The Distortion Of Objectification

We do Objectification when we view ourselves or our partners in terms of sexual desirability without considering the deeper unique humanity expressed. Objectification leverages physical characteristics for personal sexual gratification, usually in exchange for a promise of connection (avoiding loneliness), safety or security. This drive is a conscious or unconscious conditioned response for the purpose of quickly acquiring what is needed (no matter the long term cost). Even if Objectification does not occur as a compromise, it arrests growth and minimizes the development of more conscious relationships. It does this by preventing appropriate boundaries and keeping individuals from expressing their fears or desires. Most importantly we end up feeling guilty that we use people without knowing beforehand whether it is appropriate or not. When Objectifying we end up believing that we need our partner’s energy and go about acquiring it without considering the impact of this on us or them. We also start believing that this type of transaction is a normal one in relationships.

We call Objectification an invasion because it violates our natural boundaries by getting us to believe something that is not true. When we come to rely on Outer Beauty at the cost of our Inner Beauty, it makes us an object that others think they can manipulate. These judgments about our Beauty hurt, and at best, teach us to engage our Inner Beauty. At worst, they make us cynical and jaded about the world. This Beauty trap leaves no healthy survivors as it inflicts psychic wounds in us all. Objectification rationalizes our needs, so we end up demanding that our partner respond in the ways we want. Objectification covers up our selfishness by making it appear to be just a biological need or a desire for pleasure that everyone has. The more selfish we are, the more we unconsciously hurt the individuals we supposedly love.

When we Objectify ourselves or others, we end up denying our own Beauty. This creates greater insecurity and the need to get others to acknowledge us. Vanity and entitlement are indicators that we are making the most of our Objectification program. We believe this because we look good and can get others to defer to us. When others need us to confirm them, it demonstrates that we have some power or value over them. While our fears of not matching other people’s Beauty can make us feel anxious, the main way we express our anxiety is through Excitement. Excitement becomes the indicator that we interpret as pushing us to be Alive when actually it only deadens our senses. Objectification also artificially distances us from others so we do not need to feel their pain at not being included or acknowledged for their Beauty. Due to this detachment, Objectification becomes more of a game where we rate others on a scale of one to ten, so we do not have to confront our own issues.

As we become more conscious, we start to realize that this desire to possess a partner is actually a reflection of a desire to recover our wholeness. Unfortunately, when we cannot find our wholeness within, we look to our partner to fill the void. Any fantasy of ‘possession’ indicates that we imagine using or defining the benefits of our partners for ourselves. It is covertly violent as it voids any Autonomy or self-determination for the individual possessed. We end up believing that we can manage the relationship to take care of ourselves, at the cost of our partners’ well being. We can measure Objectification by the degree that the relationship becomes an object to satisfy us. As a result, we become more superficial or mechanical in our approach to make our partner fit our circumstances. This happens naturally when we become desensitized to the violence of this type of relationship. We repress our pain and ignore the aggression or accommodation that indicates compromise.

When we Objectify ourselves and others, we actually become infatuated with the appearance of others. This distraction to fixate on something of beauty helps to relieve the tension we feel when our relationships do not work. Objectification is the result of believing that certain physical characteristics mean something important to us. Otherwise we cannot see how to stay in the relationship. For example, we may believe that tall, thin women are elegant, graceful and more fluid, and yet, never confirm this with any partner we choose. In effect, we never question our assumptions because the fantasy is so much better. This is actually infatuation. It is an attempt to take an issue that repulsed us with our own parents and make it glorious in our fantasy. In the case above, it could be that our mother was awkward, rigid and verbally critical, which we are trying to reverse by idealizing partners we think will make things different for us.

When we Objectify others, we unconsciously separate ourselves from them, reducing any compassion, empathy or connection we have with others. As a result, we cannot see our own cruelty, criticalness, vanity, derision, stubbornness, suspicion, and jadedness, or where our cleverness is overdone. What these qualities hide is the sorrow, suffering, grief, avarice, conceit, and self-hatred that occur by believing our outer presentation. As we continue to avoid what we are hiding, we can deny that it exists. Fortunately, when we examine who we attract into our lives and recognize that they are attracted to us because we deny the same things, it can wake us up. When we come to see these qualities in others, it reflects how much we are denying in ourselves.

