LEARNING HOW TO BE PRESENT WITH OURSELVES

Beginning Internally

Until we can be present with ourselves, we cannot be present with others. This means that we have to learn to relate to ourselves more fully and accept who we are. Most of us attempt to deny ourselves by being with others the way they want us to be. It is our imprinting issues from childhood that create this pattern where we feel dependent on others to take care of us. When others do not accept some part of us, we learn how to turn off that part within ourselves in order to guarantee our survival as an infant or child. Not being able to be present with our physical sensations, or feelings or emotions and thoughts reduces dramatically our ability to communicate. Unfortunately, this leads to situations where we own only a small part of who we are, discounting and denying other parts to protect ourselves from feeling our pain.

The pain comes from having to be someone other than who we are. The more we lose ourselves trying to be what others want us to be, the more we hate what we’ve become. This unconscious hate reflects the pain we are feeling within ourselves when we probe beneath our outer self-image. We become disconnected from ourselves when we can’t accept the pain of others attacking our behavior, feelings, emotions and thoughts. The most important work we do initially to create more conscious relationships is to honor that we have this pain within ourselves, and that it is not other people who are now preventing us from being ourselves. Instead, we need to learn how to honor our boundaries and tell our truth harmlessly or our hatred will become self-sabotaging and destructive. Many individuals grow up proving their addictions are bigger and more powerful than they are so they won’t have to confront their childhood compromises.

Usually, it is best to start becoming more aware of who we are by taking an inventory of those areas where we have a choice to be who we are. In others words, those areas where we experience ourselves as having just one way of operating or of expressing ourselves are the areas ruled by our pretenses and defenses rather than by who we truly are. Freedom and flexibility indicate that we can be present with all parts of ourselves. It also means that we are capable of feeling pain and experiencing the consequences of our choices in this area. There are four levels to explore to see how well we are able to be ourselves.

Physical Self Awareness

The first level, reflecting our physical being, indicates how much flexibility we have in doing things. When we are tightly bound to the expectations of others and feel we have to be perfect in all we do, we are not able to be fully conscious of our choices about how we express ourselves physically. We typically fall into unconscious role-playing activities that distract us from questioning why we aren’t paying attention to our physical well-being. Another indication that we aren’t being present in our physical bodies is not listening to our bodies’ patterns of sensations or acknowledging our body wisdom.

For example, when we drive our bodies beyond its limits or do not pay attention to supporting it by eating foods that work for us, then it is harder for us to really be present with ourselves physically. It is helpful in recovering our connection to this part of ourselves to do breathing or relaxation exercises. Anything that supports our listening to our bodies’ wisdom and knowing is helpful in re-integrating these parts of our self. Tai chi, yoga and sports can all assist us in building a relationship with our body that allows us to be more connected to it. Until we are able to be present with ourselves physically, it is hard to express our intent through our body.

Conscious individuals are able to be present with the sensations in their bodies without repressing or attempting to control them. One of the common ways we disconnect from our bodies is by becoming excited, which shifts our physical perceptions into our imaginations. We end up losing ourselves in an energetic “fantasyland.” Telling our truth on all levels brings us back into a physical connection in our bodies, increasing our sense of aliveness. Excitement makes our breathing erratic, increases our heartbeat and changes our blood flow. It happens whenever we lose ourselves in the possibility that we can create a better relationship (in our imagination at least) than the one we had with our parents. Individuals who match these criteria, whom we think will love and support us as partners, can distract us enormously on the physical level, to the point where we might not eat or sleep normally.

If we are not connected at all on the physical level, it is likely that we have experienced some form of physical abuse, or at the least, some form of major discounting and denial of our right to be a physical being. The more we had to conform to others physically, the more likely it is that we will be disconnected from our physical self-knowing. In the U.S. it is more common to see people disconnected from their physical beings than connected to them. We must learn to connect with our physical beings and accept their traumatized responses to our support. Gradually, over time, our bodies will become better connected to us and we will become more at ease with them. It is important to remember that when we are not connected to our bodies, it is impossible to be consciously connected to the bodies of the people around us.

