Compatibility Factors | HA events

Introduction to Compatibility Factors

Higher Alignment Compatibility Factors describe the differences in method of response, assimilation, and action amongst individuals. Each person has a natural, creative way of being in the world. We become bewildered when others do not seem to engage us in a way that makes sense. This occurs for two reasons: 1) we have become attached to doing, relating or being in a way that appears foreign to others, causing discomfort; and 2) there is often a disconnect between what is natural for us and how we have been conditioned to behave. This arises from repression (a subtle form of creative denial) experienced in our childhood when, to be accepted, we needed to operate in a way that our parents would approve. Imprinting describes the process of adopting patterns of behavior (not our own) to be accepted by parents and authority figures. When we get locked into ways of being that are not natural, others often ignore us. Our internal disconnects trigger repulsion from others (as people do not want to be reminded of their own inner disconnects or previous repression).

Understanding and accepting our authentic creative nature transforms our perception of how we show up in relationships. Diminishing self-identification with pretenses and defenses and elevating our creative uniqueness allow us to become more responsive and less reactive. Honoring our natural way of being also frees up energy that can lead to more generous, loving interactions with others.  When we discover our true creative nature, our lives become easier. Others don’t resist us and we don’t have to maintain the struggle of being who they want us to be.

Uncomfortable Similarities occur when others are able to express themselves in ways we have previously been denied. Usually an Uncomfortable Similarity reflects a natural ability, gift or insight that threatened the image or authority of another, which we needed to deny to guarantee our survival. Unfortunately, we often forget or end up continuing to deny in ourselves, these natural ways of being. This results in both a simultaneous attraction and repulsion, because we unconsciously want to release ourselves from past protective patterns, while feeling afraid we will be discounted in the same way that initially created to need to hide our abilities. It is useful to move into this discomfort to recover our connection to our natural creative Self. We will then discover that it is presently only our own self that is keeping these abilities from emerging. Higher Alignment seeks to point out our natural patterns of creative expression, so we come to accept who we really are, within ourselves and with others.

The more we are rejected for the ways we try to connect with and serve others, the harder it is to respond naturally. We become fixed in patterns of behavior that form obstacles in our interactions. This becomes obvious when we operate with preset expectations and cannot operate beyond the comfort zone of our pre-established roles. We expect others to conform to our way of being (if they love us); this creates irritation when they do not. We may even give up trying to win others’ approval. It is our disconnection with our natural Creative Self and our need to prove that we are competent and capable that reinforces trained ways of being (over how we could naturally solve problems in our own way). It is the perspective of Higher Alignment that much of what we consider useful training actually covers up our natural intelligence and creative capacity, diverting us from the Authentic Life contributions we wish to make.

While externally it appears that the Higher Alignment process labels individuals, our intention is to release everyone from the boxes we adopted (inadvertently) as children. What we want is for people to validate their own natural patterns so they can enjoy their lives and contribute more freely. Facilitators trained to recognize these patterns can suggest how others can re-open the past adaptations that have limited their authentic responsiveness. They can see discomfort and disconnection in individuals when they are operating in an imprinted, disassociated manner. The more denial we have about who we are, the more fixed we are in how we operate. Facilitators offer compassion and understanding so we can be seen and supported in our natural ways of being. Each person needs to validate this process. By affirming our truth, it creates an opening for new possibilities. This freedom is itself a reward for the Higher Alignment facilitator. What we want is a world that operates more in alignment with its potential.

Higher Alignment’s original research involved 700 couples between 1987 and 1989, and highlighted 37 major areas of differences in relationships. In 1989, we focused on documenting and clarifying the 12 most important differences in a relationship. In 1997, Higher Alignment added two more Compatibility Factors to better explain the Pretense and Imprinting confusion many people experience. We first needed to acknowledge the imprinting of people so they could then be honored in their desire to be seen in their own natural ways. In 2007, we added Mental Body Intelligences to help us appreciate the various ways we learn. Presently, this makes it easier for individuals to deepen their own process of seeing the various layers of their creative natures. It is Higher Alignment’s experience that individuals are most aware of their Instinctive Factors (Creative Expression Imprinting, Mental Body, Body Type, Pretenses, Birth Order, Personality Goals, Modes and Attitudes), followed by Intellectual Factors (Defense Style, WorldView, Secondary Creative Expression, Intelligence). Higher Alignment seeks to reorient individuals to Idealized (Pacing, Communication Process, Decision-making Approach) and Intuitive Factors (Primary Creative Expression) so that everyone can manifest breakthroughs quickly.

