Clearly Recognizing Our Decision-making Reactions

When we experience a reaction, it indicates we have triggered an internal fear that we won’t be able to live up to the expectations of others. We then create counter-beliefs or establish positions to offset these fears. People react to others by attempting to build positions so they can justify their greatness over others. In this process, we will attempt to explain why we have reactions to different Approach styles. It all comes down to differences in beliefs and opinions about what’s right. Due to our past compromises, we don’t want to be compromised anymore. We will begin with the process of why people with a similar decision-making Approach have reactions to each other.

1.    Open-Ended with Open-Ended Decision-maker. This has the greatest alignment as both partners can be extremely flexible and capable of working with each other.
2.    Convergent with Convergent Decision-maker. These individuals will likely be extremely good partners in any decision-making process. If any difficulties arise it is because of differences in the amount of Divergent imprinting each has.
3.    Divergent with Divergent Decision-maker. This combination is also extremely aligned and, again, the only problem that will arise is due to differences in the degree of Convergent imprinting.
4.    Variable with Variable Decision-maker. This combination is usually aligned with each other. The only problem that arises is the degree of flexibility of each individual and having one feeling they are caretaking the other that is less flexible. It is also likely that their Divergent, Convergent, or both imprinting may conflict with each other.
5.    Lost in Imprinting with another Lost in Imprinting Decision-maker. This combination is the most difficult because both individuals don’t have the flexibility or understanding about how to make decisions together. As a result, they would tend to do things independently and not consult their partners or business associates when possible. Ironically, since they are equally out of touch with themselves, they could have some degree of empathy with each other because they understand where the other person is operating from.
6.    Lost in Imprinting with Convergent Decision-maker. This combination has one of the greatest inherent conflicts of all the combinations. The Convergent decision-maker will typically feel superior to the Lost in Imprinting Decision-maker, because the Lost in Imprinting person will feel pressure to conform to the Convergent decision-maker. In this way, there is likely to be considerable role-playing and projection about how unfair the other person is.
7.    Lost in Imprinting Individual with Variable Decision-maker. While there may be some empathy and understanding between there two people, the Variable Decision-maker will likely be the one calling the shots. In this situation, the Variable person has to be more flexible and find ways of engaging the Lost in Imprinting individual to make it a worthwhile combination. Otherwise, the Lost in Imprinting individual will do their own thing without coordinating themselves with the Variable Decision-maker.
8.    Lost in Imprinting Individual with Divergent Decision-maker. This combination is not very good because the Divergent person has to be flexible, defining themselves in terms of the Lost in Imprinting person to generate any real results. Otherwise, the Lost in Imprinting person could become belligerent and confused by the differences in the way the Divergent person operates. This is because truly Divergent people are traditionally misunderstood in our society and not appreciated for their openness. A Lost in Imprinting person would feel the most out of place and not know how to engage a Divergent individual if the Divergent individual did not give them a framework in which to do so.
9.    Variable Individual with Divergent Decision-maker. This combination is fairly open and resourceful as long as the Variable person doesn’t have a tremendous amount of Convergent imprinting. Both individuals will feel able to engage each other and hold their own points of view. It is also likely they will treat each other as equals, which is very helpful in minimizing some of the imprinting reactions.
10.    Variable Individual with Convergent Decision-maker. This combination is fairly open and resourceful as long as the Variable person doesn’t have a tremendous amount of Divergent imprinting. Both individuals will feel able to engage each other and hold their own points of view. It is also likely they will treat each other as equals, which is very helpful in minimizing some of the imprinting reactions.
11. Variable Individual with Open-Ended Decision-maker. This combination is fairly conscious with a growth orientation. The major issues will be the “positionality” of the Variable person vs. the presence of the Open-Ended person. While this is sure to create some imbalance, the flexibility of the Open-Ended person will allow them to engage and bring out the capabilities of the Variable person for mutual decision-making. Ultimately, it is the degree of conflict within the Variable decision-maker that will make the process either enjoyable or painful for the Open-Ended Decision-maker. This will be the major issue about whether the Open-Ended Decision-maker wants to maintain the relationship with the Variable Decision-maker.
12.    Convergent Individual with Divergent Decision-maker. This is one of the most polarized combinations. While the relationship can be complimentary because they see each other’s weaknesses, there may be greater animosity because they don’t agree on much. This is because we both love and hate this individual at the same time. We love the fact that this person sees all the things we don’t see and we hate the fact that we feel we need them to compliment us. The clearer we become about the differences between Convergent and Divergent and see these issues as complementary ways to get things done, the less attached we need to be to be seen as right. This creates the opportunity to honor ourselves where we are and honor that others can contribute to the process as well.
13.    Convergent Individual with Open-Ended Decision-maker. This combination is also a growth process, particularly for the Convergent person, as they learn to engage things in a larger way. The big fear will be that dealing with too many things, simultaneously, may be overwhelming for the Convergent decision-maker, as they are more used to systematically simplifying their decision-making processes. While the Open-Ended decision-maker would automatically work within the limits of the Convergent Decision-maker, they might become resentful over time if the relationship was not evolving. What the Open-Ended person would be seeking is a greater degree of spontaneity and creative flow.
14.    Divergent Individual with Open-Ended Decision-maker. This combination is also a growth process, particularly for the Divergent person as they learn to engage things in a more systematic way. The big fear will be feeling that they lose themselves by focusing themselves on the basic elements, as they are more used to seeing the complexities of all the interactions. While the Open-Ended decision-maker would automatically work within the limits of the Divergent Decision-maker, they might become resentful over time if the relationship was not evolving. What the Open-Ended person would be seeking is a greater degree of depth and focus on implementation skills.