Idealized Level

Idealized motives reflect how we make others powerful by projecting our need for them into the world. The desire for others to respond to our idealized motives reflects how we want them to adjust to us so we do not need to adjust to them. With Idealized Motives there exists a duality of purpose, which is “What do I need to say to convince my partner to do the right thing?”, when in fact our intervention assumes that they will not do the right thing. With Idealized Motives, we run the risk of putting ourselves in a superior position where we feel able to judge others while at the same time do little to heal our own self-impotence. Focusing on how others can fix us takes us off the hook (Idealized Trust), by projecting our grand ideas on others. It diminishes others input and ideas (Idealized Unity). And when we fixate on how we believe things should be addressed without creating common assumptions up front, we minimize synergy (Idealized Co-Creation). Idealized motives keep us from finding ways to work together consciously because different people focus on different issues, which prevents effective co-unity and trust.

When we operate in a motive of Idealized Trust, a perspective that others are not doing all that is necessary creates the perception that we cannot trust them, which means they are unwilling to trust us. As such, we cannot see when to trust, and when not to trust others, because they frequently surprise us. When we operate in a motive of Idealized Unity, we tend to impose our ideas on others, which makes them question our desire to incorporate their perceptions in the process. As a result, we cannot see when others are fully cooperative and are surprised when the anticipated results do not materialize. When we operate in a motive of Idealized Co-Creation, we subtly discount others for their own previous lack of effectiveness, making them feel inadequate and impotent. As long as we operate in an idealized state of Co-Creation it is difficult (if not impossible) to see when it is appropriate to stick with a situation or to move on. This is because there is no experience of Creative Communion and flow with each other.

Idealized Motives are reflections of projections on others where we do not actually believe we can meet our own standards. Ironically, we want others to live up to our expanded possibilities, even if we ourselves are not able to. The three idealized motives are Trust, Unity and Co-Creation. Idealized Trust reflects how we become a creative source of inspiration for others but then make them responsible for our dream, so we can blame them if things do not manifest as intended. Idealized Unity reflects a growing attachment to our ideas, over others’ ideas, which distances us so we can shame them for their lack of understanding. Idealized Co-Creation supports our projection of expectations about how others “should be” in order to meet us effectively, allowing us to use guilt when they do not live up to our inspired possibilities. As we can see from these different idealized motivations, it is the projection of how things should be that gets us into trouble.

The problem of Idealized Motives is that we are, in effect, differentiating ourselves by the way we claim to trust others, what we claim to know, and how we claim to operate, which always provides us an escape when things do not work out. It is our covert, dualistically derived, exaggerated self-importance that allows us to rationalize the lack of results we get. Nowhere do we consider why this may be happening to us in a consistent way. It is only when we have idealized our own perspective, at the cost of not listening to others, we end up feeling isolated and alone despite our best intentions. It is usually extreme frustration that drives us to surrender to what works and what does not so we can begin to see how a lack of connection to ourselves minimizes connections with others. The way out of this process is to realize that our ideas do not have to be big, great or different, they just have to be aligned with our deepest truth. It is helpful for ideas to be simple, clear and unambiguous for both our self and others. Until we can move into a space of sincere sharing and cooperation, big ideas typically sabotage our efforts. Projecting our ideals on others guarantees unconscious conflicts.

Healing our idealized conditioning means letting go of our illusions of grandeur. Our personality attractions and repulsions actually teach us where we are being incomplete or in fear about past lessons. We are attracted on a personality level to that which our mind cleverly informs us would solve our problems. We are repulsed by previous concerns we have experienced that we do not wish to repeat. Ironically, it is both our personality attractions and repulsions that provide the last barrier to being truly Co-Creative. As long as we continue to protect our Personality Self, we will continue to attract issues from our past that haunt us. Investigating Idealized Motives reveals where our “lazy doubts” sabotage our deeper exploration or where we have not fully integrated our “connectedness” between the layers (sensations, feelings, emotions, concrete thoughts and abstract thoughts) of our experience. In both of these situations our internal disconnect creates incongruence in our ability to know and express our truth. Let us make our Trust, Unity, and Co-Creation process one which we no longer need to struggle with. Instead, let us appreciate the perfection of what exists so our lessons can become transpersonal in nature. As long as we make things personal we will continue to sabotage our development process by making it easy to project our own “incompletions” on others.

