Goals

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Introduction to Goals

A Context for Moving Forward

Goals are ways we organize how we grow and engage the lessons of our life. They are the context of how we express ourselves, particularly on an emotional level. Modes and Attitudes are typically in service to our Goal. Goals can be about personal, external expression such as the goal of Growth, or about interpersonal introspective development such as Re-Evaluation. There are seven different goals— Re-evaluation, Growth, Discrimination, Acceptance, Submission, Dominance and Relaxation. We all possess one primary Goal, with multiple imprinting possibilities, which reflect the training of our parents. Remember, being our primary Goal creates no resistance, while our Imprinting does, because we are attempting to prove ourselves in a way that is not natural to us. A Goal is a predetermined way of approaching life. It acts as an assumption about the nature of our life and the direction we want to take. In other words, we want to be seen as taking actions that accomplish something in our lives.

Despite what many Americans assume, only 40% of individuals are actually in a Goal of Growth and pursue outward, goal setting. For many, their personal goal relates to manifesting a state of being such as Dominance, Discrimination, Relaxation, Acceptance, or Submission where there are no task objectives. (In other words, there is no external objective outside of themselves that they are trying to complete.) The United States has a larger percentage of individuals with an actual Goal of Growth that results in a larger social imprinting, acceptance and even expectation about it.

Questions to Clarify Different Goals
Which represents the way we engage others?

1)    Do we seek to focus and consolidate our life issues in a way that precludes other people from interfering with them? (Re-Evaluation)
2)    Do we believe that we have to be on-track and engaging others in a way that expands possibilities? (Growth)
3)    Do we believe that our primary means of adding value is our sense of refinement in decision-making? (Discrimination)
4)    Do we find our connection to others more important than what we do together or what we produce with them? (Acceptance)
5)    Do we believe that our commitment to the highest possibility or to some person brings out the best in us? (Submission)
6)    Do we believe that being in charge, controlling as many options as possible, provides a sense of safety and security with others, enabling them to allow us to make things happen? (Dominance)
7)    Do we believe the goal of letting the universe support us is the most efficient way to get things done? (Relaxation)




When things are going smoothly, it is usually because we are balanced in the way we are using our goal. The goal is what the essence strives to accomplish (in the big picture) in life. There are seven goals: Re-evaluation, Growth, Discrimination, Acceptance, Submission, Dominance, and Relaxation. Please remember that these all are actually different forms of our own growth process. No one of these is better than another. Each has a specific gift or way of being that supports our life work; especially if we believe there is a purpose to our life and that nothing happens accidentally.

Examining The Different Goals

Re-Evaluation

This Goal supports us in fully examining one or more issues by limiting the scope of life. (One-On-One Inspiration). Re-evaluation is a goal where we focus ourselves to predefined areas of development that others rarely understand. We operate in a more introspective and simple way in which many times we want to be appreciated for our independence and ability to make things happen on our own. We are driven by our inner desires and can be naturally psychic, although withheld in our emotional expressions. Some would identify us by our handicaps, physically, socially, and mentally.

The value of a person having a Goal of Re-Evaluation is that they are able to fully examine one or more issues in their lives on a deep level. It may be that limited physical mobility may actually increase our sense of inner freedom by focusing us on what goes on within us. Whatever the lesson is, many individuals in Re-Evaluation resolve major personal issues through simplification, consolidation and contemplation of their inner process. While others outside of them may see them as naïve and simplistic, this innocence can allow them to deepen their perceptions about what is really going on and affirm the development of their inner knowing over their outer expression. This further emphasizes the fact that the outer appearances of individuals in Re-Evaluation don’t match the reality of their inner development. It is important to understand that when a person has a Goal of Re-Evaluation it allows them to focus themselves so that they do not experience a lot of the distractions most of us experience in life.

It is for this reason that individuals with a Goal of Re-Evaluation have their own set of standards that they apply to life that are very different from people with any other Goal. Sometimes these individuals excel in a way that is not even understandable to others. People such as Stephen Hawking, Helen Keller and Stephen King are examples of how some degree of Re-Evaluation allows them to see their reality differently than others. Other disabilities that might indicate a Goal of Re-Evaluation include: Downs Syndrome, blindness, retardation, amputees, even individuals with brain imbalances or brain trauma situations which can cause many forms of psychiatric disturbances. While approximately only 1% of the U.S. population is in a Goal of Re-Evaluation, these individuals can have a profound effect on a lot of the people they come into contact with. In this way, they contribute to the whole in a way much more influential than many other Goals.

When individuals in a Goal of Re-Evaluation are growing they are in a state of awe or wonder that transcends their personal experience. Many of these individuals are incredible teachers because they put us in touch with our own motivation to succeed because they have to do so much more to just accomplish the simple things in life. The more we discount their contribution, the more reactively they respond. This means that when individuals in Re-Evaluation aren’t honored for their accomplishments in a way they can get, they tend to withdraw and act bewildered and stuck which mirrors the pain we feel around them. This is why we ask that people around those in a goal of Re-Evaluation, always focus themselves inwardly and really be with these individuals as much as possible. It can be a most heartening and uplifting experience, which, if denied, can be very uncomfortable and feel de-humanizing to us.

Those with a Goal of Re-Evaluation have a much more limited framework in which to operate than those who are imprinted with Re-Evaluation. When we are imprinted to do Re-Evaluation, we do become more cautious, more introspective and more unwilling to deal with the lessons and issues of others. We end up seeking to be alone and try to focus on eliminating any of the uncertainty that comes from being around others. Those with an imprinted Re-Evaluation also tend to be closed down emotionally, while those who are in Re-Evaluation may actually be able to be more emotional in the limited scope of their situation. Obviously, people who are overdoing Growth eventually tend to fantasize about how they can limit the scope of their activities to accomplish things more effectively. We do not necessarily consider this imprinting, although in extreme cases it could be so.

An individual embodying the goal of re-evaluation on an authentic level is clearly focused with an internal sense of priorities. Others around them experience this as a sense of focus that can’t be affected or changed. When we are doing re-evaluation imprinting, we become reactive when others attempt to add something to the process we do not agree on, when others attempt to blackmail or force us to do things we don’t want, or when others do not accept our internal focus as it is. The ironic thing about re-evaluation as an imprint is that we end up fighting ourselves, wanting to take on more things but not allowing ourselves to do so.

Primary Contribution—To resolve major personal issues through consolidation, contemplation and focus in a particular life.
Responsive characteristics—Simplicity, naiveté, circumspection, state of awe or wonder.
Primary Issue—Many times, the scope of the life is limited through disability, reducing distractions to a minimum so that issues can be worked on. If we have this goal, we need to have a clear understanding (or be reminded) that our life is useful, and is serving a purpose, that we set our own standards for doing what we need to do.
Reactive characteristics—Withdrawal, bewildered, stuck.
Identifying Characteristics—Down’s syndrome, blindness, motor disability to mild forms of retardation, learning disability, intense life issue focus. The eyes often seem unfocused.
Percentage of population with this goal: 1%.

Examples
Stephen Hawking -physicist, mathematician, author of “A Short History of Time” and “The Universe in a Nutshell” (acceptance and submission imprinting)
Helen Keller - (discrimination and dominance imprinting)
Paul Reubens, aka Pee Wee Herman - TV and movie personality (discrimination and acceptance imprinting)

Growth

Growth is a Goal where we focus externally (which is the opposite of the internal focus of Re-Evaluation Goals) by having particular Goals where we can measure our progress to date. Individuals with a Goal of Growth tend to establish Goals in a time framework that can be concretely measured by some achievement. For example, earning a college degree, buying a house, getting pregnant, getting a promotion, etc. The more concrete and tangible the Goal is, the more likely it is a motivational focus which organizes our activities in a way that can clearly be identified as working for a particular outcome. In this way, individuals with a Goal of Growth seek to externalize their inner accomplishments by anchoring them in an outer way so that everyone can see and validate them.

Growth supports the individual in jumping into new experiences, into learning life’s lessons as fast as possible. It is a Group Inspiration goal. Growth is one expanded engagement, where we externalize and focus on manifesting selected results. Our extroverted approach tends to include others in our process easily. We like to engage all options and possibilities and can see the value in interacting with others in passionate ways. Our emotional well-being drives us to develop more personal approaches with others, even though we like to focus ourselves in ways that produce results. Our aspirations help us build the inner qualities necessary to manifest our outer intentions.

