Conclusion | HA events


In relationships, we instinctively seek our parental patterns, where our partners have similar Compatibility Factors as our parents. In our pursuit of safety, we seek not only individuals with the same factors but individuals with similar imprints. The key issue driving this choice is familiarity and initial understanding of what this person is doing and why. Since all imprinting is on the Instinctive level, it is conditioned by instinctive Motive choices. This means when we understand when another person is doing a particular thing, it makes us feel safe. We feel most comforted by those who behave in ways that are most familiar. Unfortunately, these types of patterns increase the likelihood of enmeshment and feeling suffocated by our partner. This is because we have not yet defined our own, personal boundaries, and instead, believe it is up to others to set boundaries for us. Imprinting is a set of artificial boundaries based on different beliefs. When individuals have different beliefs it is easier for us not to be enmeshed in them. A true boundary, on the other hand, would be a limit we created where we did not define ourselves in terms of how another relates to us. When we become conscious about our imprinting and begin to eliminate it, it assists us in creating better boundaries with others.

In business, parental imprints can be found in our bosses and co-workers because we are most used to working out issues with these types of individuals. We initially think we will have much more of an impact on these individuals because we think we know exactly what they need. Like our romantic partners, these individuals always seem to be stimulating and fun initially. We are later dismayed by the possibility that they do not see us, just like our parents did not see us. This increases our separation and promotes the growth of more defenses. Over time, the relationships become more hardened and require greater energy because they irritate us. The problem is that by being around our parental types it minimizes our initiative, engagement and our ability to respond authentically. The graphic below represents a younger woman who works for an individual who is her mother pattern. This creates greater performance stress, so that she rarely believes she is doing well for her manager. When we choose teams that minimize parental imprinting, we can typically double the productivity of the team.

Imprinting is a collection of beliefs that we treat as the truth, even though it causes us tremendous pain and grief. The more we unconsciously accept the assumptions of others, the more reactive we become because we cannot be ourselves. The more we compromise ourselves to please others, the more polarized we are, especially when we realize they are not impressed. The answer is to be authentic and release these patterns so we do not do them to gain reassurance. We come to see that our truth is a sacred trust that we need to honor. When we do so, we no longer need to push our truth on others to be accepted by them. Instead, we come to appreciate that our truth is self-evident and needs no validation. Only when we come to the awareness of this inner resolution to be ourselves and nothing else, will we experience the freedom we seek. Let us endeavor to unfold and unpack the many layers of our experience so we can become more integrated and present with our own Truth.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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