How To Create A CNG

A CNG is created through energy and there are three primary energies we can use to create a CNG. While it is optimum to use all three simultaneously, many individuals use their strongest energy to facilitate the establishment of a CNG. The three energies are: Life, Light and Love. These three energies are non-dualistic, which means that they support Connection, Communication, Co-Measurement and Communion with others. They are the result of being balanced within ourselves and having integrated our Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and Intuition). Otherwise, our inner conflicts become Projections, Positions and Attachments to others, creating conflicts.

1. Life Energy (Physical Perspective) — Orchestrators, Implementers or Act First individuals naturally tend to base the CNG on what is physically congruent or not. We use Intent, (our own and others’) to feel connected. With Stillness, we maximize our CNG effectiveness. We can identify the degree of our ability to express our Life Energy by how relaxed we are with others (and not by doing Excitement), which shows up as an ability to share Pleasure. Any repression of our ability to experience Pleasure is an indication that we are either denying our Sensations, Feelings or both.

2. Light Energy (Intellectual and/or Emotional Focus) — Investigators or Visionaries or Think First individuals naturally tend to base the CNG on intellectual clarity and focus. We use Content, (our own and others’) to feel connected. With Solitude, we maximize our CNG effectiveness. We can identify the degree of our ability to express Light Energy by how open and truthful we are with others so we can cooperate and share Power (and not by doing Intensity). Any repression of our ability to experience shared Power is an indication that we are either denying our Emotions or Thoughts, or both.

3. Love Energy (Spatially Sensitive) — Compassionates or Feel First individuals naturally tend to base the CNG on spatial sensitivity (Emotions and Feelings) to produce connections with others. Feelings are in-the-moment reflections of our Sensations, while Emotions are reflections of our personal identity projected through time. This means we mostly use Emotions to build our sense of who we are, usually at the cost of our Creative Identity. We use our perception of conflict to determine how close we are with others. With Silence, we maximize our CNG effectiveness. We can identify the degree of our ability to express our Love Energy by how playful or passionate we are with others so we can operate both Autonomously and with others as a team (and not by doing Anxiety). Any repression of our ability to experience Passion is an indication that we are either denying our Feelings or Emotions, or both.

Physically Creating A CNG

Using our body awareness, particularly our Sensations and Feelings, let us check in with our inner balance and vibrancy. After we have optimized our energetic sense of Self, let us imagine creating a foundation between our self and others where we can share our perceptions with them. Placing our Awareness on being present and alive within our body, let us determine the Intent of those around us. Let us invite them to talk about whatever they want, and as they do this, see if we can link into their Intent. This can usually be facilitated when we are clear about our plans and we are trying to align our intentions with theirs. Imagine this shared space as a laboratory for figuring out what could work with others. Let us remind our self that our Intent is never diminished by our desire to work with others. If we are overwhelmed by a particular activity, let us retreat into the Stillness of our Being so we can later recover our balance and reconnect with others. Transmutation is the capacity to sense Sensations and Feelings and shift them at will. When we are expressing Life Energy, we are Transmuting it as we adjust our intentions to the intention of others.

Intellectually Creating A CNG

Let us tune in and synchronize our Thought field while checking in with our desire to share our self. Remember that our personal experience is in our mind and our shared experience is placed in the CNG. Tuning into our intellectual Truth provides us a guideline for understanding how others want to respond. By using our imagination, empowered by our Emotions, let us create a link between our mind and the mind of our partner, within a globe sixteen inches in front of our body. Using this energy, let us solidify the CNG by placing our energetic experience in this space. Let us invite others to join us in the CNG space. Here, we can sense others’ thoughts and emotions in depth. If we are overwhelmed, let us take a break and create some Solitude in our heart. Transformation occurs whenever we shift our perspective with another. This commonly occurs in the CNG because others can help us see things we are blind to.

Spatially Creating A CNG

Using our heart’s awareness, particularly empowered by our Emotions and Feelings, let us check in with our capacity to be fully present to others. Using our surplus of heart energy, let us create a buffer zone sixteen to eighteen inches in front of us. In this CNG, imagine placing in it what we wish to share with others and inviting them to energetically do the same. Passion is the ability to respond to the authentic energy of others so that both of us are uplifted in this process. Using the exquisite sense of balance between our body and our mind let us find the center point that allows us to maintain our availability with others. Let us build a unified perspective where everyone can be honored and nothing is denied. Let us use Silence to clear the space of confusion whenever we become overwhelmed.  Let us be careful not to take on the problems of others by remembering to hold these issues in the CNG, rather than bring them into our personal space. This keeps us free to be supportive, while encouraging others to clarify and resolve their own issues. We do not want to get attached or try too hard to fix them, because this will, in fact, trap us. We are Transfigured (allowing us to see ourselves in new ways) through our interactions with others in a Common Neutral Ground.