The challenge, of course, is that they can be the most outwardly embarrassed and made fun of when they don’t accomplish their goals, as well. In other words, individuals with a Goal of Growth can either appear to be the most successful or the most unsuccessful in their accomplishments. This leads some individuals to not share their goals with others in advance. Most individuals in a Goal of Growth are willing to put up with the negative reactions of others and manifest their commitment to a goal by taking the outward steps necessary to accomplish it. It is their step-by-step approach that allows them to feel inspired and admired by the group that supports them. In this way, they are willing to evolve in a consistent way that encourages them to develop their skills so that they work smarter and not just harder.

Individuals with a Goal of Growth usually find ourselves in periodic ebbs and flows where either we take on too much, which drives us to simplify our lives in order to gain more momentum before we take on more things that will eventually slow us down. This cyclic behavior can eventually be neutralized when an individual fully actualizes their power to operate on a more even keel in accomplish their goals. Otherwise, we find that the peaks of the cycle require us to do some major re-evaluation to simplify their circumstances before they can Re-Engage fully at the bottom of the cycle. They also tend to do best when they have periodic vacations or breaks in activity, which allow them to regain a sense of momentum when they come back refreshed.

The most effective way to identify an individual with a Goal of Growth is the degree with which the outwardly engage possibilities around them. Individuals with a Goal of Growth lean into their growth and actively seek new ways of dealing with things. One of the primary criteria is to engage reality directly so that we can respond more fully. This is frequently reflected in a person taking on more responsibility than they know what to do with. The tendency to be over-responsible is an indication that an individual is seeking to actualize themselves on larger levels. Many people believe that we can also tell these people by their tendency to lean forward and by the growth lines around their eyes. Of course we think these are slight exaggerations and it is easier to identify people by their willingness to engage things as they come up.

Individuals who are doing well in a Goal of Growth are eager, aggressive and evolutionary in their beliefs. They don’t stand still and they don’t necessarily accept the status quo. If something doesn’t work, it should be fixed and improved. On the other hand, individuals who are overwhelmed by a Goal of Growth tend to be confused, disassociated and even absent-minded in their disengagement process. Growth individuals who are burned out can even over-complicate situations and make it impossible for others to support them. This is because they tend to isolate themselves as a way of recovering their energy.

The difference between a Goal of Growth and Growth imprinting is that the Imprinting focuses on outer appearances while an individual in a Goal of Growth focuses on the inner qualities. Growth imprinting tends to talk about what they want to do without jumping into do it. Growth imprinted individuals push themselves to keep performing without accomplishing what they intend. This is why a Growth imprinted individual tends to complicate things superficially believing that this indicates their commitment. When a person is really in a Goal of Growth, they simplify their contribution by going deeper into it, allowing it to unfold in its own time. Individuals who are imprinted with Growth get fearful that they aren’t accomplishing things quickly enough and tend to get stuck because they judge themselves more for what they don’t do.

Growth-imprinted individuals become very attached to establishing every possible option they can think of without just doing one and then making changes as needed. While Growth-imprinted individuals work on a horizontal level, individuals with a Goal of Growth work on a vertical dimension where they make changes on the fly as needed. This is because individuals with a Goal of Growth know that they just have to keep engaging on a deeper and deeper level until the reach an obstacle and they trust their ability to modify their course of action as they go.

Individuals who embody the goal of growth as an authentic expression manifest an openness and interest in exploring new possibilities. Other people experience these individuals as flexible and fluid, and can easily feel caught up in the passion of the moment. When we have growth imprinting, we end up commonly overextending ourselves, so that we want to engage things, but feel that we will not be successful in the process. Other individuals react to our growth imprinting by attempting not to give us too much information or feedback at one time. Growth imprinted individuals tend to react to others trying to schedule or slow them down. The ironic thing about growth imprinting is that we seem to want to maximize the amount of frustration we feel, believing it is a sign of our greatness. This is because we think that all leaders take on the issues of others around them in order to demonstrate their power and capability.

Primary Contribution—To complete major dramas or life tasks by constantly inspiring ourselves forward to keep on our developmental path.
Responsive characteristics— Evolution, willing to take on challenges, eager, progressive.
Primary Issue—To work smarter, not longer or based on quantity, improve the quality of our work.
Reactive characteristics—Confusion, complicated, absent-minded, internal at the cost of others, afraid of appearances.
Identifying Characteristics—Growth lines, different eyes, tend to lean forward. We say “I’ll do anything once.” We go through growth cycles, taking on too much, then simplifying too far. This keeps us always slightly off balance.
Percentage of population with this goal: 40%.

Examples
Carrie Fisher - Actress and Author (discrimination and dominance imprinting)
Shirley MacLaine -Actress and Author (discrimination and dominance and acceptance imprinting)
Rosie O’Donnell -TV Personality and Actress (dominance and discrimination imprinting)
Jessie Jackson -African American Political Leader (acceptance, submission and dominance imprinting)
Spike Lee -Director (acceptance and discrimination imprinting)
Arthur C. Clarke -Author (discrimination imprinting)
Lucille Ball -Comedienne (dominance and acceptance imprinting)
Donald Trump -Entrepreneur (dominance and acceptance imprinting)

Discrimination

Individuals with a goal of Discrimination seek to deepen our understanding by focusing and refining our Goal. In other words, we attempt to clarify what is good and bad about every aspect of what we are accomplishing so that we can continue to deepen our expression in way that honors what works. Discrimination is therefore about improving things by refocusing constantly on that which is the most effective. What we are doing, in effect, is constantly “re-scoping” our activities so that we are doing more that expresses the best in us. For example, if we were a film director with a Goal of Discrimination, every picture we did would further clarify what we do well, versus what we do poorly so that we would do more of what we do well, rather than focus on trying make better what we don’t do well.

Individual in a Goal of Growth would tend to always focus on what they do poorly so they can improve it. Individuals with a Goal of Discrimination deepen themselves by getting better at what they do well, and releasing their attachments and their need to repeat what hasn’t worked in the past. How a person with a Goal of Discrimination affects the whole is by establishing a new standard that others aspire to express. A lot of times this occurs because an individual learns how to express some new standard in a way that wakes others up to how they can do things better. It is important to realize that Discrimination is a one-on-one Expressive energy, which means that it is about an individual challenging and asking others to uplift themselves to their standard.

Many of our best Discriminators have been writers or movie critics who have put something into words that stimulates a new way of thinking about it. In this way, the Goal of Discrimination is about wringing the confusion out of things so that all that is left is its pure essence. While there are many Outer Success ways of expressing this energy, it does not have to be an Outer Success thing. For example, Mother Meera, Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Theresa are different examples of how being discriminating can raise our own personal ideals about what is the appropriate way to express ourselves with others.

It is interesting to note that the more we know who we really are, and express it, the more naturally discriminating we will be in how to express ourselves. This indicates that the opposite Goal, that of Acceptance, helps us to see when our Discrimination is becoming judgmental. While most individuals are afraid of being judged, individuals with a Goal of Discrimination seek to be judged in order to wake people up to their issues. In this way we seek to promote reactions so that new levels of understanding about what is good are anchored. For example, a food critic who is overly Discriminating tends to lose the audience because they are becoming over-polarized by what is being said. This means the critic needs to find common understanding with others (through Acceptance) to maintain the connection so that their Discriminations can be embraced. Ironically, it is the critic’s ability to embrace a common theme that others would like is what allows them to become effective and discriminating about how to improve this expression.

An individual doing Discrimination helps to eliminate those common beliefs that are impeding a full understanding of the situation. This occurs when the Discriminating agent takes a stand for a larger possibility and doesn’t accept the common assumptions that everything is as it should be. The effectiveness of the Discriminating agent is lost when they appear over-opinionated, aloof or snobbish. In such a situation, they speak only for the highest people they are willing to associate with and not with the larger majority who are seeking a way to uplift themselves. While only 2% of the U. S. population are in a goal of Discrimination, they have a huge impact because of their extreme ability to focus and deepen themselves.

A person doing the goal of Discrimination effectively manifests a degree of sophistication and refinement. They have a highly developed discernment of what is going on. An unbalanced individual who is burned out in their Discrimination is “perfectionistic” and critical without being complimentary. They end up being more rejecting and prejudicial because they are not embracing the whole. It is important to remember that while this energy is one-on-one oriented, its goal is to catalyze the larger group to understand and accept its notions about how to improve the process. When an individual doing Discrimination is overwhelmed they become name-droppers and attempt to force their ideas on others. On the other hand, individuals who are open and curious about possibilities do not prematurely dismiss the choices of others because they are open to experiencing each possibility anew.

