Intuitive Discrimination

Lesson 8: Start Accepting the Perfection of Where We Are

Introduction

Intuitive Discrimination is the ability to trust that the choices we need to make will emerge in the moment. Instead of fixating on which one is right, we take turns exploring each option until one aligns with the outcome we desire. The more judgmental we are about the choices, the less we are doing Intuitive Discrimination. Instead, Intuitive Discrimination is about finding authentic justice in our outcomes. It is a naturally balanced process. To operate in this way, we need to see the perfection of things just the way they are. Even if something is not complete or perfect in a long term way, we are able to focus on the perfection of how it is unfolding. This allows us greater flexibility and fluidity in our interactions with others.


When we do Intuitive Discrimination with others it creates opportunities for mutual decision-making. This process is energetic and reflects we have trust in our partner. Instead of arguing over details, we ask the larger question, which is what would be appropriate to accomplish the greater good. How it will benefit and support not just the partners involved, but the larger picture is the greatest good. The more we experience this type of decision-making, the greater the creative flow we have in the process. What becomes clear when we do Intuitive Discrimination is how we either further our meaning or hide it. This all comes down to the consciousness we have with our partners. Can they grow and learn with us or do we get polarized?Intuitive Discrimination is the capacity to see options not only independently, but in relationship to one another.


We can be distracted from Intuitive Discrimination in two ways; the Motive of Idealized Trust or the Attraction of Self Acceptance.  Idealized Trust is the desire to get others to agree with us by over emphasizing how much we need or trust them. Self Acceptance is the desire to be around others who see us the way we want to see ourselves. Ironically, the more we accept ourselves, the less we need others to accept us. Intuitive Discrimination is a space of accepting our decisions so we do not internally feel polarized by them. It is about getting neutral so we can actually experience the energetic differences of each choice. When we are conscious we make decisions after taking everything into account. This process is greatly assisted by being present and maintaining this capacity through Stillness, Solitude and Silence. Only then can our personalities not become overly attached to certain outcomes that feel safe or secure.


Attempts to overdo Trust result in experiencing less Trust in ourselves.Idealized Trust is where we project all of the places in ourselves that we don’t Trust, on others and hope they will fulfill our prophecy. The difference between what we want to be and what really is, equates to the degree of Anxiety we have in our life. This Anxiety is the sum total of Experiences where we never measured up to others expectations about us. Anxietycreates torment in us because it keeps us seeking out problems in others to distract us from our own internal issues. What we don’t want to admit is where we really are. As a result, we can either present a false persona of how great and Trustworthy we are, or we can deny that we Trust anyone for any reason. The more we use these extremes to protect us from being hurt by others, the more we are trapped in our own distortions and always rejecting and denying how great we are. The ironic thing is that when we idealize others or ourselves around Trust, we tend to take any place we are imbalanced and amplify it even further by hoping that others will confirm our Fears. This looking for their dark side allows us to take the Attention off of our own dark side. When we recognize this pattern we can begin to heal these distortions and actually be more compassionate with our selves and with others.

When we can be true to our selves, self-Acceptance becomes a method of Growth.  This only occurs when we can see the positive and negative of ourselves, and integrate this view.  The more we accept ourselves as we are, the less it matters to us what others think and what others do. This means that we are willing to take risk to explore new potential and uncover new opportunities. By now we have recognized that even mistakes have a silver lining, they teach us something that doesn’t work, which is sometimes just as valuable as what does work. The interesting shift that occurs is that we don’t see taking risk as a problem, because now it is an opportunity. This indicates how we have released ourselves from Fears that keep us from making mistakes, because we now see that only by making mistakes, can we effectively grow. On a personality level, everything is transitory and therefore not completely real. On a creative source level, everything is real, and nothing can be lost. This means that the only thing we can lose is how others react to us on a personality level. If this is the only way they can relate to us, then it is obviously not as good a relationship as we would like.  If, on the other hand, we have a creative Connection that is not conditioned by how we act on a personality level then it won’t matter to them any risk we take. Ultimately, we need to accept the trade offs between what is real and unreal. Do we need a particular person for a particular reason for a particular time, before we are able to go on our own? Or not?

This awakens us to the reality that we need to risk only what we are willing to lose. When we have no “axe to grind” about how others treat us, it is because we have come to Trust and accept who we are. Using this ability to understand and Trust ourselves, we no longer rely on the Judgments, Beliefsand Projections of others because these items do not matter to who we are. It is also important for us to give others the “the benefit of the doubt” by not doing the same with them. Intuitive Discrimination is the skill where we let go of any Judgments and see both the positive and negative aspects of everything as a whole.

With Intuitive Discrimination choices are made as the result of completing an assessment process where the solution becomes apparent. It is not based on our Fears or Desires on a personality level, but rather the creative opportunity to move some possibility forward and see what occurs. The key is to recognize that it is always our choice about what we give and what we risk. Intuitive Discrimination is the capacity to affirm possibilities with others without regret or withholding so we can become a participant in their gains without a sense of personal loss. This occurs because we are not pre-emptively attached to their win or loss in any situation. Instead, we see their process as perfect in discovering their lessons, as we see the same for ourselves. This does not mean that we do not want people to succeed, for we do. But, we recognize that any idealized attachments to their winning will minimize their odds for success. Ultimately, we release attachments to another’s well being so our creative inspiration flows and can be supportive without any sense of sympathy or regret.


When we start Accepting the Perfection of Where We Are, we are in the perfect place to create new possibilities.  Being present with where we are is the ultimate point of power in creating new possibilities. Any time we are out of Balance with what is going on around us, our own reactions keep us from being effective in the situation. Instead of reacting, which keeps us from being in our power, we need to respond fluidly as the circumstances change and emerge. Another aspect of this process is that it helps us to appreciate the arch of our life. In other words, getting older may not be bad because we are actually getting better. What we discover is the more authentically we are in tune with our own Experience, the more we can enjoy life.  For example, by being present with our Sensations and Feelings, we can appreciate our body which helps us to see and value the Beauty of our existence. We can also by integrating our Emotions and Thoughts, appreciate our power and find new ways of Thinking that attract new people in our lives that would clearly benefit from our Presence. We can also by integrating our body and mind, appreciate our Intuitive nature and find greater ways to use Silence to deepen into our spiritual path. All we have to do is start with the premise that everything that is happening, has a lesson, a benefit, and an opportunity to expand and contrast previous Experiences.

Idealized Trust

Idealized Trust is a state of conditioning where we externalize the need for Trust by relying on the humanity of others in projects that are designed to change the world. With Idealized Trust we expect others to live up to our expectations so that we feel a sense of Connection and Trust with them. This blinds us to the fact that others are not usually engaging us the way we wish they would. This creates a situation where we do not feel in Balance between our giving and receiving. Many social activists who operate in Idealized Trust focus their Attention on making others believe their personal view about how one should operate, at the cost of individual Self Knowing. Ironically, the more we force our perspective on others, the more they resist the opportunities, even if great. The problem is that we are not honoring the free will of others to choose whether or not to engage our process. Individuals placed at the effect of these Idealists naturally seek their own expression. It is also Paradoxical that when we operate in Idealized Trust, we are not willing to see or accept any other possibility except what we see as the ideal. This means we are not connecting with others and cannot see if they are Trustworthy. The result is disappointment in how people act, not realizing that this pain reflects our own lack of awareness.

The more we actively seek to encourage the true potential of others, and are able to reflect their truth and support them in deepening their Experience, the more empowering it will be for them to express their truth. This is the opposite Experience of when we are in Idealized Trust, where we attempt to get others to agree with us about how they should fix our problem. Idealized Trust is where we project our problems on others, and then attempt to get them to fulfill the unspoken demands we place upon them. When things are not reflected back to us it is common to lose Trust in others’ ability to perform. What we need to do is to realize first that they are really working on solving their own problem within themselves and have no obligation to solve ours. Second, we need to Trust them and honor their process, despite what we might believe is the right way of accomplishing something, because they are the only expert in their circumstances. Third, when they are able to articulate how their problem is part of what is currently our mutual problem, it opens up opportunities for mutual Growth. Even when we own our problems up front, attempting to get others to deal with the issues that we believe they do not own will only continue to entangle us.

