Instinctive Attractions

Sexy, Smart, and Reliable attractions can either be internalized or externalized. When internalized in our personality, our desire for others is often a substitute for not embodying or honoring the beauty in our selves. When externalized, we promote these attractions as end results that operate in a way that helps others see us, even if we do not see ourselves. It is important to recognize that each attraction has many different forms or expressions that can work for us. None are absolute or fixed unless we make them so. The less we embody the essence of each attraction, the more we are driven to capture this essence in the relationships we are in. For example, if we do not think we are smart, we work very hard to find a partner who seems smart in order to acknowledge us. It is these externalizations that become Attachments, which cover up or deny our internal experience in terms of our Sensations and Feelings. In this case, in the pursuit of looking Smart, we create an internal hole in our experience where we feel empty or discounted. The more we seek the externalized expression and acknowledgement of being Smart, the more we deny our inner experience of knowing what we are doing. Most of the time, this kind of internal denial is reinforced by negative fears and disowned desires about the availability of positive experiences.

We can also experience externalizing our instinctive attractions by talking about our feelings so we become more in tune with them. It is important to remember that our feelings are our in the moment experience which differentiates them from emotions which convey what has occurred through time. This means our feeling Smart can be the result of having others respect our Smarts and talking to us as if it made a difference to us. The same thing can be said for Sexiness because others appreciating our Beauty can make it easier for us to speak about it. Sensations on the other hand are the raw experience of us knowing that we are Smart, Sexy or Reliable. This internalized congruent experience is not questionable because it is more difficult to doubt ourselves when we have had the experience. Instead it shifts us into a state of knowing or being that allows us to become more conscious of our connections with others. Imagine experiencing in your gut how Smart, Sexy and Reliable you are. This might make it easier to talk about the experience with others.

In the diagram, we see how there are operational tradeoffs between being seen as sexy or smart. Most individuals make choices about where to invest in attractiveness based on our perceived strengths and weaknesses. It usually comes down to how much we want to invest vs. the potential benefits. We invest in sexiness through cosmetics, body products, clothes, and even cosmetic surgery. We invest in smarts through levels and the perceived quality of education, reading or writing books, joining professional organizations and even letters or commentary sent to the editors of newspapers. We invest in both sexy and smarts by posting pictures and our interests on social media sites such as Facebook. When we run into difficulties by either getting bored or overwhelmed by these two instinctive attractions, the third, more unified attraction, emerges: Reliability. This attraction integrates a degree of sexy and smarts to present the commodity that many individuals grow to respect: personal consistency and diligence. The highest instinctive attraction is finally revealed as having someone to count on.

Attractions As Reflections of Masculine/Feminine Identity

Attractions are commonly discussed using Gender Identity associations, in terms of masculine and feminine perspectives. Masculine energy is viewed as an active, assertive, direct pursuit of mastery over our environment. On the personality level, masculinity is seen as expansive, reflecting the Chinese expression of yang energy, which produces centrifugal (outward) motion. It symbolically represents the penis, or intent, and is linked to fire and air (father sky), concrete Thoughts and the sense of urgency that comes from attempting to manage time. At the level of the Creative Self, the masculine is concentrated and centralizes all activities, determining how to do more with less. Feminine energy, viewed as receptive and nurturing, is an indirect invitation to explore the mystery of our experience in an integrated manner. On a personality level, femininity is seen as contractive, reflecting the Chinese expression of yin energy, producing centripetal (inward) motion. Symbolically, the feminine represents the womb or context, which is why it is linked to (mother) earth and water Feelings/Emotions that are considered paradoxical, and inward spatial experiences (stimulated by moon cycles). At the level of the Creative Self, the feminine is inclusive and decentralizes all time-based responsibilities. It determines how to involve everyone in a way that maximizes growth.

The instinct toward procreation is traditionally anchored in Gender Identity roles where men operate as providers and women become the nurturers and child bearers in the relationship. Our instinctive awareness about attractions has only recently (in the last sixty years) transcended these limited Gender Identity fixations. This has occurred to the degree that we no longer envision ourselves only as providers and nurturers. Instead, these frameworks now represent only facets of our much larger creative expression, where more of our traditional masculine and feminine expressions are being challenged. Another framework that is dissolving is our association that men operate as intellectual/physical beings and women operate as feeling/intuitive beings. Old roles about men being more practical and women being more intuitive are gradually diminishing as we see how they have only reinforced safety and security projections on our partners. We now see many counter-examples of this pattern as both men and women have evolved beyond these superficial perceptions. This is because we are all more complex and layered in our current responses. Now we can appreciate that masculine and feminine qualities show up in different ways on instinctive, intellectual, and intuitive levels, in both men and women. We now are expanding these past expressions because our desire to live life fully and without reservation is coming to the fore.