Idealized motives unconsciously use our past lessons to try to help others and in the process we typically experience our powerlessness to change the situation. This process occurs because we are typically incomplete about our lessons and need the drama and struggle of working out these issues with others to help us complete them for ourselves. The underlying problem is our incompletions automatically attract others with complementary issues. We falsely believe that the issue we are trying to solve in others is theirs when actually it is ours. This distinction sets us up to either repeatedly accept or reject our self or others. As a result, we constantly lose our trust, unity and our creative connection trying to help others find the same in their self. These past personality issues only reinforce our superiority or inferiority over others, because they operate from the vision or concept that we know how to solve the problems of others if only they will accept our point of view. While we can become devoted to an ideal that seems appropriate, the very identification with it keeps us from accepting things as they truly are in this moment.

Underlying Idealized Motives is the subtle perception that what is currently true, is no longer acceptable and needs to be changed. When we come to believe that the problems that we experience in the world are created by the people around us, we become fixated on changing “them” in order to change the problems. This lack of acceptance of others as they are becomes the basis for the unconscious violence that we project on these problems. It is time to recognize that the only way we can truly change things is to first accept others and love them as they are. Any attempt to change them without loving them (where they are) will generate resistance that will persist through time. This is why in all social activism, the goal must be to enrich the consciousness of those participating, so everyone can take responsibility for the changes that we wish to make.

The process of becoming harmless to our Self, is one of first honoring our free will to choose our experience as it is. Any resistance to what is indicates that a misalignment within our self is keeping us from moving forward. It indicates that we are projecting the past onto the present. One of the best ways that we can shift into the present is to become more accurate about sharing our complete truth. This truth consists of sensations, feelings, emotions, concrete thoughts, abstract thoughts and how they connect. When we honor our truth, it encourages others to do the same, minimizing idealization. Then our disagreements can emerge in a way that we can consciously engage.

We move beyond idealized motives when our speech reflects all points of view within us simultaneously. When this occurs, our truth cannot be denied, made wrong or discounted by others because it is whole and complete within ourselves. When we develop the ability to transform our perceptions into universal solutions it shifts us into a state of unity thinking so that the natural gifts of our thinking emerge. Do we have the courage to deepen our creative discovery process? Can we expand our sense of reality so it becomes co-creative in nature, allowing the Universe to support us with solutions? This requires that we learn how to pay attention to what is complete and incomplete so we focus on expressing our authentic creative opportunities.

Complete thoughts are integrated and include many points of view that allow different people to engage and grow with the thought. Incomplete thoughts are unbalanced, polarized and often generate reactions in others that keep things form moving forward. When we are able to recognize thoughts that need no substantiation or reassurance from others, from those that are dependent on others’ acceptance, we will begin to invest in those solutions that are truly uplifting. With Idealized Motives we tend to focus on those incomplete thoughts believing that greater effort and the input of others will make them complete. When we are working with whole thoughts, we merely have to get out of the way on a personality level, and operate as a fulfilled creative being to manifest our intentions.

Learning How To Acknowledge The Motives Of Others

Let us awaken to how our fears can guide our healing by pointing out the places where we are disconnected from the Universe. For each fear we experience, we usually need to do the opposite of what the unconscious motive suggests in order to affirm our natural power. In other words, we need to give to others that which we feel powerless to change within our self. For Example, if we are experiencing scarcity we need to give to others consciously in order to offset the fear that we do not have enough. This neutralizes our conditioning and sets us up to transmute our fears so that new choices emerge. Let us visualize how our love of our truth can lead us to reintegrate our actions, thoughts and speech within ourselves. When this occurs, our actions, thoughts and communications can meet the same in others to produce conscious, creative synergistic results. Otherwise, our need to personalize our actions thoughts and speech becomes an ongoing irritation and disconnect with others. This document will assist us in breaking free of these self-reinforcing fears where our true intention becomes lost in the shuffle. In so doing, we elevate our motive levels and our motives.