Objectification is invisible to those under its influence. When we are Objectified, it might initially seem that we have power over others because we can command their attention. This type of attention undermines and erodes our Aliveness because we know that others do not see us, only our appearance. We may feel dirty when we are Objectified because we end up being seduced by the pleasure of being superficially seen. Usually we wake up when we discover that the attention can disappear and dissipate quickly. It is even more shocking when we realize that the reasons we were together with our partners were illusions. Sometimes this takes a long time because we need to lose the power of our Outer Beauty before we are willing to confront that we need our Inner Beauty. Some of us who have made a living on our looks feel worthless and abandoned when we lose our superficial beauty.

Seeing with the eyes of an Objectifier, where we deny the fullness of Life expression creates a fixation on ugliness. It is ironic that we become addicted to this ugliness because of our parental incompletion. We seek a partial beauty over an open perspective. True Beauty takes us beyond self-imposed limits. Beauty in form plays to our deepest memories of a loss or denial where we imagined a solution we could not implement (or have). This is why we become so reactive to certain images that enchant us. It is no wonder that we commonly disregard true Beauty in the pursuit of superficial beauty. We are attached to finding answers to our deepest unconscious yearnings, which places us at the effect of our conditioned relationship choices. From this place of Fear we also learn to avoid what could naturally be good for us. This illustrates why an unresolved parental pattern almost guarantees that the relationships we choose will be upsetting, unconscious and self-limiting.

When we pierce the veil of Objectification by building our Aliveness and Intent, we begin to realize that our safety comes from our inner trust of our body senses. This ability to reflect on ourselves is called Spacious Presence. While it is useful with others, it is most important to manifest it internally so we are not critical of ourselves. Basically, we come to recognize that there are no accidents, but rather our own carefully constructed lessons. Can we trust ourselves to fulfill these lessons in order to raise our consciousness? If we say no, the cost is additional confusion as we seek out parental substitutes to comfort us. What we continually experience is the apparent randomness of our options, which always seems to challenge our destiny. Maybe if we throw ourselves into these relationships more fully, we will eventually be able to find our way out. If we say yes, we no longer have to pander to our addictions. Instead, we can accept the balance and joy that comes from being true to our Life Purpose.

When we are balanced between our Sensations and Feelings and present to our physical nature, Objectification is neutralized and we can see the Motives of others. We can also concentrate on manifesting our intentions. As a result, we do not confuse our outer actions and can act with a congruence of purpose. Our ability to tap into our Life Energy allows us to cut through our attachment to outer appearances. This increases our ability to be energetically true to ourselves. In effect, by being able to bring our Feelings and Sensations together, we become capable of bonding with life. As a result, unconscious people become repulsive while integrated, conscious individuals become attractive. The benefit of this process is that we learn to trust our impulses as to what to do and when to do it. This helps us validate our natural unfolding and puts us on our path of growth.

We can develop our Aliveness by focusing on our Motives and calibrating to when we are in alignment and when we are not. When we are out of alignment, Excitement is what attracts us to others, which is a combination of Fear and Desire. Aliveness is being able to engage the heartbeat of others and synchronize with them. With alignment, we expand and experience the greater power of Motives to shift us into higher states of connection. Some individuals can experience this when they synchronize their breathing. When our flow is interrupted, Fears emerge and our possibilities shrink, creating experiences of contraction. These fears are usually triggered by certain stimuli, when we believe other people are withdrawing from us. They instinctively represent danger because they tend to reengage past experiences in the current moment. With this going on, it is a wonder that any of our aspirations can manifest. By unifying our Sensations and Feelings, we come to notice the Fears and Desires so we can rise above them.

When we operate from a limited number of Motives, we become bored, selfish and also completely predictable. With limited Motives, we automatically reinforce our Imprinting and become fixated on being seen as a clear, perfect being. Our ideas of being proper or loving the rules becomes our safety blanket. Most of all, we avoid risk where something new could emerge. This is one reason we both fear and desire parental substitute relationships. In Unconscious Entanglement relationships, we discover a lot more about ourselves. This can be Transmuted into greater confidence, or if we are rejected or abandoned, into taking less risk. With less Motives in action, we become more fearful of being hurt. It puts more pressure on us to perform. What many of us actually want is to be freer by exploring and mastering additional Motives. This would create greater flexibility and help others, particularly who are more conscious, to see us. It also opens up our Life Energy and attracts partners who are more Alive.

