Intro To A CNG | HA events

Introduction To A CNG

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Defining A Common Neutral Ground

CNG stands for Common Neutral Ground. In 1987 we began talking about Common Neutral Ground, emphasizing the ‘neutral’part. This means we describe Common Neutral Ground as a place where our personal opinions do not preempt our energetic connection. We also started using the word ‘transpersonal’ to describe this experience of going beyond one’s personal considerations in order to interact with others. Transpersonal indicates that we acknowledge a connection no matter the differences. This way of interconnecting without judgment promotes wholeness and Communion, which allows us to shift our perspective from safety and security personality programming to an open, authentic Co-Creative framework. From this new ‘Self’conscious perspective, we notice and honor our boundaries and the boundaries of others. The more we manifest this experience the more it becomes our daily reality. CNG is a way to honor our creative decision making so we naturally minimize compromise and reactions.

We define the CNG as a separate space where we can explore differences and uncomfortable similarities without fearing repercussions that could diminish the relationship. By creating conscious energetic boundaries, we build integrity and clarity in supporting ourselves. CNG informs us of how to be neutral and hold our personal Autonomy when others are in crisis. The more we are aware of possible differences, the better prepared we are to deal with them. The aspiration for a CNG is to create clear boundaries where individuals do not inappropriately take on the problems of others. Over time, CNG has become the central and unifying energetic practice of Alignment Technologies. As it has matured, CNG has become a way for us to see the traumas of life without diminishing our ability to create positive outcomes.The more proficient we become, the greater Intimacy and Co-Creativity we experience. It is by using this technology that we can fulfill the promise of creating conscious relationships.

Common Neutral Ground is embodied in a series of steps where we learn how to maximize our Life, Light and Love energies. By affirming Life energy, we can use our body Sensations and Feelings to clarify our Intent. As our body wisdom grows, we break our conditioning and challenge our Excitement and instinctive Attractions. This permits us to become more expressive of our authentic Creative Nature by manifesting greater physical alignment. By affirming Light energy, we use our Emotions and Thoughts to take ownership of our Truth. Instead of only listening to others, we begin to listen to ourselves and challenge the voices of our fixed, defensive Positions. We become more aware of higher Attractions that transform our personal understanding into a transpersonal embodiment. By affirming Love energy, we use our Feelings and Emotions to build our intuition and accept ourselves as Creative Beings. Our skills teach us how to explore the opportunities of relationships so that we are able to easily align with others. The more we can love ourselves as we are, the easier it is to be with others who are similar, allowing the experience of synergistic alignment. CNG is a way to robustly create a path where we grow with others to become larger contributors in the world.

CNG is an exercise of will — the will to consistently act, know and be in conscious relationship with others. This is not only a personal will, but also a transpersonal desire to fulfill our destiny. We embody this process with the intent of being harmless and conscious of the impact we have on others. Our experience of the CNG teaches us the difficulties we have in making this commitment. Some of us may fear growth, which minimizes the energy we have to act. Others may confront their fear that they will not be in control in a CNG. Some may not have the skills to engage others effectively. This reveals that our will has become passive or over-personalized (where we demand more of others than is appropriate), or indicates we do not know what we want. We may be trying to avoid responsibility for our creative destiny by not listening to our intuition. When we align our intent with Universal Intent (by seeking the common, greater good), we expand our ability to influence others by aligning our desires. What CNG demonstrates is that we can be ourselves and make a creative difference in our world by respecting and aligning mutual possibilities. This is how Co-Creative individuals succeed.

In a CNG, we learn how to balance and neutralize our fears and not letting our personality desires overtake us. We accomplish this by challenging our assumptions and changing our actions. Most importantly, we take responsibility for the impact we have on those around us. We learn how our Defenses blind us to the reactions of others, thus learning to become harmless. Perhaps the best way of doing this is by eliminating unconscious actions. Automatic behavior is conditioning that leads to the wrong kind of relationship. Reorientation, where we manifest our own safety and security by taking personal responsibility, supports us in responding rather than reacting. We confront our fear of others' reactions and our unwillingness to risk rejection. This frees us up from making big mistakes based on false appearances. Making a commitment to being in a CNG requires, at minimum, the desire to grow and learn from our life. This is the cost and reward of being conscious.

What gets in the way of relating to others is self judgment and our fear of judgment by partners, friends, business associates or family. How we unconsciously react to this disconnection is the source of most of our problems. If we did not judge others, we would not feel it necessary to take on the judgment of others.What we do to others is ultimately returned to us, as universal balance is maintained by opening ourselves to the experience we are defensively trying to avoid. By diving into our fears, we recover our connection to the universe. In trying to avoid our fears, we attract them to us. It is empowering to realize that we are not here by accident. We have a purpose and a function that will reveal itself by following our natural Creative Being. We cannot hide our Life, Light and Love energies behind Defenses and still manifest a fulfilling life. The key is to commit to our own natural growth and evolution. Otherwise, we will be lost in confusion and chaos, unable to declare ourselves and fully move forward.

Many of us are still dealing with unconscious reactions in others, putting us at a disadvantage in all of our relationships. We find ourselves dealing with Contraction, Control and Caretaking in order to get through each day. When others Contract, the cause is either a fear of the unknown or an attempt to manipulate us by playing hard to get. This type of behavior produces an energetic hit. When others control us, it is either driven by a fear that they will not succeed unless they take complete charge, or it is an attempt to hide their imperfection by goading us to take greater responsibility. This always distorts our sense of timing because Controllers contribute, in their mind, by pushing things forward. When others Caretake us, it is either a fear of rejection that drives them to accommodate us, or a fear of self-rejection that has them put all of their attention on others. This creates an enmeshment pattern where we become drained.

When others Contract we learn to step it up and become more Enrolling or Exuberant. They respond by being Selective or Prescriptive. This creates a disengagement pattern, where we want others to want us, but we do not want them to have us.This is commonly called the push/pull dynamic of telling them to come closer, but also pushing them away. When others Control, we learn to step up and become more Exuberant or Prescriptive. They respond by being Selective or Enrolling in their own way. This creates a demarcation between how we think we contribute versus how they feel they contribute. Both of us are operating under the delusion that we have the best position. When others Caretake,we step up by becoming Selective and Prescriptive. They respond with Exuberant and Enrollment opportunities. In this situation, one of the parties is enmeshed and the other is co-dependent. These are examples of automatic, instinctive role-playing which guarantees that a good portion of our relationships will be defined by our Fears. This happens in families, romantic relationships and business situations.

Unconscious relationships are based on expectations, role-playing and compromise.  Selectives often feel intruded upon by family members and prefer unambiguous boundaries and guidelines. Usually, to feel safe, we seek greater propriety and established structures of interaction. While we are attracted and Excited by certain individuals, we believe that people can be deceptive, which is in contrast to our comparative innocence and naiveté. As a result, we are cautious. We find Enrollers particularly challenging when they attempt to convince us that everything will be better if we just trust them. When we do, we live to regret it, making us even more Selective. We keep attempting to be seen, only to attract more individuals who want to use us and forget us. This manifests as a dilemma between taking risks and being hurt occasionally, thinking that no one matches our needs and expectations. In turn, we become more jaded when they prove this to be true.

Enrollers', the polar opposite of Selectives, main issue is proving they can choose whatever they want and make it work. Sometimes this involves a little Seduction and persuasive engagement. While Selectives are fearful of making the wrong choice, Enrollers will vacillate between flattering comments and suggestions of how things could be much better with them. Enrollers use their desire to stimulate Excitement in potential partners. Selectives usually play hard to get in order to preserve their options.