The more we are present in our body, the more we are able to express ourselves in a vital way. The more we can experience our own power and passion in our movement, the more embodied we are. (This is illustrated in greater detail in the diagram “Physical Expression”). As individuals who are physically empowered, we have choices about how we engage different circumstances to get things done. We use our rhythmic nature to increase our mobility so that everything we do is done in a conscious way. In this way, nothing we do becomes old. The sensations in our body tell us a story about what is working or not working in our life. While we absorb the lessons that our body is telling us, we do not become defined by them because we maintain a deep connection to our true nature. By not taking on the issues of others or defining ourselves in ways that limit our flexibility, we become dependable, enduring players in our own life. This is how all of our activities become joyous and moderate in their demands upon us.

The more physical imprinting that we have from our parents, the less we are able to initiate activity in response to others. (This material is further covered in the diagram “Physical Imprinting”). When we are afraid of the creative power of others over us, then we end up becoming afraid of doing things in the wrong way. When we are deeply imprinted by our parents around our physical activities, we have greater inertia and end up doing what is expected at the cost of our own creative impulses. We actually become repressed in using our body to engage others. This is one of the reasons why individuals in our culture are so negative about exercise. On the other end of the spectrum are individuals who never stop exercising, which can reflect the other side of not initiating activity. In this situation we are denying what we want in order to look good to others.

Another level of physical imprinting is when we feel we need to follow the rules because we will be rejected if we don’t. In this situation, this type of imprinting can be seen in the rigid type of posture we hold and the limited vitality we express around others. Usually, we withhold our enthusiasm and passion from others on a physical level because we are afraid that we then will not have an excuse to say no if they want us to do something for them. It is ironic how many people define their lives in a negative way to keep others from taking advantage of them because they are afraid they can’t say no. One of the main problems at this level is that we are afraid to be seen as selfish and/or unwilling to help.
As a result, we end up feeling obligated to do things like move our friends, play certain sports with them to make them happy or do our duty to go on vacations with them.

The lowest level of physical imprinting is filling our life with activities to keep ourselves busy. While some of these things we do to please others, many of them are to keep ourselves from feeling lonely. We get into keeping busy as a way to distract ourselves from where we are not engaging our life. While sometimes this may express itself by our becoming a workaholic, it can also show up in hobbies where we do not have to engage others intimately or deal with our own issues. Some hobbies allow us to keep ourselves busy without having to confront how empty our life is. One of the best indications that we have physical imprinting at this level is how fearful we are to go on vacations or take breaks because it would mean changing our routine. It is also interesting to notice how we may believe we are repellent, or at least anti-magnetic, because we believe people don’t really want to be around us; therefore, we don't want to be around them.

Emotional Self-Awareness

The emotional, or feeling, level is the next stage of our self-inventory. When we have suffered emotional discounting, denial and abuse, we can become separated from this part of ourselves. In this situation, it is important to realize that our emotions and feelings are critical components of our well-being, as they empower us to grow. Metaphorically, feelings act like compasses in that they allow us to determine the best course of action.

Feelings are the in-the-moment response to our environment. Emotions are our reaction to, and our beliefs about, those feelings we want. The scars of emotional denial are sullenness, emotional withdrawal and needing to control others so they won’t become emotional. One indication that we are not in connection to our emotional well-being is attempting to not express ourselves emotionally in order to avoid the reactions of others, which could lead to breakdowns or breakthroughs as we either cry or get angry. We may also find ourselves going through periods of dissociation in which we experience “flights of fancy” or complete contraction and shutdown.

Conscious individuals are able to be present with their feelings and report them without feeling tension. When we experience tension it means that we are judging ourselves in some way. Unconscious and emotionally imprinted individuals commonly suffer anxiety and panic attacks when things change too quickly. When we are not able to be present with our feelings anxiety increases, creating a sense of chaos and confusion. Many of us try to control our feelings and the feelings of others by believing that some feelings are bad. The more we edit and judge our feelings, the more negatively imprinted we are around recognizing our emotional and intuitive impulses. Since feelings help us access our intuition, any self-denial around feelings sabotages our higher knowing about ourselves. The answer is to accept our emotions fully, finding the peacefulness and calm inside that comes from listening to ourselves.

The more we are present with our feelings, the clearer we are about where we are emotionally in the moment. Sadly, if we do not know where we are, it indicates that we are locked in an emotional self-rejection process. We end up encouraging others to tell us what they are feeling so we can identify with them. This further complicates and denies the expression of our own true feelings and sets us up for more abuse. We need to learn to break the cycle by being able to speak about our feelings no matter how others react. As soon as we learn to say our truth about our feelings, we become capable of calibrating our emotional/feeling experience with their emotional /feeling experience without causing a reaction or judgment.