The motive of Idealized Trust is based on the fear that we will to make a difference in the world. By convincing others that they can make a difference, we extend our reach and influence. When others are initially convinced to take on projects that we would have otherwise had to do, we are elated. Frequently, because we convinced others to do these things, they do not have the authentic motivation to accomplish them. Our response is to make resources available to help them make it happen. When they don’t accomplish what they said they would, we feel used and abused. It is easy to blame them, when in fact we are angrierwith ourselves for not doing what we knew we needed to do from the beginning. Idealized Trust typically results in an imbalance between our giving and receiving, where we typically believe others are not acknowledging our authentic Intentions. Our reaction usually is to attack those who are not living up to our ideals. Frequently, the release of these intense Feelings does not live up to our idealized self-image about who we are as a person.

We also can get caught up in Idealized Trust when we have built a relationship on certain perceptions and one person unilaterally changes these agreements. In this situation we feel completely justified in the unfairness of this person’s unilateral behavior. It reflects how we came to be attached to their behavior believing that it provided a sense of Safety in the relationship. Usually this behavior is supported by some kind of exchange that goes desperately awry. This can be seen when we project our ideas about how others should respond to us on them and expect them to respond as we would. We get caught up in expectations about how others should act in safe or congruent ways as a way to distract our self from how we are not contributing. This is reflected in our roller coaster experiences between the highs of Feeling supported in our vision and the lows of Feeling trashed and betrayed in our mission or our process. When we are successful at convincing others that they should take on the problems that we see, it offsets the Anxiety in us that things will not move forward.

Idealized Trust is amplified by our belief that love should be infinite. Many times we have unrealistic Beliefs that we can overcome any obstacle to trust, when in fact certain actions, Thoughts and speech will definitely exceed our comfort zone. While our Intention is to always do what is best and we believe that we should be able to trust others, the more we idealize Trust the less we are effective in expressing Trust appropriately. Trust is a mutual Experience that reflects our ability to reconfigure or reassess what is working and not working in a mutual way. Unexpected unilateral actions always damage Trust, especially when they appear to violate our agreements. The more we idealize Trust the more we live with an obligation to live up to the confidence placed in us by others. We become attached to how open and trusting we can be as a way to demonstrate our degree of competence in the process. When we are thwarted in our ability to trust appropriately, our anger is commonly expressed in blaming others. When we idealize Trust we feel vulnerable and unconfident. Then when our Trust appears to be violated, this false confidence collapses. When our Trust proves to be unfounded, it is very upsetting.

The hidden belief of Idealized Trust is “I despise others taking advantage of the weak, just like I hate others taking advantage of me”. When we connect these two concepts together, we are perpetually the underdog seeking to slay Goliath. Our mission, because we choose to declare it so, is to uplift others (even if they may not see the benefit of it) and find ways to make the world better. The problem is that we want to do more than is practically possible. As we attempt to change what is, we confront Resistance, and it becomes more difficult to change things than we imagined. Instead of seeking others to expand our contribution it is more effective to take action in our own framework and become an example of Transformation in the world. The more we take on other people’s issues, the less effective we are. The more we get identified with these large contributions that we need others to help us make, the more egotistically focused we become, which decreases our Alignment and our ability to successfully interact. We believe that others should be humble in the face of our Commitment. We get caught up in others not following our instructions or not Trusting us. Idealized Trust is greatly amplified when we operate with a false degree of confidence and expect others to do the same. When this occurs, our agreements break down and we need to confront the truth of the situation that we have previously ignored. 

Now we will address how to heal our Idealized Trust conditioning. When we step into our Feminine power, sometimes we feel we have to prove to others our capacity to make a difference in order to be appreciated by others. When this occurs, we create an idealized version of our self— interacting with an idealized version of them. We imagine that our potential needs to be met by their potential in order to fulfill the larger possibility. Let us release our potential into the world, rather than holding onto it. Let us release the need to Trust and be Trusted, so that we can allow the world to unfold more naturally and directly. Let us embrace the awareness that truth emerges over time, and that some explorations or ideas do not need to be manifested now. When we release our need to be seen for our contribution, we allow our Self to fully contribute without holding anything back. This type of surrender invites true response and participation from others. Unfortunately, the more we hold on to our perception about the problem, the more we empower it and limit our ability to move into a larger common solution.

When our vision becomes about what others should do to make our idea a reality, we naturally distance ourselves from the people we are trying to serve. Instead of fixating on what they need to do to manifest the vision, we can choose to lead by example and let others follow at the level they are able. When we admire them for what they contribute, we begin the healing process where we see how much their Intention is fully present. This releases us from our fear that we will not make a difference or be appreciated for our potential. When we see ourselves receiving whatever is needed, it is because we Consciously wishing the best for others around us. This is the secret to releasing our attachment to Idealized Trust, so we can move into Universal Dominion. Let us honor the lessons of others by not assuming that they need any guidance or support in defining their life direction. Instead, let them define their own expression and direction and be supportive to their true Intentions. When we honor the authentic expression of others, we create the possibility of mutual Alignment without compromise.

The three belief structures of Romance, Motives, and Love assert their power whenever we are not Conscious of our true choices. Romantically, by externalizing and idealizing Trust in terms of outer results, we are always keeping our self from being satisfied with where we are currently operating. In order to produce a tension that motivates us, we Unconsciously believe our dissatisfaction is necessary to right a wrong. The subject of our dissatisfaction usually reflects some way in which we felt denied or discounted in our past. By being in touch with this pain, we try to prevent it from recurring, not realizing its usefulness in our own Growth process. This is why we seek to impose a solution on the world without considering the value of the problem to the people affected by it.

Idealized Trust reflects an over-attachment to a solution that really prevents the solution from fully emerging. In other words, our need to fix the problem reinforces the problem mentality, rather than opening a door for others to take responsibility for their own needs and lessons. Only by seeing and accepting the perfection of what is, can we move into the possibility of what will be. This does not mean we should not be committed to envisioning a world that works for everyone, but that we cannot impose our idea of the solution on others. This means we need to act constructively by participating with others in equal ways to co-create solutions rather than affirming that there is a solution that is the “right answer” to the problem. A primary indicator that we are caught in a motive of Idealized Trust is that we believe we have the answer in a way that denies or discounts the perspective of others.

It is our passion and Commitment to do something that separates us, in our minds, from the faint-hearted “Bliss Bunny” approach we come to despise. As social activists and crusaders, we believe someone has to step forward and take charge to make things happen. We do not accept there is a natural, evolutionary Growth process by which people learn from their circumstances and take greater responsibility for them. Instead, we are attached to getting results now and will even use force and coercion to push things forward. We are blind to the fact that, when we produce reactions in others, it actually slows the process in others and reduces their ability to engage the lessons before them. Romantically, we are also over-attached to the idea that we need to manufacture a sense of confidence in the people we are trying to help about the problem so they will take action and/or demonstrate their unwillingness to accept the status quo. We commonly believe this means they have to more confidence in us than they have in themselves. See diagram Related Idealized TrustBeliefs.

We use our perceptions of infinite love to justify our need to act for the benefit of others when they cannot act for themselves. In this way, we overstep our Boundaries and become part of the problem because we are distancing ourselves from others by using the problem to differentiate our perspective from theirs. This often shows up as believing that we know better what others need than they do themselves.

It is ironic that, in our desire to create Safety for others, we want them to be overly reliant on us rather than build their natural self-reliance. This means they will always need us because they have not learned to be the source of the solution themselves. The problem we commonly face when we operate from Idealized Trust is that, while we are committed to making things better, we cannot see and accept the perfection that people are naturally faced with the problems they need for their Growth. In others words, there is some value in people experiencing the problem that we need to address in order to support their Growth. In short, we cannot “fix” people without their taking responsibility for fixing themselves. The frustration we feel in this motive is that many decline our help and, therefore, maintain status quo.

The love and Romance Beliefs that support our Idealized Trust blind us to the self-importance we desire, particularly when it comes to defining the problem as we see it. In others words, we subtly increase our value by constantly redefining the problem in ways that require us to take the lead in solving it. Until we can get Balanced in ourselves and be open and receptive to defining the problem in a way that others can participate and take charge equally in its solution, it is likely we are distancing ourselves in self-sabotaging ways. This gap between our responsibility and theirs is the core issue that keeps us from co-creating solutions. As long as we are attached to defining our self as the solution, we Unconsciously project on others that they are mainly problem, not us.  In a state of Universal Dominion, we take complete ownership for the problem and the solution and do not use blame, shame, or guilt to apportion fault for the problem or credit for the solution.