Enrollers become experts in overcoming this resistance by demonstrating how great they are. Enrollers learn to say exactly what others want to hear. It is important to note that Enrollers may present as outwardly confident, covering up considerable insecurity and self-doubt. Sometimes this hidden sensitivity enables Enrollers to see the weaknesses of others. This allows them to know exactly what to say to allay the fears of Selectives. One big difference between Enrollers and Prescriptives is that Prescriptives analyze everything on an intellectual level and do not mind some degree of disagreement. Enrollers cannot stand disagreements and are more subtle in minimizing them physically, emotionally and/or mentally, depending on which will best be received.

Exuberant individuals use their passion and emotional connection to create some degree of closeness or alignment with others. We bring out and display our best self so that others will relax and find us entertaining. Naturally oriented to seeing both our and others potential enables us to rescue and reassure others. This hides our doubt that we can change as much of the world as we would like. We become extremely sensitive to how others see us, particularly when it is different from how we see ourselves. Anxiety is the result, as we feel split between our expectations and the expectations of others. This becomes acute when others do not respond or readjust their perspectives when we share our truth. The more we feel unseen, the more we attempt to prove that we are as good as we say we are. We are often repulsed by individuals showing a lack of compassion and empathy. Before we get to this point, we try to support individuals (or even rescue them) who tend to deny or diminish their potential. This is why we have such an attraction/repulsion relationship with Prescriptives. Since we can see and feel that they need us, we falsely believe that they would appreciate all we could do for them. We believe that with us, they can be seen and have less Intensity. This distracts us from our own Anxiety. Unfortunately, our ‘niceness’ only emphasizes their ‘toughness,’ which causes criticalness and negative self-comparisons.

Prescriptive individuals use their cleverness and intellectual complexity to stimulate others, wanting others to see our insightfulness as a major contribution. The key issue is whether others see our intelligence and honor our unique perspective. Otherwise, we realize that our prickliness can put people off or push them away. What we do not want to admit is that we are demanding or intimidating, but this is the reputation we earn with our investigation proclivities. One of the hardest things for us is being ignored or considered inconsequential. Since we see ourselves as ‘movers and shakers’ we are used to making fast decisions and having clear standards. When this becomes default-thinking (repeating previous patterns) where we do not consider all the options, we get into trouble. The more we operate with Intensity because we are experiencing conflict (both internally and externally) the more we get entangled in the problem and cannot see a way out. Prescriptives believe we can hide our Intensity, asserting that we just need to make a greater effort to overcome our problems. What we actually need (as any Exuberant will tell you) is a more spacious and timeless way of addressing our problems. We need to think differently, learning how to accept support and not overdo Control. Otherwise, being the most responsible person in a relationship becomes an unnecessary burden. 

While most individuals can identify themselves in at least one of these patterns, some of us (particularly the Enrollers) can become good at all of them. This gives us greater flexibility to shift out of something that is not working for our partner in order to get back on track in meeting the expectations of our partner. Another way of assessing where we are in these patterns is to recognize that if we are scared of Excitement, but looking for it all the same, we are Selective. If we are doing Excitement with a little Intensity, and som Anxiety added in, it is likely that we are an Enroller. If our primary issue is some Excitement and a lot of Intensity, we are Prescriptive. If our primary issue is a lot of Excitement and Anxiety, we are an Exuberant. The problem with Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety is that they end up as substitutes for Life, Light and Love energies.

The more we do Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety, and even define ourselves in terms of these experiences, the less we are able to choose our own path in relationships. This is because we are at the effect of how our experience and the experience of our partners interact. Since we are not choosing to relate to individuals, but are looking for individuals to fit our Expectations, Desires and Intentions, we are never quite sure in unconscious relationships what will change in either of us. Since we do not know how to be stable in our own experience and our partner is also not typically stable, there are too many variables that can interfere with us moving forward. This instability is due to not knowing who we are and where we are going, which limits what we can choose and stand by. 

All these unconscious connections create burdens inhibiting our growth, sharing our truth, or being intimate. These patterns are universal because society does not have a way to protect us as children from the imbalances in families, schools, or the social environment. This is why we need to learn who we are as creative beings and step into our destiny if we want to improve ourselves. The purpose of this document is to guide and facilitate your personal exploration.

The first step is taking the risk to grow. We seek Excitement so we can feel Alive and aligned in our Life Energy expression. This means challenging our Safety fears and assumptions. Affirming our Personal Space creates new energetic possibilities so they emerge. We accomplish this by exploring the uncomfortable places where our conditioning limits options allowing us to reassess our choices. We need to experiment with new possibilities so that we can have new outcomes. The trade-off is, “Will I grow and expand my options, or defer my growth to a later time when I am forced to confront it directly?” We learn either the easy or the hard way. The easy way is to allow time for growth and deal with it on our timeframe when the options are fully present and available. The hard way is to ignore growth as much as possible, ignoring our potential opportunities so that the problem becomes more intractable or impossible to solve because resources have greatly diminished. Thereby making the assumption that all change is actually a burden that should be minimized. When an individual shows up offering to do a project, bringing resources that would make it easy to grow together that would significantly reduce the stress of making a transition. The universe would then present a major problem in the area where we would have to find a solution completely on our own. This illustrates the problem of following the path of least resistance by doing the minimal thing required when it actually causes you more stress and shortens your life span. The real lesson is to recognize how we can expand our options by making our lessons fun, interesting, and supportive to our long-term prospects.

The second step is to learn how to distinguish our truth from what others tell us is the truth. Very few of us focus on the inner experience of truth where we validate the quality of the experience (in terms of tension, disconnection or creative flow and self-acceptance). By doing this, and telling our truth we are stronger and more complete. If we are not doing this, we are typically in conflict, both internally and externally and it feels like a burden. At best, when we are compromised, it feels like we are making the best choice between many bad options. This tells us that we are identified with our Defenses. Again, we need spacious and timeless ways to engage any conflicts that allow us to sort out what we are creatively aligned to contribute versus the partial Attachments, Positions and Projections of our Personality safety and security mechanism. Our Personality is the learning tool we have used to become responsive to our environment and get all of our Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts online. All unconscious patterns originate in false perceptions of our Personality development process. These safety and security patterns help us to survive and be outwardly successful, but prohibit us from the creative fulfillment we seek. As a result, we can see how reactions and Intensity always reflect that we are not in our complete truth. If we were to respond in a reflective manner, it would indicate that we have at least the capacity for harmless truth-telling. The main issue is whether we have the motivation to reveal ourselves in a Wisdom (or growth-enabled) environment (a safe space to make mistakes without consequences).

The third step is a desire for Intimacy. A conscious relationship puts us in situations where we are not in control, so we need to confront the experience of love directly. This means choosing to love those around us because we enjoy them. What limits this experience is how we want, need or fantasize about any individual. The more we want someone to want us because we do not like ourselves, want them to need us because we are not secure, or we are at the effect of a partner’s image, the more we have compromised love. We compromise ourselves by accepting how others do this to us, which limits our ability to show them love.

We also lose ourselves by comparing ourselves to others, putting these conditional expressions of love before Self-Radiant Unifying love. Intimacy is the loving interactions that reveal our heart's’s desire. While this includes sexuality, how we treat each other, common lessons and interests, it is primarily about conscious communion. Communion is the ability to work in alignment in a supportive way to further our mutual aspirations. It is not about unconscious merging or co-dependence, but rather growth, autonomy and intimacy with mutual respect and esteem. This is best facilitated by a CNG because we operate in our own, non-compromised space, allowing us to hold and visit the relationship space, which is held separately from ourselves.

