Introduction to Communication Process

Our Communication Process refers to the sequence of how we Think, Feel, and Act. There are six unique styles of communication. Communication Process is the method and sequence by which our creative nature assimilates the experiences in our lives. How we organize our experience produces our communication styles. The more we can express our truth harmlessly, the more we are using our Creative Uniqueness to connect with others. This means that for intellectually-centered individuals (Think First), the goal is the pursuit of truth, unity and wisdom. For emotionally-centered individuals (Feel First) the goal is the expansion of their framework of possibilities so motives and values can be re-prioritized in the warm light of love.

They would say it is the pursuit of alignment and harmony. For kinesthetic or moving-centered individuals (Act First), the goal is to bring back the experience of intelligence in action. They would say “walk it like you talk it.” As each of us experiences thinking, feeling and action, we focus on particular ways to communicate that can lead to problems when others have different priorities in their communication process. If we don’t understand that there are differences, we spend a lot of time and effort correcting others. Confusion occurs because words themselves mean different things to people focusing differently on their thinking, feeling, or acting in the moment. Conflict and misunderstandings abound when we are with people who deny our Communication Process in similar ways to our parents. Our communications, therefore, are only clean when we are with people who have our same sequence.

Individuals who are being present with their thoughts, feelings, and actions manifest a greater connection with others. Unfortunately, based on our interactions with our parents we can easily get trapped in not expressing all three levels. Usually we can see at least two of the three (thoughts, feelings, actions) in our expression or in another person’s presentation. It is harder to see others in any way that we are denying in ourselves. The more we are not present with our truth on Thinking, Feeling, and Acting levels, the less we can honor the truth on these levels with others.

When we are unconscious of our communication process, we believe others process communications as we do. This creates confusion because our way of communicating does not synch up with their way of receiving. Once we are conscious of the differences, we can learn to work with them. Communication Process Options, shows each sequence and the unique way it works to communicate with others. The seven Communication Process sequences are summarized below:

Think, Feel, Act   methodical step by step “insightfulness”

Think, Act, Feels   structured, quick response, action orientation

Feel, Think, Act   holistic, instant, imprecise knowing of what to do

Feel, Act, Think   feeling into what is the right action, then considering what worked

Act, Feel, Think   leap first, then feel, then figure out why it worked

Act, Think, Feel   shoot first, ask questions later, then feel about whether you like it

Simultaneous and Equal   integrated to respond fully in the moment

It is not surprising that communication is the most culturally accepted framework through which we attempt to improve relationships. We commonly perceive that improving our ability to communicate could turn a difficult relationship into an easy one. We can improve our relationships, particularly when we understand that what underlies the communication process are the three domains of consciousness: Intent, Content and Context. Understanding these domains can provide considerable insight as to individual strengths and weaknesses understanding the communication patterns of others. With some practice, we can observe how each individual uses one of the three frameworks as the anchor for their experience. Healthy people express to some degree on all three levels — Thinking, Feeling and Acting. The more integrated we are, the more we do these simultaneously. The more imprinted we are, by doing what our parents want us to do, the more time we spend on each step or the more steps we skip. We operate with breaks in our focus and an inability to be present with our body, feelings or thoughts.

Ultimately, we learn to do all three in a fluid and flexible way that serves us and others. Imprinting is primarily a result of our parents’ judgments or criticalness creating in us an unwillingness to fully participate or be connected. By healing our imprinting we restore our inner approval and attention not allowing anyone else to dictate how we operate. Since losing ourselves in others is unpleasant, we tend to forget it immediately, but it still leaves a bad taste in our mouth. Unfortunately, to overcome our feeling of being stuck, we try to break out of the previous pattern by suppressing that result. Therefore, suppression in an area of our Communication Process indicates a reaction to where we have been taken advantage of by other people. It is an attempt to do something different by limiting the acceptable result. Unfortunately, it just puts more pressure on us.

In healthy self-development, each person uses all three levels equally. When our healing is complete, the three will operate simultaneously. As a result, we will be in touch with our Intuitive, Creative Nature, empowering us to be more flexible and conscious of our differences with others. Usually, it is the primary process that is most developed, unless there was considerable childhood imprinting of this expression (for example: Feel First men who are raised with the notion that it is not “being a man” to feel, or Think First women who are discounted intellectually). The more we consciously use the concepts of Content, Context and Intent to connect with others, the more effectively we will communicate. Having aligned process sequences not only improves communication and reduces miscommunication but also honors one’s wholeness and flexibility.

The benefit of learning about our Communication Process is to appreciate others’ communication approaches and learn how to translate their experience into our personal experience more completely. The distribution of the Communication Process is probably balanced worldwide. In the United States the distribution is 51% Intellectual (Think First), 38% Emotional (Feel First), and 11% Moving (Action First). Because our primary Communication Process determines how we measure, judge or respond to an environmental circumstance, it is quickly revealed during accidents or times of heavy stress.