The answer is to release our attachment to pre-determined personal perspectives and seek solutions with people. We need to give up any Beliefs or Judgments that distance us from the people we are trying to serve. We need to see, accept, and honor their perspective so that the solutions we bring into play support their natural evolution and Growth. The key is to meet people where they are and to see our self as a catalyst that allows others to define the problem in a way that produces results for them. This means we cannot be attached for fixing them or taking credit for how they change. If it really is our mission to contribute in some manner, we need to be able to incorporate the resources of everyone involved to shift the situation and the Consciousness so that the problem is no longer seen and interpreted as it previously was. As a catalyst, change is the natural result of meeting and honoring everyone exactly where they are so that their resourcefulness can be brought into play.

We heal ourselves when we no longer are differentiating ourselves as someone who gets things done, in contrast to others who are indifferent or passive about dealing with their problems. We are able to be appropriately Trusting when we no longer idealize the results we want or expect others to live up to our ideals. This requires us to honor the free will of others and value that they have their own authentic course of action to pursue. When we can see that everyone benefits to the degree to which they participate in the process and envision themselves as part of a larger process, we are no longer idealizing or distancing ourselves from our own ability to trust. In this way, we learn when it is appropriate to expand our Trust by taking the risk of inviting others to be trusting with us. We learn to trust others to the degree to which we are able to Trust ourselves.

A hidden denied belief is a default assumption that we operate from when we are Unconscious. It reflects the worst-case scenario where we are self-identified with being a rescuer who can have an impact. The more we see ourselves as a social activist or crusader who is out to save the world, the more likely it is we are, in our own minds, diminishing the ability of others to determine their own destiny.  It is our inability to speak our Truth (including our Fears) that prevents everyone from operating on an equal footing. As long as we live in the Illusion that we need to care for others in a way they cannot care for themselves, it is unlikely our unique contribution will be seen or accepted. Everyone has a unique contribution that makes things flow easier. The more we latch onto our personality’s view of how to make our contribution unique, the less we will be able to truly contribute.

Our self-identification with our Survival and success personality mechanism is proportional to our need to assert our truth and ourselves. The more we have a self-inflated view of our own potential and do not incorporate the energy or potential of others in creating the solution, the more likely it is we are caught up in a personality Illusion. This distortion of the Truth often occurs when we think of ourselves as so irreplaceable and critical to the solution, we imagine the solution cannot occur without us. While we do have a unique contribution to make, our unavailability would not prevent the solution from occurring. This moving from a personality perspective to a Creative Self-perspective is a difficult transition that demonstrates we are finally coming into maturityin our way of being. This reflects that we are starting to see and accept the transpersonal view that everyone has a contribution to make and, if we do not include everyone in the process, we will be missing something fundamental and necessary for a Balanced, complete solution.

When we see how the motive of Idealized Trust operates in us, we start to realize that the more we try to force our perspective on others, the more we sabotage the contribution we want to make. To be an effective catalyst, we need to be flexible and fluid in our ability to meet others so their resourcefulness can emerge. Our need to take credit for results sabotages others and us. To be truly open to possibilities, we need to let go of the notion that our idea will transform the situation. Instead, we need to operate from the belief that we always have the potential to discover the resources needed to bring perceived challenges into a mutual expression of abundance and good will. This requires us to engage everyone in a way that honors and acknowledges their part in the solution. Instead of being the source of the solution, we need to find ways to make others the source of the change they are trying to bring about. For many of us, this means finding the inner humility that lets us see how much of the problem still needs to be addressed while simultaneously honoring what is being accomplished right now.

The more we can build mutual confidence in a co-creative process, rather than needing to be the source of confidence, the healthier the group and the process will be. Trust happens naturally if people are willing to be present with their strengths and weaknesses and ask for help when it is needed. When others need a leader to assume the burden of maintaining the confidence of the group, the group is not co-creating its own solution. Instead, it is setting itself up for inappropriate giving and receiving, where we need assurances and demand others give to us what we really need to be giving to ourselves. We are usually blind to the issues or circumstances until we develop confidence in our own self-Presence. Our ability to assess our own circumstances and share our own Truth effectively lets a group benefit from our observations. It is through sharing individual perspectives that a larger, group understanding develops. What sabotages this process is fear of our own inadequacy projected into others. We can best overcome this by becoming able to share our Truth so that new resources in the group can be developed that are currently not apparent.

It takes being committed to an Intention and the strength to deal with our weakness to transform problems into opportunities. We need to see that sharing our weaknesses actually makes us stronger as a co-creative group because it builds Trust in our resourcefulness. Resourcefulness emerges when we confront problems. This is what is meant by the phrase, “necessity is the mother of invention”. Without the ability to engage others and admit the limits of our own perceptions, we cannot build a foundation that will enable our resourcefulness to emerge. The more we naturally manifest resourcefulness, both internally and with others, the greater our natural Trust in ourselves and them. Potential is nothing without the Intention to engage our Creative Being and manifest the answer we know is there. Sometimes this means we need to have faith that the process will unfold in a way we cannot currently envision. This usually occurs after we have demonstrated to ourselves that things have a way of working out naturally so that everyone is supported. This requires us to go beyond our personal perspective and see the larger point of view and how the participation of everyone is important to the solution. A lack of inner Safety will prompt us to regress into superficial expectations, Beliefs, and confidence in a leader figure to offset our lack of inner resolve or Commitment.

Each person experiences trust as something that either empowers a bright future or denies it. When we are unable to trust our self, we seek others who would take responsibility for the care and supervision of our destiny. In such a situation, we are reassured by people who have similar Beliefs and expectations and who at least appear to be able to manifest a solution. When we create our Trust from within, we are able to engage others in a way that indicates the degree to which they trust themselves which emanates from their inner Alignment rather their outer presentation. When we are Conscious about Trust, we take responsibility for our own natural evolution and Growth. We appreciate others’ own self-discovery processes and are open to the possibility of co-creative endeavor.

Taking ownership for the creation of our future lets us break out of co-dependent patterns where we need to prove ourselves by taking responsibility for others or rely on them to manifest what we need. We no longer need to have superficial confidence based on what we believe a person is doing because we Experience inwardly their Commitment to fulfill their mission. We can confirm this by seeing how we respond to their mission. Do we naturally respond and engage the process they present? Do they include our perspectives in the process? To the degree we are polarized by their process, they will meet Resistance in manifesting their Intent. Ultimately, our true contribution is reflected by what we evoke in others. Their participation is needed to produce results. Everything comes into focus as a result of people being seen, heard, and valued. Any type of polarization reflects how we are currently repressing the perspectives of our Partners or our constituents.

From this we are able to see how many of the social activists were unsuccessful because of the polarization they created or how they succeeded by bringing harmony to the lessons they engaged. For example, Larry Kramer of “Act Up” has been a polarizing social activist, while Mahatma Gandhi was a much more unifying figure who inspired participation and Co-Creation. This is because Gandhi used the intuitive motive of Universal Dominion much more than he used Idealized Trust. People who are polarizing activists are doomed to create Resistance to the degree they are operating in Idealized Trust. Any activist that cannot make a sustainable difference reflects how their own self-importance has gotten in the way of the contribution they are trying to make. Instead of empowering their constituents, they disempowered them by the means they used in trying to help them. Idealized Trust awakens us to the fact that the means of supporting of others is as important as the result.

Self-Acceptance

Self Acceptance  is an attraction that reflects how well others see us versus how well we see ourselves. The more others can see parts of us that we currently do not accept, the more attractive we are to them. This means, on a personality level, we naturally seek others who appear to be more self-accepting, because we believe they will assist us in accepting ourselves. The challenge is that Self Acceptance actually reflects the degree we accept our Creative Self, not our Personality Self. While it would be good to accept our Personality Self, most individuals do not believe they can change anything about it, therefore feel at the effect of it. These sets of lower level attractions have mainly to do with our physical characteristics and personality traits. What we want, is someone who accepts this part of us as we are, but really what is needed is somebody that sees these aspects as preferences, not as absolute needs. This means we want a Partner who sees us for who we are and learns to deal with the parts of us they do not like. Self-Acceptance is based on our ability to respond and illuminate the potential of another. The degree we are able to see another on a creative level reflects the degree we have a relationship with our own Creative Self. The challenge is that on the Idealized level we tend to create patterns of Connection that initially serve a purpose, but over time lose their authentic juice. The more we fall into patterns of caretaking, the less we are actually caring for those we seek to serve. This means that Self Acceptance must be an ongoing learning process that is constantly regenerated each and every moment with each person.