The fourth step is a commitment to Co-Creativity. Conscious relationships require us to show up and know how to navigate with others. The more we know who we are as a Creative Being, the better a partner we are. Most individuals do not know when they are compromised because they have not declared their own authentic contribution in the world. How we are guided to conscious relationships is finding partners with Aliveness, Wisdom and Awareness and meeting them in this experience. This means seeing Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety as warning indicators of unconscious relationships. This document will show you how to create conscious relationships without compromising Beauty, Truth and Goodness, which is what we currently see in the world. Instead of losing ourselves in relationships that hurt us, we eventually discover the benefits of creating conscious boundaries so our personal business can stay personal. Without boundaries, our confusion leads to hurting others and hurting ourselves. With boundaries, we can create and sustain long-term relationships and build new emotional and intellectual capital to invest in each other.

If this opportunity seems difficult, it is because as a society we do not have many tools to build relationships from infancy. On the other hand, we are either going to address our fears of not being wanted, lovable or being enough, or not. We all have the capacity to bring out our natural goodness and affirm our creative potential to solve any and all problems on our path. What we do not realize is that by default, we will not get there. This is because, fundamentally, our support systems are predicated on self-rejection and self-criticism. Our learning structures are mostly rote and superficial and do not support the building of our own inner experience. This leads us to the uncomfortable position of recognizing that we need to make a choice about whether we are ready to learn this or not. If this writing to this point has been interesting and resonates with you, we want you to affirm that you are on this path and committed to moving forward. All you need to do is to keep breathing.

If you have reservations about whether you can grow, or have an unwillingness to confront the problems that come up in your current relationships, then it would be appropriate to put this document down. Maybe you could pass it on to someone who you think might enjoy it. The main warning we have is that to go any further means that you are going to change your life in a way that you will not be able to un-know. I cannot tell you how many people have written to us, complaining that they now cannot un-know what they have learned and it perplexes them because they know they are compromising themselves. Just like in The Matrix, once Neo took the red pill, he could not ever go back into the blissful ignorance of the matrix. This is a similar decision-making point. So far, we have not changed your perceptions of what is so. If you start to understand the underlying frameworks of creating conscious relationships, you will no longer be able to do unconscious behavior programs in the same way.

Defensive Beliefs, represented by acts of judgment, are self-defeating because they deny our innate connectedness. When we believe in our outer image more than we believe in our inner Creative Nature, we regress. Thin-skinned sensitivity arises because we do not accept our true Creative Power. We become entangled (in Pretenses and Facades) when we define ourselves in terms of others and by placing more faith in the opinions of others than in our own Truth. This is the fundamental shift we need to make: from denying our possibilities to affirming them. We need to lean into opportunities and discover that mistakes only improve our understanding and forward movement. We have been taught that there is a greater general reality outside of us that we have to respect more than our internal reality. It is our job to manifest this internal reality so we can become a partner in co-creating the universe. We feel trapped because we have adopted the assumptions of others and, therefore, feel no joy in our contributions. We need to rekindle our Passion and declare what and whom we serve. Role-playing, resistance and inertia sabotage our actions because we are not sure we will ever be seen and valued for our true and natural creative abilities. Sadly, the more we accept this reality, the more distanced we become from ourselves. This is no way to live.

The answer to these issues is to create a great relationship with our Self. Many of us have either no relationship to our Self or we have a negative, critical one. When this occurs, conflicted inner voices reflect parental criticism. Our connection is directive or pleading based on our personality programming. These voices, modeled upon our parents’ fears, attempt to make us pay attention to the safety and security issues we dealt with growing up. The main problem is that in misguided attempts to protect us, our parents submerged us in their needs. Until we differentiate ourselves from our parents, we cannot be sure that we are not operating based on their Fears and Desires. Eventually, parental safety and security issues become a large part of our own personality identity. When we take their lessons and codify them within us, we cannot leave the past behind. We mistakenly take others'’ actions personally and do not question our preconceived premises. We need to realize that the lessons of our future need to be addressed on their own terms and not colored by our past.

From a personality point of view, we see others as extensions of us; not realizing this eliminates a self-reflective relationship with ourselves. When we operate from our Personality framework everything is an object, subject, or ideal, minimizing conscious connections. These distortions prevent us from being present in the moment with others. When we identify with objects, subjects and ideals, there is no space for the relationship or connection. These are just projections of our own needs, thoughts or desires upon others. We can validate this by seeing how poorly we listen to others when caught in these unexamined patterns.

This is why is it useful to imagine creating a CNG with our Self, where we can see the protective machinery of parental and social programming. The CNG is in an external, neutral space where we can examine our patterns while we engage our Creative source. With a CNG it is easy to reflect on our own processes and relate them to others in their processes. This opens up a discussion where many different experiences can be addressed simultaneously without becoming submerged or reduced in fidelity. Our creative source can be identified by its Stillness, Solitude and Silence. It is the affirmation of the presence of our Creative Nature that brings Stillness, Solitude and Silence to our Personality programming. The initial goal is to be able to differentiate our Creative Nature from our personality issues (Fears and Desires). This practice is known by many terms: getting centered, getting focused or becoming grounded.

The better relationship we develop with our Creative Self, the easier it is to manifest quality relationships. Our ability to consciously connect expands our possibilities in relationships as we realize we have a choice about how we wish to grow. Most individuals are not aware that they have a choice about how to connect. They are often not familiar with the kinds of connections that are possible. This is because our models (parents and family members) did not have much flexibility and were not able to offer alternatives. Instead, they were caught in mechanistic self-determinism. We unconsciously fall into predefined enmeshment patterns that reflect our parents’ forms of inter-connection. Instead of recognizing that we can build ‘custom’ relationships based on Creative Uniqueness, most of us build ‘tract house’ relationships based on limited beliefs about what is possible. These false, acquired beliefs undermine and distance us from our relationships.

Technically, there are at least three independent entities that make up a Common Neutral Ground. There is our space, their space, and the independent relationship space. When we think of a relationship, many imagine it as a compromise between two people. This is because we do not see or experience the common, independent relationship space as being different and distinct from either person’s own space. One of the first exercises we do in establishing a CNG is to distinguish how our space is different from the common relationship space, even if we are unconscious about it. The key difference is in how our experience and the experience of others can come together and synchronize with distinct variations. Most people tend to merge these two spaces because they do not understand the power and value of having separate and clear spaces to distinguish and experience their Truth. The CNG provides an opportunity to give a separate voice to each of these spaces so there is no confusion about whose voice it is.

When we bypass the establishment of the common, independent relationship space of the CNG and instead merge the two personal spaces, it places pressure on us to conform to others. It keeps us from acknowledging our complete Truth and our mutual Truth. As a result, we become more sensitized to the Beliefs of our partner and end up taking on and internalizing their patterns of operation. This inadvertently creates more polarization and greater defensiveness and co-dependence. We become more reactive, depressed, discounted, or unable to clarify our own, natural course of action. It leads to greater projection of our negativity upon others. Because we do not have the perspective to see our strengths and weaknesses in a positive way, we become driven to prove the deficiencies of others as a way to maintain our own integrity and room to breathe. In this losing battle, we become more disheartened because our yearnings are repressed by the influence and needs of those around us.

Common Neutral Ground provides space and a way to breathe without feeling compromised. It allows us to separate ourselves from our Fears, Desires and personality frustrations so our own Creative Nature can be birthed and evolve. For many who naturally create a personal CNG, it is about finding the strength to express themselves without the fear of consequences overwhelming them. While there is great joy in the exploration of who we are, we go through certain transformations as we deal with others. The first is, we become more detached from our personality Fears and, therefore, can more clearly affirm who we are and our own direction in life. Second, we can be playful and let go of being so serious, particularly about our development process

Our website contains instructions for the development of ‘Right Human Relationships’ to function as the ‘Standard Operating Manual for Humans, Version, 2.0. Common Neutral Ground.It is the Operating System for a new way of interacting.