When we complete the Intent level, it opens us up to getting what we need to actually fulfill our destiny. New opportunities keep manifesting for us. When we do things, we naturally build momentum, which other individuals respond to. Our belief in ourselves expands and we attract interesting people to us. The question becomes, “What are we going to do with these resources?” The universe is asking us to step up and make our contribution. If we are committed to this process, we magnetize support. If we squander this process, we eventually become depleted, caught in Inertia, and unable to move forward. Of course, if we are able to affirm our path, then slow comebacks are possible. 

Acknowledge to yourself that each one of us is a creative being, which is supporting us to be adventurers exploring our personal unknowns. Let us explore our inner world as much as we explore our outer world. Imagine healing your connections to yourself by consciously following your breath as it regenerates your own Life energy. Or by watching your Thoughts and Emotions come together to form your Truth that you share with someone. Seeing how your body awareness can match and embrace your knowing in this moment is what makes us free. The more we practice checking in with our experience, the easier it will be to connect to the experience of others without losing ourselves.

When we avoid recognizing our Motives and the Motives of others, we are Objectifying ourselves and others. We hide our Motives from others, which in turn allows them to blindside us even when we claim lower motives. Our partners seldom know how much we are using others to selfishly satisfy our needs. When friends question our actions, we can validate our level of Objectification when we artificially attempt to claim the higher motives of our partners. It is ironic that falling in love may temporarily improve our Motives, only to fall back to earth when we feel others have taken advantage of us. If we heal the imbalance around Objectification, we see through the Pretenses of false Motives and recognize when a partner is caught in false beliefs about themselves. Until we learn how to uplift our Motives and the Motives of our partners, we will continue to be at the effect of Motives. Uplifting Motives to the next higher level critically helps anchor an individual on the new level, inviting them to participate using other lateral Motives on the same level. (See the diagram.)

Motives are actually a measure of our Intent. The higher the level of the Motive, the more embodied we are in our Intent. Objectifiers commonly believe that they can do the minimum and still get rewarded for it. What they do not realize is that our Motives reveal how committed or not committed we are to the people and processes around us. On each level of Motives, there are different indicators that reflect their ability to engage their life work. Becoming conscious of Motives means we see when we are caught up in Objectification. We can also see the Objectification level of our partners by the Motives they choose to use in connecting to others. Identify a person in your life and recognize what Motives you are using with them. Does the level reflect your degree of trust? Does the focus on masculine/feminine or combined tell you anything about the nature of your relationship? We think it does.

Each action reaps its own reward or punishment. The more our behavior is not self-centered, does not allow others to react to us, and does not attempt to manipulate others for the benefit of our ideals, the cleaner it is in relationships. Clean Motives are Universal Dominion (accepting others as they are), Mutual Accomplishment (creating streamlined ways of working together), and Conscious Participation (realizing that showing up is 80% of the process). These Motives require that we let go of personality attachments so that we no longer attempt to manipulate others to serve our needs. We accomplish this by looking at what upsets us so that we can question our programming, fears, or frustrated desires. Are these issues an attempt to avoid personal responsibility? Can we change our expectations rather than blaming others? This discovery process supports us in becoming more autonomous. Instead of attempting to change or fix others (which is a hopeless and unsuccessful strategy) we adjust our expectations, recognizing that others may have very different lessons from ours.

Our duty to others, particularly those we love, is to provide them with feedback, not to attempt to take away their lessons by putting ourselves in danger. Individuals will, no matter what we say, follow their own path. The best we can do for our friends and partners is to suggest a more inclusive Motive, or hold a higher Motive way of expressing themselves. When they have this support, they see themselves as contributors. Without this support, they see themselves as actors, playing small, because they do not know better. By consciously engaging Motives, we see ourselves as people who are finding new and better ways to act in alignment with our Life Purpose. This is our main responsibility.

Transmuting Objectification is about seeing beyond appearances. For example, we all have bodies that combine two to four elemental BodyType archetypes. At Higher Alignment, we give each of these seven archetypes names that reflect the inner quality, not the outer appearance. The deeper unseen aspects of BodyType tell us more about their potential Authentic Life Expression. Each BodyType can be identified by a set of outer characteristics, i.e. Safe and Supportive BodyType, which is curvy and voluptuous. A person who sees this BodyType in another could judge them as fat. This Objectification tells us more about the fears of the person judging than what is going on with the Safe and Supportive individual. This deeper truth is that the Safe and Supportive individual is learning about femininity and vulnerability. They are natural nurturers and sensitive to the judgment of others, which is also a part of their life lessons. By knowing BodyTypes, we can appreciate the deeper meaning and not focus on the superficial concerns about how their image says something about us, (especially if we are associating with them). How many people and things do we superficially judge based on no true, deeper understanding of the circumstances? For those who are interested, BodyTypes also have a polar opposite, which explains why certain partners are attracted to us.