The power of learning about compatibility factors is that we can anticipate the way someone will respond so we do not need to react to them. In this way we minimize their reactions. When we are unconscious about Compatibility Factors, we often make the misguided assumption that others are similar or should be similar to us. This creates conflict, tension and reactions when this turns out to be false. If we are able to first recognize that every person has a unique way of operating that reflects their creative nature, which may not be like us, we have taken the first step to operating consciously with them. The power of Compatibility Factor understanding fully emerges when we use the information to understand our own natural response and can see how to best connect with others based on their natural way of being. This requires that we understand our own natural range and flexibility and, over time, grow in our ability to appreciate the range and flexibility of those around us.  It is interesting to recognize that the pain of learning about Compatibility Factors can soon be offset by the pain we avoid when we learn them. Compatibility Factors are a great investment, not only in personal relationships, but in life itself.

The primary obstacle for most individuals is the belief that they cannot see and identify these factors quickly. The development of our awareness of our own Compatibility Factors empowers us to see Compatibility Factors in others. The more we explore these options, the more natural and effective we become in tuning in to what is going on in our relationships. By sharing our own understanding, it encourages others to become clear about their own patterns. This feedback loop fuels our own growth and understanding about people and their differences. We learn what the mutual opportunities are when we are with individuals. We grow to appreciate both the differences and similarities as we develop ways of interacting that do not compromise or limit either individual. These fourteen Compatibility Factors provide enough insight and flexibility to greatly enrich our exploration of what does work for us and what does not. This helps to clarify our boundaries so we do not have to be defensive. We come to accept that individuals are who they are and to know that we do not want to change anyone.

While Higher Alignment has written over 4,000 pages describing Compatibility Factors, most of this reading is not necessary if the client uses the guidance of a personal coach. By providing a framework to focus their attention, coaches have been able to assist clients to master an understanding of the compatibility system within a year. One of the primary values of having a coach is that it lets us focus on what is most critical on our individual path. It is also valuable to have a coach who can anticipate potential reactions and introduce new revelations harmlessly. This becomes more important in a couple’s coaching sessions where we strive to honor each individual for their gifts while discussing weaknesses without triggering them or their partner in any way. The coach is an example of how to interact in a fluid and flexible manner that maximizes effectiveness and creative expression in a way the client can then model. This helps the client absorb and appreciate the subtleties of creatively engaging differences in others.

Explaining Compatibility Factors

These 15 Factors are categorized by whether they are Intuitive, Idealized, Intellectual or Instinctive. This is because the energetic impact is different at each of these levels. When we do not know who we are, we primarily identify with the Instinctive Factors. Over time, our becoming conscious awakens us to the Intellectual, Idealized and Intuitive Factors. Ultimately, we begin to see how our Primary Creative Expression on the Intuitive level is the most powerful tool we can use to amplify the contribution we wish to make. The Idealized Compatibility Factors are Pacing, Communication Process, and Decision-Making Approach. We only fully experience these factors if we are able to be present with our Self, which empowers us to energetically sense the differences in others. Most of us are initially caught up in imprinted ways of interacting that we believe will please others. Releasing our reactions to how we were not seen in our past will open us up to appreciating who we are now. Understanding these factors can also support us in building a sense of cooperation so we can be present with others in a Co-Creative process.

Many individuals react when we first suggest that Compatibility Factor differences could help them sort out conflicts with others. They fear that such a system would objectify and judge them as their parents did. However, some systems that standardize and classify circumstances as a way of making distinctions can be valuable. Most individuals first experience the Higher Alignment process as a system because of the way, which we differentiate individuals based on their motivational structure. Our knowing can be interpreted in a distancing way when others cannot follow or make the same assessment. What irritates us is how often these assessments are right, which prompts us to want to do the same. This occurs because our personality success structure wants to be able to replicate the process to make us more powerful. We do our best as Higher Alignment coaches to help our clients realize that by understanding and releasing their parental imprinting they have the opportunity to experience and express their true Self.