Unfortunately, many of us operate with a pre-release version that has a lot of unresolved ‘bugs’. The way to eliminate these ‘bugs’ is to operate with loving kindness and follow the model of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Up until now, the Golden Rule has served as our human interaction software; it now requires a creative update, taking into account the Seven Creative Intelligences and Defense structures. We will learn how to recognize these patterns so we will not inadvertently treat others in a negative way causing them to react. Since we all have strengths and weakness, nobody appreciates anyone highlighting their problems at their expense. The main purpose of a CNG is to help everyone maximize their ability to understand and interact with others. This involves knowing what is productive to say and what is not productive. Currently, most people are unaware of the difference, which means we have less ability to unify with our families, partners and communities.

If the human Operating Manual was like an automobile manual, we could consider our Motives as fuel, our lessons and Attractions as the engine and Skills as the steering mechanism. When we focus on certain lessons (engine), it activates relevant skills (steering), particularly when we are conscious about our development path. In this metaphor, the quality of our fuel (Motives) transforms the capacity of our engine (lessons and Attractions) so we can increase our range and speed of operation. As we wake up to our Creative Nature, our vehicle begins to morph in new ways to serve new capacities. It is important to realize that a CNG grows by accepting our personal lessons so we understand what is needed to move forward. We grow our CNG by expanding our consciousness. It appears that these embodiment lessons are the same for everyone, yet people do express different levels of actualization within the same CNG embodiment level. We will continue to use this metaphor in discussing the embodiment of CNG in our lives.

The process of CNG Embodiment can be broken into seven levels: Safety Reactions, Security Positions, Co-Measurement, Co-Creativity, Co-Embodiment, Mutual Learning and Synergistic Activity. We invite you to examine which levels represent your current experience.

How To Create A CNG

A CNG is created through energy and there are three primary energies we can use to create a CNG. While it is optimum to use all three simultaneously, many individuals use their strongest energy to facilitate the establishment of a CNG. The three energies are: Life, Light and Love. These three energies are non-dualistic, which means that they support Connection, Communication, Co-Measurement and Communion with others. They are the result of being balanced within ourselves and having integrated our Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and Intuition). Otherwise, our inner conflicts become Projections, Positions and Attachments to others, creating conflicts.

1. Life Energy (Physical Perspective) — Orchestrators, Implementers or Act First individuals naturally tend to base the CNG on what is physically congruent or not. We use Intent, (our own and others’) to feel connected. With Stillness, we maximize our CNG effectiveness. We can identify the degree of our ability to express our Life Energy by how relaxed we are with others (and not by doing Excitement), which shows up as an ability to share Pleasure. Any repression of our ability to experience Pleasure is an indication that we are either denying our Sensations, Feelings or both.

2. Light Energy (Intellectual and/or Emotional Focus) — Investigators or Visionaries or Think First individuals naturally tend to base the CNG on intellectual clarity and focus. We use Content, (our own and others’) to feel connected. With Solitude, we maximize our CNG effectiveness. We can identify the degree of our ability to express Light Energy by how open and truthful we are with others so we can cooperate and share Power (and not by doing Intensity). Any repression of our ability to experience shared Power is an indication that we are either denying our Emotions or Thoughts, or both.

3. Love Energy (Spatially Sensitive) — Compassionates or Feel First individuals naturally tend to base the CNG on spatial sensitivity (Emotions and Feelings) to produce connections with others. Feelings are in-the-moment reflections of our Sensations, while Emotions are reflections of our personal identity projected through time. This means we mostly use Emotions to build our sense of who we are, usually at the cost of our Creative Identity. We use our perception of conflict to determine how close we are with others. With Silence, we maximize our CNG effectiveness. We can identify the degree of our ability to express our Love Energy by how playful or passionate we are with others so we can operate both Autonomously and with others as a team (and not by doing Anxiety). Any repression of our ability to experience Passion is an indication that we are either denying our Feelings or Emotions, or both.

Physically Creating A CNG

Using our body awareness, particularly our Sensations and Feelings, let us check in with our inner balance and vibrancy. After we have optimized our energetic sense of Self, let us imagine creating a foundation between our self and others where we can share our perceptions with them. Placing our Awareness on being present and alive within our body, let us determine the Intent of those around us. Let us invite them to talk about whatever they want, and as they do this, see if we can link into their Intent. This can usually be facilitated when we are clear about our plans and we are trying to align our intentions with theirs. Imagine this shared space as a laboratory for figuring out what could work with others. Let us remind our self that our Intent is never diminished by our desire to work with others. If we are overwhelmed by a particular activity, let us retreat into the Stillness of our Being so we can later recover our balance and reconnect with others. Transmutation is the capacity to sense Sensations and Feelings and shift them at will. When we are expressing Life Energy, we are Transmuting it as we adjust our intentions to the intention of others.

Intellectually Creating A CNG

Let us tune in and synchronize our Thought field while checking in with our desire to share our self. Remember that our personal experience is in our mind and our shared experience is placed in the CNG. Tuning into our intellectual Truth provides us a guideline for understanding how others want to respond. By using our imagination, empowered by our Emotions, let us create a link between our mind and the mind of our partner, within a globe sixteen inches in front of our body. Using this energy, let us solidify the CNG by placing our energetic experience in this space. Let us invite others to join us in the CNG space. Here, we can sense others’ thoughts and emotions in depth. If we are overwhelmed, let us take a break and create some Solitude in our heart. Transformation occurs whenever we shift our perspective with another. This commonly occurs in the CNG because others can help us see things we are blind to.

Spatially Creating A CNG

Using our heart’s awareness, particularly empowered by our Emotions and Feelings, let us check in with our capacity to be fully present to others. Using our surplus of heart energy, let us create a buffer zone sixteen to eighteen inches in front of us. In this CNG, imagine placing in it what we wish to share with others and inviting them to energetically do the same. Passion is the ability to respond to the authentic energy of others so that both of us are uplifted in this process. Using the exquisite sense of balance between our body and our mind let us find the center point that allows us to maintain our availability with others. Let us build a unified perspective where everyone can be honored and nothing is denied. Let us use Silence to clear the space of confusion whenever we become overwhelmed.  Let us be careful not to take on the problems of others by remembering to hold these issues in the CNG, rather than bring them into our personal space. This keeps us free to be supportive, while encouraging others to clarify and resolve their own issues. We do not want to get attached or try too hard to fix them, because this will, in fact, trap us. We are Transfigured (allowing us to see ourselves in new ways) through our interactions with others in a Common Neutral Ground.

Steps to Creating A CNG

The following steps are necessary to create a Common Neutral Ground. As this is an energetic practice, which helps us to be present to time and spatial differences, it is important that we begin with a balanced and complete experience of our self. When we create a Common Neutral Ground, it is for a fixed duration, meaning we need to initiate it and then close it when we are finished. Otherwise, it will actually energetically drain us, after we leave our partner’s physical space.

1. Build a relationship with our Self and Unify Our Energy

The key is to call in any and all universal support to help us establish a domain where we experience our connection to the universe. Using some of this universal energy let us combine our physical, intellectual and emotional frameworks to channel energy into our own heart. Some individuals imagine letting go of all physical tension and syncing up with themselves through their heartbeat or their breath. Now, let us imagine creating a separate boundary or net of protection approximately 9–14 inches around our body. In this field, let us determine what energy (physical, emotional or mental) we have available to create the Common Neutral Ground. It is important to know that if we are tired we may not have enough excess and available energy to create a separate CNG. If we do not have the energy to create a CNG, we will open ourselves up and increase the enmeshment we experience. However, if we do, let us proceed to Step 2.