The first of these, in our childhood, is our Mental Body Expression.

On Level 1, our Mental Body expression is used primarily to keep us out of trouble with our partners. Many times it holds us back from taking unknown risks, even if those risks would benefit us. Its motto should be, “Better to be safe than sorry.” There are seven different Mental Body expressions, which you can examine in the Factors section of the website. It is common to choose partners that have a similar Mental Body expression because they see things as we see them. When this happens, they will also typically have similar family dynamics because the Mental Body is primarily chosen to protect us from family excesses. As a result, we are similar because we overtly believe or have a lot of the same assumptions. This makes our partner seem more familiar to us.

Our Mental Body Creativity can be described as ways we protect ourselves from the over-protections of others. How we determine which one of the following is authentic for us, is that we feel Alive, not Excited, when we engage our gifts. The Seven Mental Body options:

1. Orchestrators on the Mental Body level stand firm, and even push back, when others impose themselves on them. We see ourselves as strategic thinkers, planners and leaders capable of bringing together small groups to accomplish what no one else can do. We are seen as certain, focused, and totally organized, even if we are not. We protect ourselves by pretending to be above the fray. Some say we are immovable and indifferent to the emotions of others.


2. Compassionates on the Mental Body level attempt to absorb any conflict and define themselves as neutral parties who can see all points of view. We see ourselves as mediators, unifying and bridging various divides so everyone can participate. We are seen as caring, sentimental and loving. We protect ourselves by pretending to agree with or going along with others. Sometimes we overdo our caring by taking on the problems of others, without first taking care of ourselves. We have difficulty being separate from others.


3. Implementers on the Mental Body level ignore the issues of others and distract themselves by getting something done. We like to put ourselves completely into the task at hand. We see ourselves as producers and seek to improve the effectiveness of those working with us. We are seen as grounded, unwilling to deal with distractions from our purpose and are strong willed. We protect ourselves by pretending to be indifferent to the problems of others. We care that others see us as keeping our word or promises. We know that no one can compromise us but ourselves.


4. Inventors on the Mental Body level poke holes in the perspectives of others by seeing what is missing so they can propose alternative options. We are independent and free thinkers, dedicated to improving processes. We see ourselves as outside-the-box problem solvers who are more flexible and fluid in adapting ourselves to new circumstances. We are seen as easy-going, letting little outwardly disturb or upset us. We protect ourselves by pretending to be unavailable or not understanding what is going on. We use convenient distractions to do this. Our main focus is manifesting our power in an elegant manner.


5. Investigators on the Mental Body level try to figure out why everything happens the way it does, so we can anticipate problems and avoid them, if possible. We see ourselves as collectors of key information so that it can be organized to make a difference. We are seen as individuals who need to understand and question everything before we can commit to it. We protect ourselves by pretending to know more than we do to solidify our image. We often retreat into being an observer, using neutrality to encourage communication and overall confidence.


6. Visionaries on the Mental Body level want to create better solutions that can be shared emotionally, building a cohesive movement and empowering growth. We accomplish this by being able to see the underlying qualities in others so we can bring out the best in them. We see ourselves as kind, principled and committed to being the best believing that others will be inspired. We are also seen as passionate, highly motivated or even impatient individuals who need to make a difference. We protect ourselves by pretending to be more altruistic than we feel. How can others argue with our goodness?


7. Storytellers on the Mental Body level want to bring people together to talk about issues. We see ourselves as communicators, providing comic relief and managing activities so that individuals can move forward. We also learn how to talk ourselves out of any problem, and often talk mainly to hear ourselves think. We feel safe when we read stories of heroism and courage. We are sometimes seen as wanting to be the center of attention. We protect ourselves by bluster (talking over others) or using flattery with them. Others see us as happy, friendly, fun loving.

For many of us, our Mental Body Expression is our first experience of choice, where we can show up or not, in an authentic way. To fully engage our Mental Body Expression, we need to experience our complete body knowing. This means that being present to our Sensations and Feelings allows us to be in unity with our physical Intent. This inner presence is experienced as Aliveness and any Excitement becomes relegated to the past. This shift in our awareness also makes us more aware of how others are able to meet us energetically. As a result, sometimes our Attractions shift, as we become more selective with whom we are engaging. If nothing else, most of us start avoiding those individuals who are severely imbalanced or denying their Sensations or Feelings because they will consume our energy with little or no payback.