Our presence (which enables us to see a client’s wholeness) can be a healing event, but can also scare some individuals because as coaches we seem to be able to do something they cannot. This of course is an illusion. Everyone has the capacity to see and acknowledge Compatibility Factors. All it takes is a commitment to learn how we operate. The challenge of learning how to read Compatibility Factors in others is that we need to Transmute our instinctive assumptions so that we can reconnect to our own Creative Self. This process naturally reorients us to see our learning process in relationship enabling us to be conscious of the learning processes of others around us. Our ability to recollect “our Selves” and operate as a creative team Transfigures us by awakening possibilities previously unforeseen. This usefulness of creative awareness is that we can awaken our inner awareness when we trust our creative power to guide the process.

The problem initially is that the Higher Alignment Compatibility Exploration process is more about unlearning than learning. We need to recover our natural innocent knowing and not fall into automatic conditioning where everything is either good or bad. These types of judgment reinforce the fragmentation of our awareness reducing our presence and interfering with our knowing. They also keep us from looking beyond our familiar assumptions because as humans we fear the unknown. It is also easy to get caught up in whether we are right or wrong about a particular assessment. As long as we doubt ourselves, we end up thinking in dualistic ways that increase our defensiveness, thereby coloring our perceptions. The paradox is that we have to move beyond outer discrimination to find the unifying Truth within, which is the accuracy of our own assessment. It should be noted that this does not mean that what someone shares will in any way match another’s Truth. All a coach does is tune in and read the energy, hopefully with minimum bias. The Higher Alignment facilitators and coaches are only externally accurate to the degree that they can be fully present with their Self and have seen the combination of energetic patterns that represent the person in front of them.

Finally, when we learn to see Compatibility Factors, our perceptions can also be colored by how much a particular person reminds us of past difficult experiences when we felt unloved and/or unappreciated. In this situation, the past can distort the present either because we did not want to see the connection or we make the connection inappropriately, distorting our assessment in both circumstances. The most difficult people with whom to perform Compatibility Assessments are our family and friends. This is because we have typically bought into their beliefs about who they are which will distort our reading. Therefore having a coach provide Compatibility profiles of these individuals allows us to reassess our past experience and release inaccurate perceptions. We will see the benefit of this because we will be able to understand and appreciate these individuals and demonstrate our love for by naturally valuing their choices more.

While Compatibility Assessments have all the elements of a system (guidelines, structure and reproducible results), they are only effective when we can transcend our personality perceptions of what is said. We need to love our Self and the people we are viewing to both be accurate and to be able to hold our insights without provoking reactions. As long as we are provoking reactions it indicates that we are not being completely Harmless, supportive or effective. The irony of this situation is that by practicing Compatibility Assessments we grow not only in our understanding of others but in our Self. By performing or listening to an assessment, we discover how to detach from our personality perceptions where we may be still judging our Self. We will know this by the degree we trigger others. Usually we appear to operate in a way that reminds them of their parents or any repressive authority figure in their life. This commonly occurs because individuals attempting to clear and heal these areas unconsciously seek out these situations.

We can only optimize our natural expression when we love and appreciate who we are. The problem is that not having Creative Awareness makes it difficult to honor the different experiential frameworks of individuals. The result is greater defensive polarization and conflict. Without Compatibility Factors, individuals would have little guidance or understanding about maximizing their growth and development. Each Compatibility Factor reflects a choice in how we engage others. Our ability to participate depends on our comfort in engaging and clearing past distortions, so energy from the past can be redeployed in our in-the-moment awareness. In this way we will seek to maximize individual choices through conscious, creative self-reflection.

When we feel objectified by a choice, it reflects that we have been hurt in the past and no longer want to feel marginalized. If we do not translate this hurt into a statement of our truth we lose the growth opportunity. Higher Alignment coaches are trained to listen and value others’ input in the assessment process. Instead of feeling objectified, we invite individuals to speak out about their fears and concerns so that they can be supported as they are. Only consider a coach’s suggestion to the degree that they facilitate the development of our own authentic truth. Our goal is to use Compatibility Factors to affirm and honor our natural choices. The more conscious we become about Compatibility Factors, the more easily we can see how to resolve conflicts in all walks of life. As we believe each individual is perfectly designed to fulfill their life purpose, we see Compatibility Factors as preliminary indicators about our life direction. The more we learn about Compatibility Factors, the easier it is to honor our truth and not get polarized when others do things differently.