With a Disarming Defense Style, we are particularly susceptible when we do not centralize our energy within ourselves. Instead, it is easy for us to go into unconscious merging, especially with our best friends and romantic partners, and then feel blindsided when others do not interpret reality in the same way we do. We need to step beyond our defensive preconceptions to first affirm ourselves as a Creative Being and begin to accept that we have choices that we can make in any situation. Instead of falling into the trap of trying to meet others’ expectations, we need to break out of these limited ways of thinking about ourselves and ask, “What do we need?” and “What is the best way to fulfill our needs?” This type of questioning process is a key developmental step in individuating ourselves and while it can be uncomfortable, it is critical to becoming a fully formed human being. It is also likely that as Disarming Defense Style individuals we need emphasis in this area, even if many of us have completed our individuation process. This is because, as a means to protect ourselves, we Disarming Defense style individuals try to contain others, rather than focus on ourselves.

2. Choose Consciously To Build A CNG Separate From Our Own Space

With the energy available let us create, via a tendril of our heart’s energy, another separate sphere of energy we call the Common Neutral Ground, which we can visualize anywhere outside of our energetic field. Usually, we select a space between ourselves and the individual we are engaging. We make sure the tendril of heart energy is anchored simultaneously in the Common Neutral Ground and also within our heart. Initially, it can mirror our heart’s creative energy, patterns and interests. When it is well established and stable, let us direct our attention to inviting the person’s energy we are working with into the CNG space. We can do this silently, or we can physically talk to our partner about having an intention about how we want to work together in this moment. We will now be able to discern the difference between our own, personal space, anchored within our heart, and the shared CNG space, which contains both our energy and the other person’s energy. The most difficult aspect of this initially, is to be able to differentiate between our personal space and the relationship space. Some people also find it difficult to maintain a simultaneous awareness of both spaces without merging the two. When we can keep them separate, yet connected, it provides us insights about our perspectives, conflicts and options because we will know the source of our impulses.

Co-Dependence is the natural enemy of the CNG. If we cannot differentiate our space from the relationship space, then we end up taking on our partners’ issues, problems and aspirations as if they are our own. Some of us become so mixed up and confused that we find ourselves thinking we want things that we actually do not want. Others get trapped in believing things that are not true for us. What we are learning at this stage is who we are not. Unfortunately, this does not help to affirm who we are, and therefore we act out our Defenses because we do not know any better. More than others, we Dynamic Defense Style individuals get caught in the illusion that our Defense is who we are. We have a hard time recognizing when others are trying to support us. We fall into the false belief that independence is autonomy. Autonomy is actually the result of expressing our Truth and having others accept that truth as our Truth. This rarely happens when we are in Defensive, Co-Dependent relationships with partners, as we never want to accept the validity of our perceptions. Until we can honor others’ Truth and respect them for their perspective, why would we expect them to do the same for us?

3. With Practice, We Can Simultaneously Be Present In Our Personal Space And In The CNG

Our capacity to hold a CNG depends on our faculty of consciously engaging others in the CNG, while at the same time being tuned into our Self. If we lose connection with ourselves, our Autonomy will be compromised and it is likely we will crash and burn. This occurs when we do not monitor our personal energy or do not take breaks when needed to recover our Self. It is also possible to lose our balance when looking into our partner’s eyes because we can short circuit the CNG when this energy is strong. We can re-stabilize our CNG by recycling the eye energy back down into our heart and then cycling it back into the CNG space. The key is to imagine energy moving in this manner. This is because energy follows Thought. Now let us carefully monitor our connection with the other individual by anchoring a part of ourselves in the Common Neutral Ground and imagining speaking from it.

Developing Intimacy is the result of accepting ourselves as we are. The more we have to hide who we are, the less Intimacy we experience. Intimacy is the capacity to share ourselves and engage others, holding the possibility that there is a way of being with each other that would be mutually satisfying. Learning how to customize our connections with others is one of the most joyful ways we grow in relationships. Unfortunately, many people try to structure relationships so that only a few options are available, which severely limits the possibility for Intimacy. We Disarming Defense Style individuals have an extraordinary capacity to adapt to others, yet, we often get caught up in trying to manage relationships to minimize the downside, rather than maximizing the upside. We think our Defense structures will protect us, when actually they only limit our ability to be seen and appreciated. Intimacy is the capacity to be ourselves, and because we are tuned into our own Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and Intuition) we can easily read the Modalities of others through the CNG space. This makes it easy to know how to support our partner without burdening them or ourselves. Some of us, particularly when we are intimate with another individual, can use a light, energetic touch, on the outer personal space of our partner to identify whether or not our partner is available to us or not at any particular time. This is a natural skill that evolves by doing CNG.

4. When Our Partner Sees Us, They Also See Where We Can Go Or Who We Can Be

If we have a great relationship with an individual and we have permission to energetically connect with them, we can establish a tendril of energy from our heart to the space 10–12 inches in front of their heart so we can tell when they are present with us and when they are not. This additional connection can only be made with people we are intimate with. It is usually made as a result of an agreement to hold the CNG space of the relationship even when our partner cannot be present. This permits the relationship to maintain its purpose and function, even if one of the partners goes unconscious. It actually facilitates our partner coming back into sync with us quickly. This empowers us to be more Co-Creative and use the CNG space as a platform for making new proposals to our partners. When we are not worried about what our partner thinks about us, it opens up the door to great humor, and discussions about irony and paradox that challenge us in new ways. We also become very clear about how to use the strengths of our partner to expand our mutual desires.

Co-Creativity makes it possible to fulfill our individual and mutual needs easily. This allows us to invest all of the previous energy spent on conflicts in exploring new ways to engage life. This is how a CNG allows us to fulfill our personality development process so that our Transpersonal development becomes activated. We become more actualized in our Creative Expression and feel more empowered to follow our own path. Ironically, our partners greatly facilitate us being able to get our core conflicts and present them back to us. This is called re-creating our experiences. It clears out space so we can see ourselves in a much larger context. This enables us to pinpoint where we want to take action versus doing nothing, hoping that everything will get better. Having some synergy with our partners around our Authentic Life Expression also contributes greatly to the expansion of the CNG space. The more aligned we are, the more our similarities bond us and the differences challenge us to find ways to make it work as a team.

Holding The Space Of The Relationship Under Challenging Conditions

The purpose of the CNG space is to facilitate our interactions by recognizing what we have in common and using these things as a foundation for engagement. It is important that we never violate the autonomy or independent will of our partner. If this should occur, the trust in the CNG will be greatly compromised, resulting in and requiring a resetting of the creative connection. The main reason to be in relationship is to be supported in our growth through our partner’s ability to see possibilities for us that we deny in ourselves. The core value of a CNG is to be able to come up with new options, which motivate the members of the CNG to fully participate. In this way we turn creative tension into Mutual Accomplishment. The promise of relationships is greatly facilitated and fulfilled by having a good CNG. The goal, therefore, is to more effectively re-create our partner’s experience so they get more clearly who they are and are inspired to fully step into their possibilities.