The negative can actually be found in its polar opposite, Personality Self-Rejection. When a person fixates on the personality elements of another, and requires the other person to conform to their expectations to be accepted, they are trapped in Instinctive and Intellectual levels. Some individuals make it a practice to always be out of reach and not available by being covertly seductive. This playing “hard to get” is usually the result of not wanting to be vulnerable for fear of being rejected. In this case, Self-Rejection is used to keep ourselves from falling for other individuals. All we have to do is keep reminding ourselves that what others tell us is not really real, and the closer they get, the more likely they are to hurt us. In this way, we use our personality as ways to avoid love. This is why the denied aspect of Self-Acceptance is really about reinforcing a way to protect ourselves from Falling in Love with individuals we may believe are unworthy. The problem arises when other individuals have the same need to prove themselves and instead of running away, keep pursuing us. When this occurs, one of us falls.

Intuitive Discrimination

Intuitive Discrimination is the ability to neutralize any distortions as they arise so that we can maintain our clarity of purpose and contribution. Our Self Knowing can only be challenged when we are imbalanced and/or attached to Sensations, Feeling/Emotions, and Thoughts. Any attachments or positions distort our in the moment perception of our truth. When we judge, we invalidate our creative flow by referencing past decisions and attempting to pass them off as our current knowing. Authentic Justice is the result of being fully present with every aspect of our being. Our full creative Presence is what makes Intuitive Discrimination real. Without Presence, it is easier to be defined our Fears and frustrated Desires.  The result is Maya, Glamour, and Illusion.


Essential Questions:
How Do Motivations Mirror My Capacity for Intuitive Discrimination?
What Do I Need to Learn to Be Intuitively Discriminating?
How Do I Discount Intuitive Discrimination?
What Is the Cost of Not Operating with Intuitive Discrimination?
How do we heal ourselves with Intuitive Discrimination?

With UnityThinking we are able to make choices that initially honor all possibilities equally. Intuitive Discrimination is the capacity to see possibilities without cutting ourselves off from other opportunities. Instead of closing down and contracting when we make a choice, with Intuitive Discrimination we are able to hold the larger possibility and maintain a Connection with each element in the decision making process. In this way we learn how to let larger possibilities emerge in a uncompromised way. This occurs because we do not take positions about the options in front of us and separate them into competing factions. Instead we create a dialogue where the best of all possibilities can be formulated as an inclusive solution. All decisions make in the manner minimize Conflict and therefore minimize the externalization of the Conflict in term so fits implementation. Otherwise our internal Conflicts are encoded in the decisions we make and become life-long adversaries in our life Experience. 


Learning to engage Intuitive Discrimination requires us to Trust our own inner knowing to see beyond outer appearances, so we make choices based on our inner reality. Judgments of both self and others keep us from being open to making choices based on our current, in- the-moment Experience. We may take a position that we know more than others, which ends up as an Illusion when we are fixated on only our Thought processes. Or, when we are attached to Glamour, we take the position that we need to protect ourselves by creating pre-existing attachments to things to make us feel better about ourselves. Many times, people in Illusion (confusing Thoughts with Intuition) are most in Conflict with those who are attached to Glamour (confusing Thoughts and things with Feelings). Maya is the Hindu word for the combination of Illusion and Glamour, where we distance ourselves from any true Connection to our own Experience and keep ourselves in a sleepwalking state.

The antithesis of Intuitive Discrimination is being fixed in our perspective in what we know and not allowing any new possibilities to arise. When we are attached to our behavior and habits, we tend to act from this level of our Consciousness without Consideration of how other parts of us would deepen our understanding of our choice. Some of us escape this by getting caught up in our identifications with Glamour. In this Feminine perspective Glamour (where Feelings are managed by the purchase of consumer items) indicates that we are operating from our Personality Desires with no check and balance of others parts of our Self. Finally, if we are not defined by our Sensations or Feelings, we over could over Intellectualize our reality and get caught up in Illusion (where we believe we exclusively know the truth) and preventing us from seeing our current reality. Intuitive Discrimination is the ability to integrate our Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, and both abstract and concrete Thoughts.  In this way we are able to Trust the inner knowing of our Wisdom and can make choice in a way that is in full integrity with our Being.

Intuitive Discrimination teaches us to own our choices. If our life is not what we would like, it is up to us to create it as we would like. The central Paradox we confront is that we are actually co-creative with others and with the Universe. When we are able to be present with our Thoughts, we actually Experience the responsibility to examine how our contributions are received. This means negative or self-sabotaging internal dialog has to be Consciously neutralized. When we are able to see and fully Experience our inner core truth, we shift our perceptions about how and what we choose to engage in the world. Until we can transform and uplift our inner dialog into an Acceptance or Appreciation of our Creative Nature, our ability to be powerful is greatly limited. When we recognize that our Thoughts are the source framework dictating how the Universe interacts with and supports us, it becomes important to monitor our Creative Self on all levels so that we operate in aligned ways.

Thoughts are the energy from which we create outer manifestations. If we are sending mixed messages to the Universe, we will either Experience a mixed response or no response because the energies are canceling out each other. Pretenses and Defenses are good examples of how we inadvertently send mixed messages. When we operate from a dualistic framework (presenting the good part of us and attempting to hide the bad or weak parts), our mental energy is drawn to that which we reject or condemn as well as to that which we want. The result is that the Universe primarily provides us with lessons that stimulate our Fears (reflecting what we are attempting to protect) and make it difficult to accept and internalize our Desires. Ironically, when we are not honoring the creative power of our Thoughts, we end up disempowering our ability to positively contribute to the Universe. We can validate this to the degree we feel victimized, empty, and requiring protection.

When we can honor our Thoughts as the manna they are, Thoughts become a sacred Experience, which encourages us to honor and acknowledge their integrity. Recognizing that we have a choice about which Thoughts to entertain and develop is the true benefit of Intuitive Discrimination. Where we invest our Thoughts creates opportunities for enhanced and uplifting creative expression. The gift of Intuitive Discrimination is that our interest and Alignment with some Thoughts allows us to bring them deep inside ourselves so we can express them as a congruent energetic with others. This only occurs when we organize our Thoughts into those that honor our authentic creative contribution and those that undermine it. All our Fears reflect conditioning and creative denial where we cut ourselves off from the support we need to manifest our authentic contributions. All our Desires reflect in some way our Commitment to unify our Self authentically in order to make a contribution. Through Intuitive Discrimination we learn to accept responsibility so that we currently manifest exactly the picture that reflects our Acceptance of our creative nature.

Intuitive Discrimination operates completely in the here-and-now. We Sabotage ourselves by letting reactions and Judgments define us in terms of the past. The more we postpone our Desires, waiting for something to happen, the less present we are in the moment. The answer is to define our life as complete in each moment, allowing us to create the Experience from the inside out. This embodiment Experience is typically the opposite of how we fixate on how we do not have what we need to be Safe, Secure or happy. Our reactive or incomplete personality lessons tend to submerge us in sensory Experiences that eliminate our ability to make a choice. With Intuitive Discrimination we can deconstruct these Experiences so we are no longer lost in the process when reactions occur.

When we accept that all that is, was, or will be is present in the eternal now, we open a new door to Self understanding as a Creative Being. We begin this process by speaking our truth in the present tense. For example, instead of saying “I will Experience,” we say “I am experiencing.” Given that we are the authors of our life, and that when we are identified      with the Creative Self, only we can affect the direction it will take. Many of us at this level wonder about predestination. While we generally have a destiny in the form of an authentic life contribution, we still possess free will about how and when to express that contribution.