The primary purpose of the Compatibility Factor assessments is to assist us in calibrating to others that are different from us. What we want to do is to reduce the unknown when we do not understand others. This would decrease our defensiveness and open up doorways to seeing that differences do not have to be scary. We propose that recognizing these differences could increase our interpersonal effectiveness. By making a suggestion about how a person naturally responds in a particular circumstance, it allows us to examine our truth. Higher Alignment coaches present options that take us deeper internally so that we can appreciate our own inner design. The purpose of any Higher Alignment coaching session is to awaken a deeper self-acceptance so the client may operate more congruently in the world. This can only occur by the client’s true creative nature.

Each Compatibility Factor is actually just a description of a set of choices that reflects an energetic quality or contribution we want to make. We tend to personalize these choices when others in our past do not respect or honor our way of being. As we grow up, we need to re-examine our truth outside of our parental or societal parameters. Wherever we attempted to gain favor or make our parents angry by acting a certain way is likely the basis of imprinting that keeps others from knowing who we actually are. Imprinting disconnects us from our Self, and increases the reactivity we experience around judgments. If we are feeling objectified, it usually reflects that the circumstance is reminding us of a past event where we were made wrong for operating in a certain way. One of the common misperceptions about Compatibility Factors is that they can indicate a “rightness or wrongness” between two given people. All factors are equally effective and “right” despite societal perspectives to the contrary. Actually all we are saying is that the greater the differences, the more consciousness, commitment and love we need to honor each other as we are.

Each Compatibility Factor option contains a gift we can use in our personal development and that of humanity. By affirming who we are as a Creative Being, we are naturally joyful. When who we are is covered up by taking on the imprinting of our parents and caretakers, we fear we will be further compromised by others. The goal of embodying an understanding of Compatibility Factors is to release others from the pain of past misunderstanding by showing them how to affirm their true nature. With Self understanding, this information can become an Intuitive Wisdom framework to identify when others are compromising their Self, so we can eliminate further pain and resentment.  Understanding Compatibility Factors can reveal how our imprinting (or training to be someone else) is getting in the way of our authentic expression. Remember that each Factor and option provides us unique insights into our best way of contributing.

Compatibility Factors are actually descriptions we use to indicate creative preferences that are aligned with our Inner Truth. These preferences, when compared to others, can distort our way of thinking about the relationship when we use them to make either our Self or our partner wrong. This is further amplified when we create and reinforces stories about how these differences negatively affected us. When we do not understand Compatibility Factors we can fall into defensive comparison patterns that we use to deny each other. We can validate this by the degree we withhold our acknowledgement of others until they are able and willing to honor us. The more we do not understand the compatibility Factors the more likely we will be blind-sided by our differences, either regularly or at some critical point. When we are conscious about Compatibility Factors, we can see the beauty and value of our differences and use this understanding to create a conscious, creative unity. It is the experience of creative unity, that we call Communion, that heals all our past concerns about not being heard, seen or valued as we are.

We want everyone to use Compatibility Factors to improve their ability to consciously connect. Compatibility Factors can also suggest ways to meet others where they are, so that they know they are loved. A complete lack of judgment about us is the best indicator that we are participating with someone who is conscious and willing to be creative. If we actually appreciate these Factors, we can demonstrate their usefulness by not making others wrong. Ironically, in our society now, many people are afraid to explore differences. Their perception of differences often comes from defensive interactions based on fear and rejection. Until we hold a larger understanding of the meaning of differences and similarities, it is difficult to release our defensive perceptions of our reality. Compatibility Factors allow us to use differences in relationships to come into unity with others to optimize mutual creative possibilities.

After having written more than 4000 pages on Compatibility Factors, it is still amazing to see the beauty of certain combinations in people. We are all a rainbow of fascinating and exotic permutations. Compatibility Factors are the best way, at present, to honor the uniqueness and integrity of each individual. When individuals honor their true nature, they radiate a subtle energy that is similar to a flower’s perfume. This blossoming process can be greatly accelerated if we understand the range of human expression and are willing to release past attachments and positions about our creativity. The purpose of the Compatibility Factors is first to separate who we are from who our parents are, as well as who they wanted us to be. Secondly, we need to learn how to be our Self by affirming our true nature with others. Finally, we need to recognize the authentic expression of others so we are able to maximize our ability to Love and meet them as they naturally contribute.