If we allow ourselves to Objectify others for the purpose of using outer beauty as a way to get what we want, we are guaranteed to operate with this compromise. It will harm us in many ways unless we refuse to function on this level. Without realizing it, Objectification ties us into a past sequence of pain that is unrelenting and accumulates in our system, driving us to act out in negative ways. Sometimes we do not even realize why we are hurting and angry. When we begin to take ownership of this, we start feeling the pain come up. It may take months to clear before it no longer occurs. During that time, we need to be clear that we are not going to take advantage of others desire to use Objectification on us or fall into the trap of Objectifying others in order to get what we want. Objectification never produces anything positive.

Shifting out of these superficial Objectifications can also be validated by where we are in our Motives. When our Motives reflect Universal Dominion, Mutual Accomplishment and Conscious Participation, we know we are ready to connect with others without compromising our Intent. When any of the lower Motives are involved, there is progressively more compromise as we do more things to prove ourselves. Meaning that when we are caught in Greed, Lust and Arrogance, we are the most disconnected from ourselves. This requires personal compromise in order to engage others. Lust, Greed and Arrogance requires us to be operating in Excitement. When we are complete in our actions and able to do more with less, we have consciously aligned our Intent and have chosen the path of Aliveness. This is the first step in the path of Higher Alignment.

At this Instinctive level, we operate in one dimension of choice. Our conditioning and Objectification patterns create only one direction. The only choice is to do it now or later (the “it” doesn’t change). This is due to the mandate that all choices should look ‘safe’. The irony of this is that making choices based entirely on appearances is seldom safe. Safety needs to be created from within, based on our body knowing (Sensations and Feelings). When we are enmeshed or disengaged from others, we are not in touch with our authentic experience (body knowing). We are denying either our Sensations and/or Feelings, minimizing our ability to clearly assess our environment. This type of self-compromise, where appearances distract us from Safety concerns, is what makes Objectification so deceptive. One indication that our perceptions are widening is to view the impact of Excitement and our experiential Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts) in terms of energy management. When we are confused about our energetic fluctuations (and aware enough to be confused), we are then starting to heal our Safety issues.

This unconscious merging, where we seek artificial agreement, becomes the best way we know to expand our sense of Safety. When we are not being seen or met in the relationship, we use different strategies of regression into an infantile state of unconscious merging in an attempt to feel unconditional love. It is hope that keeps us attached to the possibility that what is right in front of us is our (only and) best option. For this reason, we have denied our fundamental power by unconsciously choosing this partner based on our conditioning. If this partner has the right pheromones (reflects the same degree of fear we have) and has similar Assumptions and Beliefs, we immediately think we can make it work. This is how we talk ourselves into false beliefs about how right our unconsciously-chosen partners are for us.

Fear of rejection and criticism are the primary issues to be neutralized. The more we are attached to our image, the more pressure we feel to look good. Since we deny our power when we seek unconditional love, it becomes even more important for others to affirm us. It brings up issues where we do not think we can tell our Truth or are afraid of being judged as being too needy. This leads to putting up Facades (Pretenses and Compatibility Factor Imprinting) where we develop persona ‘makeovers’. There are two issues with this: first, it puts our attention completely on how others see us; and second, it creates distance from our true nature (producing emptiness, boredom and numbness). This is why we culturally overemphasize sex, which creates internal conflicts between Sensations and Feelings that result in sexual addiction. By living through our personality characteristics, we feel boxed in, which produces the likelihood that we will act out our Fears. This minimizes the ability to learn and grow from our mistakes.

When personality conditioning is in charge (instead of our Creative Self), the need to protect ourselves through contraction, control and caretaking becomes more important. We contract when others criticize us. We control when we do not trust the circumstances or the people. We care take when we get into automatic patterns of attempting to fulfill others’ needs. At this point, we are not aware of what is actually needed. The possibility of enhanced Creativity, which occurs when we accept our Authentic Nature and freedom of choice, seems distant and unavailable. This justifies a superficial quid-pro-quo exchange of courtesies in order to see what is possible. In the pursuit of minimizing risks, we throw out Creative Exploration, Playfulness and Paradox. Thus, fears of being rejected, discounted, or caught up in fanciful options supersede any commitment to a deeper and more integrated experience.