Attractions support our universal drive toward synthesis and wholeness. As we have come to accept our orientation on intellectual, idealized and even intuitive levels, we find ourselves operating in either feminine or masculine ways, or both, at times contrary to our primary Gender Identity roles. This means that we have either masculine or feminine expressions on each of these higher levels. The importance of this distinction is that we seek partners who complement and reflect us in our multifaceted expressions. For example, a man operating intellectually in a feminine modality who idealizes his masculine identity while intuitively seeking Wisdom, will be attracted to a female (if heterosexual) who is intellectually operating in a masculine modality, who idealizes her feminine identity while intuitively seeking Aliveness.

Thus, the first principle of attraction is we seek partners who mirror or complement our masculine and feminine unbalances. The isolation of believing our Gender Identity is either masculine or feminine is the first major disconnect that attractions address. As the example above illustrates, we can be either more masculine or feminine on intellectual, idealistic, or intuitive levels. Each individual evolves by becoming more clear about what it takes to express themselves on Masculine and Feminine levels. Table 4: Gender Identity Growth demonstrates how, on each of these four levels, we accomplish this. Eventually, we begin to see that everyone is both masculine and feminine. The key to transcending the masculine/feminine duality is to see how, on each level, we can be both masculine and feminine.

The paradox is that the masculine and feminine are two sides of the same coin. The more we define ourselves as either, the more effort is needed to maintain our natural balance. On a physical level it could be the easiest because our gender identity is either masculine or feminine. Our masculine body is designed for short term bursts of activity, the feminine body is designed for long-term endurance and child bearing. All of the polarities are designed to guarantee that we need each other until we embody both our masculine and feminine. Then our choice to be with another is conscious and no longer biologically or psychologically driven. We typically measure and discuss personality attractions in terms of safety and security. When we need another to provide safety, security, or both, we are not yet complete in our gender identity development. As a result, our external, predefined attractions based on our own unbalance, keep us from being able to make unattached decisions. In effect our preexisting needs orient our choices in a way that we feel compelled to fulfill them. Living with these choices is the way we learn to be (or become) conscious.

We tend to associate patterns of masculinity and femininity with our physical gender, which can confuse us. As the above example demonstrates, we seek complements to our masculine or feminine polarity for each level that we are embodying. Usually this means that, beyond our physical gender, we are operating to some degree on an intellectual, idealized, or intuitive level in either the masculine or feminine on each of these levels. Our Gender Identity development occurs first on the instinctive level by developing the “me.” The “me” is our safety programming who attempts to overcome our fears. We then develop on the intellectual level the “I” which is our security programming that seeks to fulfill our desires. Finally, we develop the “we” that is our transpersonal orientation to facilitate our interconnection with others. These are the three primary frameworks that the personality uses to support our growth until we learn to express our Creative Self. As we come to accept our ability to creatively contribute, we manifest our “Being.”

All growth can be defined by the polarities of feminine and masculine perspectives. As we become more conscious of our internal processes, we are able to separate ourselves from our instinctive behaviors, our Thoughts, and our ideals. Until we embody ourselves on a particular level, it is hard to be aware of how that level defines and drives us. The key to successfully developing our Gender Identity is to identify the lessons required to embody the next level of growth. At each level, attractions indicate where we are over-identified and stuck. On the instinctive level our masculine (provider) or feminine (nurturer) identifications to our Gender Identity attract our complement. On the intellectual level our masculine or feminine positions to our Defensive Identity attract the opposite to maximize our security. On the idealized level our masculine and feminine ideals attract individuals who want to grow in similar ways. The more we embody one side (either masculine or feminine) the greater the perceived need for our complement. This is why the more stuck and fixed we become in our Gender Identity perspectives, the more we naturally attract one equally struck in an opposing perspective. When we limit our growth, we become more possessive, defensive, and idealistic. Initially we need to find ways to mirror the needs of our partner to make our first impressions real. We accomplish this by testing the responsiveness of our partner to various needs. We emphasize our