The key issue is not taking on the feelings or emotions of others and denying our own feelings. This may require that we let go of people who have been caretaking us so that we can truly learn that there is nothing wrong with us on the emotional level. The more we can learn to honor our feelings in the present, without attaching meanings about the feelings from the past, the easier it will be to be present with ourselves emotionally. While it is important to take responsibility for our emotions, paradoxically, it is also necessary to de-personalize the situation. What is most difficult is when we create cause/effect associations, in which a certain type of feeling causes negative reactions in ourselves or others. It is critical that we minimize our beliefs about our feelings so that we promote full feeling and emotional functioning. This means that we can still take ownership of the emotional effect feelings have on us without believing we can be totally in charge of our experience. The more we can’t be present with our own feelings, the less likely we can be present when others have feelings around us.

Emotional empowerment occurs because we have enough space to bring things into perspective around us. The diagram, “Emotional Expression,” summarizes our experience with being sentient and electrically magnetic beings. When we are not compromised, our emotions and feelings become vibrant and open fields where we honor and acknowledge our true electric nature. These fields of emotional vibration allow us to experience the subtle shifts in motivation that makes our own passion a beautiful experience. When our emotional states are open and we are not trying to control our feelings, we operate with a natural sense of compassion and appreciation for the unique qualities of others. The more we are insensitive to these inner shifts, which many would consider different varieties of love, the less we are able to see and accept our own emotional truth. Instead of being inclusive, we unconsciously become exclusive, and try to impose our sense of equanimity on others. This begins the process of loosing the natural adaptability that we have when we are emotionally open.

Emotional imprinting occurs when our parents are afraid of our emotional reactions and try to control us. They teach us not to initiate emotional or feeling interactions with others by making us wrong when we do. The diagram, “Emotional Imprinting,” clarifies the three levels of emotional imprinting, and how fear immobilizes and paralyzes our ability to respond on emotional levels. As a result of not being able to initiate emotions or feelings with others is that we become complainers and whiners where nothing is ever good enough. Whenever we get out of balance with our own ability to experience our emotions, we feel the urge to dump them on others to make ourselves feel better. This is because we have become insensitive and inconsiderate about the feelings of others and end up spending a majority of our time trying to control others, just like our parents controlled us. At best, we operate with a callous lassitude that does not acknowledge or appreciate the emotions or feelings of others.

Emotional imprinting on the second level is where we try to seek validation for what we are feeling from other people. Our intensity and inconsistent desire drives us to try and stabilize our perceptions of reality by having others agree with us. This sets us up for mood swings and depression when others distance themselves from our cathartic behavior. It is ironic that their fear of rejection by us actually leads them to reject us. Another one of the primary indicators of this level of imprinting is how some feelings are off-limits or taboo areas for others. This is because we don’t want to be seen as vulnerable or weak for fear others will take advantage of us, as our parents did. What we are really looking for are individuals we can trust to stabilize ourselves and make us feel better about our circumstances.

Individuals with level one emotional imprinting get lost in the caretaking of others. In this situation, we are typically not valued for what they give, which leads to resentful, highly flammable cathartic breakdowns where the individual feels justified ending the relationship. This occurs because in our emotional training to be there for others, no one was really there for us. We were trained to be selfless caretakers who did not need to be taken care of. This is not reasonable or appropriate. It is ironic that in being taught to caretake others, we also seem to have signed on for the task of ignoring our own pain or pleasure. This leads to building considerable resentment and emotional charges that become very volatile. While in the right circumstances, individuals with a high degree of caretaking can seem to be appropriate, deeper examination will reveal that we are usually repressing large areas of our feelings and emotions.

Intellectual Self-Awareness

The third area of our personal inventory has to do with our thoughts. Many of us become detached from our intellectual knowing because we believed others when they said that we were dumb or stupid. This judgment disconnects us from our being, and promotes a disconnected evaluation of what constitutes intelligence. Actually, intelligence arises from our awareness of body wisdom, direct feeling, knowing, intellectual concentration and focus and straight pattern recognition we call intuition. Unfortunately, we seek to match an external standard by proving our intelligence. This creates a detachment, which leads to believing we are never going to be accepted for our thoughts or opinions.