Individuals who are imprinted with Discrimination are more outwardly focused and are picky about the clothes they wear, the job they have, and the kinds of friends they engage. Their attachment to looking good and needing others to accept their beliefs distinguishes them from those who are truly Discriminating. Real Discriminators are great listeners and are interested in engaging with others the deeper possibilities. Individuals imprinted with Discrimination are more focused on being right and never seem to be willing to give up on a belief that makes them feel better than others. It is interesting that it is not only important that they be proved right, but we also believe they have to prove others wrong. It is for this reason that we are so tenacious.

Individuals that embody the goal of discrimination authentically express themselves through their penetrating insightfulness. Others experience them as wanting more out of life. Their sense of refinement, sophistication and poise gets impressed on others, so that they become interested in refining their own lives. Discrimination imprinting commonly generates reactions in others, who think the discriminator is too arrogant, too detailed, smarter, or too elegant. As a result, others feel as though they’re being dismissed. The feeling of comparison makes both the imprinter and the “imprintee” feel unfairly evaluated and found inferior. The paradox for those who adopt discrimination imprinting, is that they hate feeling excluded from others, so they make themselves the arbiter of exclusion. This means that they always define themselves as part of the in-crowd and hope others will agree with them.

Primary Contribution—To increase refinement, redefine standards, challenge the status quo.
Responsive characteristics—Sophistication, refinement, perfectionist, worldly, highly discerning, well developed critical facilities.
Primary Issue—Learning how to express choice in a way that doesn’t automatically reject other choices or removing the “energetic deadwood” from many lifetimes of ingratiating activity.
Reactive characteristics—Prejudiced, rejecting, judgmental, opinionated, aloof, snobbish.
Identifying Characteristics—Picky about clothes they wear, their job and friends they have, the choices others make.
Percentage of population with this goal: 2%.

Examples
William Buckley - TV Personality, Political Writer and Commentator (dominance and submission imprinting)
Bruce Dern - Actor (growth, acceptance and dominance imprinting)
Fred Astaire - Actor and Dancer (acceptance and growth imprinting)
Rex Reed -Movie Critic (dominance and submission imprinting)
Julia Child - Chef (submission and dominance imprinting)
David Bowie - Singer, Rock Icon, Actor (growth, submission and dominance imprinting)
David Byrne - Musician, Artist (acceptance and growth imprinting)
Truman Capote - Author (acceptance and submission imprinting)
Pierre Cardin - Fashion Designer (growth, acceptance and dominance imprinting)
Orson Welles -Actor and Director (dominance and growth imprinting)

Acceptance

Individuals with a Goal of Acceptance are people-oriented. They usually attempt to make interactions with others tension-free and easier. Their need to reassure others that they are alright helps to make them easy to be with for others. Internally, they are most motivated to find bridges between themselves and others so that they can feel supportive to others wherever they are. What we want to do with this Goal is to Accept individuals in whatever way they want to be accepted. In this way, they are always trying to minimize conflict by finding the most positive framework in which to acknowledge others. The biggest challenge becomes how to accept oneself and others at the same time when there may be differences between us.

What drives individuals in Acceptance is their ability to see similarities in others and speak about them in a way that is honoring of all perspectives. In this way a goal of Acceptance person can be extremely open, responsive and loving to others because they are able to find ways to connect to each person uniquely. Individuals with a Goal of Acceptance are usually very strong humanitarians and have as a focus their ability to love others unconditionally, which we know as agape. While externally this Goal looks like it is self-deprecating from the outside, from the inside it is highly self-accepting. In fact, most individuals with a Goal of Acceptance have as one primary objective the goal of uplifting others into a better way of seeing themselves.

As a group-oriented Expression energy, they can be an incredible integrator who is able to bring people together to resolve any problem or conflict. They accomplish this not by being the primary instigator waking people up to different solutions, but by creating the space where others can share their insights in ways that wake up the group and yet keep the group unified. One of the most irritating things to people in a Goal of Growth is that the individuals in Acceptance seem to have many Goals that shift in and out as needed. They complain that Acceptance individuals aren’t deepening themselves by focusing their attention or activity. What a person in a Goal of Growth needs to learn is that people in a Goal of Acceptance is accomplishing all they want to accomplish by being with people, not by performing any activity. Many of the spiritual leaders of our times, as well as earlier times, had a Goal of Acceptance. This allows them to meet others where they are and not become entangled in lower level objectives that do not have a profound effect on others.

Individuals who are burned out doing Acceptance can be ingratiating, insincere, and isolating. The more a person in a Goal of Acceptance is in tune with themselves, the more outgoing and warm they are in being with others. One of the key indicators is their natural altruism and desire to see the best in others. The challenge is to learn how to focus on people and connect people through an inner process. The more an individual with a Goal of Acceptance is pushed into doing activities for others, the more likely they will be ineffective at serving and satisfying the people around them. In this way, it is important for others not to take advantage of those with Acceptance Goal and try to make them servants or to take them for granted that they are just going to be there come rain or shine. When we are overwhelmed in our Acceptance we can swing into Discrimination to focus our interests and activities on those people who will make a difference in our lives. Eventually, we open up to everyone when we have recovered our energy. In the United States, the Goal of Acceptance is the second largest reflecting almost 30% of the population.

When individuals have Acceptance imprinting, their goal is to make others happy no matter what. This is different with a true Goal of Acceptance who just wants to serve their friends by being present with them. The more a person has Acceptance imprinting, the more they care about their reputation and what others think about them. Individuals who naturally have a goal of Acceptance are willing to be with people who are not happy and/or are dissatisfied and in pain. This is because they have an innate curiosity and interest in discovering why people are the way they are. When we are imprinted with Acceptance, we are only willing to be around others on a superficial level because we are not connecting to them on a deeper creative level.

An individual embodying a goal of acceptance expresses a heightened degree of connectedness to others. Others around this person feel extremely safe and secure, and able to express their own truth, no matter what the situation. Acceptance imprinting typically creates reactions in others, who do not feel safe and secure. Instead, individuals experiencing the acceptance imprinting feel a sense of judgment and exclusivity. The irony of acceptance imprinting is that a person doing acceptance imprinting unconsciously attempts to get the agreement of others in a forceful way, which promotes reactions in others.

Primary Contribution—To support conflict resolution with other individuals.
Responsive characteristics— Agape, friendly, outgoing, warm, understanding, altruistic, humanitarian, self-accepting.
Primary Issue—Learning to assert the truth about a situation, person, or issue in a loving, accepting way.
Reactive characteristics—Ingratiating, insincere, afraid of not being liked, oblique.
Identifying Characteristics—Sometimes this can look and feel like a self-esteem issue (self-deprecation) but actually the acceptance effect is directed primarily toward other individuals, whereas self-deprecation is primarily internally directed.
Percentage of population with this goal: 30%.

Examples
Fred Rogers - Mr. Rogers Neighborhood (submission imprinting)
Robert Young - Actor (growth and dominance imprinting)
Hubert Humphrey - Minnesota Senator (dominance and submission imprinting)
Will Rogers - Humorist, Folk Philosopher (growth and dominance imprinting)
Herbie Hancock - Jazz Pianist (growth and discrimination imprinting.
Bo Derek - Actress (growth and submission imprinting)
Gene Kelly - Actor, Dancer (discrimination and growth imprinting)
Ray Charles - Singer, Songwriter (growth and dominance imprinting)
Johnny Carson - Tonight Show Host (discrimination and growth imprinting)
Danny Kaye - Actor, Comedian, Dancer (submission and dominance imprinting)
Ted Kennedy - Politician (growth and discrimination imprinting)

Submission

Individuals with a Goal of Submission idealize some person or task by making it bigger than they are. They are then able to focus their energy on fulfilling the dream of this possibility by doing everything both possible and practical to make it more attainable. Unfortunately, most of the ideals people with a Goal of Submission have are likely to be larger Goals that seem unattainable on an individual level. For example, many individuals with a Goal of Submission want to eliminate conflict in the world or, like my mother, wake people up to the joy of running. Other individuals with a Goal of Submission define themselves in trying to serve a partner that they feel deserves their support. This is why Submission is so paired with Dominance, because usually those they submit to have a Goal of Dominance.