ability to fulfill whatever needs they declare. Gender Identity Growth is the testing matrix for affirming that our partners can fulfill our attractions. What we seek to reflect is our ability to see their needs and raise their expectation by our differences and depth. We want everyone to know our capability to see what is needed and provide it. The whole process is to expand our sense of self so we can be more responsive in the world. The climb up this table requires that we accept our sexual nature, define our needs and desires, and see how we can contribute to the world. We need to first demonstrate that we are serious about our commitment to be partners. We evaluate our partners in terms of Autonomy and Intimacy. This opens up negotiations where our self-respect and self-esteem is tested and enhanced. It is not until we no longer seek or need the respect and esteem of others that we can actually honor the esteem and respect of others. This is when we develop mutual respect and esteem so that Co-Creativity can be manifest in all of our relationships. When we grow beyond dualistic perspectives, and embrace both our masculine and feminine sides, our conscious attractions help us to participate and fully contribute to the world. We then attract partners who are able to Co-Create consciously with us. Table 4 highlights the expectations for our partner and us as we take greater responsibility for our life. On the highest level, we both respect and esteem our Self, which permits us to bring out the best in others.

Introduction To Transmutation

We create a sense of safety by engaging a more balanced perspective regarding our Gender Identity. Transmutation is the process of consciously engaging our Sensations and Feelings so they become a conscious expression of affinity. Whenever we deny or discount our Sensations or Feelings we become out of balance and therefore seek out others who oppositely unbalanced. Simply stated, If we deny Sensations, we seek out partners who express Sensations.  If we deny the expression of Feelings, we seek out partners who deny the expression of Feelings. In this way, we define ourselves in a series of complementary needs where we provide what our partner denies to their self. Transformation is the capacity to balance ourselves so that we attract balanced, fully autonomous partner candidates. When this occurs a natural Cellular Affinity helps to bond us. 

Reliability teaches us to operate within a set of expectations of our partner so there is greater harmony in our interactions. It creates a false sense of safety by clarifying the exchanges between individuals. It also helps us to connect with them because we are not attached to these Instinctive attractions as much. As a result, we begin to engage Intellectual and Idealistic attractions more. This mean the gender role-playing typically used between the sexes becomes more clarified (either working together or not) so that there is a greater trust that each partner sees each other’s needs. The key shift that occurs is that it is not about fixing our partner to get them to go along with us, but how can we work together without losing ourselves in a co-dependent pattern. This is called Transmutation.

Having complementary expectations that we can work together without gender identity conflict or opposition also builds a sense of mutual sense of safety so that things wanted by both partners come to pass. Otherwise, our gender identity differences continue to be a way we leverage each other and the war between the sexes continues. Typically, women are seen as having greater leverage using sexiness as an attraction, while men leverage their smarts. This is because when Objectification prevails, women have more power on this level. When we shift from Objectification to Transmutation of Objectification, men need to step up to be greater leaders and to hold space for their partners. In recent times we have seen more shifts regarding the leveraging of expectations so that women also leverage smarts and men can leverage sexiness. When men become players (and even expect the women to pay their bills) and women become non-players (by using their smarts to quickly discount potential partners) we see their sexiness vs. smarts occur in a whole new way. This all indicates that we are still operating with Objectification patterns with the opposite gender.

Engaging Cellular Affinity is how we promote Transmutation. This is where we bring together Sensations and Feelings in a conscious manner to eliminate our addictions. Since all addictions reflect imbalances between Sensations and Feelings, when we transmute these imbalances it helps us to see the larger picture of attractions. Otherwise, these imbalances keep us stuck and attached to the appearance of our partners without allowing us to grow. Before the unification of our Sensations and Feelings, we are caught up believing that our outer appearances matter. After transmutation, we are more open to seeing the inner Beauty and it usually takes precedence over outer appearance. This does not mean we do not appreciate outer Beauty, but the inner quality of someone is so much more important when choosing long term partners.

Ultimately, we come to realize that manipulating our senses does not effectively create what we want. The more we are caught up in unconscious attractions the more we reinforce certain senses (at the cost of others) to attempt to maintain our attraction. These distractions only distort our true attractions to Beauty, Truth, and Goodness. The more we attempt to manipulate, control or limit our attractions, the more they become entrenched in Excitement, Intensity, or Repulsion. We lack the capacity to transmute, transform and transfigure our unconscious attractions into conscious ones. Actually, we can only limit our response to our attractions, which will only delay their full manifestation. In this situation we feel trapped by our attractions without any choices. We do not see how fixating on sensory feedback loops actually reduces our experience of choice. This occurs because the unconscious substitutes (Excitement, Intensity, and Repulsion) deny Beauty and Life (Aliveness), Truth and Light (Wisdom) or Goodness and Love (Awareness) respectively.