We end up over-identifying with our thoughts and believe that everyone is out to attack us when they have different ideas than we do. The key to healing this is to realize that our thoughts are merely one form of expression about who we are. The more we can express our thoughts without being attached to whether they are seen, heard or valued by others, the happier we will become. This is because thoughts have many valuable functions that go beyond our ability to impress an idea on others. It is becoming clearer that thoughts themselves are energy that assist in the balancing of our well-being. What is critical is to recognize that thoughts are only expressions of our creativity and do not represent who we are as a knower of our truth.

Conscious individuals do not attempt to repress or control their thoughts. Instead, we learn how to be present with our thoughts so we can use them to connect effectively with others. When we are present with our thoughts, we do not attempt to edit or compare our thoughts to others before we share them. To do so creates intensity, “positionality” and polarization. This tension creates a form of stress that puts us on edge. Instead of attempting to get heard because of our fear that we won’t be listened to, we need to learn to relax and realize that speaking our thoughts and assuming they will be accepted allows them to be engaged fully. The more we trust the process, highlighting whatever is necessary to move things forward, the more we can see that things will naturally work out if we let them evolve. This is the beginning of wisdom, which is the antidote to stress, competition and intensity. The hygiene of mental health requires us not to be driven by our thoughts.

Recognizing that our thoughts do not fully represent who we are is difficult for many individuals. In our society, we become so attached to our thoughts that we believe we wouldn’t have any value without them. To be intellectually healthy is to realize how our growth really depends on transcending previous thoughts by embracing new ways of thinking. The more we become attached to our thoughts, the less capable we are of being present with others and their thoughts. Being an abundant thinker allows us to share our thoughts freely without the need to take credit for them. The more reactive we are around the thoughts of others, particularly when we evaluate our thoughts by comparing them to others’, the less we actually appreciate the meaning and purpose of the thoughts. The value of our intellectual being is to guarantee our outward success, until such time as our creative being is ready to be expressed. When we become empowered thinkers we are not daunted or intimidated by any thought structure, allowing us to communicate our truth and experiences completely.

In our society, we unwittingly take on the thoughts, assumptions and beliefs of our parents (at least initially) not realizing the cost. Until we realize that we are independent creative beings and not merely products of our parents who think we must reflect their way of being to survive, we will remain trapped in lessons of their making. This is why we are currently in such an era of transition, where individuals who have created themselves anew have become the pioneers. Pioneers take us in entirely new directions, as opposed to the old way of using thoughts for preservation and survival. The more we identify ourselves as our thoughts, the more competitive our world will be. We need to learn the power of alignment without agreement in order to become fully capable creative beings.

VALIDATING OUR COMMUNICATION PROCESS

The energy someone protects most indicates what they do second, and the energy they have most embodied or consistently present reveals their primary orientation. For example, people operating in a strong intellectual way, which is consistently presenting under all circumstances, but going in and out of presenting their emotional truth, use a Think, Feel, Act process. For many of them, going into their emotions is a duty they want to get in or out of as fast as possible. They think they can be hurt on this level and wish to make themselves less of a target. Another example is people who have strong and consistent emotional connections, but get caught up in their thinking and become intellectually polarized have a Feel, Think, Act process. They will likely feel their thoughts are a target and they need to take additional time to make sure they are consistent and clear. As a final example, people who fully manifest their power and intelligence in their body, and then go in and out of their feelings, have an Act, Feel, Think process.

Questions for Identifying Our Process

1. Which is more real for you, first knowing the truth (Think First) or first connecting with someone and then letting them know your truth (Feel First), or first getting what their body is saying (Act First)?
2. Is the goal of your communication to convey information precisely (Think First), to convey the general feeling and subtle aspects that make the experience unique (Feel First), or to accomplish something in an efficient manner and with as little talk as possible (Act First)?
3. What is your most important objective when you are communicating with someone? Note: This question is not as effective because 40% of individuals identify inaccurately with these frameworks due to their imprinting.

a) To get to the truth (Think First)
b) To maintain the harmony and connection as it is (Feel First)
c) To reflect what the other is communicating by taking action (Act First)

4. On what part of the communication do you focus?

a) On the structure and details to build the big picture (Think First) (The Content or the “What”)
b) On the connections and big picture to later fill in the details (Feel First) (The context or the “Why”)
c) On what the primary thing is to get done first (Act First) (The intention or the “When”)

5. In your communications, which do you most protect?

a) Feelings (Feel Second)
b) Thoughts (Think Second)
c) Behaviors (Act Second)