The primary purpose here is to experience the satisfaction of stepping beyond their own personal objectives and embracing how serving others can actually end up serving them in the end. By placing something in front of our own Goals, we are forced to stretch ourselves to see how being there for others is a step in the process of being there for ourselves. One of the biggest challenges is not to deny or discount ourselves in the process. If we end up neglecting ourselves, we have no capacity to keep serving others. Instead, we try to find a way that serving others can serve us as well. Many people with a Goal of Submission come to this understanding in themselves after considerable adversity. While it is easy to believe that individuals with a Goal of Submission have been subjugated into this possibility, this is not the case unless it is imprinting.

Individuals with a Goal of Submission are extremely devoted to possibilities outside of them and see it as a transformative process to grow by using others or ideals as a leverage point to exceed their own expectations and beliefs. When individuals overdo their Goal of Submission they can seem subservient, helpless, dependent, victimized and martyred. These experiences indicate that they are trying to do too much too quickly. When they are able to pace themselves effectively, they are more sensitive, selfless and dedicated to growth in such a transpersonal way that it is commonly inspiring to others to see them taking action in such a selfless manner. This Goal is one-on-one oriented and focused on the action modality so that it is always about doing something to improve the situation.

Individuals who become overly Submissive can actually become Dominant in doing so. This occurs when an individual becomes so fixated on an objective that nothing can stand in the way of accomplishing it. While an individual with a Goal of Submission can temporarily become Dominant, it is not pleasing to that person because it makes them uncomfortable when they are seen as being in charge. They are the best followers and consider themselves the worst leaders. Usually they only become the leader in a default situation when there are no others who want to be leaders available. In the U.S. approximately 10% of the population have a Goal of Submission. Some of these individuals are mistaken for Servers, which is a slightly different expression. On the other hand a Goal of Submission is very complementary to being a Server.

Individuals who are imprinted to be Submissive focus on superficial activities where others define what needs to be done. They appear to be helpless to change their situation and yet they seem “undevoted” in terms of implementing anything to change the circumstances. People with a natural goal of Submission have a transpersonal way of being that is open and receptive to others. Individuals who are imprinted with Submission are typically closed down and unresponsive to others and feel tapped by the circumstances to act out whatever is expected. This means that those with an imprint of Submission believe they have to conform to what others tell them to do and believe that everyone has to play by the rules for things to work. There is no focus on improvement, either personally or with others when it is imprinting.

An individual authentically embodying the goal of submission experiences a sense of service to others. Others experience their commitment and dedication to a higher possibility, and feel supported by their presence. An individual with submission imprinting isn’t open to serving others, and instead seeks to look he or she cares, without having to become aligned to others where they are. Imprinted submission is self-involved and paradoxically selfish in its nature. This runs counter to the way these individuals try to present themselves, in that they are always complaining about how they have to sacrifice or perform for others. The irony is that the more they act externally as helpful and idealistic, the more others, taking them at their word, give them things to do which they end up hating.

Primary Contribution—To develop themselves and experience satisfaction by serving a person, group, or cause; placing it in front of everything else.
Responsive characteristics—Devoted, caring, helpful, sensitive, selfless, dedicated, loyal.
Primary Issue—To serve the person, group or cause without neglecting themselves. The situation needs to be “win/win.”
Reactive characteristics— Subservient, helpless, dependent, martyred, victimized.
Identifying Characteristics—Natural followers, visionary, active.
Percentage of population with this goal: 10%.

Examples
Marie Osmond - Singer, TV Personality, (acceptance and growth imprinting)
Ayatollah Khomeni - Leader of Iran (dominance and discrimination imprinting)
Mia Farrow - Actress (acceptance and growth imprinting)
Leonard Nimoy- Actor, Director, and Author (discrimination and dominance imprinting)
Joan Baez- Folk Singer (growth and dominance imprinting)
Paul Simon- Singer and Songwriter (growth and dominance imprinting)
Princess Diana- (growth and acceptance imprinting)
Terry Cole -Whittaker, Minister (acceptance and growth imprinting)
Nancy Reagan - Actress, First Lady (dominance and discrimination imprinting)
Joan of Arc- (dominance and acceptance imprinting)
Mother Theresa - (acceptance imprinting)

Dominance

Individuals with a Goal of Dominance want to be seen as being charge and in control. Our primary objective is to reinforce the image that around us people can relax. We are typically used to overcoming difficulties and create a sense of stability and peace around us. We accomplish this by reinforcing the idea that we are here and will take care of any difficulty. In this way, we are seen as leaders by others. They naturally defer to us because they believe we are capable and will be able to solve any problem that arises. Dominance is the action energy organized for group expression. This means others usually see and trust our ability to make things happen easily and effortlessly.

The primary purpose of a person with a Goal of Dominance is to be a central authority or focus that brings a sense of organization to the people around them. For this reason, individuals with a Goal of Dominance are usually more convergent in their decision making process. When an individual in a Goal of Dominance gets overwhelmed and burned out, they can become pushy, dictatorial, demanding, and insensitive. In this situation, we tend to lose our focus and by doing so, lose the trust of others around us. When we are reactive, others notice how we put ourselves first. The more balanced we are, the less noticeable this is, creating more of an image that we want others to win with us. Since each Goal has a polar opposite, we can switch to the other extreme when we get overwhelmed. In this case, we could switch from Dominance to Submission.

It is also possible when we are overwhelmed that we are more overt in our need to control everything around us. In extreme circumstances, we can be more rigid and so focused on the goal that we do not care the means we use to accomplish what is in front of us. The more in balance we are, the more we radiate a sense of supreme self-confidence like General MacArthur on the field of battle. Approximately 10 percent of the U.S. population operates with the primary Goal of Dominance. This Goal is best seen with Warrior and King energy individuals where it compliments their action orientation. In other situations, such as when an individual is an Artisan or Sage with a Goal of Dominance, it can be perceived almost paradoxically as being open and directive at the same time.

Individuals with a natural Goal of Dominance don’t care so much how others perceive their abilities. When we are imprinted with a Goal on Dominance, we care tremendously how others perceive us and can become reactive if they don’t accept our authority. When we are engaging in Dominance imprinting, we focus on how others are willing to conform or believe in our leadership. The more others ignore our leadership when we have Dominance imprinting, the more we believe they are rebelling and the more we conclude they must not trust us. What we want most of all is to be seen as a person in charge of a situation. This is why, in a group of people with Dominance imprinting, it can become very challenging as a pecking order is established.

Individuals authentically embodying the goal of dominance, expresses themselves by their ability to take simple action. People around them experience a considerable degree of certainty that things will be taken care of. An individual with dominance imprinting commonly provokes reactions from others because they are internally incongruent and unable to make decisions quickly enough for others to feel the same degree of confidence. As a result, a person doing dominance imprinting triggers issues of uncertainty and lack of effective implementation in others. It is ironic that people doing an imprint of dominance think that they are so effective when, in fact, everything they attempt to accomplish is undermined by others. Maybe this is why they end up becoming so isolated and separate from others.

Primary Contribution—To lead others in accomplishing tasks.
Responsive characteristics— Leadership, natural authority, out-going, capable, win/win attitude.
Primary Issue—To learn to balance their own objectives with the objectives of those they lead.
Reactive characteristics—Dictatorial, demanding, pushy, overwhelming, insensitive, selfish, “I win/You lose” attitude.
Identifying Characteristics—Takes charge, extreme self-confidence, controlling manner.
Percentage of population with this goal: 10%.

Examples
Roseanne - actress/comedian (Growth and Acceptance imprinting)
Barbara Stanwyck - actress/movie star (Growth and Discrimination imprinting)
Madonna - Singer/Actress (growth and discrimination imprinting)
Mohammed Ali -Heavyweight Fighter and Champion (acceptance imprinting)
Clint Eastwood -Actor/Director (discrimination and growth imprinting)
Howard Cosell -Sportscaster (major discrimination imprinting)
Elizabeth Dole -former Director of the American Red Cross, politician wannabe (discrimination and acceptance imprinting)
Fidel Castro -revolutionary leader, dictator, and President of Cuba (discrimination and submission imprinting)
Winston Churchill -British Prime Minister during WWII (discrimination, growth, and acceptance imprinting)
John Huston -Film Director (discrimination imprinting)
Ann Richards -
former Governor of Texas (growth and acceptance imprinting)
Mae West -Actress (discrimination and growth imprinting)
Sir Edmund Hillary -First to Summit Mt. Everest (discrimination and growth imprinting)
Barbra Streisand -Singer, Songwriter, Actress and Director (growth and discrimination imprinting)

Relaxation

Individuals with a Goal of Relaxation allow the world to provide for them. This does not mean that we particularly have it easy. It means we find ourselves usually at the effect of what the world provides. Most individuals with this Goal live in non-technological societies where they have to find their own food. This Goal facilitates the process of building structure in one’s life so that things work out. As individuals in this Goal have a certainty that things will work out, the universe does support them in many ways. For this reason, we do not respond to the suggestions or beliefs of others about what we should do, nor do we take on the intensity or fears of others that motivate them.

