Case Study #4 Autonomous Life, Light And Love

Jeff and Ali met three years ago and found themselves engaging in each other’s life work. Both of them facilitate groups dealing with the implementation of sustainable communities. While they had minimum sexual chemistry, they had plenty of creative chemistry. Over a period of six months, they not only developed a friendship, but a business relationship. The paradox of their relationship was that the more they were able to honor their Autonomy, the more it allowed them to engage each other with depth. What was beautiful about their experience was the lack of pressure and the clarity of their alignment. This meant they did not have to work at the relationship. Instead, they could put all their energy into manifesting what they wanted together. When they engaged a CNG, it supported them to have clean boundaries and the ability to speak to each other without generating reactions and resentment. Their natural ability to take responsibility for their own issues contributed to the flow of the relationship. Trust was the result.

This meant that when they came together it was primarily the result of common interests, a desire to learn and the capacity to get into a Creative Flow with each other. Behind this, they sensed a bigger reason to connect, which was a common, interdependent lesson. When Jim brought up whether they both wanted a romantic relationship, Ali was a little hesitant. She was concerned that it might negatively impact the parts of the relationship they had already established. However, what she could not deny was that the creative chemistry they had could easily become a very passionate, romantic and sexual relationship. This is because she understood how Attractions were the result of engaging creative lessons and recognized that the quality of the connection is what precipitates enlightened sexual interactions. This enabled them to bring together Life, Light and Love so there was a balance within each of them that supported their relationship. It prevented any co-dependence from forming.

Jeff started the conversation by assuring Ali that what they had already accomplished together as a team could only become bigger if they became romantic partners as well. He felt that it would expand their potential. Ali replied that she really enjoyed the Intimacy and capacity to speak her truth, and be seen in her truth, both of which were amplified in the CNG. She was concerned that if it became sexual, there would be greater withholding. What she wanted to avoid was any confusion between her Expectations romantically and her Expectations as a business partner. Jeff requested that she articulate what these Expectations were. After Ali delineated the differences, he could only see two or three things that would actually be confusing to him. He proceeded to share not only the differences, but also what his own Expectations were. He talked about being more inclusive. He believed his ability to love her could only reduce any stress he saw between their differences. While he might have been a little Idealistic, she sensed that he was simply and truthfully expressing what he felt in his heart. He suggested that she might be confusing some issues with the kind of co-dependent compromises her parents had made in their relationship. She was willing to admit that there were a lot of similarities between the issues she was concerned about and her parents’ relationship.

Jeff asked her to feel into the CNG and see if she could clarify what she wanted in a relationship. Jeff re-created her experience while she was talking, by creating his own energetic reflection of it in the CNG. His ability to pay attention to her process allowed her to see more clearly what was going on so that she could let it go. Something shifted and she realized that there was no obstacle for her to be in a romantic relationship with him. As she checked back into her own space, she determined that there was greater clarity, ownership of her own experience, and that she had some requests of him. She brought these requests back into the CNG. She talked about them. He absorbed them in the CNG and checked in with himself to figure out what his own Truth was. After a few minutes, he was able to validate that most of what she had requested was definitely something he wanted to do. He talked about the few things he was not aligned with. She checked in with herself and shared back in the CNG that those things were not as important and he could just disregard them.

This pattern of conversation is like many of their conversations where they learn to express what they know and clear out as much of their Positioning and Defensive Patterning as possible. This allows them to be more sensitive and loving with their partners, while simultaneously getting into action in ways that stimulate new exploration. For example, by getting into creative projects and seeing the result makes them realize how close they are physically, which can precipitate greater sexual intimacy. This is a whole different type of experience than periodically becoming horny and seeking to entice a partner to participate when they have little or no interest. What Jeff and Ali represent as a couple is the freedom to be themselves.