6. What are you the most judgmental about in yourselves and others?

a) Feelings (Feel Second)
b) Thoughts (Think Second)
c) Behaviors (Act Second)

7. When you are relaxing or trying to complete a process, which do you typically do?

a) Consider your feeling about how things worked out (Feel Last)
b) Think through ways you will improve it the next time through (Think Last)
c) Consider new ways to do things that will eliminate effort or minimize the upset of others (Act Last)

Every person is working on integrating the elements of process into a simultaneous experience of all three. The greater our parental imprinting, the more each one of these experiences is processed sequentially. The goal, therefore, is to identify the sequence that best matches our assimilation pattern and begin to facilitate the process by consciously moving from one step to the next, as fast as possible. As we learn to push and pull ourselves through our natural process, it clears out our imprinting. It will be obvious by our inner creative flow that we have chosen the appropriate combination as we begin to experience greater expansion, ease and aliveness in our communications.

Communication Process Clarified < br />

1) What is your most important objective when you are communicating with someone?

a) To get to the truth (Think First)
b) To maintain the harmony and connection as it is (Feel First)
c) To demonstrate what the other is saying by taking action (Act First)

2) On what part of the communication do you focus?

a) On the structure and details to build the big picture (Think First) (The content or the What)
b) On the connections and big picture to later fill in the details (Feel First) (The context or the Why)
c) On what is the primary thing to get done first (Act First)(The intention or the When)

3) In your communications, which do you most protect?

a) Feelings (Feel Second)
b) Thoughts (Think Second)
c) Behaviors (Act Second)

4) What are you the most judgmental about in yourself and others?

a) Feelings (Feel Second)
b) Thoughts (Think Second)
c) Behaviors (Act Second)

5) When you are relaxing or trying to complete a process, which do you typically do?

a) Consider your feeling about how things worked out. (Feel Last)
b) Think through ways you will improve it the next time through. (Think Last)
c) Consider new ways to do things that will eliminate effort or minimize the upset of others. (Act Last)

6) To verify an Action orientation, consider the following:

a) Is the person fully in their body in a natural, fluid way all of the time? (Act First)
b) Are they impulsive and in/out of their bodies? (Act Second)
c) Do they visit their bodies when then are recreating? (Act Last)

7) To verify an Emotional orientation, consider the following:

a) Is this person always seeking a constant emotional connection? (Feel First)
b) Are they in and out of their emotions, spending a majority of their time trying to find the right one? (Feel Second)
c) Do they entertain emotions only when they are relaxing? (Feel Last)

8) To verify an Intellectual orientation, consider the following:

a) Is this person fully engaged in their thought processes at all times? (Think First)
b) Are they defensive and sometimes confused about their thought processes? (Think Second)
c) Are they only considering options after they have done something in order to plan for the next time? (Think Last)

Clues to Observing Process

We recommend that you follow this four-step process to identify and see the process of others. The more we are clear about communication process differences up front, the less we will be blindsided by our lack of alignment (especially when others have a different sequence).

1) Check for Emotional, Intellectual, or Action imprinting.

Everyone that is healthy expresses to some degree on all three levels — Thinking, Feeling and Acting. The more integrated we are, the more we do these simultaneously. The more imprinted we are by doing what our parents want us to do, the more time is spent on each step or the more steps we skip. We operate with breaks in our focus and an inability to be present in our body, feelings or thoughts.

Ultimately, we learn how to do all three in a fluid and flexible way that serves ourselves and others. Imprinting is primarily a result of our parents’ judgments or criticalness creating an unwillingness in the child to fully participate or be connected. Healing our imprinting is where we restore our inner approval and attention by not allowing someone else to dictate how we are going to operate. Since losing ourselves in others is unpleasant, we tend to forget it immediately, but it still leaves a bad taste in our mouth.

To overcome our feeling of being stuck doing one thing, we, unfortunately, try to break out of the previous pattern by suppressing the result in our lives. Therefore, suppression indicates a reaction to where we have been taken advantage of by other people. It’s an attempt to do something different by limiting the acceptable result. Unfortunately, it just puts more pressure on us. Evidence of imprinting or suppression is found in states of disassociation where the person is not able to be in touch with parts of themselves. It shows up as rigidity, inflexibility, hardness, and/or toughness, and eventually results in body armor and crystallization. It is usually focused around the area where someone was most traumatized, and results in not being able to express thoughts, feelings, or actions effectively. Suppression leads to defensive behavior.