The more effectively we listen to our heart and allow it to guide the selection and development of our opportunities, the more obvious our contribution will become. We can validate this to the degree that we embody and recognize how the Boundaries of our life expression fit our current knowing of our Self. The more we know who we are at a creative level, the more we will see how we designed our life exactly the way we did to give us precisely the framework to best serve others. Everything will make sense when we fully accept our creative nature. Another way of saying this is that our acknowledgment of our true contribution will naturally organize all the choices we made in our life. This is why the shift of Intuitive Discrimination is critical for the development of our Authentic Life Expression.


The quality of Intuitive Discrimination challenges us to use all our Wisdom to see through perceptual distortions. Nothing can threaten a complete Acceptance of our Personal Truth, particularly if it is balanced by Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and intuitive integration of these elements. Most of the perceived attacks on our Truth are simply reactions projected on us because the Truth of others is incomplete. Intuitive Discrimination is an in-the-moment assessment of the quality of our knowing which, when mature, allows us to make a clear choice. Over time, we develop the capacity to recognize when our Personality Fears and Desires cause attachments on physical, Emotional or Intellectual levels that keep us from seeing the whole truth. Intuitive Discrimination also lets us see any Judgments that reflect past incomplete Beliefs where we did not honor our own Wisdom.

As we become more Transpersonally oriented, we cease to be attached to our Thoughts or even our Experiences that reflects that we can distinguish our personality perceptions from our deeper creative knowing. This shift may make us falsely appear to be less interested or dispassionate about life. Actually, it represents that we are passionately indifferent to the choices because any one of many choices will provide the Experience that we want. It is the use of Paradox and Unity Thinking which eliminates any pressure that we feel internally to make choices so that the choices as well as the timing of them becomes more appropriate to the situation. Many would say that it is our disconnection to an external time frame that enables us to tune into the Universal Present to determine when and where to best make choices.

Operating with Intuitive Discrimination means being present with all possibilities so that our choice in not based on the interpretative distortions of Maya, Glamour and Illusion. Maya is the false belief that the appearance of something reflects the essence or quality of it. In this situation, we make decisions based on ‘looking good.’ Glamour is the false Connection between a Feeling or Emotional association and items of value, such as cars, houses, clothes or hot tubs. The basis of most advertising and identification with movie stars is Glamour, because we make choices based on how we believe something will make us feel. Finally, Illusion is caused by a false certainty about our Beliefs that leads to premature or inaccurate conclusions. When we make choices based on past Beliefs we want to be true, we are identified with a defensive position that limits our ability to perceive clearly.

We also distort our ability to consider choices when we do not re-examine previous Judgments and assert them without due Consideration. Intuitive Discrimination is where we make choices in the moment without pre-existing attachments to our Thoughts, Feelings and Sensations. We make Conscious choices a reality by expanding our Context. Intuitive Discrimination amplifies Personality Detachment and Wisdom by creating more space to make better choices. We also let go of our attachments and positions by discussing them with others until we no longer have a ‘charge’ about any choice. Every distraction of fear or frustrated desire makes it more difficult to choose what is best. The benefit of embodying Intuitive Discrimination is that we learn to Trust our choices because we are the only true authority in our life.


The virtue of Authentic Justice reflects the reality that justice rarely exists in the external world. Instead, it comes from an inner truth or Experience where we try to make things whole and right for those around us. Intuitive Discrimination is required to Experience the capacity for expressing Authentic Justice. Operating with Intuitive Discrimination lets us see all points of view so we can calibrate options to which others would naturally respond. Authentic Justice is, therefore, a merging of what is possible with what is appropriate and allows a sense of Communion to occur among all the participants. As Intuitive Discrimination is a natural extension of Wisdom and Personality Detachment, it permits us to understand and accept what is appropriate for others to choose as well. Through Authentic Justice, we support people in making their own best choices.

How Do Motivations Mirror My Capacity for Intuitive Discrimination?

We demonstrate the capacity for Intuitive Discrimination through our ability to embrace positions that do not agree with us. This requires a higher, more inclusive, motivating Intention than those around us. With Personality Detachment we learn to create our own space at will that meets our own needs. When we embrace Intuitive Discrimination we learn how to create a space for others’ points of view whether they agree or disagree. It is by holding the higher possibility that all opinions can be successfully heard, seen and valued. This opens up the possibility for mutual learning and, ultimately, resolution.

While Playfulness initiates the process of Personality Detachment engaging Paradox is the initiating factor in Intuitive Discrimination. The more opposed others are to our view the easier it is to recognize the Paradoxes that we are holding. This underscores how small differences can be blown out of proportion when we try to implement them without Alignment. It is not how different we are that makes it difficult but how willing we are to find the mutually empowered way that makes it easy to find a resolution. The more ways we have of engaging our own Wisdom process the easier it is for us to engage the differences in others. For example, when we use our body Wisdom to look at a situation, we may feel a certain impulse to either be still or to get into action. When we combine this Experience with our Feeling/Emotional knowing, it may tell us what is out of Alignment about the situation. This permits us to tune in to our Intellectual framework that explains these Experiences and to supplement that by other sources of knowing on an intuitive level. It is not until we have checked in with all 4 levels of knowing that we can get some clarity about what is happening.

  1. Intuitive Discrimination requires that we engage, understand and accept all positions as legitimate options. We can start with the premise that differences are not as important as the desire to find a common solution. Paradox is the key skill we use to engage the differences of others without diminishing our perspective or theirs. The more we are able to report our own Experience, the easier it will be for others to complement our truth with their truth. This allows us to step beyond our own personal blindness.

  2. Intuitive Discrimination operates from the premise that with discussion, we generate revelations that become unseen, unanticipated ways to solve a problem. What we are looking for is a spiritual dimension that unifies the ability to act together. The more we can connect on an intuitive level, the easier it is to unify all our different perceptions into a structure that can suggest action. While it is preferable that we are operating with individuals who have the same Primary Creative Expression, because it allows us to really unify both our Intentions with our natural way of engaging a particular problem, it is not necessary. When we are not aligned in the primary expression, we have to be more sensitive with how people internalize their truth differently from ours. The more we are curious and investigate how they see their reality, the easier it will be for us to communicate with them in a way that they can get us.

  3. Intuitive Discrimination depends on three qualities: service, goodwill and peace. Service empowers us to let go of our personal ways of Thinking and see ourselves in terms of a larger group activity. We find a common voice in our ability to interact effectively with others. Goodwill empowers us to be in touch with the oneness of everyone recognizing that we have a greater spiritual Connection that depends on working together to move forward. Peace reflects an inner state of being that is whole and unitary, permitting us to engage others without Conflict, knowing that they have no malicious Intent.

The How Section

We recover our ability to see beyond appearances when we realize that our actions, Emotions and Thoughts are just elements of a larger contribution. With personality detachment, we can see the differences between our lower creative nature and our higher one. Now it is time to be able to see the differences between our inner reality and our outer reality. It is important to recognize that we need to recognize our higher choice versus our lower choice if we are going to interact with others outside of us who have their higher and lower choices as well. In this way we can see that there is a duality at play in everything we do. Just because we are operating and speaking from a higher place within ourselves does not mean that others won’t be stimulated to react to us from a lower place. The question really is: are we going to bow to the pressure, either by choosing to disengage from them or by judging them for their reactions? On the other side, they could disengage from us because they are not ready to engage some lesson.

What this points out is that our outer reality sometimes mirrors our inner reality so that the more we do Personality Detachment in ourselves and end up speaking our higher truth, the more we have to find a strategy to help others find their higher truth and speak that. Knowing defensive patterns, we can do this fairly effectively by recognizing their defensive background. Each one of these positions that we have discussed in the previous chapters is a further clarification process that we can use to inform our way of engaging them. In other words, if an individual is doing Personal Autonomy, we could meet them on a Personal Autonomy level and get unified with them so they feel comfortable enough to step into some creative options with us. Notice how I suggest that we meet them where they are, not where we want them to be and not where we imagine them to be.

What gets in the way is our Judgments about ourselves and them. The more we have Unconscious reactions about some way others are around us, the more we fall into judgment with them. Judgments end up setting up standards for us to live our own life, which we try to impose on others. This discounts them and they contract from our Projections because it does not hold them in the highest way. This is not a way to invite people to play. If we want them to play, we have to see and honor the highest in them and not make choices based on how we are trying to protect ourselves. Judgments are ways we are Unconsciously protecting ourselves from being mistreated like we were in our past. It is ironic that Judgments have been used to try to control us, when in fact, they have so little effectiveness in controlling anyone. What is guaranteed when we judge people is that they will remember that we are not safe.