It is the perspective of Higher Alignment that neutralizing these sensory issues will make possible clairaudience, clairvoyance, and telepathy. Clairaudience is the ability to hear internally beyond localized means. Many clairaudient people are able to hear the Voice of the Universe by being tuned into their own divinity. This is called the Music of the Spheres or the Silence of Realization in different spiritual frameworks. This process begins by being able to perceive the motivations behind any voice and expands when we can hear the inner experience of an outer beauty. This multi-modal perceptual framework is only available when we have let go of our attachments to our outer senses. Clairvoyance is the ability to see energy beyond physical means. Many clairvoyant people are able to perceive the Life, Light, and Love energies behind physical manifestations. This process begins by being able to perceive when others are not speaking their Truth and rapidly expands when we can see the coherence of a person as they speak. In such situations, we are able to tune into images and symbols and make connections that are not apparent to the person speaking them. Telepathy reflects a balancing of our masculine and feminine energies where we are able (through the process of Communion) to align our Thoughts. This process requires that both partners experience personality detachment (where we know we are not our Thoughts, Emotions/Feelings or behavior). The ability to see ourselves as a creative being behind these expressions is critical to being able to convey these expressions telepathically. These capabilities are just one reflection of the inner creative powers that will emerge as we engage life in a more conscious manner.

To the degree we are present with our Intent or intentions (seeing the cause/effect correspondence between the life energy we contribute and receive), honor our Content or self knowledge (understand our lesson and how it may relate to others) and operate from a Context of Love (facilitating the unfolding energetic nature of the universe), all of our attractions will lead to a fulfilling life expression. The limitations we experience (in the form of unconscious attractions) reflect our inability to accept and integrate our Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts. Many of us have been so hurt by the judgments of others that we have adopted the same tactics (of judging others) to protect ourselves.

Since the way we hold and reflect upon our experience creates our unconscious attractions, we can identify our experiential repressions by the substitute attractions we manifest. Excitement, animalistic sexual chemistry, or titillation indicates we are denying either our Sensations or Feelings of both. Intensity, opposite attraction defensive chemistry and fixation on outer success indicates that we are denying our Emotions or Thoughts or both. Repulsion (becoming clear what does not work for us) individuals with similar ideals, and a common attachment to the principle of perfection, indicates that we are denying our Feelings or Emotions or both. Excitement is the opposite of Aliveness and therefore distorts Beauty by objectifying it. Intensity is the opposite of Wisdom and therefore distorts Truth by subjectifying (defining our Truth in another’s terms) it. Repulsion is the opposite of Awareness and therefore distorts Goodness by idealizing it. Aliveness is the integration of our Sensations and Feelings, producing playful Body Wisdom. Overall Wisdom is initially the integration of Emotions and Thoughts, producing Passion and Paradox as we continually engage the process of learning. Awareness is the integration of our Feelings and Emotions, producing Intuitive Knowing (symbols, correspondences, patterns) and Straight Knowledge (knowing without objective thought).

At the core of Excitement is the ignorance and negativity that we can possess something or someone to expand our sense of safety. When we define our self in terms of fear, we limit our attractions to the domain of Maya where appearances rule. We fixate our certain outer senses and live in a fantasy world of others wanting us. We use smell, auditory and visual senses to affirm what we want and ignore what we do not. When we are denying our physical/feeling creative nature, we believe that we need to adapt to others to keep them interested in us. While we use pleasure to connect to our self, it is never enough when we need to go though others to get it. Let us learn to tune into our inner being so we are not hostage to our attractions to others. When we can be present with our Sensations and Feelings simultaneously, our Aliveness is translated into Cellular Affinity, where what resonates with us is naturally attracted to us. Cellular Affinity recognizes that what is ours cannot be denied and what is not, cannot be actually be received and held. The experience of possession is therefore just of projection that reflects our inability to accept and possess our self. Any attachment to appearance sabotages this energetic reality.

The feeling of Excitement tells us we have chosen a partner who mirrors our opposite gender parent (if we are heterosexual) or the same gender parent (if we are gay or lesbian). What we believe we need is a partner that can right the previous disconnections by unconsciously merging with us. Excitement is an isolated, fearful state of awareness where we feel compelled to pursue pleasure. This is amplified to the degree we deny pleasure in our daily life. The fear underlying our choice of parental substitutes needs to be constantly ignored to gain the promise of pleasure. The degree to which we can repress our fear of future pain and focus on our desire for pleasure is the same degree we are able to dissociate from our current reality using Excitement. It becomes easy to deny any pain in the rush of hormones. Excitement amplifies the need for genital-to-genital contact, confirmed by the presence of pheromones, where common expectations and pleasing smells confirm the attraction. Excitement is not, in itself, problematic unless it is the predominant way we connect with another.

