Feminine Attractions

We develop Wisdom by recognizing that Sexiness is a made-up artifact or idea of how we should be to get the attention we seek. If we get attention, we think we are Sexy. If we do not get the attention, then we believe we are not. Sexiness is therefore, an intellectual construct based on the judgments of others and our reaction to it. Because it is a feminine self-reflective Attraction, it has more to do with our interactions with others than our interaction with ourselves. Wisdom is the ability to see this and no longer be at the effect of the outer story.

Innocence is the next highest feminine Attraction and it reminds us not to get entangled by past perspectives or Beliefs. Instead, through Innocence, we are given an intellectual rebirth each and every day as we start anew. Innocence is the capacity to explore using our curiosity about what different perceptions are and how they make sense. We learn not to get attached to a fixed point of view, but rather, to keep our options open. When we do this, it creates an opening for new ideas to emerge without the baggage and overhead. Innocence invigorates and deepens our capacity for Wisdom.

Self-Acceptance is the next feminine Attraction that impacts Wisdom. If we cannot accept ourselves, then we cannot understand our relationship with others. This is because anything we deny in ourselves gets in the way of connecting with others. Through Self Acceptance we maintain our openness and desire to grow. It facilitates our not getting caught up in judgments either for ourselves, or others, because this prevents us from seeing when things change. The big gift is that with Self Acceptance we can always forgive ourselves, thus to regain our Innocence. Feminine Attractions are therefore more internalized, but as they grow become transfigured by our engagement of others in the world.

Vibratory Response is commonly thought of as integrating Emotions and Thoughts within us, but it is also valuable in integrating the feminine personality attractions: Sexy, Innocent, Self-Acceptance. These three attractions comprise the perfect integration pattern for embodying our feminine nature. They capture what makes the feminine energy mysterious and embracing. When brought together and unified, they typically minimize the masculine intellectual structure for greater Intuition and Wisdom. This unification allows each attraction to absorb the essence of the other attractions (Sexy, Innocent, Self-Acceptance). This holon manifests as increasing degrees of hopefulness and presence reflecting the larger unified nature of feminine development. The Common Neutral Ground technology is also an inherently feminine pattern, with the addition of some clear boundaries. What occurs is a mixing and matching of individual and mutual experiences, which are the result of finding similarities and unifying them. Without the integration of these feminine attractions, the feminine would not have its inherent power to evoke new possibilities in the world.

The gift of Vibratory Response is the capacity to reflect and respond to eliminate superficial distinctions or differences. This capacity to see paradoxes of greater magnitude and bring them together into a unified Context teaches us that everything is related to everything. It also allows us to trust that the Universe can and will work with us to fulfill what we need. Because this energy integrates the Thoughts and Emotions on the Intellectual level and it is primarily feminine, the most powerful expression of it is the attraction of Innocence. Some would say that faith is the main quality that feminine attractions embody. When we are Sexy, we have faith that others will find us attractive. When we are Innocent, we have faith that others will be interested in knowing about us and explore more deeply (especially when we are not obvious). When we are Self-Accepting, we have faith that there will be others that will see and appreciate us just as we are. It is this outward exploration and willingness to bring things together that makes Vibratory Response so truly powerful. This is the power, not of Defenses, where we intimidate, challenge, or compete with others using their own fears against them, but rather, the Creative Power of bringing people together so that they want to participate and contribute.

The downside of a lack of Vibratory Response is that when we are fragmented and defensive, we do not see the whole picture and therefore, cannot even imagine what we are missing. The upside is that we discover who people are quickly and how they can best contribute on a larger level. This innate insightfulness comes because they are not denying, discounting, or minimizing the Emotions and/or Thoughts that make up their Truth. When we accept our Truth, it becomes a powerful voice for creative integration. Through Vibratory Response we are able to ascertain the Truth of others because we accept our own Truth. This makes us less willing to override or minimize another’s Truth because it could be us in their position. We also become appreciative that we are not trapped by our own Defenses where we cannot see the whole Truth. The value of seeing the whole picture is that we can do things in a clear and unambiguous manner that actually promotes the Common Good around us.

