Awareness (Creative Chemistry)

Awareness is the higher level of expression for the process of Creative Chemistry. Initially, Creative Chemistry is not even possible because we have no models for how it works. As we become more conscious and gain experience with others (which indicates what works and what does not work) Creative Chemistry can become more real. What this takes is becoming clear about how Wisdom and Aliveness help us to embody both our masculine and feminine sides simultaneously. Higher Alignment provides structures in the form of Compatibility Factors for becoming conscious about both similarities and differences. We are clear about levels of development and how we, as individuals, increasingly seek partners who have greater experience and understanding of themselves. This allows us to choose partners with the appropriate Motives, Attractions and Skills that could fulfill the possibility of Creative Chemistry. Otherwise, it is just an Idealization pattern.

Creative Chemistry is based upon loving our selves enough to choose individuals who are most similar to us, and hopefully, those who have some connection to our Authentic Life Expression. When this occurs, we do not need to explain ourselves because our partners understand what is going on with us without us having to explain. The irony is that having someone similar to us actually deepens us and allows us to be more responsive in the world. For example, if an Inventor Investigator Visionary was with a partner with the same sequence, they could both relax because they would not be judged. This allows inherent creativity to emerge more freely and creates the experience of more abundance than scarcity. Creative Chemistry is not just similar Expressions or Intelligences, but it relates to Motives, Attractions and Skills. When a person has developed in a similar manner, the same qualities are usually developed in their partner. This allows us to be consciously supported in ways previously unimagined.

Awareness is the capacity to integrate Wisdom and Aliveness, producing Co-Creative possibilities that extend beyond our selves. Some would say that Awareness is a Transpersonal expression of who we are without the downsides of false beliefs such as Pretenses, Defenses, and Imprinting. Awareness performs a function of bringing together possibilities. Even if we do not see the benefits of these options, our awareness is enriched by their conception. Even reading about new ways to envision something empowers us to make it real in our own experience. Content understanding promotes a greater sense of Awareness. This means it is our experience about life that drives our capacity to respond to it. Only those who are caught up in their personality perspective would deny the power of Awareness in their lives. They are afraid of the greater unknown, internal to themselves because it might infringe upon their sense of freedom and choice if they needed to be consciously responsible about an outcome.

Awareness is the acceptance of our own Aliveness and Wisdom. It resolves the inner dualities of masculine and feminine and stands as the highest manifestation of creative power. The more we integrate our masculine and feminine, the less our internal duality becomes an excuse to not pursue the greater mysteries external to us. Awareness is the highest Attraction because the more we are present with our selves, the more sensitive we are to a partner being present with themselves. Awareness is the language of resolving not only internal dualities but all dualities with others. It is the greatest Attraction because it resolves masculine and feminine differences, as well as all distinctions based on consciousness. As a result, individuals with greater consciousness are automatically drawn to each other. Ultimately, we all seek partners who can respond to us and take our conversations even deeper. It is an indication that we have integrated Intent, Content, and Context into a creative presence that is called ’Being’. Once you have Awareness in a relationship, you will not go back to one without it.

We integrate the masculine and feminine through the middle column of Unifying Attractions. These Attractions are Reliability, Personal Autonomy, Personal Intimacy, and Awareness. It is these frameworks, which help balance the masculine and feminine sides to reveal a middle way where we grow quickly through internal balance. What brings these attractions together are the qualities of Vibratory Expansion, where we demonstrate our capacity to be Co-Creative with each other. In this way, we start to own the full continuum of each group of Attractions. Not only do we unify the masculine and feminine to produce more power in the Unifying Attractions, but we also unify all the levels--the three Instinctive, three Intellectual, the three Idealized, and the three Intuitive Attractions within their groups. It is only this connection, which allows us to be synergistic with partners. It also requires an ability to use Silence to go deeper within our selves, but also to keep from distracting our partners when nothing needs to be said. Silence possesses the power to internally focus us on the energetic level of attractions so we can appreciate whom we are with and why we are with them. Otherwise, constant outer discussions keep us from deepening into the natural complexity and beauty of deeper attractions.

Vibratory Expansion shows up when we are fully able to love who we are, which empowers us to love our partners even more deeply. One of the real symbols of this is how another’s capacity to appreciate us further supports us in seeing ourselves in a way that is transfigured. What they are seeing is the Truth and Beauty of how we show up with them, which innately honors their Goodness. This profound impact upon them rebounds upon us as a total sense of joy, celebration, and appreciation of our capacity to move them in this way. We cannot beat ourselves up when others see the Truth about us so deeply which allows us to accept this view. Transfiguration is, therefore, the process of taking in and owning how we enrich the lives of others around us.