This Goal can also facilitate a direct connection with the universe. Some spiritual leaders have a Goal of Relaxation, which makes them unconcerned about material issues. In this way, people and situations arise that facilitate our development in ways that are not predictable or planned. An individual who is burned out around a Goal of Relaxation is typically lazy, noncommittal, and ignorant of the circumstances, with an inability to focus on what is in front of them. Individuals fully embodying the Relaxation Goal are clear, present, free-flowing, easygoing, and unstressed. It is clear from this description that individuals in a Goal of Relaxation are highly alert and open to seeing what happens in the moment. The challenge for individuals with a Goal of Relaxation is not to push things or attempt to make things happen because that is the mode of others around them. In other words, it is important for those in Relaxation not to try to imitate others in order to blend in.

One of the major indicators that an individual is in the Goal of Relaxation is their lack of time orientation. Individuals in Relaxation don’t calibrate to time or believe that they have to structure their day in terms of a result in time. This is why they will seemingly do activities when others believe it is inappropriate. For example, they may go fishing at night when others would go fishing during the day. Another example is that they don’t eat at pre-set times or do things in a particular sequence which others would find natural and effective. Because of this, they sometimes feel out of synch with others and which makes it difficult for others to get in synch with them. It is ironic that others tend to idealize people in a Goal of Relaxation because it is hard to imagine them letting things occur in such a haphazard way. The irony is that individuals in a Goal of Relaxation don’t particularly enjoy it because everything is so uncertain and unpredictable.

Individuals who are imprinted with a Goal of Relaxation expect the universe to provide for them and it usually does not. Individuals with an imprint of Relaxation try to relax and let things unfold because they idealize the life of the idle rich. It is ironic that individuals who are imprinted with a Goal of Relaxation can be so stressed over being directionless. It is so much work to try to live out Relaxation imprinting because our natural impulse to engage things has to be stifled and submerged in our belief that others can or will do it for us. Our expectations that our practice of doing nothing will support us causes resistance in others to supporting us. It takes so much effort to offset the boredom we feel because we still see ourselves as operating in a timeframe. An individual with a Goal of Relaxation is never bored because they don’t experience time.

When individuals are embodying the goal of relaxation as their natural expression, they experience a creative flow. Others around them experience an unpredictable sense of presence, which is engaged with others on a certain level, but is completely independent in its own direction. When we are doing relaxation imprinting, we commonly react to the assumptions of others, hate feeling made wrong for our lack of planning, feel bad about our lack of clarity or uncertainty compared to others, and attempt not to be put in a leadership role where others are counting on us. It is ironic that someone with relaxation imprinting is as difficult and stressed out as any type A personality.

Primary Contribution—Individuals with this goal are exemplars of universal support. They believe that life does not have to be intense, or difficult, but will naturally unfold as time goes by.
Responsive characteristics—Free-flowing, unstressed, easy-going.
Primary Issue—Balancing the need to maintain control with the desire to do nothing.
Reactive characteristics—Inert, lazy, uncommitted, ignorant.
Identifying Characteristics—Unconcerned about outcomes or planning to make sure something will happen. Doesn’t look like any other goal.
Percentage of population with this goal: 7%.

Examples
George Hamilton - tanned actor (Discrimination and Growth imprinting)
Refrigerator Perry - football star (Growth and Acceptance imprinting)

Identifying Goal Imprinting

Imprinting around goals confuses our ability to act with integrity and consistency. When we are imprinted to be a goal that we are not, this creates a pattern that when we are stressed out, overwhelmed or feel as if we are in survival, we imitate or copy our parents’ pattern when they were in the same state. This is the way that many people end up behaving like their parents without realizing it. In fact, many of the patterns which we are imprinted to perform we hate, not only because it reminds us of our parents and how we were compromised, but because the pattern itself is not in alignment with our true nature or WorldView. The way to identify our imprinting is found in the beliefs we hold and the ways we operate under stress. We will go over the seven different goals and discuss how we can identify our own patterns and recognize these patterns in others.

Re-evaluation Imprinting

Our behavior can be bewildering to particularly to others with a natural goal of Re-Evaluation. When we have Re-Evaluation imprinting we will withdraw if others do not act in conformance with our expectations or schedule. Ironically, we close ourselves down more than is needed in order to make sure that we are not going to be overwhelmed. Our need to be seen as independent can be undermined greatly by unrequested sympathy or pity. Anyone attempting to support us in ways that they normally would likely be repudiated. Re-evaluation imprinting is identified by feeling that we need to limit the scope of our activities so that we can manage them better. The imprinting itself can bring more caution and consideration to new projects but it is not anywhere as intense or with the same degree of impact as the person who is in re-evaluation as a full goal. The belief that these imprinted individuals hold is that they need to “focus, prioritize and eliminate the uncertain.”

Growth Imprinting

Our behavior can be seen as intrusive, set in our ways, and too focused on external validation, particularly by individuals with a natural goal of Growth. With Growth imprinting our experiences are paradoxical because we are fearful that things will not be done quickly enough and yet we tend to hold back when things are too complex. This appears to others as being perpetually confused or overwhelmed by what is going on around us. When others make things appear simple or easy this invalidates us and our beliefs about the reality of the situation. We can validate that we have Growth Imprinting by how much we need to be seen as being busy. Growth imprinting is also identified as a desire to focus on external activities without the commitment to actually do so. Individuals that have growth as a primary goal externalize their focus and see progress in the form of external goals being completed. Growth imprinted individuals tend to look towards external goals but do not actually push themselves to define their value in terms of the goal they have completed. They can be recognized by their belief that they “should take on whatever is presented to them,” assuming that it is something they want to do.

Discrimination Imprinting

Our behavior can be seen as rejecting, judgmental and snobbish, particularly by individuals with a natural goal of Discrimination. With Discrimination imprinting we accentuate our exclusivity because we believe we need to shock people into taking on new perspectives. The primary fear we are operating from is a desire not to be excluded, which means we tend to see ourselves as the elite. The more we need to be seen as special the easier it is for others to resist our opinions and deny our suggestions. Discrimination imprinting shows up as being selective, careful and determined to be seen as making the right choices. Those in actual discrimination are more inclined to do their selectiveness in a positive manner and end up refining the choices they make, but not eliminating them. Imprinted individuals, on the other hand, typically have to be seen as doing the right thing and are committed to the process of quickly and superficially eliminating all those variables that do not live up to their standard. The belief that they have that can be identified by others is that they have to be right (leading into a discussion of the reasons they are right).

Acceptance Imprinting

Our behavior seems to be ingratiating and insincere, particularly to those with a natural goal of Acceptance. Acceptance imprinting drives us to get the agreement of others at any cost. Ironically, we tend to seek out the opinions of others and then not follow them. This makes us appear more needy. If people react to this appearance of neediness, this is likely to compromise our connection with this individual. What is required is to accept them as they are and to see them as a normal, average person no matter what occurs. Acceptance imprinted individuals care tremendously about making others happy. When we do acceptance at a primary level, we end up caring more about what others think about us. Acceptance imprinting is more an internal state where we are checking all the time to see if others are happy around us. The belief that others have is that there is a perfect way for them to be so that others “will be happy around them.”