It is through Vibratory Response that we come to appreciate that there is a natural process in solving any problem. This process is to find the neutral, middle ground between extremes and invite everyone to participate. The result is a path that can shelter and support the greatest number of people. The more extreme the edges, the more reactive people will be in keeping “subjectifiers” from participating in the solution. What they do not realize is that it is their defenses that have polarized them to this degree, and as a result, trapped in the past with an inability to remake or reconsider what their Truth is currently. Some would say that their Attachments, Positions, and Beliefs are hindering their ability to be seen and be loved. What Vibratory Response does, is that it empowers us to make choices without getting caught up in judgments. In this way, the true qualities inherent in the middle path can be revealed and offered to those who can move forward.

Key Definitions

Personality self is the conditioned, independent expression that defines itself in terms of separative fear and frustrated desire. It is our survival and outer success mechanism dedicated to our unconscious growth process. Our Creative Self manifests through us as Inner Presence (through Intent Embodiment), Creative Awareness (through Context Mastery), and Love (through conscious interactions with others). We accomplish this by Integral development and Unity consciousness.

Our personality mechanism learns through random experiences that we eventually classify as good/bad, right/wrong, or accepting/rejecting. This trial and error process drives us to make more safe or secure choices. This puts us at the effect of our attractions. We react by attempting to possess, control, and limit the power of our attractions over us. We lose this war when we fall in love. This just complicates our relationships more, particularly when our attractions seem to shift over time. We become torn between needing to be attractive and wanting to attract others more, so we do not feel so lost. Whatever we have denied in ourselves becomes something we want our partner to manifest for us. Unconscious attractions teach us to grab whatever leverage we can over others to get what we want, because life seems so transitory. This perspective reflects both an over-identification with unconscious attractions and a lack of understanding about how we create conscious attractions. Conscious attractions are based on creative interactions that release us from personality fixations. This book addresses both issues.

Unconscious attractions are based on physical sexual chemistry, intellectual perceptions of power, and idealized personal projections of what we want but feel we have been denied. With unconscious attractions we need to know that our interest will be reciprocated or that our partner will be beholden to us in some other way. Our Safety Fear is that we will be objectified, discounted, and rejected. Our Safety Desire is to be accepted and adored. Our Security Fear is that we will not be heard or considered a valuable contributor. Our Security desire is to gain the approval of others and be admired. All personality issues operate in dualities where we believe we need to eliminate the downside risk and take action to consolidate our gains. Since personality survival and outer success mechanisms work constantly to maintain a positive self-image, we feel uncomfortable when we are perceived as selfish, self-centered, unfairly competitive or incapable of fulfilling the needs of others. Our personality avoids these perceptions (as much as possible) by superficially appearing to take care of our partner, minimizing discussions about the negative downside of attractions (by not speaking of them).

The first way we get trapped in unconscious attractions is when we qualify a partner based on their sexiness, intelligence, and/or reliability (congruent personality expression). When we are conscious, it is important to distinguish between another’s outer appearance and our perception of their appearance. There is a difference. All we can address is our perceptions, which may or may not reflect, with accuracy, their experience or self-perception. Otherwise, we get caught believing that their appearance makes them attractive to us. This means we have no choice in the matter. On the instinctive level, these three choices about Sexiness, Intelligence and/or Reliability must take into account our self-perceptions and relationship to our Creative Self to be fully seen and appreciated. The observer, or Creative Self, changes what is perceived because it unifies and eliminates our personality fears and desires.

This creative process is compromised the more we believe there is an outer standard or expectation that trumps our own Truth. Generally, we seek partners who make us feel better about ourselves, and who represent and reflect the type of person with whom we wish to be associated. It is more risky for us to choose individuals that do not reflect these standards unless we have lowered expectations about our choices or have defined ourselves in unique ways that complement their uniqueness. The former reflects that we are still attempting to individuate ourselves. The latter indicates we have individuated ourselves and no longer need the agreement of others to pursue our own natural attractions. As we become more aware, we move from Instinctive Packaging to Quality Leveraging to Lesson Congruence and Creative Connection.