Attractions shift, grow, and change when we consciously engage them. The ability to energetically tune into and express different attractions allows us to discover the underlying associations. We grow when we use attractions to focus our attention. Our Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, and Thoughts are all energetic fields that produce different attractions when we become more conscious about them. This reflects the inherent nature of attractions, for each heartbeat, bite of food, and breath actually shifts our electromagnetic fields, thus our attractions. One reason why we do not initially understand our attractions is because we have not been able to localize them. Attractions are more easily described as field effects where we are either polarized or congruent energetically in our being. Most of the time our unconscious attractions reflect different polarities between our energetic bodies (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions, and Thoughts). These become externalized as desires which we seek to fulfill. Our unconscious attractions reflect how we are compromised in our personality self-image. Wherever we need another to be a particular way to affirm us it indicates a deficit that we are attempting to offset. When we become fixated on preemptively eliminating a self assessed problem by acquiring a partner that reflects to our self and others that we do not have a problem, we are actually caught by our attractions. This means our unconscious attractions control us and limit our choices.

For example, the degree to which we doubt our beauty or handsomeness will be the same degree to which we seek others who will offset this perceived self-limitation. This is called the Beauty Trap because it denies that we need to be present in our authentic beauty to actually attract authentic beauty. See Table 9: (Last column) Repression Modify Attractions. We leverage our self-perceived strengths to convince an outwardly beautiful or handsome partner to choose us so we feel desirable and valued. This mirrors the common society belief that associating with beauty can make us appear beautiful. It feeds the idea that powerful individuals have their own sexiness and appearance is everything. What we do not realize is by attempting to possess outer beauty, it actually increases our inner denial of our beauty or handsomeness. The Beauty Trap is where we get caught up in the judgment of objectification. When we objectify others, we assess them on their outer beauty and mostly deny their inner beauty. Most individuals expect to be assessed and evaluated on this level, thereby objectifying themselves, particularly when they use these perceptions to leverage their value to others. When they use the allure of sexy posing or provocative dressing, it is actually advertising that they believe their power lies in their appearance. Others deny the reality of objectification and thereby are caught in their avoidance of the issue when others ignore or discount them. Either way, the Beauty Trap keeps us from experiencing our beauty and the beauty of those around us.

Another trap occurs when we seek others who are outwardly successful to make it easier for us to be seen as successful. This is called the Success Trap because we deny our need to be present in our authentic Truth to actually attract the complete Truth of others. Instead we believe that convincing others of the “Truth” that leverages our agenda will naturally make us more successful. When we are caught in the Success Trap, attempting to manipulate the Truth of others actually ends up denying our Truth because of the false persona we must project to achieve our goals. While the Success Trap is outwardly choosing others who will facilitate and support our success image, the inward goal is to attempt to control and use “Truth” for our own purposes. In this way to be “successful” we must sow doubt about others’ Truth to gain an advantage in establishing our Truth over theirs. The Success Trap is therefore where we get lost in our need to be right and demand that others accept our Truth, even at the cost of owning their own Truth. Subjectification is the judgment that our Thoughts are superior to any others.

When we subjectify others, our ideas of who they are seen as more important than who they are. The game of subjectification is to act intellectually arrogant and to seek adulation from others about our intelligence, even when it is only superficial in nature. Some individuals resist acknowledging others who subjectify them, unless they themselves are first acknowledged. In other words, mutual compromise is an acceptable state when operating in the Success Trap. Others refuse to play the game, and therefore are at effect when isolated by those who play it. Either way, the Success Trap, where we seek a partner to make it easier for us to be a success, ends up creating frustrations because of the codependence that is required. As much as we deny it, we need validation.

Finally, when we are unwilling to accept our own humanity, we seek partners who we can help, support and even control us in order to offset our own self-perceived limitations. This is called the Inequality Trap because we deny we need to be present in our Goodness to actually attract Goodness. Our belief that we can identify and eliminate up front all those that reflect past compromised relationship keeps us busy constantly attempting to find the perfect partner. The problem is we keep attracting those partners that repeat past compromises, so we seek ways to leverage our choices so we can control the outcome. All attempts to possess Goodness through idealization are bound to fail because we are compromised on a fundamental level. Distancing continues to occur not only because we are repulsed by our own desire for perfection, but our partners are repulsed because they feel judged by our idealization. The Inequality Trap is where we choose partners who we perceive need us because we have an edge or quality that they admire or adore. As long as we know that they need us more than we need them, everything is okay. When both parties have different types of leverage over each other, they both can be in the Inequality Trap at the same time. The power in this kind of relationship shifts back and forth to the person most willing to leave the relationship. The real cost in the Inequality Trap is that we do not find and express our own natural Goodness. We therefore get caught up in idealizations and project anything that does not match our expectations on our partner.

