Goals Compatibility

Dealing with Goals

While everybody wishes to grow, there are seven Goals we use to define our growth. Some individuals limit their growth by limiting themselves in what they focus on. We call this a reevaluation way of growing. We can easily identify this group through their lifelong handicaps, learning disabilities or other outward limitations that force them to grow inwardly. This is opposite to an outward way of growing which we label growth. Approximately 40% of the U.S. population defines itself in terms of outward goals that they desire to complete. These individuals vacillate between taking on too much and taking on too little. Other individuals grow by becoming more discriminating. Their desire and drive is to be more selective, and by so doing, to support others in becoming more refined. We call this a goal of discrimination because it is so focused on inward experiences of improvement. The opposite of discrimination is acceptance, which is a goal in which an individual measures his or her success by how inclusive he or she is with others. Individuals with a goal of acceptance can be easily identified by their preoccupation with what others think about them. They typically seek to caretake others and make sure that people feel good about what they are doing for them.

Dominance is another way of growing. Some individuals wish to grow by taking charge of activities and measuring their effectiveness by how well they can effectively manage others. Individuals with a goal of dominance do not wish to upset others, but they do want to provide a sense of security and focus that everything will be handled in a consistent way. The goal that is opposite to dominance is submission. An individual with a goal of submission could be submissive to others, but it is more likely they are submissive to a larger ideal. These higher possible ideals can range from being a good mother to serving the poor in Calcutta. The seventh and final goal is relaxation. While many individuals in the United States would think this goal is easy and non-challenging, the reality is that usually an individual with this goal is always at the effect of the universe. We find individuals with this kind of goal in situations that are not technology oriented, such as in the tropics where they hunt and gather food.

Each of these seven goals is equally powerful and effective. Ironically, in our society we think everyone should grow in outward ways, when, in fact, 60% of the population is growing in more inward ways. Goals help individuals focus themselves in a development process that supports them in their lifework expression. Frequently, our parents’ goals or our imprinted goals interfere with our own natural goal. This keeps us from developing in a way that supports or serves us. One of the key issues in this process is letting go of behaviors that reflect our parents’ ways of operating. These do not honor us.

Many people believe that goals are specific targets that support us in organizing our activities. They see goals as content items to be implemented in a particular sequence so that we have a sense of accomplishment. In other words, goals are reference points for what we are trying to achieve. While this is the way 40% of the United States population understands goals, it is not everyone’s perception of them. Actually, most goals have an interpersonal focus which means the goal is about feeling a particular way with others. Many individuals have goals that are internally focused and that reflect no outer organization principle. For example, individuals with a goal of Acceptance want others to see and honor who they are more than anything else. Any outward sequence or activity that allows this to occur may be a part of what they do, but is not the primary way they engage situations.

Thus, Goals always indicate a context around which individuals seek to organize themselves. Unless we understand the context of the people around us, we won’t understand what really motivates them to improve themselves. Also, unless we understand and appreciate how we can bring the different contexts together, we will not find a way to connect our Goal with their Goal. Finally, Goals also affect the motivation we have in moving forward in our lives. The more we are seen and appreciated in our Goal, the more we will feel seen by others in a way that can allow for the possibility of alignment. Unfortunately for many individuals, all the different Compatibility Factors we speak about are initially unconscious. Before we can effectively see and embrace the different frameworks in others, we need to learn about them.

This reflects the reality that we need to work from the inside out to manifest our ability to connect with others. Without the ability to honor our own nature, we can’t even see the differences in others. As long as we are denying ourselves, we end up unconsciously denying others. In such a situation, we end up adopting what we believe we need to be in order to gain the approval and acceptance of others. This distances us from our own creative nature, making it less likely that others will believe in us. It also disconnects us from our Creative Energy, which sets us up to believe our power is without instead of within. We need to learn to focus on going deeper within ourselves until our own creative power is acknowledged. When we follow this prescription, we realize how different many others are from us. Then we can understand how to best interact with them.

Goals are also ways for us to be in connection with our emotions and feelings. The more open we are to our emotions and feelings, the more likely it is that we notice and become cognizant of the differences in goals between ourselves and others. On the other hand, the more closed down we are emotionally, or the more emotionally reactive we are when others are available on this level, the less likely we will be able to align with them in any way. This is because Goals, reflecting the context of our possibilities, require us to be more available if we wish to engage those with different Goals. Many men in the United States, believing that emotions are signs of weakness, mistakenly think that their more focused ways of doing things make them stronger individuals. Unfortunately, distancing ourselves and being rigid in our own way of doing things makes it more difficult to be powerful and effective because we don’t know how to align with others on a Goal level. This results in everyone doing their own thing and no one cooperating.

There are seven different Goals, which reflect different ways of showing up. To be fully empowered is to be able to honor our own way of growing while honoring how others around us grow in ways that may be different. We will cover three steps in this material that will allow us to become more effective with others. The first phase is Self-Discovery, in which we learn about the seven options and how they show up. Second is the Embodiment phase, in which we clear out the reactions to our past and neutralize our predetermined notions that make us feel we are better or worse than others. Then, in the third phase, we can Mutually Manifest a way of making things happen together. It is our intention to engage these three phases systematically by first understanding what the possibilities are, embracing how these possibilities show up and then determining how to unify our ability to work with these energies in a moment-to-moment way.