The more Unconscious Judgments we hold, the more we are unconsciously driven to distance ourselves from others. We can see this in extremely Distant Defense Style individuals who end up being scared of their own shadow. What this point out is that the more fearful we get, the more judgmental we are. This only increases our fear. The way out of this process is to see that Judgments have no hold on us and that we are not going to buy into the Judgments of our past anymore. This opens us up to Experience openness in our ability to be present with our behavior, Feelings and Thoughts. We can accept our own Experiences and no longer need to prove them to others when we don’t have to be validated in our Experience of a situation, but are able to see the proper perspective that we need to hold in order to b with others in their behavior, Feelings and Thoughts.

Any distortions that arise in our own Experience immediately generate reactions in them, so we have a way of deepening and clearing out old Judgments. I recommend that you communicate the Judgments when you become aware of them and honor that the person you had the Judgments about is actually a bigger, more complete person that you had previously Unconsciously believed. When we are able to clear out these old Judgments most of the Projections of our Fears and Desires on others will cease to happen. It is interesting how our Judgments are actually ways of disconnecting from our larger reality. It is almost as if the more we believe it is some particular way, the less it is likely to be that way in real life. The more we cease to judge, the more curious we become about how people construct their own reality. We realize that there is no need to argue with them about their reality and instead learn how to work with them as they are.


It is interesting to notice how many people have tried to prove that they are different than others by creating a reality where they automatically disagree with others. What we need to do is to learn to neutralize these pre-constructed perceptions by first honoring that whatever others have done is in response to some previous fear or personality desire that was incomplete. In other words, people have constructed their Self as they felt compelled to in order to guarantee their Survival and success. When we realize this in ourselves, we can laugh at how we do things to try to be seen, admired or adored that have nothing to do with our contribution or Creativity. The more we can laugh at ourselves, the easier it is to be with others in their peculiar ways of protecting themselves. I find it highly interesting and always end up asking the question, “What must be true to them that they would create it this way?” These kinds of insights wake us up to ways we can connect with others so that they don’t need these distorted ways of operating to survive and succeed.


There are 3 primary distortions, but some of us have developed the ability to do multiple distortions. Each one of the distortions is based on the desire to project a reality that is not authentic to us. The three distortions are Maya, Glamour and Illusion. Each one of these empowers our defensive identity to be an independent agent to fulfill our Desires and to neutralize our Fears so that we will perceived be a more powerful person. Glamour is where we desire things to amplify our image. We use pre-existing associations with things to make ourselves feel more important. We don’t realize how this compromises true Feelings with others because it establishes a substitute framework. What we seek is for others to adore us because we have these things. Unfortunately, this keeps us from adoring us because it focuses all the Attention on their Adoration of us.

Illusion is where we believe that we can create our own reality and have it supported by others through their agreement. While we are able to create our own reality, it cannot be based on the agreement of others or it is not our reality. Illusion is based on the notion that others will submit to our greater ideas. When we are Intellectually suppressed by our parents, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to prove ourselves smarter then others.  Our desire to be validated makes it difficult for others to interact with us. We falsely believe we need others to defer to us Intellectually to provide an edge. We become attached to being clever and smart and to being able to outmaneuver others and their strategies. The more we invest in being seen as smart, the less likely we are actually demonstrating our intelligence. What both Glamour and Maya have in common is the desire to be seen as more than we know how to be in that moment. Both of these distortions cloud our perceptions by trying to get others to validate us in a way that we do not validate ourselves.

Maya is the combination of Glamour and Illusion that drives us to fixate on outer appearances as the reality so that we actually deny our Creativity completely. The more individuals are caught up in Maya, the more they try to imitate others to get by. Role-playing is one of the easiest patterns that occur when we are trapped in Maya. What is so devastating about Maya is how we are so judgmental about our appearance. Thinking that others are judging us for our imperfections drives us crazy. We can become so self-obsessed about our image that we will do anything so that others won’t have a judgment against us. The more we do this, the more we are lost in a world where we come to hate our Self.

What we have to learn is how to dis-identify with our Personality Desires so that we can engage our natural desire in a way that supports everyone around us. For example, Life, Light and Love are the basic needs that everyone around us would have in common. We call these energies Aliveness, Wisdom and Awareness because they are transpersonal in nature and they reflect a sharing of insight and understanding. While personality wants keep us stuck in the pattern of trying to acquire what we need to survive and succeed, the other side of the coin is recognizing that we have already survived and succeeded. What keeps us grasping at Desires has been a useful way to learn as long as we were Unconscious. It is now in the way of our Conscious understanding of our Self and others.


The more we distance ourselves from personality wants, the more we start to see how we were distorted in our perceptions in that we believed no one would be there to support us if we weren’t doing it all ourselves. In actuality, the Universe is trying to support us all the time. The only thing that is keeping the Universe from doing that is our defenses. This is because we have free will. We can choose to disavow the Universe and be a cancer on it for as long as we wish. The answer is right in front of us. Our highest fulfillment comes from operating in a cooperative way, working with the Universe. The more we are holding on to what we think we need, the less we can be given support by the Universe. This reminds me of the story of a Zen master who was teaching his student the value of letting go while the student was so preoccupied with trying to get more. Until we learn to let go, and Trust the overall process, we are trapped in our perceptions of desire that keep us from experiencing life at its fullest.


It is the attachment to desire that is at the core of Maya, Glamour and Illusion. The more we affirm our life, light and Love Energy within us and operate consistently to these energiesthe more we will be supported by the Universe. Our life Experience will be enriched enormously because we will be able to operate beyond ourselves to actually contribute to those around us. This won’t occur by figuring out what is going on. This will only occur by knowing in each moment what our options are and how we can contribute. The more we are fixated on us, the less we will be able to see what is going on with others. The less we can see what is going on with others, the less we can align ourselves with them or cooperate in some way. The richness of our Universe is not in the outer form, but in the inner Connection that comes with appreciating ourselves as Creative Beings who are here to contribute.

We know we are doing Intuitive Discrimination when we Experience Pregnant Duration where we transcend the Experience of time. Pregnant Duration occurs when we are able to break the attachments we have to seeing problems as we have in the past and instead directly perceive the solution. We call this Pregnant Duration because it seems that we are pulling the solution in the moment out of a hat because we have not even considered all the possibilities or ramifications of it. Ironically, by Trusting ourselves to go to the truth and find the in-the-moment answer, we don’t need all the support and structure that we surround ourselves with. This is because the solution is our truth and our truth needs no validation.

Unfortunately we are used to getting so much validation and the resulting structure that we are smothered in a lot of excess baggage we call problems. The more we identify ourselves in terms of problems and structure, the more our lower concrete mind keeps chugging away at the process with little or no results. Intuitive Discrimination is where we shift from our lower way of thinking that is concrete and tangible into a higher way of perceiving reality that is more abstract and pattern based. At this level, things can just click and then the new pattern can be directly downloaded into our life in a way that is satisfying and fulfilling. Intuitive Discrimination is the Eureka perception of our truth with others. This brings up the fact that Intuitive Discrimination is a co-creative activity.

By honoring others and ourselves, we expand our ways of Thinking. We are able to consider things that wouldn’t have occurred to us without certain circumstances that arise in our lives with others. For example, a friend talking about their hobby may stimulate us to see how the pattern of what they are talking about can relate to a pattern in our own Experience. Intuitive Discrimination operates from the premise that many of our patterns and especially many of our problems are similar. By looking at them from different perspectives we can actually have a clearer sense of how to solve them. The more we do Personality Detachment, the more we see the higher truth versus the lower truth and then know how to connect with others in their higher truth. This is because our higher truth can stimulate their higher truth and we become able to be more creative together than apart.

This reflects the reality that Creativity is a mutual process. It is enhanced and stimulated when we can be in Communion with others. This Communion process is not about agreement, but Creative Alignment. It is about accepting and loving people for who they are with all of their differences and similarities, recognizing that there is a place where we can operate together. Of course, the lower level perspective of this is that if we have two people looking at the same thing, we can see through each others’ distortions and try to help each other. While this is another view of the reality of the situation, this isn’t what makes Intuitive Discrimination so worthwhile.