In the Beauty Trap, our fears attract those individuals who best represent a complementary fear. In the Success Trap, our desires attract those individuals who best represent a complementary desire.  In the Inequality Trap, our fears and desires attract those individuals with complementary lessons. In each trap, we fundamentally handicap ourselves by choosing partners who reflect our denied past rather than our creative future. The real problem is that these attractions deny our investment in our futures. Excitement bleeds away the energy we need to be in Aliveness. Our pursuit of Beauty creates the loss of beauty. Intensity makes common decision-making and communication impossible, reducing all Wisdom. Our pursuit of Truth ends up in a compromised self-Truth. Repulsions keep us from growing in the areas that could create common breakthroughs. Our pursuit of Goodness ends up as a numbing emptiness. Each of these traps lacks energetic integrity, which means that once we are sucked into these patterns, it becomes very difficult to get out. It is like a Chinese finger puzzle, the more we try to pull out our fingers, the more pressure is applied to hold them in place.

Owning How We Grow

Gender Identity Growth, will help us map how well we are doing in eight frameworks of embodiment. The instinctive level is usually the most obvious unless we have repressed the “me” of our Gender Identity. Sometimes this inner child interferes with our ability to cleanly express our sexuality. Men that have been repressed in their masculinity have difficulty expressing anger. They sabotage their expression of power be not taking charge and following through with their commitments. This creates tension in their ability to be providers. Women who have been repressed in their femininity have difficulty expressing their fear. They hide behind their outer toughness and covert desire to be accepted for their vulnerability. Their longing for love paradoxically drives them to perform in order to deserve love. For men and woman who have not been repressed on the instinctive level, we need to see that the provider and nurturer roles are only stepping stones to a deeper understanding our Self. Breaking out of our pretenses is the first step to getting real with our sexuality. We need to go beyond role-playing and accept the humanity of our current imperfection.

Most of the time, the intellectual and idealized levels are linked by our identification with a particular defense style. For example, people who have a Disarming (feminine) defense style are synchronized on the intellectual and idealized level by the order in which they develop themselves. They present the feminine outwardly (Intimacy) and hide the masculine (Autonomy). On the other hand, people who have a Dynamic (masculine) defense style will likely have a different sequence of development. They present the masculine outwardly (Autonomy) and hide the feminine (Intimacy). Autonomy (Truth telling) is more expansive or masculine on the personality level and more contracted or feminine on the creative level as a common source of Wisdom. Intimacy (Truthful self reflection) is more contracted or feminine on the personality level and more expansive or masculine on the creative level as a source of Unity. (See other Higher Alignment papers for information on these defense styles, for it is beyond the scope of this discussion.)

For example, a woman following a traditional path of feminine development (disarming) would use Unavailability, Selectivity, and Contraction to build the interest of potential suitors. She will do this by playing somewhat hard to get and pretending, even if it is not so, that there are many more potential suitors than the man currently pursuing her. If she is operating on the Intellectual level, she will also use Intimacy, Mystery, and Innocence to build a strong intellectual connection. She will do this by creating a sense of inner security by being able to meet men where they are and, thereby, making them feel they are the center of the universe. If she is operating on the Idealized level, she will also seek to manifest her Autonomy, Independence, and Life Expression by taking personal responsibility for her own growth and how that matches the growth of her partners. This will let her see the trade-offs and relative value of working independently versus working in partnership with others in her life. The more she balances her Autonomy and Intimacy skills, the easier it will be for her to co-create her own experience and thereby attract even more conscious partners. She becomes a Cultural Leader when she is able to operate from Mutual Respect and build the Mutual Esteem of others around her. Cultural Leaders are effective because they are a de-centralizing force that empowers people to assume responsibility for their own futures. The more she owns her power, the more she will begin to include the masculine column which increases her options dramatically in choosing a partner.