When we know the various creative expressions that are possible, we can recognize the spectrum of motivations and directions and speak about these in a way that enriches our conversations. Consciously meeting another on a creative level dramatically increases our success as Co-Creators. When both parties see each other for who we creatively are, we can neutralize their Pretenses and Defenses, particularly when we use the Common Neutral Ground approach. Our appreciation of others allows the opportunity to create agreement, even with differences. With agreement about the framework of the discussion, eventual alignment is more likely. The value of Compatibility Factors is to open up greater truth-telling, so the agreements we make will be based on conscious, mutual understanding of the issues.

Diagram 2, Creative Empowerment, illustrates the seven stages of consciousness we go through in becoming aware of compatibility differences.  We begin with non-alignment and imprinting, where we are reactive to any suggestion or interpretation others may make or have about us. Many of us, experiencing the unconscious reactions of others, preemptively distance ourselves from their thoughts about us and assume they do not know what they are talking about. This reflects our common experience dealing with unconscious people – it is like being around bumper cars. Eventually, we become indifferent (or at least we pretend to be) with others to protect ourselves from their presumptions. Over time, we become more defensive and try to leverage the image others have of us to our own benefit. Unless we examine our defensive assumptions, we will continue to find ourselves reacting to and receiving reactions from others. By engaging the creative compatibility process, we make the discovery that we do not have to protect our way of doing things, and we come to accept that others being different from us is just fine. This leads us into a creative embodiment phase and eventually into a mutual manifestation phase where we are able to consciously engage each other in synergistic ways.

The more we understand Compatibility Factors, the less personally we will take the reactions or responses of others. We will develop detachment about how others present and appreciate how they are seeking (through life experience) the best way to express themselves. By releasing any objectification, subjectification or idealization of who they are, we do not open ourselves for others to do the same to us. As a result, we do not become upset or overly concerned. When we accept our true nature and therefore have compassion for others who, like us, have been trapped in imprinting, pretenses and defenses, we do not react when they do not live up to our idea of who they are. We will also be able to identify in advance the creative patterns of individuals who have caused us the most difficulty in the past. When we are not sure of who we are, our reactivity is likely to trigger their reactivity until we can see our part in this process. As we Love who we are, the creativity of others can be supportive rather than threatening, and we learn to consciously connect. Until we completely love who we are, there likely will be times when our fear of not being our Self will lead to disconnecting from others who are authentic. Compatibility Factors make it easier to stay connected, because we will realize we do not need to be fearful.

Compatibility Factors are divided into four levels, Intuitive, Intellectual, Idealized and Instinctive, that reflect our development. Initially, the Idealized and Intuitive Factors are invisible as long as we do not see and accept our Instinctive and Intellectual Compatibility Factors. Recognizing the Instinctive opens us up to the Intellectual, which when appreciated, allows us to see and accept fully the Idealized and Intuitive. Another reason for this is the increased degree of reactive imprinting on Intellectual. Idealized and Intuitive levels. Some would suggest, that due to the lack of clarity on Intellectual, Idealized and Intuitive levels, we experience imprinting deeper. Our experience has demonstrated that imprinting on the Intuitive level is approximately three times the Intellectual, which is itself a multiple of three times the depth of the Intuitive. This suggests that The Intuitive is 27 times more receptive than the Instinctive (33). The result, when we become identified with others’ ways of operating, is probably due to our increased sensitivity on Intellectual, Idealized and Intuitive levels as children. It is not surprising that individuals take more time to validate their natural ways of being on the higher levels of Compatibility Factor expression. Remember that we need to transcend and include the previous levels to realize our Creative Power.

We come into appropriate understanding of the Compatibility Factors when we realize that each level of Factors is manifested in a different way. When we are completely unconscious about Compatibility Factors, we use a quality of force to express our personality convictions about who we are. Usually, these are a reflection of how others want us to be. This means Instinctive factors help us to be accepted by others by doing what is expected. On the Intellectual level, Compatibility Factors are expressed as a personalized, individualized unique way of expressing that means no one else is like us. Over time, we come to believe we have to find someone who honors our differences to be valued in a relationship. On the Idealized level, Compatibility Factors are opportunities to get into creative flow. Becoming more conscious about our pacing, Decision-Making and Communication Process helps us to create a level playing field in our interactions with others. Finally, on the Intuitive level, our Compatibility Factors describe a quality of being that requires no proof or justification for us to express ourselves. When we express ourselves at this level, others do not have many reactions to us because we do not have much internal conflict about who we are. This suggests that the more conflicts we have with others, the more unresolved internal conflicts we have about who we are. The purpose of learning about Compatibility information is to help us resolve our inner conflicts so we can operate in an authentic way.