We recognize we are operating at this level when we believe we have to compromise our natural creativity to be accepted by our partner. We can see this most in our role-playing and caretaking reassurance behavior. Our denial of our resentment and pain (at having to compromise our creativity) generates the scarcity of pleasure, driving us to externalize the pursuit of pleasure with others to distract us. It is also common to identify our self as seeking sexual chemistry, because the primary motivation is to achieve either physical or emotional closeness that we deny ourselves when acting in a compromised manner. We find ourselves vacillating between needing physical closeness (to ground us), and emotional closeness or a feeling of connection (to nurture us). Usually we express this connection with others by nurturing or providing for them. The challenge is that our partners either seem to change over time, or it becomes clear they are not what we expected them to be, making our choices temporary at best. This is why we seek constant reassurance of our attractiveness to our partners.

The Instinctive level is closely connected with the third level, that of Idealization, because of our need to be accepted by others. This is because both of these levels are more feminine and reflect comprises in our ability to share our Feelings. We typically become attached to the physical characteristics and appearance of another because of our internal past associations with safety. For example, a man could be attracted to women of a particular type because of previous experiences with individuals with the same characteristics who prove to be loyal and committed to his intentions. Over time, these characteristics become the default standard he employs in initially screening relationship candidates. In effect, he is projecting his belief that these characteristics will produce certain types of responses in him. In this way, he can live more in a fantasy about who the other person is, as long as his partner does nothing to directly confront him about this. Our attractions are unconscious at this level because we are submerged in the process of objectifying our partners while also denying them.

The more we rely on physical characteristics to motivate our response, the more we open ourselves to being objectified in return. We commonly experience this process as titillation, where we explore the degree our partners can fulfill our fantasies. The paradox is that we are not actually responding to our partners, but to our image of them, which means that our connection with them is internal and mental. While we enjoy their appreciation of our physical characteristics because it provides a sense of safety to us, it also distances them from us because they are falling in love with an image of us rather than the real person. The way around this is to deny the experience that they are objectifying us so we can maintain the fantasy that we possess them. We discover (at this stage and others) that we are either overstating or understating the true connection of what is happening with them. All attachments to others reveal this duality, where our ability to be present authentically with others is severely limited. This means we cannot be fulfilled by a sexual connection, which is reflected in the emptiness that soon follows the act.

We experience safety in the relationship when we see our partner using their sexiness, smarts, or stability (being reliable) to connect with us. While females have traditionally used sexiness to demonstrate interest and intent, both sexes now use this entre to make their interests known. We can see the pressure placed on women to be sexy, otherwise, they feel disregarded and culturally ignored. Traditionally, men have used their intelligence (smarts) to impress women so they are considered to be in-demand candidates. We can see this intent demonstrated when men are unwilling to ask for directions, for fear it will reveal all they do not know. It is ironic that any attachment to sexiness or smarts actually reduces our ability to experience these qualities. When either of these does not work, the standby is to be stable, consistent and reliable until the partner recognizes our commitment to them. These attractions, along with other pretenses, become the way we manifest a connection at the instinctive level.

This level becomes our entire reality when we retreat to role-playing and only superficially engage the relationships in our life. The motives of Lust, Greed, and Arrogance become the default framework for all of our interactions. We get hooked into animalistic behavior where we do not have to grow or acknowledge our humanity. While we want to be seen as contributing to our partners, we mainly accomplish this through the Pretenses of Expectations, Romantic Mythology, Control, and Seduction. We believe that we demonstrate our commitment by trying to address their expectations in the best way we can. We fall into patterns of rescuing others even when we are not able to take care of ourselves so that we believe in our own Romantic Mythology. We attempt to take charge of areas that our partner is not organized (seen as Control) as a way to help them, particularly where it relates to us. Finally, we use Seduction whenever our partners become more dissociated or disinterested as a way to prove our interest and connection with them. The problem that arises is that our natural body type attractions can shift with age, and over time, the personality patterns of our partner (particularly their Goals, Modes, and Attitudes) become boring and difficult to live with. As long as we are not willing to grow, this framework where we are not willing to explore our own creativity becomes our epithet in relationships.