While most people invest in the CNG because they seek to minimize conflict with their partners, the real opportunity is to maximize our Connection, Communication, Co-Measurement and Communion. This occurs naturally when we are integrated within our different Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and Intuition). Only when we have our full experiential range established without repression in any of these areas, does it open the door to greater and more conscious integration on a Creative Level with others. We can see this in the expansion of Pleasure because we can embrace both the inner and outer Beauty of our partner and accept our Truth as complemented by their Truth so that there is a greater Goodness that emerges between both of us. The sharing of Power is also greatly enhanced because we can see how to amplify our mutual efforts in terms of Intent, Content and Context. Finally, through the expression of mutual Passion, there is an expansion in the expression of Life, Light and Love energies, which allow us to experience the differences and similarities in our relationship as a contribution to each other,

A Note On Our Exploration

The process of becoming more conscious is usually a long and difficult one. This document is meant to accelerate our development by presenting the patterns and processes of relationship growth in a compressed timeframe. To facilitate this discussion, each level will also be identified by a name that reflects our consciousness in relationship processes. It requires individuals to be able to affirm their own truth and not personalize the issues being discussed. If this seems daunting, perhaps it is not the time to consider this discussion. It usually takes individuals months to process the layers and levels we are engaging.

Even if we have a lot of experience in relationships, we still need to go through our experiences and recognize the patterns in our past so we no longer have to repeat them. It takes a lot of fortitude to reset our current relationship patterns so we can put our past lessons in the past. Otherwise, we just carry forward old experiences and try to fit new partners into our old shoes. If this does not turn you off, then it is time to proceed, knowing that you will not be able to forget what you are about to learn.  Each level of consciousness has different subtexts and is driven by different principles. While it is extremely powerful to know these principles, it requires a willingness to reconsider our actions, thoughts and motivations. If you are delighted by this possibility, then you are on the right path and this process may contribute to it. 

This document can be considered a condensed summary of the website. It details how we grow from instinctive to intellectual, to idealized, and finally, intuitive relationships. In this layered approach, we need to master the basic lessons before we can get to more sophisticated relationship issues. Many individuals are primarily focused on one layer of this process. Sometimes, our partners may not be complete a level before they attempt to explore the next one. This creates even greater confusion and ends up attracting partners working with multiple levels. The important thing to realize is that, at its core, each level has a fundamental duality that needs to be resolved, allowing us to complete the next one. This means we cannot advance very far without first resolving previous levels.

Some of these lessons will become apparent because we will recognize them in our life. In some circumstances, we could have simultaneous relationships with various people while operating on different levels. Every relationship is a combination of our mutual lessons, which we may or may not be able to address with each other. We have to find a common framework to work out the issues in a relationship, which usually means that someone has to diminish their light and their approach in order to make it accessible to their partner. What we want to do is minimize, or even eliminate, all compromise.

Autonomy, Intimacy and Co-Creativity are the primary Skills that empower us to be in conscious, Co-Creative relationships. When we know who we are, both on a body and mind level, and can integrate the experience of these two, then we know how to speak for ourselves. The big opportunity is to be able to speak our truth harmlessly with others, so they can hear us. This requires us to stop dumping our Emotions, particularly our anger or frustration upon others. Instead, we need to learn that when we are upset, we need to process and find a mid point or place where we can be neutral before we share our experiences. Individuals who need to do emotional dumping to get more balanced end up minimizing their ability to create solutions within themselves. In short, they do not develop the internal integrity they need to be accountable to the circumstances around them. Some people would say that this means we cannot trust ourselves to do the right thing.

We have a name for each level of relationship:  1) Instinctive relationships are called Unconscious Entanglements; 2) Intellectual relationships are called Status Quo Contracts; 3) Idealized relationships are called Partners in Process; and 4) Intuitive relationships are called Co-Creative Partnerships. When we talk about these levels, we commonly discuss not only what is happening on this level, but also how it is combined with previous levels. Every individual begins with relationships on the Instinctive Level and then builds from that point. A lot of us, because of the choices we make, can get involved with a partner at a certain level, keeping us from moving forward. It would be a great opportunity to learn these lessons in cooperation with a partner, making it possible to work through these issues together. Of course, this is entirely dependent on being able to choose a partner who is more creatively aligned with us. What we will learn in this document is how to engage the processes of relationships in an effective way, while developing a greater sense of our own Creative Nature. We recommend that you start building a foundation about who you are in relationship to your Primary Creative Expression. For some of you, this will entail getting a Mini-Creative Assessment.

We grow in relationships by expanding the dimensions in which we experience others. Higher Alignment cannot teach us how to be more conscious by merely talking about behaviors, motivations, perspectives and outcomes. Instead, each relationship circumstance is its own paradigm or morphogenic field that is itself a learning environment. Since we learn by exploration and trial-and-error experimentation, all or our relationship opportunities could be different. Initially, they are mostly the same as we interact through different roles. As our Personalities develop, we seek to differentiate ourselves from others creating a focus on differences. It is not until we start to learn about conscious relationships that we start to unify our experiences, standardizing how we respond to people in our world. The problem with this is that others may not have our same perspective, which can limit our ability to respond and resonate with each other.

What empowers us in a CNG is to be able to create new possibilities with each other. There are twelve Skills: Aliveness, Wisdom, Growth, Playfulness, Personality Detachment, Personal Autonomy, Paradox, Intuitive Discrimination, Intimacy, Mutual Learning, Physical Discernment, and Co-Creativity that enhance the CNG. This is because Skills require the mutual recognition of an opportunity with your partner to positively impact a relationship. We like to say that Skills influence us to show up at our best.

We propose that there are seven basic frameworks, or maps, that can be distinguished in our growth of relationships. The following document outlines these seven levels and discusses how a CNG helps us to make shifts within these frameworks so that we can see something more. This is not to say that everyone will fit every framework, or suggest that there is only one right path to becoming more conscious about relationships. In short, the map is not the territory. Despite this, many of us will find ourselves recognizing the signposts along the way. Each level is a platform with its own way of thinking and relating to others.

Within each level we have different stressors that can override our options and reduce our capabilities. Any crisis, trauma or personal shock could be enough to temporarily reduce our capabilities. We can also be attached to previous practices on a lower level that will initially make it difficult to determine our state of relationship embodiment. We will also provide short discussions about some of the critical Compatibility Factors that are important on each of these levels so that we become able to start acknowledging what makes us unique. A case study will complete each level. Finally, we will provide links to many of our different websites so that more information can be provided if you so wish.

When we have a Co-Creative Partner, it is possible to facilitate our process by establishing common Intent, Content and Context. The level of relationship can also identify how we consciously connect with a partner and the nature of our partnership. We call Level 5 relationship Transpersonal Alignment, here we consciously choose partners that will facilitate our direction. We call Level 6 relationships Consensus Creation, this is about learning to make decisions together that are not dependent on compromise. We call Level 7 relationships World Service opportunities because it is where everything comes together and we have optimized our relationships for their full creative expression. A CNG is naturally developed at Level 4, allowing the additional levels to be expansions and new ways to actually use the CNG. Level 4 is the Personality Integration stage where we accept our authentic Creative Nature, made up of three Creative Expressions, each with seven options about how we contribute to the world. Better possibilities are created when we integrate these patterns and follow our natural path.

Currently, most of us choose partners for the wrong reasons. We let our biases, fears, unconscious needs and transitory desires influence our choices. We do not possess a clear and conscious understanding about what would determine our best choices. As a result, we consistently choose partners who are the most difficult. We recently did an analysis of several thousand individuals who came to us wanting to make better relationship choices. We concluded that you have a better chance of choosing a good partner by randomly choosing people on the street than actually choosing them based on your attractions and history. This is because most people choose partners based on parental patterns or an opposite attraction framework. This parental pattern issue also occurs when we choose to work in organizations; often our bosses mirror our parental patterns as well. This creates a distorted view where no one seems to get us.