Steps to Creating A CNG

The following steps are necessary to create a Common Neutral Ground. As this is an energetic practice, which helps us to be present to time and spatial differences, it is important that we begin with a balanced and complete experience of our self. When we create a Common Neutral Ground, it is for a fixed duration, meaning we need to initiate it and then close it when we are finished. Otherwise, it will actually energetically drain us, after we leave our partner’s physical space.

1. Build a relationship with our Self and Unify Our Energy

The key is to call in any and all universal support to help us establish a domain where we experience our connection to the universe. Using some of this universal energy let us combine our physical, intellectual and emotional frameworks to channel energy into our own heart. Some individuals imagine letting go of all physical tension and syncing up with themselves through their heartbeat or their breath. Now, let us imagine creating a separate boundary or net of protection approximately 9–14 inches around our body. In this field, let us determine what energy (physical, emotional or mental) we have available to create the Common Neutral Ground. It is important to know that if we are tired we may not have enough excess and available energy to create a separate CNG. If we do not have the energy to create a CNG, we will open ourselves up and increase the enmeshment we experience. However, if we do, let us proceed to Step 2.

With a Disarming Defense Style, we are particularly susceptible when we do not centralize our energy within ourselves. Instead, it is easy for us to go into unconscious merging, especially with our best friends and romantic partners, and then feel blindsided when others do not interpret reality in the same way we do. We need to step beyond our defensive preconceptions to first affirm ourselves as a Creative Being and begin to accept that we have choices that we can make in any situation. Instead of falling into the trap of trying to meet others’ expectations, we need to break out of these limited ways of thinking about ourselves and ask, “What do we need?” and “What is the best way to fulfill our needs?” This type of questioning process is a key developmental step in individuating ourselves and while it can be uncomfortable, it is critical to becoming a fully formed human being. It is also likely that as Disarming Defense Style individuals we need emphasis in this area, even if many of us have completed our individuation process. This is because, as a means to protect ourselves, we Disarming Defense style individuals try to contain others, rather than focus on ourselves.

2. Choose Consciously To Build A CNG Separate From Our Own Space

With the energy available let us create, via a tendril of our heart’s energy, another separate sphere of energy we call the Common Neutral Ground, which we can visualize anywhere outside of our energetic field. Usually, we select a space between ourselves and the individual we are engaging. We make sure the tendril of heart energy is anchored simultaneously in the Common Neutral Ground and also within our heart. Initially, it can mirror our heart’s creative energy, patterns and interests. When it is well established and stable, let us direct our attention to inviting the person’s energy we are working with into the CNG space. We can do this silently, or we can physically talk to our partner about having an intention about how we want to work together in this moment. We will now be able to discern the difference between our own, personal space, anchored within our heart, and the shared CNG space, which contains both our energy and the other person’s energy. The most difficult aspect of this initially, is to be able to differentiate between our personal space and the relationship space. Some people also find it difficult to maintain a simultaneous awareness of both spaces without merging the two. When we can keep them separate, yet connected, it provides us insights about our perspectives, conflicts and options because we will know the source of our impulses.

Co-Dependence is the natural enemy of the CNG. If we cannot differentiate our space from the relationship space, then we end up taking on our partners’ issues, problems and aspirations as if they are our own. Some of us become so mixed up and confused that we find ourselves thinking we want things that we actually do not want. Others get trapped in believing things that are not true for us. What we are learning at this stage is who we are not. Unfortunately, this does not help to affirm who we are, and therefore we act out our Defenses because we do not know any better. More than others, we Dynamic Defense Style individuals get caught in the illusion that our Defense is who we are. We have a hard time recognizing when others are trying to support us. We fall into the false belief that independence is autonomy. Autonomy is actually the result of expressing our Truth and having others accept that truth as our Truth. This rarely happens when we are in Defensive, Co-Dependent relationships with partners, as we never want to accept the validity of our perceptions. Until we can honor others’ Truth and respect them for their perspective, why would we expect them to do the same for us?

3. With Practice, We Can Simultaneously Be Present In Our Personal Space And In The CNG

Our capacity to hold a CNG depends on our faculty of consciously engaging others in the CNG, while at the same time being tuned into our Self. If we lose connection with ourselves, our Autonomy will be compromised and it is likely we will crash and burn. This occurs when we do not monitor our personal energy or do not take breaks when needed to recover our Self. It is also possible to lose our balance when looking into our partner’s eyes because we can short circuit the CNG when this energy is strong. We can re-stabilize our CNG by recycling the eye energy back down into our heart and then cycling it back into the CNG space. The key is to imagine energy moving in this manner. This is because energy follows Thought. Now let us carefully monitor our connection with the other individual by anchoring a part of ourselves in the Common Neutral Ground and imagining speaking from it.