What Do I Need To Learn To Be Intuitively Discriminating?

Intuitive Discrimination begins with clear seeing. Maya, Glamour and Illusion are all distortions to ways of Thinking, Feeling and being that prevent us from seeing clearly. This requires that we become clear about our biases and seek to recognize them by creating a Common Neutral Ground with others and letting go of our Pretenses and defenses that compound these distortions. I have found that becoming aware of my biases allows me to be sensitive about when I am being biased. For example, whenever I am dealing with a particular problem, where I know my opinions are more certain and solid it could reveal to me that I am hiding behind this belief that I know things when in fact I am scared about the results.


Second, we need to learn how to hear and listen to others completely without Resistance or repulsion. We need to realize that everyone contributes in unknown ways to our lives. This means that we cannot select and agree with people in one area yet not in others. Individuals are a package deal. Instead of spending time trying to convince others to change or fix areas where we don’t agree, let us be more effective in choosing people overall with whom we are aligned and let our creative nature take its course. It is also interesting to notice how some of our own inner repulsions get mirrored in our repulsions to others. When we are able to make the Connection and talk about our truth from an inner and outer level, others will be able to listen and hear what we are saying with greater ease and Presence.

When we understand that the Partnerships we create on a soul level will have an influence on us for the rest of our lives, we will begin to understand the responsibility that comes with affecting others for good and bad. Hopefully, this will let us move on in areas where there is not a soul Connection. When attachments, positions and defenses are more important than our creative Connection, we should let them go. When we recognize that every relationship can have the effect of separating us more from ourselves or supporting us in being aligned with ourselves, then we will choose relationships that uplift us. Intuitive Discrimination is a key part of our Communion Experience in the relationship. More about this is covered in the book, Enlightened Dating.

If we cannot accept our Partners completely and love them for their challenges, then it’s unlikely we will serve them effectively. When we have a Spiritual Partnership it signifies that we have a larger Commitment to our mutual well being and Growth than our personal issues. This means that we can embrace differences and hold them as opportunities for resolution. It indicates that we are committed to healing these issues, to finding the empowered mutual way and to engaging the issues with Respect for each person’s point of view. Without this Commitment, there is no soul Connection and the relationship is transitory, at best. This is why Intuitive Discrimination, which empowers us to see the wholeness of others and ourselves, is a key skill for Co-Creative Partnerships.

How Do I Discount Intuitive Discrimination In My Life?

Judgments are the scourge of Co-Creative Partnerships. Judgments and positions deny higher possibilities. Fundamentally, they deny the humanity and spiritual well being of others. When we discount others we pretend to have them in mind when in fact there’s something about them that repulses us. When two people judge each other they end up compromising themselves to try to get something out of the relationship. These compromises are very painful as they maintain and support Illusions, Glamour and Maya.

Using Paradox to engage differences to resolve issues is the answer to Judgments and compromise. With hope comes Context, creating a space where Partners can be seen and heard for who they are. When Partners hope together their motivations and Intentions to resolve issues and differences can naturally carry them forward. Enthusiasm acknowledges the mutual Creativity that comes from hope. It clarifies the issues into their fundamental patterns allowing the superficial distinctions that were polarizing the situation to drop away.
Intensity is an indication that polarization has grown and hope and enthusiasm have lost their way. When we own how we discount others, we create fields with integrity that allow us to contain the energy of the problem and direct it to its natural resolution. This is why it is critical that we recognize and honor disagreements, not in a discounting way, but rather hold them as opportunities to learn and grow together.

What Is The Cost Of Not Operating From Intuitive Discrimination?

Without Intuitive Discrimination, Fears and Desires polarize our actions, creating Resistance to our Intentions. This Resistance manifests in three ways - Maya, Glamour and Illusion. Each of these distorts reality and provides the justification and excuses that no mutual answer or plan will work. In other words, our separated personalities suggest that there is only one way to respond to a situation that will work.

Intuitive Discrimination is a central space that can be used to validate our truth with others that allows us to see our sacred Unity. Intuitive Discrimination is the antidote and clearing agent to reduce and eliminate the transmission of Fears, Desires and creative compromises that blind us from our higher possibilities.

Maya: The word Maya comes from a Hindu tradition that suggests the world of appearances is a shadow play that hides the inner reality. Hindu Sages suggest that the outer world of appearances is a superficial and temporal expression (in space and time) of underlying creative energies and motivations that are seeking full expression. Maya occurs when we believe the outside objective reality is unified and indifferent to our creative capabilities. The problem is that we become identified with the outer reality and lose our own spiritual and creative Connection as a result. An individual caught in Maya, therefore, focuses primarily on their Sensations, attempting to Experience their reality completely in this way. This means, that their fixation on outer form becomes the only conduit for experiencing life.


From the Institute of Spiritual Partnership perspective, we focus on the fact that there is no centrally contained reality; rather, each of us has our own reality that inter-links with the whole. Our Intention is to begin to honor our own creative power in our individual reality and how we can responsibly link to the whole. To release ourselves from the hold on Maya, we have to acknowledge that we have a choice about how we interpret our reality. While we don’t have control over reality, we do have control over how we interpret our reality. The more we see ourselves as a Creative Being who contributes to the whole, the less we will lose ourselves in Maya. The first step to this process is to not fall into believing our outer circumstances are the absolute truth. Instead, while they reflect a version of our reality, they are not a substitute for our own inner knowing.

People operating under Maya merge actions and Feelings and tend to react to each other’s Thoughts believing that the Thoughts have the power to affect their lives. Collective Beliefs and assumptions become the currency that we use to discount and judge each other. When we lose ourselves to these common Beliefs, we end up seeing reality through an object-Consciousness focus. We discount our creative power and feel trapped by mass Consciousness. The problem is that we lose our individuality and feel pressure to conform and agree. We deny our creative space and end up discounting our ability to impact our lives through time.

Glamour: Glamour is an over zealous, self-important reflection of the desire body that expresses itself as overblown fantasies that are not integrated internally or connected to others. Glamour occurs whenever we link Feelings to things in our lives. As an extreme example, the false creative impression that people are how much they earn prevails over an inner knowing of who others are. This results in believing that more important people should be listened to over people who don’t have money. Said another way, people get lost and swept up in the Feeling of how people should see them. Our picture of how things should be creates attachments to the things that we have in our lives as proof of our greatness. Glamour promotes the idea that we really are bigger and better than we believe. In this way it is a crutch that keeps us from dealing with our insecurities.


Glamour also confuses and combines Thoughts and Feelings, believing that certain actions that build our image have magical significance. People under the influence of Glamour end up cutting themselves off from support by becoming enthralled in their seeming inability to do anything wrong. Spiritual materialism can also creep in as under the influence of Glamour may start to think that we are inspired by divine providence and that nothing can go wrong. The primary difference between Glamour and real life (universally supported activities) is the ability to support and be supported. Individuals in Glamour Unconsciously attempt to condition support in pre-established ways. Their Emotional self-importance cuts off from others, diverting Attention to the physical. Glorifying the things that movie stars have; what they do and how they do it, asserting the premise that their actions should be imitated, mostly spread glamour.

Illusion: Illusion occurs when we lose ourselves in the logic or structure of a Thought believing we see some magical importance that makes us more insightful than others. Illusion prevents true spiritual Connection and eventually crystallizes into a structure of self-reinforcing Beliefs. Constant repetition and fixation on ideas we want to believe overcomes our ability to see things as they are. Meanings become proscribed as fear of failure begins to dominate the Thought processes of everyone involved. The key indication that Illusion is operating is that others must believe what we believe, or we have failed. Illusion is best confronted in groups by challenging the assumptions that frame the distortion. Much of the Higher Alignment work is to assist individuals to recover their own truth.  Illusion is broken when we don’t get positional, but curious and inquisitive about why they believe what they believe.  

Maya, Glamour and Illusion prevent Intuitive Discrimination by focusing us on what we want at the cost of others. We end up not being able to see things as they are. These distortions are infectious and can spread from person to person. Illusions are particularly devastating when spread from people in power because they require and demand that others believe the way that they do. The result is individuals becoming Intellectually possessed by the Thoughts of others. Individuals in Illusion believe that their Intentions are more important than the Autonomy of others. They justify this position by believe thattheir Thoughts are elevated and not polluted or uninformed like ordinary people.