Submission Imprinting

Our behavior can seem as helpless and dependent particularly by others with a natural goal of Submission. When we are imprinted to be Submissive we feel compromised by our circumstances and are unable to do the ‘right thing.’ In some situations the right thing changes so much that we cannot feel really committed to the higher possibilities. This creates a lack of focus and direction, which individuals who are naturally in a goal of Submission experience in a positive way. What others need to know is that individuals with Submission Imprinting cannot be made wrong or judged for their martyr approach without severe consequences. What we want others to perceive is that we are doing things for the good of all. Submission imprinted individuals want others to define what needs to be done. They like to be followers for when it is imprinting there is not even the focus on the higher way of doing something or the best way to accomplish something, given to what they are devoted. Instead, the focus is on conforming or believing that we have to play by the rules. The belief that submission imprinted individuals hold on to is “I must follow.”

Dominance Imprinting

Our behavior can be seen as demanding, pushy and insensitive particularly by others who have a natural goal of Dominance. When we are imprinted with Dominance we need others to conform to our intentions or expectations to feel capable or powerful. Any doubt others may have is seen as a negative reflection on our abilities. If another wants to make the connection, they cannot challenge us in any way, or prove us wrong. Dominance imprinted individuals are focused on making things happen so that others will see and accept their power. Dominance imprinting is different from actual dominance in that individuals that have a primary goal of dominance do not care as much how others see their power, while those who are imprinted to be dominant care more about others’ acknowledging their power. The belief that imprinted dominant individuals have is the internal state that they “must be in charge.”

Relaxation Imprinting

Our behavior can be seen as noncommittal and judged as lazy and indifferent particularly by others who have a natural goal of Relaxation. When we are Relaxation imprinted we tend to believe that things should work out but they never seem to. Even the judgments of others cannot move us forward if it does not seem to be in our interest. What we seek to avoid the most is compromise by others ideas of what we should do. Others could also believe that we do not or will not listen to what they are saying. In truth, we hear everything but do not feel compelled to respond. Relaxation imprinted individuals believe that everything should naturally work out without much of their attention. This is different in the degree of commitment from individuals in full relaxation who believe the world owes them a living. Imprinted relaxation individuals tend to let others set the stage where they can respond in a way that helps them to get their needs met. Even imprinted individuals in relaxation do not operate with certainty or power but rather bounce from thing to thing to fit their mood and interest in the moment. Individuals with this imprint believe “who, me worry?”

Goals Compatibility

Dealing with Goals

While everybody wishes to grow, there are seven Goals we use to define our growth. Some individuals limit their growth by limiting themselves in what they focus on. We call this a reevaluation way of growing. We can easily identify this group through their lifelong handicaps, learning disabilities or other outward limitations that force them to grow inwardly. This is opposite to an outward way of growing which we label growth. Approximately 40% of the U.S. population defines itself in terms of outward goals that they desire to complete. These individuals vacillate between taking on too much and taking on too little. Other individuals grow by becoming more discriminating. Their desire and drive is to be more selective, and by so doing, to support others in becoming more refined. We call this a goal of discrimination because it is so focused on inward experiences of improvement. The opposite of discrimination is acceptance, which is a goal in which an individual measures his or her success by how inclusive he or she is with others. Individuals with a goal of acceptance can be easily identified by their preoccupation with what others think about them. They typically seek to caretake others and make sure that people feel good about what they are doing for them.

Dominance is another way of growing. Some individuals wish to grow by taking charge of activities and measuring their effectiveness by how well they can effectively manage others. Individuals with a goal of dominance do not wish to upset others, but they do want to provide a sense of security and focus that everything will be handled in a consistent way. The goal that is opposite to dominance is submission. An individual with a goal of submission could be submissive to others, but it is more likely they are submissive to a larger ideal. These higher possible ideals can range from being a good mother to serving the poor in Calcutta. The seventh and final goal is relaxation. While many individuals in the United States would think this goal is easy and non-challenging, the reality is that usually an individual with this goal is always at the effect of the universe. We find individuals with this kind of goal in situations that are not technology oriented, such as in the tropics where they hunt and gather food.

Each of these seven goals is equally powerful and effective. Ironically, in our society we think everyone should grow in outward ways, when, in fact, 60% of the population is growing in more inward ways. Goals help individuals focus themselves in a development process that supports them in their lifework expression. Frequently, our parents’ goals or our imprinted goals interfere with our own natural goal. This keeps us from developing in a way that supports or serves us. One of the key issues in this process is letting go of behaviors that reflect our parents’ ways of operating. These do not honor us.

Many people believe that goals are specific targets that support us in organizing our activities. They see goals as content items to be implemented in a particular sequence so that we have a sense of accomplishment. In other words, goals are reference points for what we are trying to achieve. While this is the way 40% of the United States population understands goals, it is not everyone’s perception of them. Actually, most goals have an interpersonal focus which means the goal is about feeling a particular way with others. Many individuals have goals that are internally focused and that reflect no outer organization principle. For example, individuals with a goal of Acceptance want others to see and honor who they are more than anything else. Any outward sequence or activity that allows this to occur may be a part of what they do, but is not the primary way they engage situations.

Thus, Goals always indicate a context around which individuals seek to organize themselves. Unless we understand the context of the people around us, we won’t understand what really motivates them to improve themselves. Also, unless we understand and appreciate how we can bring the different contexts together, we will not find a way to connect our Goal with their Goal. Finally, Goals also affect the motivation we have in moving forward in our lives. The more we are seen and appreciated in our Goal, the more we will feel seen by others in a way that can allow for the possibility of alignment. Unfortunately for many individuals, all the different Compatibility Factors we speak about are initially unconscious. Before we can effectively see and embrace the different frameworks in others, we need to learn about them.

This reflects the reality that we need to work from the inside out to manifest our ability to connect with others. Without the ability to honor our own nature, we can’t even see the differences in others. As long as we are denying ourselves, we end up unconsciously denying others. In such a situation, we end up adopting what we believe we need to be in order to gain the approval and acceptance of others. This distances us from our own creative nature, making it less likely that others will believe in us. It also disconnects us from our Creative Energy, which sets us up to believe our power is without instead of within. We need to learn to focus on going deeper within ourselves until our own creative power is acknowledged. When we follow this prescription, we realize how different many others are from us. Then we can understand how to best interact with them.

Goals are also ways for us to be in connection with our emotions and feelings. The more open we are to our emotions and feelings, the more likely it is that we notice and become cognizant of the differences in goals between ourselves and others. On the other hand, the more closed down we are emotionally, or the more emotionally reactive we are when others are available on this level, the less likely we will be able to align with them in any way. This is because Goals, reflecting the context of our possibilities, require us to be more available if we wish to engage those with different Goals. Many men in the United States, believing that emotions are signs of weakness, mistakenly think that their more focused ways of doing things make them stronger individuals. Unfortunately, distancing ourselves and being rigid in our own way of doing things makes it more difficult to be powerful and effective because we don’t know how to align with others on a Goal level. This results in everyone doing their own thing and no one cooperating.

There are seven different Goals, which reflect different ways of showing up. To be fully empowered is to be able to honor our own way of growing while honoring how others around us grow in ways that may be different. We will cover three steps in this material that will allow us to become more effective with others. The first phase is Self-Discovery, in which we learn about the seven options and how they show up. Second is the Embodiment phase, in which we clear out the reactions to our past and neutralize our predetermined notions that make us feel we are better or worse than others. Then, in the third phase, we can Mutually Manifest a way of making things happen together. It is our intention to engage these three phases systematically by first understanding what the possibilities are, embracing how these possibilities show up and then determining how to unify our ability to work with these energies in a moment-to-moment way.

Clearly Recognizing Our Goal Reactions

When we experience a reaction it indicates we have triggered an internal fear that we won’t be able to live up to the image others expect. We then create counter beliefs to offset these fears. Explore the following reactions primarily to identify our goal imprinting. In this section we are assuming all of the remaining compatibility factors are the same, so we can focus on the differences. We will first deal with the reactions we experience when one person with a Goal meets another individual with the same Goal:

1. Re-Evaluation with Re-Evaluation. Either individual could react to the other person because the scope of their interest is different and doesn’t overlap. Therefore, the priorities and willingness to connect would be compromised. One of the biggest issues that a person in Re-Evaluation comes up when they feel forced to do things in a way that others demand. This means a person in Re-Evaluation could be very reactive to another person with a Goal of Re-Evaluation.

2. Discrimination with Discrimination. These individuals could get along extremely well if they had common interests. This is because both are driven to find better ways to accomplish something and/or refine the process they use. When there is no common framework they are likely to test each other to determine if there is trust and acceptance. If not, it is common that they will seek to undermine the other.