Look to see if there is any imprinting energy (commonly seen as a blockage or denial) that prevents expression emotionally, intellectually or ones’ ability to act. Eventually, all imprinting shows up as a fixation or attachment to being met in a particular way that avoids one or more of the above expressions. Emotional imprinting shows up as an avoidance of feelings and an overemphasis in thinking and doing.

It is also common for this person to have a lack of self-respect. Creative or intellectual imprinting will show up as a reliance on correct behavior (to get by) or emotional outbursts when pressed intellectually. This results in a lack of self-esteem in the United States and its culture. Action imprinting shows up as inertia and caution about doing new things. This is most difficult to recognize in public, but it will show up immediately as intensity, fear, or disconnection when we try to engage someone. This usually indicates a Distant defense style and very critical parents who diminished or ignored their child’s self esteem and self respect. Individuals can demonstrate one or more of these “imprintings”. How it shows up is an emphasis on what they do and a denial of what they are not willing to do. In other words, a person who is a Feel-first and also emotionally imprinted would show up more on the thinking and acting levels.

2) Determine the Top Two Energies Out of the Three.

If we only see one or two energies, it means the person is imprinted and we will have to look deeper to discern the order of their natural way of operating. If we can see that they are available on all three levels, first identify the top two energies. This means we should look to what degree they are able to express their emotions, actions and thoughts and then pick the two in which they are most expressive. This is actually easier than you might think because the third energy, what they do to relax, is usually the least obvious.

Seeing The Process Of Others Clarified

To verify an Action orientation, consider the following:

a) Is the person fully in their body in a natural, fluid way all of the time? (Act-first)
b) Are they impulsive and in/out of their bodies? (Act-second)
c) Do they visit their bodies when then are recreating? (Act-last)

To verify an Emotional orientation, consider the following:

a) Is this person always seeking a constant emotional connection? (Feel-first)
b) Are they in and out of their emotions, spending a majority of their time trying to find the right one? (Feel-second)
c) Do they entertain emotions only when they are relaxing? (Feel-last)

To verify an Intellectual orientation, consider the following:

a) Is this person fully engaged in their thought processes at all times? (Think-first)
b) Are they defensive and sometimes confused about their thought processes? (Think-second)
c) Are they only considering options after they have done something in order to plan for the next time? (Think-last)

3) Determine The Order of Energies.

The energy someone protects most indicates what they do second, and the energy they have most embodied or consistently present reveals their primary orientation. For example, people operating strongly in an intellectual way, which is consistently presented under all circumstances, where they go in and out of presenting their emotional truth, use a Think-Feel-Act process. For many of them, going into their emotions is a job or duty they want to get in or out of as fast as possible. This is due to the fact that they think they can be hurt on this level and wish to make themselves less of a target. Another example is people who have strong and consistent emotional connection, but get caught up in their thinking and become intellectually polarized have a Feel-Think-Act process. They will likely feel their thoughts are a target and they need to take additional time to make sure they are consistent and clear. As a final example, people who fully manifest their power and intelligence in their body, and then go in and out of their feelings, have an Act-Feel- Think process.

4) Validate your understanding

Confirm your intuitive knowing by communicating with people in what you believe to be their First process, then observe how they respond. Typically, they will be more enthusiastic because they are feeling met in terms of their higher knowing, feeling or doing. With Think-first people, communicate in terms of a clear headline with bullet points that cover concisely the content you wish to discuss. Typically, they will appreciate your organization and focus. With Feel-first individuals, talk in terms of an emotional gestalt where you jump point-to-point providing highlights or points of reference until they get the communication. Typically, they will respond fluidly and with variation, indicating their feel first approach. With Act-first individuals, minimize the verbal communications and maximize the physical communication by doing something with them. Typically, they will express their unity and bonding by relaxing with you. What they seek is a continuity and momentum as you work together.

Each of these methods will provide the opportunity to reach the person on a deeper level if your intuition is correct. If you don’t get a positive response, try a different option and see if you get a better result. Note: The difference between a person with an imprinted thinking process and a person who thinks last, is the degree of self-acceptance they experience about who they are and how they communicate. When there is imprinting or suppression, there is an internal war going on that jams people into taking only one position. Therefore, they have to protect themselves from the criticism of others. On the other hand, people who think last don’t apologize for thinking last because they see this as a natural way to contribute uniquely.