Developing Intimacy is the result of accepting ourselves as we are. The more we have to hide who we are, the less Intimacy we experience. Intimacy is the capacity to share ourselves and engage others, holding the possibility that there is a way of being with each other that would be mutually satisfying. Learning how to customize our connections with others is one of the most joyful ways we grow in relationships. Unfortunately, many people try to structure relationships so that only a few options are available, which severely limits the possibility for Intimacy. We Disarming Defense Style individuals have an extraordinary capacity to adapt to others, yet, we often get caught up in trying to manage relationships to minimize the downside, rather than maximizing the upside. We think our Defense structures will protect us, when actually they only limit our ability to be seen and appreciated. Intimacy is the capacity to be ourselves, and because we are tuned into our own Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and Intuition) we can easily read the Modalities of others through the CNG space. This makes it easy to know how to support our partner without burdening them or ourselves. Some of us, particularly when we are intimate with another individual, can use a light, energetic touch, on the outer personal space of our partner to identify whether or not our partner is available to us or not at any particular time. This is a natural skill that evolves by doing CNG.

4. When Our Partner Sees Us, They Also See Where We Can Go Or Who We Can Be

If we have a great relationship with an individual and we have permission to energetically connect with them, we can establish a tendril of energy from our heart to the space 10–12 inches in front of their heart so we can tell when they are present with us and when they are not. This additional connection can only be made with people we are intimate with. It is usually made as a result of an agreement to hold the CNG space of the relationship even when our partner cannot be present. This permits the relationship to maintain its purpose and function, even if one of the partners goes unconscious. It actually facilitates our partner coming back into sync with us quickly. This empowers us to be more Co-Creative and use the CNG space as a platform for making new proposals to our partners. When we are not worried about what our partner thinks about us, it opens up the door to great humor, and discussions about irony and paradox that challenge us in new ways. We also become very clear about how to use the strengths of our partner to expand our mutual desires.

Co-Creativity makes it possible to fulfill our individual and mutual needs easily. This allows us to invest all of the previous energy spent on conflicts in exploring new ways to engage life. This is how a CNG allows us to fulfill our personality development process so that our Transpersonal development becomes activated. We become more actualized in our Creative Expression and feel more empowered to follow our own path. Ironically, our partners greatly facilitate us being able to get our core conflicts and present them back to us. This is called re-creating our experiences. It clears out space so we can see ourselves in a much larger context. This enables us to pinpoint where we want to take action versus doing nothing, hoping that everything will get better. Having some synergy with our partners around our Authentic Life Expression also contributes greatly to the expansion of the CNG space. The more aligned we are, the more our similarities bond us and the differences challenge us to find ways to make it work as a team.

Holding The Space Of The Relationship Under Challenging Conditions

The purpose of the CNG space is to facilitate our interactions by recognizing what we have in common and using these things as a foundation for engagement. It is important that we never violate the autonomy or independent will of our partner. If this should occur, the trust in the CNG will be greatly compromised, resulting in and requiring a resetting of the creative connection. The main reason to be in relationship is to be supported in our growth through our partner’s ability to see possibilities for us that we deny in ourselves. The core value of a CNG is to be able to come up with new options, which motivate the members of the CNG to fully participate. In this way we turn creative tension into Mutual Accomplishment. The promise of relationships is greatly facilitated and fulfilled by having a good CNG. The goal, therefore, is to more effectively re-create our partner’s experience so they get more clearly who they are and are inspired to fully step into their possibilities.

While most people invest in the CNG because they seek to minimize conflict with their partners, the real opportunity is to maximize our Connection, Communication, Co-Measurement and Communion. This occurs naturally when we are integrated within our different Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts and Intuition). Only when we have our full experiential range established without repression in any of these areas, does it open the door to greater and more conscious integration on a Creative Level with others. We can see this in the expansion of Pleasure because we can embrace both the inner and outer Beauty of our partner and accept our Truth as complemented by their Truth so that there is a greater Goodness that emerges between both of us. The sharing of Power is also greatly enhanced because we can see how to amplify our mutual efforts in terms of Intent, Content and Context. Finally, through the expression of mutual Passion, there is an expansion in the expression of Life, Light and Love energies, which allow us to experience the differences and similarities in our relationship as a contribution to each other,