The table “How Meet Others Where They Are” shows us how, by confronting our own fears, we can reduce the fears of others. As we do not want to change or fix others, because this approach only creates resistance, we need to become more effective in inviting others to participate with us in larger ways. This means that we need to positively connect to others by recognizing where they are manifesting their fears so that we can love ourselves in that motive in a way that can honor and neutralize their fear. The more we operate on the intuitive level, the easier it is to be with the lower motives of others without being reactive in any way. It is also important to notice that wherever we cannot embrace our fear by being loving to others it reflects that we still have unfinished business on this level expression. For example, if we cannot acknowledge others for their commitment to produce results it means that we are not yet able to acknowledge and accept our own truth. In this way, each one of these suggestions to uplift motives is a self-assessment process about where we are about being present with others.

On the feminine level, being generous with others so that they can awaken their abundant generosity means that we have neutralized our attachment to Greed. Being completely respectful in honoring the potential of others means we have come to respect and honor our own feminine side, reflected in Personal Dominion. By wishing the best for others without reservation, it reflects that we have healed our Idealized Trust issues and are open to engaging others where they are and as they are. Our feminine is fully embodied when we know that any resistance reflects inner conflicts in our motives, which can be best neutralized through honest communication.

On the masculine level, sincerely honoring the knowledge of others allows us to neutralize our own arrogance so we can connect with others in a thoughtful way. When we acknowledge others for their commitment to produce results, it establishes a deeper operational connection where Personal Achievement becomes cooperation. By demonstrating our ability to honor the thoughts of others equally, we transcend our self-limiting, idealized concepts that we cannot share with others. This greatly reduces our frustrations about others not understanding us. Our masculine is fully manifested when we can use thoughts to grow, unify and enhance our ability to work together. Any dissonance typically reflects opposing, compromised motives, which prevents us from fully sharing.

We unify our motives with others when we operate from a space of Conscious Participation. By being present and connected with others in their pain, we do not distance ourselves or make ourselves superior because others have pain that we do not. By admitting our personal vulnerability, it demonstrates our natural humanity so we do not use activities to distance ourselves from others. In this way, we realize there is no need to build up our image of who we are to entice others to be with us. By paying attention to the process rather than the goal, we find effective ways to enjoy, be entertained, and be educated, all the while discovering new things about our Self. No longer do we need to idealize some outcome and then blame others when it does not come true. We discover that Conscious Participation means finding a loving balance between our inner and outer experiences so we can maximize our creative flow with others.

We recommend that as we become more able to see the motives of others, we neutralize our fears by directing engaging and neutralizing the fears of others with our love. If we are not able to see the primary motives they are engaging us, use the technique of identifying first the primary level (instinctive, intellectual, idealized or intuitive) and the less strong side (masculine, feminine or both). Using the motives diagrams we can then focus in on where we most need to love the people we are with to build our connection. This process has proven more effective than using only Intuitive Motives to connect because most individuals are first and foremost being accepted in the fears. In fact, by revealing our fears preemptively, it will minimize any lingering believe that we will judge them for their fears. If we have selected the appropriate motive(s), they will relax. If the

tension increases because of the negative interaction of fears, it means we have not effectively honored their fears by acknowledging them effectively.

By being able to sincerely acknowledge others to offset the fears of the motives they are engaging means developing these concepts and making them applicable to suit the situation. Customizing your expression of acknowledgement for each of these motives will be greatly accelerated by learning how to acknowledge our self when we are in any motive. In both circumstances, we are able to address a tension and honor it in a way where there is a release. In a way this is the enlightened way to meet others so our full creativity can emerge. Seducers covertly use these techniques to undermine others and gain influence. We recommend that you use this technique openly to more consciously engage others. The major difference from seduction is that when we are self-revealing, and acknowledge others sincerely, unexpected opportunities emerge. Usually this occurs because we feel more seen, valued and heard, exactly where we are.