When we are no longer feeling defined, driven, and compromised by Excitement or our fantasies of what could be, we are using the technique of Cellular Affinity. We are able to release our instinctive preprogrammed attraction associations based on smell, voice, and outer appearance, so they become alive, in-the-moment preferences. Otherwise we are at the effect of patterns of Caretaking, Control, and Contraction (when we or our partner plays hard to get) where role-playing about our reliability, smarts and sexiness prevails. When we heal the disconnection between our Sensations and Feelings, where we deny one or both, we no longer objectify others. Objectification is a protection mechanism to deny Beauty. It accomplishes this through Excitement, where our out of balance fears and desires lead to self-judgments about what we can share of our self. We unconsciously seek others to support us where we are internally unbalanced. Objectification is a way we minimize this support. Until we look beyond superficial perceptions of Beauty by not objectifying others, unconscious instinctive attractions prevail. When we stop objectifying others, it creates a new confidence and embodiment of our natural beauty or handsomeness, which will support us in seeing and appreciating both the inner and outer beauty of any partner.

Sexual chemistry attractions are known in Higher Alignment as the lower levels of Cellular Affinity, where we feel safe enough to express ourselves through particular roles such as being a provider or a nurturer (to receive the benefits of being with our partner in this way). Cellular Affinity goes beyond Gender Identity roles to support an internal, energetic, self-bonding where we can manifest our Safety and express our Self in any circumstance. The result of our acceptance as a physical being shows up as Aliveness and Presence. While many experience Cellular Affinity as charisma, it actually reflects our ability to magnetically operate in a greater range of the masculine/feminine continuum. This is experienced as greater options and flexibility of choice. We become a Cosmic Magnet or Cultural Leader when we can choose to meet others where they are in a way that enriches both their masculine and feminine embodiment. For example, when we consciously embody both masculine and feminine characteristics, we naturally uplift others who are more limited in their masculine or feminine perspective. It is also true that expressing our full range of expression can also quickly repulse those who are more repressed or defensive, if we do not meet them in a way that honors their current abilities.

The lesson of Cellular Affinity is to try to make a relationship work if there is a fundamental energetic alignment. We are capable of using effort to overcome any lack of alignment, but to do so puts an overhead on the relationship that may eventually sink it. We can recognize this pattern when we attempt to be what we perceive our partner wants, so we can have a quick connection before they either find out, or we collapse from exhaustion. The obvious signs of a lack of Cellular Affinity are trying to look good and maintain a false image to impress another. Of course, looking superficially good would only matter to those partners who are also seeking to leverage their position by seducing their partner. The more we need to reinforce others’ images of us, the less creatively powerful the relationships. As a result, we become obsessed by the need to seek entertaining ways to be together to offset the fundamental non-alignment with the other. We can observe this in attempts to recreate the initial magic by recreating the circumstances in which we first met. With a lack of Cellular Affinity, any time the relationship is stressed, we automatically seek superficial ways to reconnect where we do not have to deal with the problem. Cellular Affinity: The Path To Beauty illustrates the choice we need to make to enjoy conscious attractions.

The principle of Cellular Affinity suggests that we learn to select partners who embody both their masculine and feminine so they can magnetically and energetically align with us. Instead of seeking a partner who offsets and counterbalances our masculine and feminine balance, can we choose individuals who embody both their masculine and feminine sides? If we do, we can create our own sense of safety and will not require caretaking. We will be able to engage them with authentic motives and will be delighted at their responsiveness. This means that our common Aliveness becomes the motivation to express our life energies together. Our connection, through mutual beauty, will expand our relationship in unexpected ways. All Excitement must be transmuted in the relationship for Aliveness to be fully manifested. The result is increased Trust and the ability to utilize Cellular Affinity to maximize our creative expression. Can we share our perspectives of self in a way that enriches our mutual expression in the world? If so, our common intent will keep us aligned with the way our process unfolds.

We deny our Beauty by repressing our Sensations or Feelings, or both. If we are repressed in our Sensations, we are afraid of pleasure for fear of becoming overwhelmed. Some of us have had negative early childhood experiences around pleasuring ourselves and have learned to hide our true experiences about our desire for sensation. We believe that knowing our Sensations “objectifies” us, which we avoid to keep from experiencing the past pain of rejection. This creates the Beauty Trap. We externalize our desires and require that others give us pleasure so we do not feel guilty experiencing pleasure. We also tend to seek feeling connections to justify, to ourselves, that we are seeking sex under socially sanctioned auspices. In other words, if we care for another, then we are not “using” them on a physical level. This is critical because we are avoiding being hurt by the physical judgments of others. This results in fears of being objectified by our partner because others seem to discount our natural beauty. We do not understand that our unavailability on physical levels attracts negative judgment and objectification; particularly when we titillate or tease others without follow through.