Exploring Compatibility Factors

We invite you to playfully consider our perception of you as initiating a dialogue for personal self-discovery. Our commitment is to honor and accentuate your natural way of being, even if our initial perceptions of you are inaccurate. We accomplish this by explaining the various ways people operate up front, providing an opportunity for you to disagree with us. We encourage your disagreement and feedback because this is your process. Each person has a natural, creative, authentic way of being in the world. Often, in the process of growing up, we lose this connection to our authentic self. When people get locked into ways of being that are not natural for them, others often ignore them. We invite you to explore and choose what is authentic or inauthentic based on the aliveness, wisdom and awareness, this process generates. Consider the following suggestions as a starting point for describing how we relate to others. Appreciating oneself decreases conflicts, increases personal productivity, and provides opportunities to support and grow with others. 

This website section is designed to help us honor and acknowledge our value so that we are able to become more clear about our strengths and weaknesses. Our intention is to demonstrate the paradoxical ways we both affirm and deny who we are, so we can more fully appreciate our natural complexity and design. Please use this process to notice where your internal reactions lie, so that we can more deeply explore the layers of perception that we have used to protect ourselves from our own internal truth. It is important now, to validate our truth, understanding that there are many levels that we need to recover who we authentically are. It is also important to learn how to affirm the truth of others, as different from us, so we no longer need their reassurance to express ourselves. Alternatively, some of us will need to remember how to more completely affirm ourselves, even when there is no external agreement about our contribution. It is time now to see that our truth is actually multi-dimensional and requires us to bring together, various types and qualities of being to fully appreciate our magnificence.

Compatibility Factor assessments also assists us in calibrating to where others are different. As long as we keep assuming that others have the same priorities, motives and/or ways of operating, we will not be able to avoid the conflicts that are guaranteed to occur. Learning about compatibility factors allows us to not only see the differences, but to honor others where they are so they can respond to where we are. When we do not know about Compatibility Factors, people often make the misguided assumption that others are or should be similar. This creates conflict, tension and reactions when this turns out to be false. The power of Compatibility Factor understanding fully emerges when the information is used to understand one’s own natural response and can see how to best connect with others based on their natural way of being. This requires an understanding of one’s own natural range and flexibility and, over time, growth in the ability to appreciate the range and flexibility of others. The more conscious one becomes about Compatibility Factors, the more easily one can see how to resolve conflicts in all walks of life, honor differing truths, and not get polarized when others do things differently.

We find it most useful to become aware of the following Compatibility Factors: Primary and Secondary Intelligence Expressions, Decision-Making Approaches, Communication Processes, Pacing, Goals, Modes, and Attitudes. The Primary Intelligence is the most important factor overall, because it integrates and flavors all subsidiary ways of implementation. Secondary Creative Expressions are selected from the same seven energies and influence how Primary Creative Expression plays out. Another factor, called the Decision-Making Approach, reflects the choice between taking immediate action to get something done or researching options to find the best, long-term solution. Communication Process reflects that everyone Thinks, Feels, and Acts, but in different sequences. Understanding these differences can lead to complete communication processes that both uplift and empower. Pacing reflects how people synchronize the ways information and experiences are assimilated

Our recommendation is that you initially read this document to discover what resonates with your inner knowing. Note where you have reactions, as this reflects one of three things: 1) we did not accurately describe your pattern; 2) a misunderstanding between us occurred because we did not explain the pattern completely (or with enough sensitivity to your perspective); or 3) we were accurate but it triggered past judgments that you have not yet released. After reading this document completely, please go back and consider what each factor means to you and take a week for each to investigate how it describes patterns of your behavior. We also recommend that you sequence this investigation in an order that honors your desire and interests—with the highest scoring factors first.