The Problem of Maya, Glamour, Illusion

We get lost in superficial relationship when we define each other in terms of appearances and deny who we are beneath those appearances. The more we believe in our outer image, the more naturally insecure we are, driving us to try to lose ourselves in the Fantasy that they are there for us. What we need to recognize is that we are not being present for ourselves, by believing in the image of the situation rather than the energies motivating the situation. The Paradox is that by focusing on what is outside of us, we cut ourselves off from understanding the motivations of others around us because we are not being present with our own motivations. It is only when we are present with ourselves that we can see the truth of others in the circumstances. Of course, if we understood their truth, we would also understand how fearful they are, which would greatly diminish our belief in them. Objectification is the use of appearances over substance to get what we instinctively want.

The Fantasy of living in an image is quickly broken when others don’t live up to the image that we believe of them. This is because our Thinking at this level is mostly based on associations where we connect things, believing they go together. It is challenging for us to question these assumptions without the Experience of betrayal and loss. Therefore, we establish certain relationships where we are betrayed and lost, in order to break ourselves of this Habitual programming. Many of us beat ourselves up because we keep falling into patterns where we do not see the obvious, when in fact, we believed in our Romantic Mythology and expectations because we wanted to see things in the best light. Over time, we realize that our associations were made up in our childhood and really have no power over us unless we give it to them.

Idealization is the desire to make something more important so we distract ourselves from what we fear. The more imbalanced we are in our Emotions and Feelings, the more likely it is that we will fall into the trap of focusing on outer things to stabilize our own Emotional self-awareness. Using things to make our Self ‘feel better’ is national past time. Whenever we are not comfortable with what is occurring, we seek something to distract our Attention to make us feel better. The basic premise of all our addictions is the belief that what we are doing will make us feel more alive, when in fact, it deadens us dramatically. Instead of being alive, we seek substitutes such as Excitement, jealousy and other ways of trying to possess our truth over the truth of others so we can live in our own world in our own way. What we hate the most is others reminding us that what we are seeking won’t be found in the way we want.

Glamour occurs when we deny our Emotional truth and seek outside substitutes to make us feel better. The more we compare ourselves to others, the more we believe we are missing out on having the things we want. This stimulates us to define ourselves in terms of the things others seek for themselves. The problem is that these items may have nothing to do with their own life lessons. If they are not on our own life path, they distract us and keep us from going deeper in ourselves. Instead, we distract ourselves with the appearance of power and end up living a superficial life. In this circumstance, Glamour uses our Fears to keep us from engaging and taking risks to find a deeper way of contributing to others. Instead, the more things we acquire, the more things we need to feel okay about ourselves. It is for this reason that the “life simplification” movement has come into existence. Instead of working for our Desires, we learn to work for our true authentic self.

It is not easy to release ourselves from our own Glamour when others are using Glamour around us. It is their image of us that reinforces false Desires about how we should show up with them. We get sucked into being what they want us to, otherwise, they react to us. It is as if we need to be what they want us to be, otherwise, our life doesn’t have meaning or value. This seductive way of operating begins when we believe we can enter a more rarified state of being by joining more exclusive group “cliques”. The more we get sucked into believing that these people represent a higher way of operating, the more we tend to doubt ourselves and our own natural contribution. Instead, we get hung up in this false Growth, which is the notion that we are bettering ourselves by rising in our social and economic class. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with our true Growth process, which is about contributing in the most effective way possible.

The more we buy into the Glamour of our Partner by accentuating their image over their natural contribution, the more we are doing them a disservice. What we are doing wanting them to be more or different than what they really are, to make us feel more stable within ourselves. The more self important they are, the more importance we derive by being with them. The way out of this situation is to begin to see that it is not being important that matters, but being who we really are that makes the difference in our lives. Since people can consider what we contribute important, it is only a problem when we are attached to that importance. We can see how we get trapped in Glamour when we try to use this sense of importance to get special treatment from others. The problem is that this distracts others and our Self from our true contribution.

The more imbalanced we are in knowing and expressing our truth Intellectually, the more susceptible we are to the Illusions of others. By denying our own power to know our own truth, we end up blindly seeking the truth of others to make up for our own denial. Illusion is the way we lose ourselves in our past by attempting to fix something we were deeply hurt by, by believing some prescribed truth above our current Experience. Illusions are particularly problematic because they become unexamined areas where we are unwilling to examine our assumptions. Ironically, Illusions are not rational, but have the appearance of being extremely concrete and systematic. Many individuals can not see the circular logic, or the Paradox of the situation and instead, end up repeating over and over the statement of their Beliefs that keeps them from experiencing their past pain. In addition they also project their incomplete beliefs upon others, creating a subjectification where we make our perspective more valid than others. This create power struggles, endless arguments and resentment when our partners do not accept our perspective.

Releasing ourselves from Illusions means clarifying the assumptions underlying the Illusion so that we can see how removing the Band-Aid we put on in the past to keep us from being hurt can allow us to cleanse ourselves of this past wound. If we don’t take the Band-Aid off, the wound becomes progressively more infected and requires more energy to keep us stable in this healing crisis. What we need is less stability and more examination of our deeper truth, even if it is painful, so that the energy can be released and reabsorbed in a healthy way. While we can do this ourselves, this process can also be facilitated by a healing group of compassionate individuals who will question us so we can get to the bottom of our situation. The core issue is to recognize that our Illusions keep us doing things that do n0t work.

We cannot be effective when using Illusion as the base of our contributions because it creates an inner disconnection. Whenever we are not getting the results we expect, it could be because Illusions are in the way. The important thing to do is to re-examine what we are accomplishing versus what we are not accomplishing around us. Another indication is whether the people around us believe in our Illusion at the cost of their own development. Illusions are not possible when each individual is honoring their authentic creative truth. The more Autonomy we have, the easier it is to confront the Illusions of the group we are with. The more Autonomy other people in our group have, the easier it is for them to point out our Illusions as well. Ultimately, we are the final arbiter of what is appropriate for us because we are the only one who knows and Experiences the truth in our contributions.

How Do We Heal Ourselves With Intuitive Discrimination?

Using the power of Intimacy to mirror each other provides the platform for Intuitive Discrimination to heal us. After we are met for who we are and are accepted for our unique Beliefs, Intuitive Discrimination creates a triangle of energy in the relationship that contains the views about the creative contribution that will be made in the relationship. The key is the creative contribution each person will make and, ultimately, how both of these views will be uplifted and synthesized into the actual creative contribution jointly made outside of themselves and reflected inward in the relationship.
The more we invest in creating a unified contribution to others the clearer our personal contribution will become. This will allow us to notice and discard all of the different ways of being that are not aligned with who we are. In the process of refining our contributions by engaging the process with our Partner and noticing what’s not used, we support our healing. Initially we have many ideas that may not be accurate about how the relationship contributes to others. However, by creating a self-reflective relationship process using Intuitive Discrimination as the vehicle to discover what really occurs in our contributions we can discover the outcomes together.

When we can acknowledge the gratitude we feel by making this mutual contribution we will know that the healing and refinement process is fully working. Reports about this space from people who have gone along this path indicate that the clearing process is illuminating and that a clarity descends about their creative capacities, their ability to hold the space in the world, their ability to receive acknowledgement from others who benefit from their contribution and their ability, finally, to sustain this endeavor with others.

Communication with our Partners is fact based and makes no Judgments. It just reports what’s happened, where adjustments are required and what steps are next needed. One major suggestion is not to rush forward but to become more considerate of the process and more deliberate in your actions, for it is not how much is done, but the quality of what is done that makes the real difference.
Intuitive Discrimination will transform impulses into insights. It recognizes the play of forces in the mind and brings them into Alignment with others so that inspiration and higher knowledge occurs. In an Intuitive Discrimination field, the power of the relationship is paramount. While individuals benefit from the healing energy produced by this field, the focus is on the integration of the creative process; it keeps finding its natural path and momentum. Other affects are a sense of liberation or Freedom from personality needs because the space makes needs seem insignificant. The result is an open, decentralized, creative power vortex that emphasizes the long-term gains over short-term benefits. This is why creating this space in a Spiritual Partnership winds up sealing a sacred creative space that reduces dissipating energies outside the relationship.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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