When we are afraid of pleasure and we attract more hedonistic individuals who enjoy physical pleasure. This creates Excitement and negative inner tension where it is impossible to energetically connect. This locks us into titillation experiences where we play out opposing roles to stimulate desire. For example, the sensation-repressed individual will act out their physicality while their partner reflects upon the connection they have with the other (in terms of Feelings). The feeling repressed individual will act out their emotionality (often in sentimental ways) to reinforce that they are making a contribution to the other person. This allows both partners to get what they want as long as they are in balance with their relative needs. A problem arises when either partner changes or the connection becomes energetically draining due to lack of creative passion. This requires a renegotiation of the terms of the agreement so a new commitment can be made that reflects the shifts of perception of both individuals.

If we are repressed in our Feelings, we are over-attached to pleasure, which drives us to constantly seek it out through the denial of pain. Typically, we want no emotional attachments because we have been hurt in our childhood when we defined ourselves emotionally in terms of others. Denying pain became a safe way to distance our self form our Emotions. Since it did not feel safe to expect any lasting connection beyond the current moment, we minimized our emotional receptivity to protect our self. This establishes the circumstances for short-term sport sex or friendship sex without commitment. Ironically, the judgments of others, in terms of being labeled as sexually insatiable or hedonistic usually does not deter us, as we like provoking sexual interest to test others. If we are feeling-repressed, we could overtly enjoy objectifying our partners on physical levels. The physical connection provides the means to relax into the objectification. As long as we remain unconscious, this is effective. As soon as we become aware of the emotional pain we are repressing, it changes our ability to relax.

If we are repressed on both feeling and sensation levels, it creates a situation where we are either unwilling to take the risk of being close to anyone or we seek someone who meets our physical needs and who requires nothing else. In this situation, it is different from the previous two examples because of our ability to vacillate between the two and go to extremes. We commonly seek to break out of the conditioning that seeks to limit our choices and unfortunately ends up reinforcing it. We need to let go of attachments to pleasure and pain and instead be present with both, however they occur. Any inability to be present with our pain or pleasure creates attachments that trap us. The more we repress our pain and are driven by the pursuit of pleasure, the less likely we will escape the Beauty Trap. It should be noted that the Beauty Trap keeps us stuck in self-denial patterns, which ultimately only amplify the pain of our disconnection from the universe.

Cellular Affinity is manifested when we are able to see and embody the beauty within any object. We can practice making this breakthrough by the process of concentration, where we focus our energy on a particular object to the point where we are absorbed by the object. When this occurs, nothing else but the object is seen and experienced. To break through into the experience of Cellular Affinity, we can begin by focusing all our energy on a rose or a color picture of a rose. See Diagram 9: A Rose. By sitting in a posture where we have good spinal support in our lower back, place the rose or the picture two to three feet away at eye level. If possible, have a background that is free of other distractions. Some find it useful to clear the corner of a room so they can place the rose on a pedestal with no other distractions within eyesight. With a soft gaze, focus on the rose until you become the rose and can feel its life force. Deeply sense it, smell it, feel it, be it. Some people report a heightening of inner Sensations and/or Feelings when this connection is established. The shift is more readily apparent when we are energetically refreshed, so it might be better to do this meditation in the morning.

If there is no shift within twenty minutes, then repeat this process as needed until it is easy to establish Cellular Affinity with the rose or the picture of the rose. You may wish to set a timing device so you do not spend longer than twenty minutes at a time. When you can transcend objectification with the rose, begin practicing on other live creatures or plants. Do not do this with people until you are comfortable that you can establish this life force connection easily. It also might be best to not work with people who are similar to your Imago parental patterns, as this will be distracting to the process (background noise). Finally, when you are confident of your capacity to feel into any object and tune into its life energy, it is time to test your skills with potential partners by softly gazing into their eyes to see if you can consciously merge your Aliveness with theirs. While it is useful for them to have practiced the same exercise, it is not necessary if you can develop a strong connection with them. This is because if you create the field, your partner will be able to mirror your experience, if they are comfortable being with their own Aliveness.

It is also important to take opportunities to contemplate Beauty in our life. Beauty has the ability to open up our perceptions and see that which we have been denying. In Beauty we see in a direct sensory and feeling manner how the outer form covers up the inner qualities. Sometimes the Beauty is so deep and connecting that it impacts us because it expresses some inner purpose within us. Many clients feel overtly impacted and even overwhelmed by the experience of Beauty and therefore do not want to engage it because it will make them feel out of control. The more we try to control our world and its impact upon us, the more we will try to control the impact of Beauty upon us. This is why Beauty frees us from our personality perceptions. This is why so many people rush through an art museum. What is occurring is that Beauty is starting to seep into us. The magnificence and inner Beauty of the art expresses itself in a way that our personalities cannot process. It is useful therefore to explore Beauty with our partners and friends so we can see how they are not repressing or controlling Beauty and therefore, objectifying the world. Objectification is a fixation on the outer appearance because we do not want to appreciate the wholeness and complexity of people. This is also why we try to build fixed associations between a surface appearance and a set of personality characteristics that we do not have to question. One previous example is how a client created a fixed association that blonde hair equaled a person who wanted to cuddle, despite his repeated experiences of the opposite.