This document will address how to attract better partners. It requires us to become conscious about how the layers of Defenses, Pretenses, and Imprinting distort our choices. Beneath these distortions is who we are as natural creative beings. The first three levels in CNG help us to ‘see’ ourselves in order to attract partners that can see us. At each subsequent level, we become more clear about what motivates us, which in turn shows us what motivates others. In the first three levels we learn how to respect, esteem and love who we are by unpeeling and deconstructing the coping mechanisms of our past. At the fourth level, we fully accept our creativity, and acknowledge that we have to treat partners with equality in order to receive and benefit from their love. The last three levels are about empowering ourselves to make a contribution in the world. They are a roadmap to attracting Constituents that will support our Authentic Life Expression. This is how we come to externalize all the lessons we have learned.

Intent, Content, Context

The principles behind CNG are Intent, Content and Context. With Intent, we see beyond conditioning and take action in alignment with our knowing. With complete Content, we avoid getting trapped in limited Defensive Positions so we are open to explore new options. With Context, we neutralize our superficial Idealizations of what we want. This requires engaging the real needs of others outside of our self. With Context, we see beyond ourselves and take others into account to create a larger common good.  This Transpersonal desire to operate with greater harmony is the result of the natural development of our consciousness. In a CNG, Intent can be simplified to Energy, Content into Time, and Context into spatial experience (Space). In this way, an effective CNG is the productive management of our Energy, Time and Space because it minimizes the reactions of partners when they feel attached, positioned or projected upon. If we cease to be reactive with others, they can return the favor. The CNG is an ideal way to create balance in these three areas. On a personal level, we can see this as balancing our Energy with theirs, our Time with theirs, and our Space with theirs. When we do this, there are no reactive conflicts.

There are three elements to developing ourselves as conscious human beings: Intent, Content and Context. Some individuals are stronger in Intent than Content or Context. Others are stronger in Content, and do not know what to do with Intent and Context. Context is usually developed slowly as a response to the way others treat us. Generally, we attempt to develop some Intent, Content and then Context. The first three steps in embodying a CNG require that we consciously integrate these three elements so our consciousness can expand. Intent is the ability to take ownership of our physical body, to both direct and fulfill the body’s intentions to express our life energy. Content reflects our ability to internalize our knowing by understanding the options and consequences of every activity. It is about learning principles, patterns, and life lessons. Context is the ability to locate our Self as a creative human being within our body-mind system in order to develop relationships—both inner and outer—with everyone we interact with. 

One of the reasons individuals tend to get lost and cannot identify which of these three levels is predominant at any one time, is that they have not stabilized themselves, or have not gotten traction in any of these areas. In this circumstance, we appear scattered and unable to focus on any one thing. We develop the false perception that nothing will change the overall issues. Intent is usually considered more unconscious, but this is because we are unaware of how our inner experiences or Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts) can reflect our internal integrity. As we become more conscious about Intent, we find that every atom has Intent and that these atoms coalesce into our body systems that further amplify their intent. This provides a base for us to use our senses to examine the energetic properties and our body states and those of others. Individuals who are Implementers or Act-First in their Communication Process tend to sense Intent more directly and are able to trust their body awareness. Ultimately, we are seeking a way to align our Personal Intent with Universal Intent. Until we accomplish this, we sometimes work at cross-purposes with the universe or compromise ourselves through mixed messages causing difficulties.

Content is about understanding universal cause and effect. It is about expanding our range of choices by understanding how things will likely unfold. While Intent is initially about safety, Content is about security. At this point, we end up trying to contain or direct our choices in ways that seem most rewarding. The more fixated we are on the outcomes, the less range we see. The more able to relax and operate in Solitude, the more likely we are aware of greater possibilities and options.  We see this the most in Investigators or Think-First individuals in their Communication Process. Content is frequently believed to be about paying attention to the details. In this case, little changes can have profound impacts, especially when they are unchecked. We need to learn how to detach from the immediate circumstance in order to consider more options. Investigation into deeper content inevitably takes us into greater levels of complexity. Sometimes this leads to analysis-paralysis. The trick is to use time to consider the layers and levels to make decisions on a systematic basis. Otherwise, we don’t know how to scale issues in terms of priority or importance.

Context determines how we relate to a person, place or thing. Since we connect things together through our thoughts, we are the prime mover in our thoughts. Our creative spark emerges in certain circumstances when we see the solution or understand a complex puzzle. Many of us have the ability to experience and build our thought-forms so that they attract universal support. We see this in Compassionates or Feel-First individuals in their Communication Process. Context is a space of empowerment. It creates energetic fields so that we can manage our various Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Thoughts, Emotions, Intuitions) to produce the results we want. We become responsible for our own creative well-being as we realize we have the power to interpret our reality in a way that can serve us. Eventually, we also become responsible for balancing or uplifting the fields of people around us. Until we have mastered Context, these interactions are unpredictable and non-aligned.

Context helps us focus first on the Instinctive level, then the Intellectual and Idealized levels, until finally, we can operate in a conscious and unified manner on the Intuitive level. The more Intent, Content and Context we can consciously muster, the more we control our Life, Light and Love energies. Life energy supports us in maximizing our Intent so we can connect to the universe around us. If we are not aligned in this process, we are actually sabotaging our Intent, or Life Purpose. The more we feel our Life energy, the easier it is to tell when we are ready and able to connect consciously with others. Light energy is a reflection of our Wisdom and Content. To the degree that we can register what is going on around us and relate it to what is going on internally, we have a capacity not only to act, but also to do things that benefit ourselves and others. Love energy is the result of being of service and aligning with our Creative Nature or Context. The more we are connected to this aspect of ourselves, the more others can trust us as a Co-Creator.

Relationships amplify our growth by promoting lessons where we learn to accept Intent, Content and Context to fulfill needs. The more embodied we are in these three areas, the greater ownership, power and responsibility we experience with others. The less we are anchored in Intent, Content and Context and cannot express our Beauty, Truth and Goodness, the less embodied and responsive we will be as partners. There are seven states of conscious relationship embodiment:

  1. Personal Intent —a commitment to engage the things in our lives as if they matter, even when their meaning is confusing. What we focus on is the importance of doing what we say we will do and making sure others do not ascribe motivations for us that are not true. We want to be taken at face value and honored for our choices, even if they are difficult to make. One of the problems at this stage is that we get attached to appearances and fitting in so that no one makes us a scapegoat. The more Aliveness we manifest, the more embodied we are. The more Excitement, the less we are tuned in.

  2. Personal Content – a commitment to engage the meaning of our lives and apply it to understanding the cause and effect relationships around us. We begin to see the dualities in our choices and feel compelled to take positions about what we think is true. This creates polarized interactions where we learn to get comfortable with a lack of agreement. We seek to learn more about the underlying factors driving relationship choices. This encourages us to try to find patterns that would allow us to be successful without having to do much. The more Wisdom we manifest, the more embodied we are. The more Intensity we express, the more our inner conflicts distract us from finding answers.

  3. Personal Context – a commitment to engage larger possibilities because we have seen the error of limiting our choices. We want greater equality in our relationships so we do not have to be responsible for our partner. The answer requires us to become more creative and to encourage our partner to become more creative. This leads to more open relationships where we do not predefine our interactions. It also drives us to begin to make more conscious choices about what works for us. The more Awareness we manifest, the more embodied we are. The more Anxiety we express, the more our internal comparisons distract us from our expression of goodness.

  4. Integrating Intent, Content and Context – a commitment to creatively embody our own Creative Nature. This means that we define ourselves in our own terms, not the terms that society defines as possibilities. It requires that we release our Imprinting, Pretenses, Defenses and Distortions so we can affirm our Authentic Nature without apologies. We then attract individuals with greater creative power and grace. The main indicator of this is that we become trustworthy to those who can Respect, Esteem and Love themselves and repulsive to those who cannot. This is because defensively distorted individuals cannot find a way to leverage or manipulate us.