The diagram: “How To Meet Others Where They Are” also provides a confirmation experience to validate when we are on target with identifying the motives of others. When others consciously respond to our acknowledgements, each motive release has a specific signature that reflects a conscious ability to now connect together on this level. This means that if we are open and available to be present on this level and type of motive, an experience will occur when they come into alignment with us. Instead of Greed, it is the experience of abundance. Instead of Arrogance, it is their affirming our value. Instead of Lust, they can connect and love us as we are more. Instead of demanding respect in Personal Dominion, they provide it without concern. Instead of demanding esteem in Personal Achievement, they support our commitments and aspirations without asking. Instead of imposing themselves in our life in Self Serving Activity they invite us to constantly redefine what would increase our joy and growth.

Instead of being defined by the need to live up to aspirations of others in Idealized Trust, they encourage our conscious examination to determine if we truly wish to engage in this manner. Instead of being defined by the power of our thoughts in Idealized Unity, they are open and available to share thoughts to create greater harmony and synergistic results. Instead of talking about doing things together and yet distancing from us when it can show up in Idealized Co-Creation, they engage and deepen their connection with us. We also have fears (because we are also physical beings with a limited lifespan) on the intuitive level, which, when we reveal our self in this manner, we can use to enhance our connections.

Speaking our truth by revealing where we have gotten struck in motives makes it easier to talk about motives (Universal Dominion). We can also gain greater understanding when we can discuss how we may be polarizing our process by assuming opposite motives, especially when our fears arise (Mutual Accomplishment). Finally, it is effective to discuss how we can neutralize fears by honoring both our outer and inner experience and the outer and inner experience of our partners (Conscious Participation). When we come to see how these perspectives can be effective mirrors (both positive and negative) of our fears, then we learn how to play with our process to reveal the underlying conditioning that is emerging.

When others are able to respond to these higher motives, it evokes a communion experience that transcends the outer form of its expression. We discover what we have being unconsciously denying. Most important, we are able to transmute self-limited conditioning and embrace our life energy. The more our unconscious motives become transparent and whole, the less they will have a negative impact on us. It is only our unconscious resistance to being hurt again in these ways that become obstacles to conscious connection. The real benefit of healing our conditioning is that we will not be as needy as we will discover how to honor and care for our self in a way that works. In this process we will let go relying on others, which means we can consciously receive the support of others without attachment. This occurs because we have shifted our perspective from the personal level to the creative one where we are one source among many. When we take this step, we begin to magnetize others to us who will be more prepared to operate on this level with us.

Conscious Intuitive Motives are necessary to exceed our expectations and produce synergy. People at large are more inclined to believe that relationships are anchored by common beliefs, which reflect complementary Motives, Interdependent Lessons that reflect relationship skills, and patterns of creative potential we call Compatibility Factors. Motives reflect the first of these domains, where pictures and expectations about how others should connect with us are energetically overlaid with people’s expectations and beliefs about their connection to us. The opportunity is to be able to connect without becoming attached to any pre-existing belief or pattern. This maximizes our ability to be in a creative flow that can result in full Co-Creative manifestation. Are we willing to stand in our Creative nature and release our attachments, positions and projections that have trapped us in unfulfilling relationships? Can we engage our fears and use them to connect consciously? All it takes is seeing and accepting our inner Presence, beyond outer form, thoughts, or the need for reassurance. The freedom we will gain far outweighs the anguish we accept in the process of healing. Each rejection, fear or belief in separation can actually teach us more about our larger creative being. Are we willing to interpret our experiences in a way that will support our deny us?

Being conscious about motives frees us also from the tyranny of reacting to the expectations and beliefs of others. We no longer need to defend our view or explain why what we have done is for their benefit as well. Our true intentions will be obvious by the results we manifest. While we will experience greater compassion for how the beliefs of others compromise their being, it is up to them to make the changes they wish. The best we can do is to be an example of what would occur if we were to engage motive consciously. Using the techniques of healing our conditioning gradually lightens our personal load, so we can assume the transpersonal load. This graduation process is where we recognize to opportunity to serve the world by encouraging a conscious exploration of our motives. All we need to do is show up and see who is willing and able to engage us. Let us use our motive wisdom to see our deeper compromises so that we no longer project them on others. Let us release our compromises so others can see that they can do the same. All we have to lose is our painful personality attachments, positions and projections.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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