When we can bring the process of Cellular Affinity into our daily life, the use of Excitement by others will no longer be influential. We will know internally that Excitement is actually only a fantasy that has no depth or long-term value. Whenever we fall into the process of objectifying another, it is best to catch ourselves and reaffirm the life force connection. Some individuals accentuate this re-patterning process by imagining negative sensory experiences to offset the romantic fantasies that they normally use to lose themselves. Higher Alignment does not recommend misusing our imagination in negative ways to offset previous fantasies. Instead we suggest withdrawing from the misuse of negative imagination so we can effectively use the imagination for the benefit for our Creative Self. We will know this is occurring when we find ourselves seeking out places to express Aliveness. Aliveness cannot be incorporated very well into our Personality programming. When we empower our internal Aliveness, we will attract more individuals with Aliveness and transcending their Personality. When our Aliveness and the Aliveness of others come together we experience mutual Beauty in each other’s presence. The more Beauty we can internalize the less we will experience our own fears or be influenced by the fears of others. This is because Beauty allows us to transcend our identification with the outer form so that we experience our greater Unity with the life force of the Universe. With this kind of inner connection why would Safety concerns affect us?

When we are conscious about operating with an inner knowing about Life energy, we come to see how superficial outer beauty is at the cost of inner beauty. Outer ideals about Beauty in our culture are based on cultural factors that few can match, where the degree of symmetry in our features only seems to qualify us to be models, sales people, or politicians. The more the appearance of our partner is critical to our attraction to them, the more likely we are caught in the Beauty Trap. Remember, the Beauty Trap reflects the degree we do not see ourselves as beautiful or handsome. Many women take their physical beauty, early in life, for granted. We only later realize that this did not reflect our inner beauty. All of this distracts us from the real issue: being able to be connected to our internal beauty is the only way we naturally attract Beauty to us. When this occurs, we notice that Beauty is all around us. We see the Beauty in each person in terms of how unique their energetic presentation is, rather than as a simple symmetry of external features. What we see as beautiful becomes people being real and authentic.

Beauty is a major path to greater Aliveness, where we discover the similarities between pleasure and pain. Both, in extremes, are indications that we are operating out of alignment with our personal intent. This does not mean we want to avoid either, for doing this would guarantee that we remain stuck. What we resist persists! Let us endeavor to discover the joy of Beauty and allow it to enrich our earthly experience. Let us use our Feelings to meet and consciously merge with each other. In this way, let us accept that our earthly Sensations and watery Feelings are necessary to fully experience our lives. Beauty is naturally appreciated and experienced in its magnificence when we are present with our Sensations and Feelings. When this occurs, we eliminate the need for our externalized physical fears and desires, so we can be present both physically and in Feelings with our partners without polarization. We are no longer compelled to operate in parental Excitement patterns. We have no need for addictive behaviors that do not satisfy us any more. We can then see through outer appearances and appreciate the inner Beauty of each experience. Cellular Affinity supports us operating in a natural integrity to recognize the synergy in every opportunity. Our abundance manifests when we honor our own inner beauty and can see the inner beauty in others. We experience the gratitude of being freed from our experience when we accept it for what it is.

Attraction Guidelines reveal that Cellular Affinity also opens us up to seeing the motivations (or Life energy) behind each level of Attraction. When we are able to know our Truth in our body, we discover that many of our existing beliefs were impressed upon us on other levels. For example, many of us were taught what was good or bad, right or wrong, and what is attractive or repulsive when our parents provided examples of these qualities in our lives. They typically taught us to act, think, and speak in ways that imitated them. When we overcome our attractions to Excitement we begin to question how much of what others taught us is actually what will serve our own growth. The ultimate arbiter for what works for us is our own Body Wisdom. Many individuals confuse this with sexual chemistry, which is actually where we react against others. It is only with Cellular Affinity we are able to relax with them and be present on a physical level that our mutual Truths can be engaged and expressed. This table reveals the basis for understanding our physical body Truth so that is will not be trumped or discounted by the beliefs of others.