3. Submission with Submission. Two individuals in Submission could find it extremely difficult to be with each other if there was not a pre-established common goal. This is because individuals in Submission seek out leadership in other people and, in this situation there would be a denial of leadership. On the other hand, if there was a common purpose, two individuals in Submission could work as a team extremely well because of the alignment they feel about the common endeavor they are engaged in together.

4. Growth with Growth. Two individuals in Growth could find it very easy to be with each other and work well together. The common process of writing down and clarifying what the goal is would help facilitate interactions if they agreed on the goal. They might experience conflict in the way it’s being approached, but this will not handicap them in their acceptance of each other.

5. Acceptance with Acceptance. Two individuals with a Goal of Acceptance would find it easy to be with each other but would find it difficult to accomplish anything specific or preplanned. This is because although both individuals would be naturally spontaneous and good with each other on a people level, there would not be any feedback and follow-up process as this is not what they naturally do.

6. Dominance with Dominance. Two individuals in Dominance might find it very difficult to work together because each would seek to impress their plan on the other. The likelihood is that they would respect each other, but would be unable to find agreement about how to proceed together. It likely would fall to the person who had the most expertise in the area of endeavor to direct the process so that others could organize themselves around this individual’s plan.

7. Relaxation with Relaxation. Two individuals in Relaxation would do very well together and feel capable of spontaneously working with each other as long as a plan wasn’t being followed. It is likely, though, that circumstances would separate them so that each one would continue doing what they do best. This is because individuals will be struck in the moment to do different types of things and, without a structure for following through on anything, they would tend toward independent activity.

8. Re-Evaluation with Growth. An individual with a Goal of Re-Evaluation would tend to be very selective about what they are willing to engage. If the individual in Growth is willing to accommodate the person in Re-Evaluation, the relationship will go well. This is because both of these energies are based on Inspiration and they share a common heritage. As the individual with the Goal of Growth is group-oriented, they may not feel as empowered when they’re interacting one-on-one with the person in Re-Evaluation. Since this example is based on one-on-one interaction, it would be easier for the person in Re-Evaluation to deal with the person in Growth. This, of course, would change if they were interacting in a group.

9. Discrimination with Acceptance. A person with a Goal of Discrimination could find it difficult to be with a person with a Goal of Acceptance. This is because the one-on-one Discrimination focus would conflict with the mass group-oriented Acceptance Goal. In other words, the person with Acceptance could be too easygoing and open in a way that the individual with a Goal of Discrimination finds repugnant. It comes down to an issue of inclusivity, which is the Acceptance Goal, and exclusivity, which is the Goal of Discrimination. Sometimes these two might feel they are working at odds, even though both are based on the quality of Expression.

10. Submission with Dominance. An individual with a Goal of Submission does very well with an individual with a Goal of Dominance. This is the favorite combination for both of these Goals because leaders and followers get along well. Since both are action modality, they do extremely well together. The individual with the Goal of Dominance would have more flexibility around many people because of their group orientation. The person with the Goal of Submission would not feel out of place in a group unless there were multiple leaders, which could then be very problematic.

11. Submission with Relaxation. An individual with Submission could be a little challenged by a person in a Goal of Relaxation. Both of the individuals do not demonstrate any strong leadership qualities. It is not just the leadership issue, but the lack of focus between these two that will cause the problem. The individual with the Goal of Relaxation is the more unpredictable, but the individual with the Goal of Submission is the more uncertain. The difference is individuals with a Goal of Submission have a plan, even though they’re not sure they will implement it, while the person with a Goal of Relaxation has no plan and wants none. The individual in Relaxation can consider the person in Submission as too idealistic, while the individual in Submission can consider the person in Relaxation as undefined.

12. Discrimination with Relaxation. This combination is very difficult because there is very little in common between Discrimination and Relaxation. The individual in Discrimination would be frustrated that the person in Relaxation has no interest in improving themselves. The individual in Relaxation would be very upset because the person in Discrimination is so up-tight and, from their perspective, inhuman. Out of all the Goals, an individual in Relaxation would have the most difficulty with Discrimination, to the point that they would believe this individual is prejudiced against them. The Relaxation person wouldn’t last long because they’d feel the sense of judgment and it would create more and more stress to the point that they would leave.

13. Re-Evaluation with Relaxation. An individual with a Goal of Relaxation operating with a person with a Goal of Re-Evaluation can be an interesting experience. As long as an individual in a Goal of Relaxation accepts the self-imposed limits of a person in Re-Evaluation, everything will work out. Both allow things to occur, but the person in Re-Evaluation ignores it if it doesn’t fit their criteria for something they engage. This will leave the person more open to exploring options and reacting to the person in Re-Evaluation if they feel they’re trying to discount options. The person doing Re-Evaluation may also feel very isolated from the person doing Relaxation because the person doing Relaxation will tend to wander off on their own and not re-engage like most other Goals would.

14. Growth and Relaxation. An individual with a Goal of Growth can be frightening to a person in Relaxation because of the structure and focus that come with being in Growth. Individuals in a Goal of Growth talk about things and usually try to get agreement with others about what is important, which would be terribly frustrating for a person with a Goal of Relaxation. Individuals in a Goal of Relaxation 6 'tend to be more spontaneous and do not want to calibrate their activities in terms of a long-term goal. This means they will tend to view the person in Growth as an overachiever or, at the least, a person who is not willing to explore things as they come up. The individual with a Goal of Growth will find the Goal of Relaxation difficult to comprehend, not only because there is no time framework, but also because there is a negation of the importance of having goals.

15. Acceptance and Relaxation. An individual with a Goal of Acceptance can do very well with an individual with a Goal of Relaxation. While the individual with a Goal of Acceptance will be more people-oriented, neither one of these Goals is comfortable with advance planning. They would enjoy letting things occur and accept circumstances as they are and not try to change each other. The major challenge would be the desire for the person in Acceptance to get seen in a personable way, which would not be easy for the person in Relaxation. They could be interpreted by the person in Acceptance as not caring, which would stimulate that person to try to do more to get valued which would create stress in the relationship.

16. Dominance with Relaxation. This combination would be extremely difficult because both individuals would likely not calibrate or connect to each other. One of the primary reasons for this is they both define themselves in terms their immediate activities which would be challenging because both have a different perspective about what they’re doing at each moment than what is obvious from the outside. The person in Relaxation would believe that the person in Dominance to be demanding and having too many self-opinions. The individual with a Goal of Dominance would believe that the individual in Relaxation is lazy and doesn’t not apply themselves to the circumstances around them.

17. Discrimination and Submission. An individual with a Goal of Discrimination would find it tough to be around someone with a Goal of Submission. The only common ground they would experience is the desire to improve things. The challenge with this would be trying to find any degree of alignment in terms of what they’re interested in accomplishing. Assuming there is some alignment, it could be a good match if the person in Submission is not put off by the critical nature of the person in Discrimination. If the person in Discrimination does not judge the person in Submission in any way, a longer-term relationship would be possible. Otherwise, the judgments of a person in Discrimination could wipe out the self-esteem of a person doing Submission.

18. Acceptance and Dominance. An individual in a Goal of Acceptance would find it very difficult to be around a person in Dominance on a personal level. In a business context, it may be possible to make this situation work if there are clear roles to play or boundaries that were established. The challenge would be that a person in Dominance could get a lot of negative feedback about their plans from the person in Acceptance, particularly when it comes to assigning or selecting people to do certain activities. This is because a person with a goal of Acceptance likes to make sure that people enjoy what they’re doing, while an individual in a Goal of Dominance is more task-oriented and doesn’t care as much if others like what they’re doing. A person in Dominance wants his directions carried out immediately and without question. A person in Acceptance likes to have a discussion about everything and reach agreement. This causes conflicts to arise when there is no agreement. Of course, the person in Dominance assumes that what they say is the final word -- though it usually isn’t. Unfortunately, people in Acceptance usually believe they have the final word about people.

19. Re-Evaluation with Discrimination. Individuals in a Goal of Re-Evaluation may or may not feel comfortable with a Goal of Discrimination. This is because while both are interested in focusing themselves to make breakthroughs, individuals with a Goal of Discrimination act more exclusively and likely need to feel right in the end. This will irritate enormously people with a Goal of Re-Evaluation because they won’t feel heard, valued, or seen for their own truth. This is because individuals in a Goal of Discrimination are used to being arbiters of what’s best for others. It’s ironic that Discriminators can get out-classed by individuals in Re-Evaluation, but that is what it amounts to because individuals in Re-Evaluation know what they know and accept it over anybody else’s truth. This is the secret weapon of people doing Re-Evaluation -- whenever others tell them things that don’t work for them, they simply don’t listen.