At the core of personality conditioning is the belief that we have to give up what makes us great in the pursuit of what is acceptable. This self-limiting notion (that it is better not to experience or acknowledge the full range of possibilities) is the basis of Upper Boundary Limits and assumptions. We choose the comfort of familiar possibilities, not the shock of transformative options, which would fundamentally change the way we relate to others. As a result, we live in a self-enforced state of mediocrity. We deny the greatness of our contributions, limiting our experience of loss, fear and pettiness. This is why we say that the first level of embodiment is about overcoming the Fear that we are great. We are not talking about greatness from a personality or egoic level, rather the greatness of embodiment in our Creative Being. This limitation creates the Ego, where we Idealize ourselves (by enhancing differences and seeing others as more or less than us) in order to escape the prison of our personality programming. The goal of this limitation is to disconnect from our pain.

Attachments to Positions and Projections cost us our complete inner experience. The more we react without considering the source of our preconceptions, the less effective we become in our growth and development. The real problem is that by denying aspects of our Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts) we develop a reactive persona (or ego) seeking to pay back those we believe previously repressed us. This makes us unwilling to meet others where they are, fearing we will be compromised. These paybacks occur in the realm of proving we are better than others, and also that we have more control and/or choice about our lives than they do. We feel powerless because this reflects our insecurity. Attachments and Positions are the basis for an obsessive desire to compare ourselves to others. This form of motivation is empowered by the pain of self-denial. The more we are disconnected from our true experience, the more empowered our personality is to operate in a separate reality where it needs to control everything. The value of this discussion is to take ownership of denials or repressions so that the pain and joy trapped at this (Instinctive) Level can be released.

We close ourselves down or limit our ability to take in and accept new experiences by denying ourselves in the four Modalities (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts). The key to expanding experience is to deepen and integrate these frameworks of experience. Most of us believe we have to protect our experiences from others who may traumatize us. We need to realize that no one can define our experiences. We always have the power to interpret reality in a way that serves our mission or purpose. Any obstacles we encounter are only opportunities to expand our perceptions, rather than contract them. We need to stop victimizing ourselves by letting others define our reality. It is our own experience that matters. We need to focus on being able to talk about our Sensations and Feelings so we do not deny our Aliveness and Intent. We are the only arbiters of our experience. Listening to others and disregarding our own experience, will come back to haunt us. Who gave others the power to do this? We did. Who has the power to change this? We do.

The goal is to recover and build our inner, creative experiences. We need to make conscious choices with who we share our experiences. Creating a CNG makes these choices obvious. It also supports us in taking risks to advance our growth. If we cannot own and integrate our Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts, we have a limited ability to share our selves with others. Most importantly, wherever we repress a Modality, we decrease our ability to clearly see our world. For example, if we are repressed in our Sensations, it is likely to increase Objectification, which increases the likelihood that we will have an addictive personality. What is even more critical is a lack of self-awareness or Presence; this creates holes in our perception, preventing us from discussing what we experience.

When we deny the ability to be present in any continuum, it creates limits in experiencing Pleasure, Power and Passion. We become jaded, superficial Beings motivated primarily by Safety, unwilling to confront the possibility that we will be rejected. What is frustrating is that imbalances around Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts create dissonances and disconnections. This is not an intentional denial of our experience but, rather, a result of our experience of being different from others. When we merge our Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts with others, without clear personal boundaries, their imbalances create repulsions and reactions within us, minimizing our ability to connect with them. Our imbalances attract others with complementary imbalances, creating co-dependence. These are the most difficult partners to be with.

Conversely, we become enmeshed trying to fix others’ experiences, and build resentment when we have to take care of them or define ourselves in terms of their experience. Most of us find it extremely difficult, not only to understand others’ perspective, but responding to their requests to do certain things to meet them in a particular way. We see this in their requests to love them in a particular way (for example, to give them certain gifts at certain times). At the core of this issue is the inability to express themselves authentically and be accepted for their True Nature. We end up needing to include their reality in ours, which ends up denying who we are. Our personality reactions get in the way of authentically connecting to them. What is more difficult to accept is that the Ego, driven by a need for self-importance (repressed Fears and Desires), is not at all a reflection of our Authentic Nature. Instead, we need to learn that Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety are actually co-dependent and compromised ways of connecting. These three factors amplify our personality’s control over us until we stop supporting them.

© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.