  5. Transpersonal Context – a commitment to working with others to explore Co-Creative ways of mutual accomplishment. This requires making invitations to people who are balanced, and who can respond to those invitations in a direct way. The greater the integrity we possess, the more likely it is that we will attract people of integrity to us. We expand our ability to see ourselves and accept how others naturally create (even if it is different from our way). We seek the greater good and look for those who only engage win/win situations. The main indicator of this is Skillful Means, where individuals demonstrate a direct knowing of how to make things work.

  6. Transpersonal Content – a commitment to mutual decision-making that works for us because it works for others as well. This requires Unity thinking and the capacity to see and inter-relate Paradox. What we are seeking is greater consensus and a better understanding of the sources of any objections. This means that others around us share the decisions we make so that there is no unilateral decision-making. It also requires us to begin to understand the lessons of groups as well as our own separate lessons. We can then answer the question, to whom or what do we best serve? The primary indicator is Pregnant Duration, where we start with the premise that all problems have at their source a solution that will emerge given the right framework, timing and individuals committed to it.

  7. Universal Intent – a commitment to engage the universe directly by seeing everything that happens to us as a response to what we are contributing. Our objective is to do things in service to what is truly needed and not be limited to our own personal perspective. This requires that we go beyond our personal needs and look at the world as an opportunity to manifest Beauty, Truth and Goodness. The more we are committed to meeting this Intent, the more we are operating as an agent of the universe in fulfilling its Intent. The main indicator is Spacious Presence, where we allow ourselves to consciously show up and reflect back to others what we are seeing.

If we were to visualize the above seven levels of CNG embodiment, it would be a series of concentric circles with Personal Intent in the center and Universal Intent as the outer circle or globe that holds all the previous levels. In this visualization, we keep expanding our consciousness and taking ownership of each successive level of greater consciousness. The first three levels are how we get out of our own way in relationships. The fourth level is how we make the transition to embody ourselves as a Co-Creative being. The last three levels are how we manifest beyond our personal framework to connect in a Transpersonal way with others. This process happens to a greater or lesser degree if we are introverted versus extroverted, but it still requires us to learn these skills so that we can learn to be connected to the universe.

Establishing A Common Neutral Ground

We initially create a Common Neutral Ground by affirming our Life energies. We create a field around ourselves with integrity and autonomy. In effect, we create a relationship with ourselves when we affirm, just outside of our space, a Common Neutral Ground where we can see ourselves and reflect on our own process. For some of us, it may be a new experience to affirm our consciousness in this way. It may be that we are not as experienced in self-reflection, or not being completely attached to our experience. For these individuals, we need to practice affirming ourselves, while simultaneously distinguishing our Creative Nature from our reactive one. This establishes a clear intent to connect with someone else in a way that maintains inner balance. Otherwise, we get caught up in acting out our reactions at the cost of our Creative Nature.

When we have established an inner connection to ourselves and are present, we can naturally respond to others without difficulty. Using only energy that we have in abundance, we place it in the CNG and energetically invite others to connect with us. This allows others to connect to the CNG and not intrude into our personal space. They will do this automatically if we place enough energy in the CNG and place the CNG in front of us. Individuals instinctively seek out the most energetic space to connect. If we do not do this, they will connect to us into our body systems and violate our energy frameworks. This does not mean they are attempting to hurt us, but in their ignorance, they are seeking energetic reassurance that they are okay. What we need to do instead is to connect to them in the CNG and stabilize the relationship energetically. This allows us to distinguish our personal space from the CNG space while simultaneously maintaining the energy in both. Some individuals have difficulty either maintaining their own space, or the CNG space. If we have a Dynamic Defense style, our tendency will be to forget the CNG space. If we have a Disarming Defense style, our tendency will be to support the CNG space and forget our own personal space. If we have a Distant Defense style, it may be hard to simultaneously hold both spaces because we may be easily distracted. If we have a Disnamic Defense style, we should find no trouble holding both spaces; we just need to be steady and solid in each.

When we have a connection in the CNG, we need to learn how to energetically pay attention to what is going on in that space. Sometimes, we will be drawn into circumstances where one of us is sharing a difficult experience and our partner gets caught up in the story and forgets to hold the CNG. This is not recommended. Higher Alignment would suggest that we have empathy and connection by building a picture in the CNG along with all the Feelings, Emotions, Sensations, and Thoughts that are being conveyed. By doing this, we are helping to re-create the other person's initial experience, while consciously recognizing that we can open up the process by Transmuting, Transforming, and Transfiguring the basic elements. When this occurs, we temporarily lose connection with what is being said. It is like something ‘pops’ and the whole space feels different. This is the goal of a CNG where we share experiences for the purpose of revealing the underlying Lessons, Motives, Attractions, and even Relationship Skills.

This re-creation experience does not happen if we are not in touch with our own Intent, Content, and Context. Without this internal experience, we cannot reach outside of ourselves and support the conscious development of humankind. The more we have these three elements in abundance, the greater shifts others experience around us. We do not even need to tell them that we are creating a CNG. While they may become a little bit agitated at our capacity to hold Stillness, Solitude and Silence and not know what to do with our creative suggestions, the more they begin to question themselves, the more likely they can set themselves on a growth path. Growth opportunities for couples doing CNG are three to seven times more powerful than without a conscious basis for making these kinds of investigations. It is all a matter of practice.

Fasten Your Seatbelts

One of the main objectives of Higher Alignment is to develop a comprehensive assessment tool to identify Compatibility Factors between people. This technology, which we now call, not only works to identify the positive and negative impacts of different patterns in romantic relationships but also is quite effective in determining how business partners and teams will function as well. This technology enables us to predict the nature of compatibility issues so the problems that need to be resolved can be addressed up front. Our fifteen Compatibility Factors are also combined with twelve Motives, twelve Attractions and twelve Skills creating many different layers and levels, cross-referenced by differences and similarities. Any negative issues can be transformed into positive connections using Common Neutral Ground technology. We will discuss this technology so that you could adopt it if it aligns with your nature and serves your purposes.

The difference between our process and other personality assessment tools is that we screen out all the parental and societal imprinting influences so we can come up with a clear picture of who the individual is. Any time an individual fills out a questionnaire, their own imprinting biases goes into the way they answer questions. These biases affect the effectiveness of the assessment. For example a free Carl Jung Typology test can be found at that is a precursor of the Myer Briggs test, which can change over time as individuals shift into their natural way of being, or regress into their Imprinting. The three major environmental factors, Imprinting, Pretenses and Defenses, will also shift over time when individuals become more or less defined by their environment.

While assessment tools like the Enneagram is the best single dimension tool you can possibly find (giving you a lot of insight for time invested), it deals with many inner connections, both common and different, between individuals. Having this assessment being more wide-ranging has the downside of being more complex but the upside of being more powerful. It allows us to determine how each issue is impacting us, so we can adjust or modify our behavior based on our needs. Other tools, like the DISC assessment, attempts to be more open, but the tool itself is not as diversified in its scope. Our objective has always been to come up with an assessment process that explains differences between people that can be helpful in understanding how to better engage them.

This document is designed to be consciousness-raising. This means it will be repetitive in themes and saying things over in new ways so that people with different patterns can hear it at least one time in a way that is natural to them. Because each level has the same basic underlying theme, the best way we can demonstrate this is to show all the different ways we get trapped by the themes. We hope you will tolerate the circular ways we explore these patterns! It is important not to read this document for content only. The more we can put ourselves in the situations and engage Intent, or reflect upon the possibilities of the roads not travelled and build Context, the less important the Content will be. This is because words are a limited, linear communication framework. As we know from our classes, words are only a small part of how we become embodied to make new choices. While this document has grown large, it is in service of filling in the holes of our unconscious relationship frameworks so we can see ourselves on similar paths.

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