As previously stated, we use Compatibility Factors to describe the differences in method of response, assimilation, and action among individuals. Each person has a natural, creative, authentic way of being in the world. This is often covered up by defenses, which we create to justify our point of view. The more we identify with these positions, the more we empower a defensive identity to be who we are instead of our authentic creative nature. While externally it may appear that this process labels individuals, the intention is to release everyone from the positions they assume, believing they need to prove themselves. Validating our own natural patterns allows people to contribute more genuinely and freely. This is the primary purpose of this document. We want each reader to fully engage robustness of our own internal process, so we can take ownership and responsibility for our course in life. This process is more about unlearning than learning. It is our perspective that much useful training actually covers up natural intelligence and creative capacity, diverting us from our true potential.

Compatibility Factor assessments on this level paradoxically encourage us to be more discriminating so we can release our judgments. Until we are able name the range of options and honor each persons right to be who they are, it is likely that our fear of being frustrated or embracing the unknown, will distort our ability to connect with others. Therefore, we need to learn how to see the Beauty, Truth and Goodness in others and no longer accept superficial assessments as the complete truth. In this way, we begin to use our intelligence in a more self-unifying manner, rather than in a judgmental, separative way. We will also discover it is our own defensiveness that causes us to be imbalanced in our assessments, which amplifies the conflict we attract into our lives. Let us learn to engage these descriptions in a way that allows us to see that while they are useful, they also can be self-limiting when we do not honor the spirit to creative expression that they reflect. Every one of these descriptions reflects a natural response that we use on the path of becoming more complete and whole.

The power of understanding Compatibility Factors fully emerges when we see and honor the motivations behind the behavior and methods of others and know how to best engage it. Instead of being surprised when others engage in way that we do not anticipate, let us develop the skill and fluidity to meet others half way. This requires that we recognize potential differences or uncomfortable similarities (where we repress some way of being that they are currently manifesting). We invite readers to see beyond these outer descriptions, and recognize the creative intent that they represent. Until we accomplish this, we naturally operate more defensively or in a more competitive manner than is necessary. It also means that we will be distracted from our own creative purpose by three distortions: self-objectification, the assumption of the truth of others, falsely believing that it is our own, and/or the idealization or projection of our goodness on others while internally denying it.

We invite readers to highlight areas of this document with different colored markers, based on the different types of reactions experienced. Perhaps these types of reactions could be broken down as follows: knee-jerk denials that arise from feeling that others will not accept us if we externally match this statement; considered fear that we paradoxically reflect an aspect of what is said, while believing we also reflect its opposite; conflicts between what we believe motivates us and how we are authentically motivated. Each one of these distinctions can be further confirmed by the type and quality of our self-reflective process.

If we experience being trapped and seek distractions that reflect excitement and titillation (or speak sarcastically to others), it is because we have objectified our self based on our appearance to others, which creates inertia and an inability to take clear and balanced action. This reaction occurs because we are sensitive to others misreading our intent or judging us based on our appearance. Usually, we are afraid that others judgment of us could be right, particularly if we are not acknowledging our own natural Beauty. It is our need for safety that drives us to live within certain roles or standards of behaviors, so others cannot challenge us. If this kind of superficial reaction occurs, use a red highlighter to mark the phrase as it reflects our degree of Life energy or lack of it.

If a dualistic reaction and counter-reaction shows up where we automatically find ourselves making comparisons to others (where we need to prove ourselves right or superior to them), it reflects how we use intensity to affirm our truth over others. In this situation, the anxiety of seeing that our position can be undermined by others, causes us to present a partial defensive position and falsely believe that is represents our whole truth. When we are afraid that our truth will not be seen or honored by others, we tend to pre-emptively assemble all the reasons that others cannot justify their attacks upon us. Mainly because we unconsciously know where we are not able to see or engage the full range of options before us. It is our desire for security that limits our ability to respond. In this case, use a blue marker to mark the phrase as it reflects our degree of honoring our Light or personal truth, relative to others.

If we feel confused and are unable to place our self clearly in the context of what is being said, or we believe we need more information, it usually reflects that we are caught up in externalizing and proving some way of being, that we are internally denying. Other indicators that we are caught up in this type of reaction are large internal repulsions to some behavior or way of being, where we think we need to fix others or some aspect of the world. These aspirations, because they are frequently disconnected from our creative nature, seem to cause us to constantly spin our wheels (not getting anywhere). Use a green marker as this reflects the degree we are loving ourselves or attempt to Love ourselves more.