20. Growth with Acceptance. An individual with a Goal of Growth can do very well with an individual with a Goal of Acceptance as long as they remember not to make the person in Acceptance accept their goals. While it is the nature of people in Acceptance to try to accommodate others, it is not possible for individuals in Acceptance to become as active and task-oriented as an individual with a Goal of Growth. On the other hand, individuals with a Goal of Acceptance like to schedule time just to hang out with no goals in mind. When this occurs, it is very regenerating for a person in Acceptance. If this can never occur, it becomes an area of friction where the person in Acceptance makes a judgment that the person in Growth is either a workaholic or doing things in a way that is crazy and difficult to comprehend.

21. Re-Evaluation with Submission. The relationship between a person in Re-Evaluation and a person in Submission can be a good, but uneasy one. This is because neither will try to dominate the other and each has areas in which they excel that the other respects. It is also extremely easy for a person in Submission to imagine themselves in the other person’s place, provoking considering compassion. The person in Re-Evaluation, in some ways, will be Inspirational to the person in Submission, while the person in Submission will likely be an action hero of the person in Re-Evaluation. The means they can complement each other very nicely.

22. Growth and Dominance. Individuals with a Goal of Growth can find ways to work effectively with individuals in Dominance, if they don’t take things personally. In fact, this combination can be extremely powerful as it combines Inspiration and Action. The challenge is that they’re both used to defining things in their own terms. This means that both can act as chiefs and they have no Indians. Ironically, it is the ability of the individual in Growth to see the bigger picture of the person in Dominance that likely creates the breakthrough. This is because most individuals in Growth have learned more people-management skills than individuals with a Goal of Dominance. When the person in dominance is respected for their task activity skills, they get softer and more amenable to cooperating with the person in growth. Individuals with a goal of dominance can be very easygoing in situations where they have people who are not followers, but co-creators on some level. In fact, they may be tired of having to take care of everyone and learn to enjoy more equal interactions with a person in growth.

23. Acceptance with Submission. An individual in a Goal of Acceptance will do extremely well with an individual in a Goal of Submission. This combination is much more similar than any other Goal for each of these energies. Individuals with a Goal of Acceptance care about taking care of the people around of them, which is usually what a person in Submission is interested in as well. Individuals with a Goal of Acceptance like the heroic stand that a person in Submission takes to accomplish things in the world. While an individual with a Goal of Submission appreciates the people-sensitivity and their desire to do what’s best for others. One reason why this combination tends to work more for Acceptance than any other is because the way an individual does Submission is based, like the person in Acceptance, on a heartful knowing of what to do.

24. Discrimination with Dominance. Discrimination and Dominance also do well together, not just because they’re both focused on task management processes, but because both want to see things happen in the smartest, most effective way. If both of these individuals are fluid to some degree, a great bond can occur between them such that working together is a great joy. If they are too rigid, then this combination can start WWIII, because both are stubborn and neither will back down under threat of adversity. This is because both of them have to be right and believe this must mean the other person is wrong. Dominance, being an Action polarity, knows how to attack those in Discrimination by challenging their implementation ideas. Discrimination, being an Expression Goal, believes they have the higher ground because they understand what is going on intellectually more than those in Dominance. For example, George W. Bush is in Growth with Discrimination, Acceptance, and Dominance imprinting. George’s mother, as we know, is in a Goal of Dominance with Acceptance imprinting. George’s father is in Discrimination with Growth and Dominance imprinting. When we compare the interaction of these two Bushes as President with Saddam Hussein who has a Goal of Dominance, we can see how what the father didn’t complete is now being re-enacted by the son.

25. Growth and Submission. In a situation between Growth and Submission, such as I mentioned in a previous example with my mother, it is important that individuals in a Goal of Growth don’t impose their ideals on a person in Submission, for this would do damage to the relationship. It is also important that a person in a goal of Submission does not define themselves in terms of people, but in terms of a theme they want to manifest. This non-personalization process for both individuals allows there to be a greater understanding and conscious alignment with each other. When we are unconscious of these issues, the relationship can be very poor. The more we are conscious and don’t project these issues on each other, the more effective it can be.

26. Re-Evaluation with Dominance. This combination is also a very challenging one when the individuals involved aren’t conscious. The more conscious an individual in Dominance is, the more they tend to impact a person in Re-Evaluation because a person in Re-Evaluation, in their attempt to connect, may take on some of the ideas of a person in Dominance. Again, it is an issue of boundaries. The more a person in Re-Evaluation can keep open a connection with an individual in Dominance without defining themselves or accommodating the person in Dominance, the better the relationship is likely to be. This is because, when a person in Dominance respects a person, they do not try to fix or change them as much. In this situation, it is probably impossible for them to fix or change anything about a person in Re-Evaluation anyway, which could frustrate them enormously. As a result, people in Dominance may believe a person in Re-Evaluation is discounting and denying their input, when in fact, they just can’t hear it.

27. Re-Evaluation and Acceptance. Re-Evaluation and Acceptance can link up in a nice way if the person in Acceptance doesn’t expect much. The more a person in Acceptance wants to improve the situation, the more likely the relationship will become overwhelming to the person in Re-Evaluation. If the pressure is neutralized and neither individuals thinks they have to perform for the other, then the lack of expectation creates the possibility for a great relationship. Again, it is important to remember a person in Re-Evaluation does what they do because it’s what they need to do. It is not effective to expect more from them or to try to change them.

28. Growth and Discrimination. The individual with a Goal of Growth can be somewhat effective in being with an individual with a Goal of Discrimination if they understand the exclusive nature of an individual with a Goal of Discrimination. The more an individual in Growth treats and respects the person in Discrimination in a one-to-one way, the more likely the relationship is to mature and develop. The more open and engaging a person in Growth is with everyone, the more their inclusive nature can set up repulsions in the person with Discrimination because of their lack of selectivity in their moment-to-moment expression. This means that a person in Discrimination will likely withdraw and distance themselves to keep from being overwhelmed by all the possibilities that a person in Growth takes for granted.

All twenty-eight of these interactions reflect perspectives that we think are legitimate. Many times, we’ve had experiences where we feel right, which means that the other person must be wrong. It is time now to start to see that these are just perspectives that reflect value differences in individuals and do not make a person better or worse. While in the past, we may have associated certain of these characteristics as bad or difficult and believed it reflected on a person in a negative way, we can now see that this type of judgment does not serve anyone at any time. Each of these judgments is precipitated by our own fear of differences. What we don’t understand, we are making wrong. When we start to see the larger picture that any one of these seven Goals are equal in their contribution and beauty, we can begin to open ourselves up to seeing the greatness of people rather than being the observers of their folly.

It is also important to distinguish authentic expression of Goals versus the imprinting. The more unconscious and reactionary we are about people, the more likely it is about their imprinting where they become strong, rigid, and forceful, rather than their natural expression of a real goal. This is why it is important for us to discover the source of some of our reactive behavior so we can clear it out and understand its source. In most situations, we will discover that it is the fearful caretaker or parent acting out of their imprinting that has polarized us away from the expression of certain Goals and therefore biased us in our ability to see the world clearly. The more we neutralize these reactions by (1) not acting them out, (2) engaging people when in the past we would have had the most difficulty seeing their greatness, and (3) talk about our experiences so we can get clear the deeper truth of the situation, the freer we will be to be ourselves. This is because the more we heal and forgive ourselves in the past, the less we will take on the reactions of others in the future.

The key point to remember is that when we judge others, we open ourselves up to their judgments of us. Only by ceasing to judge others will we be able to cease judging ourselves. If, we honor those individuals who hurt us in the past by implementing goals in inappropriate ways, we will heal ourselves enough to deal with people easily that are doing the same thing to us today. Otherwise, we are doomed to repeat our patterns and get involved with others repeating their patterns and we never experience the freedom to be ourselves. In this way, we have to learn to accept ourselves and be who we are so that others can learn how to be who they are and so that we don’t take on their incomplete stuff. This, of course, reminds us that it is only when we honor our own lessons that we really make progress in the world. The more we are reacting to others by doing the imprinting of our parents, the more we are allowing our parents to define our lives. It is time now to put these old parental lessons aside.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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