lot of external action. In other words, their quietness and low-key approach to each other lets them get comfortable with each other’s small differences and peculiarities. Individuals in a Mode of Reserved are very sensitive to judgment of others, just like people with a Mode of Caution. Both are tentative in their approach to others and tend to hold themselves back in many situations, trying to determine what would be appropriate between them. This will create a sense of respect for the differences of each, which will increase the odds that they will get along in most circumstances.

20.  Power with Passion. This combination can work very well together if they both respect each other’s differences and differing methods for getting job done. An individual with a Mode of Passion throws themselves into their process without holding back anything. They seek to lose themselves in their process so they can re-define how things are done and come to the best way of accomplishing the task. It is their energy and enthusiasm that invites others into the process so that group cooperation occurs spontaneously. Power Mode, on the other hand, is the systematic figuring out of what will work by examining all the details of the process. They methodically establish sub-projects and thoughtfully pass them out to others to do. When we are operating in a Power Mode, it is a top down structure, meaning that hierarchy prevails. The most important element is the elimination of the duplication of effort. This is way Power Mode people have something to contribute to Passion Mode and vice versa. The sequencing of the activity by Power Mode people helps the strategy-building process so that individuals are used most effectively. Passion, on the other hand, calibrates not to what people have the skills to do, but what they have the interest and enthusiasm to do. If they can work out and come to agreement on who is doing what and for what reason, they can usually create a synergy to these two Modes that will uplift both. What we don’t do is diminish or deny the passion of a Passion-Mode person. It is also critical not to deny or diminish the strategy and tactics of a Power Mode individual.

20. Perseverance with Reserved. The relationship between a person in Reserved and a person in Perseverance can be a good, but uneasy one. This is because neither will try to dominate the other and each has areas in which they excel that the other respects. It is also extremely easy for a person in Perseverance to imagine themselve’s in the other person’s place, provoking considerable compassion in the person in Reserved. This is because both people have obstacles they have had to engage in their lives. If these common problems are not seen, then there won’t be much to hold the relationship together, which means it will tend to fragment or become less interesting to both parties. The person in Reserved, in some ways, will be Inspirational to the person in Perseverance, while the person in Perseverance will likely be an action hero of the person in Reserved. The means they can complement each other very nicely.

21. Aggression and Passion. Individuals with a Mode of Passion can find ways to work effectively with individuals in a Mode of Aggression, especially if they see how to engage the person in Aggression by giving them some activity at which they can shine. In fact, this combination can be extremely powerful as it combines Inspiration and Action. The challenge is that they’re both used to defining things in their own terms and in their own way. The individual in a mode of Passion jumps into the deep end of the pool and learns to swim, while a person in a Mode of Aggression will be more effective starting in the shallow end of the pool and working their way toward the deep end. This is because a person in a Mode of Aggression is more systematic and knows what to do and when to do it so they will get immediate results. A person in Mode of Passion has to explore all the options before they determine what will be effective. The independent perspectives of these two Modes tends to keep them from working together because their differences are significant. The more conscious we are, the more effective this combination will become.

22. Perseverance with Power. An individual in a Mode of Power will do extremely well with an individual in a Mode of Perseverance. This combination is much more similar than any other Mode for each of these energies. Individuals with a Mode of Power care about getting the job done at all costs, which is uplifted and supported by a person with Mode of Perseverance. Individuals with a Mode of Power like the heroic stand that a person in Perseverance takes to accomplish things in the world, while an individual with a Mode of Perseverance appreciates the focus and clarity of a person in Power Mode. One reason why this combination tends to work more for Power Mode than any other is that the way an individual does Perseverance is based, like that of the person in Power, on a clear understanding of what is important.

23. Aggression with Caution. This combination does not do well together because neither person understands the other. The person in Caution Mode holds back action until they can talk about their concerns and ensure this is not a repeat of some past mistake. Aggression Mode does the opposite and needs to be able to spontaneously move into action and finds itself in the process of doing its actions rather than thinking about them in advance. This means it is highly unlikely these two will synch up and get into action with each other unless there is a conscious understanding of these differences.

24. Perseverance with Passion. In a situation between Passion and Perseverance, it is important that individuals in a Mode of Passion don’t impose their openness and their desire to explore all options on a person in Mode of Perseverance. This is because individuals in a Mode of Perseverance can be overwhelmed when too many ideas or possibilities are dumped on them. Perseverance is actually a Mode in which we try to focus on what we want, allowing us to improve the process in an integrative way by doing it. While Passion has a growth element in each experience, it is more open to embracing the wide variety of choices and typically like getting lost in its own process. Perseverance is more hierarchical in that individuals trust their time-worn truth and keep moving toward a place where they can be more successful. This combination does well together because it is complementary, unless there is some past experience that colors the other Mode for us.

25. Aggression with Reserved. This combination is also a very challenging one when the individuals involved aren’t conscious. An individual in a Mode of Aggression is very spontaneous in their ability to get into activity, which typically scares a person in a Mode of Reserved. A person in Reserved seeks some kind of connection first in non-physical ways because they believe it is polite. What an individual in a Mode of Reserved wants is to be given the proper respect and deference that, in their eyes, any human would want. Aggression doesn’t play by the rules and frequently steps out of bounds because they love to do things that are not considered safe. Some people in Aggression Mode also can get off on the shock value of doing things considered unpredictable because people end up not knowing what to do with them. This would likely result in both parties not finding anything in common with each other.

26. Power and Reserved. This combination usually doesn’t work together very effectively. A person in Reserved is typically overwhelmed by the quickness and intense focus placed on finding an answer by the person in Power Mode. A person in Power Mode feels like they’re walking on eggshells when they interact with a person in Reserved because the person in a Mode of Reserved needs to take things in more slowly and see the inner connections before they feel comfortable engaging the process. Again, it is important to remember a person in Reserved does what they do because it’s what they need to do. It is not effective to expect more from them or to try to change them. It is also not very likely that the person in Power Mode will change their way of doing things such that they won’t trigger reactions in the person in a Mode of Reserved.

27. Caution and Passion. The individual with a Mode of Passion can be somewhat effective in being with an individual with a Mode of Caution if they honor the concerns and fears of a person in Caution. It is only somewhat effective because the person in Caution is usually overwhelmed by all the things the person in Passion is accomplishing. The way it would work best is for the person in Passion to scale back their discussions and interests to focus on the issues and interests of the person in Caution are and limit their discussion to those things. While people in a Mode of Caution want to be connected to people with a Mode of Passion because they feel somewhat isolated in their own world, it is challenging because typically the person in Passion is changing so fast. Sometimes it is valuable for the person in Passion to be around someone in Caution because they can learn to be more selective in the ways they will grow.

Individuals in Caution typically only take on new possibilities only after a great deal of consideration, which is an admirable trait to individuals in Passion, who typically take on everything in their path and then some. The more an individual in Passion treats and respects the person in Caution in a one-to-one way, the more likely the relationship is to mature and develop. The more open and engaging a person in Passion is with everyone, the more their inclusive nature can set up repulsions in the person with Caution because of their lack of selectivity in their moment-to-moment expression. This means that a person in Caution will likely withdraw and distance themselves to keep from being overwhelmed by all the possibilities that a person in Passion takes for granted. This is an indication that the person in Passion is doing too much at that time.