The ultimate goal of this document is to bring together and learn to appreciate all of the various patterns of our behavior. We call this process “Becoming more centralized and unified”. The benefit is to create more internal spaciousness so we can respond to and increasingly minimize the reactions in our life. This settling process, where we are able to affirm ourselves, reduces our attachment to any particular way of being. The more we accept ourselves, the less we need to prove who we are. This reflects the shift from believing we need to defend ourselves, to naturally wanting to express ourselves. The paradox is that while first we need to honor our natural way of being, if we do so at the cost of the truth of others, we are still caught up in a defensive framework. The healing process requires us to accept our self and forgive others for not seeing us as we authentically are. In short, we need to learn to appreciate that not being seen actually taught us more about who we are not, which is now useful in framing who we authentically are.

It is also helpful that we begin to appreciate where we are different and where we are similar to our parents. If the reader has not yet begun the process of individuating themselves from their parents, then it is recommended that we spend considerable time re-reading this document and assimilating it before moving to the next level. The basis of our common misperceptions reflects how we responded either positively or negatively to our parents’ beliefs. If we cannot separate our self from these parental reactions, it makes it difficult to find and embody our Authentic Life Expression. It is also useful to begin to organize ourselves by the factors described and to notice which factors either counter-balance or amplify a particular type of expression. The more we begin experiencing the relationship between each compatibility factor to every other compatibility factor, the deeper we will be able to honor and acknowledge the confusion that has permeated our previous expression. What we seek to do now is to notice the subtle differences that reflect where we are authentically operating in this moment. 

You are now invited to be part of a mutual learning experience with us. It is our intention to create a reciprocal and supportive way of seeing each other. The opportunity to participate in a full coaching session is a natural part of this evolution, so that we can practice seeing and being seen by others. A part of this process is also to complete our relationship with our parents, so we no longer have to carry the burden of attempting to be seen by them. This permits us to release any attachments or imprinting that is in the way of being our self. Many of these partially true perceptions about ourselves and our parents have been useful to keep away certain types of individuals that could hurt us. We invite you now to update and clarify what is true now versus the past. While it is not assumed that we have transcended our defensiveness, it is assumed that we are beginning to understand how our defensiveness does not reflect who we are.

This document will greatly assist in healing the remaining vestiges where our past negative experiences with a particular Compatibility Factor became an obstacle for our expression. Each Compatibility Factor has a positive and a repressed expression. When this is understood Compatibility Factor will be neutral ways of engagement. The more we can release and heal our negative experiences from the past (that represent a set of compatibility factors used against us), the quicker we will be able to respond to all circumstances. We can confirm that this internal restructuring is occurring when we notice dramatic changes in our motives, attractions and people who gravitate toward us. This internal shift will naturally clarify our intent, increase our ability to see different perspectives and neutralize our preconceptions about how it may be easy or difficult to engage a particular person. Instead we will discover that our natural ability to be ourselves, will directly invite others to be who they naturally are. Being ourselves as powerfully and harmlessly as we can be will begin to pay enormous dividends by the quality of people we attract into our lives.

Initiating this (self) growth process will change the way we relate to previously challenged relationships. The more we come to accept ourselves, the easier it is to give others room to be who they naturally are. Even if they are not able to respond and see who us as we are, our internal experience of honoring them as they are will lighten the burden we previously placed upon ourselves. This ability to honor them separately (from us) comes from our work to individuate ourselves. The clearer we are about ourselves, the easier it is for us to be who we naturally are. This also awakens us to the possibility of seeing our relationship with others, as separate energetic entities that transcends and combines aspects of both of us. This is why, on this level, we are including a discussion on Common Neutral Ground, which is the technology that allows us to appreciate new possibilities (both positive and negative) that occur in relationship to others. Appreciating a relationship requires that we go beyond our own self-limiting perceptions about what is personally relevant to us and see things from our another’s’ perspective. The tremendous opportunity for personal growth is most accelerated when we are able to engage and consciously choose the reflection of others that both affirm and amplify our own self-perceptions. We therefore invite the reader to identify the opportunities they want to engage that will honor their own growth process. 

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