A more non-traditional (dynamic) path for a woman is to use Unavailability, Selectivity, and Contraction to build interest on an Instinctive level, while intellectually contrasting this with Autonomy, Mastery, and Strength to attract partners. This path, which is called the dynamic defense style, supports her in clearly defining her needs so she can objectively analyze and assess the potential partners that show up in her life. She could either seek out partners who reflect Intimacy, Mystery, and Innocence, or choose to grow by manifesting a greater degree of Intimacy, Interdependence, and Synergy. In other words, instead of seeking out intimacy in partners, she could embody her own intimacy and this would expand her choices of partners. This way she would realize the value of including others and learning from them in ways that would deepen her appreciation of what they could contribute. In this development process, she could become a cosmic magnet by balancing her internal Autonomy and Intimacy, thereby greatly expanding her ability to co-create in the world. Cosmic magnets operate from Mutual Esteem and work to build Mutual Respect in everyone they connect with. In this way, they become a centralizing force that builds momentum toward some larger goal.

Most men tend to use Availability, Open Exploration, and Expansion to demonstrate interest in others. This is reflected by our societal expectations that the man take the initiative in pursuing potential partners who are more responsive and able to adapt to his course in life. Men are expected to learn from experience and take risks in discovering what the best choices are. A non-traditional man who has become aware of his intellectual and idealized development process will probably be manifesting Intimacy, Mystery, and Innocence on the Intellectual level to attract partners. He will create security by meeting partners where they are and adapting to their needs. This person has a disarming or feminine defense style. He can either remain at this level and choose a complementary partner who is manifesting Autonomy, Mastery, and Strength, or grow within himself by building his own Autonomy, Independence, and understanding of his Life Expression. If he did this, he would take responsibility for his own growth and automatically honor the autonomy and growth of others. In doing this, he would come to balance his internal Autonomy and Intimacy making him a Cultural Leader who is most interested in promoting co-creation in group situations. Eventually this desire to work with others would push him to increasingly build his own capacity to manifest himself as an individual and embody more fully his masculine side. This means he would grow into the Idealized level by manifesting Autonomy, Independence, and Life Expression and then would be able to co-create operating from Mutual Respect to build Mutual Esteem with others. At this point, it should be possible for this man to embody the masculine column (of the table) in order to balance his masculine and feminine polarities. By doing so, he expands dramatically his range of choices of partners and is no longer at the effect of unconscious attractions.

This would be very different from a man with a dynamic defense style who uses his Autonomy, Mastery, and Strength to attract partners. He would automatically attract partners on the intellectual level that use Intimacy, Mystery, and Innocence to maximize the experience of security. His defensive healing process would be to manifest Intimacy, Interdependence, and Synergy internally and, by so doing, bring into balance his internal autonomy and intimacy so he could become a cosmic magnet. By balancing the masculine and feminine, this man could co-create operating from Mutual Esteem to build Mutual Respect with others. At this point, he would be able to meet others where they are and embody whatever is called for in the feminine column. This would let him operate outside the framework of unconscious attractions and expand his choices of partners.

What this reveals is that, on the Intellectual level, we choose opposites to complement us and can become trapped in these relationships if we are not willing to grow. We typically experience this as co-dependence. If, on the other hand, we are able to internally develop these opposing qualities within us, we will attract more balanced people who are less defensive. We also notice the effects of this when one partner grows and the other does not, thereby creating a greater imbalance in the masculine and feminine polarities of that relationship. This process of healing our defensive style reflects an ability to love ourselves for the whole of who we are. When we are able to see and honor our own creative nature, both masculine and feminine, it dramatically expands our ability to co-create as individuals and with others. Our attraction shifts from feeling incomplete without a partner to feeling complete within ourselves and, thereby attracting partners who feel complete within themselves. In short, we no longer define ourselves in terms of others, but become self-sufficient and self-aware of ourselves as a creative being. At this level, we are able to create our own attractions simply by declaring them. We are no longer limited by our external experience of attractions because by becoming conscious of our choices, we can exert more influence over how we engage those choices.

Each of the Gender Identity development processes goes through a reversal of polarity before becoming Co-Creative. The feminine energy, in its personality development process, is contracted, centralizing its energies on Intimacy. This seems paradoxical because of how outgoing it is externally (in its attempts to take care of everyone around them). Actually it is creating its safety by deferring and adapting to others. When it finally is able to create its inner safety, then it shifts into more autonomous ways of operating where it naturally becomes more expansive and security oriented. The masculine energy, in its development process, is expansive on the personality level, so that when it shifts into more conscious ways of operating it naturally becomes more contractive. Until a person can contain both masculine and feminine energies simultaneously within them (by speaking our Truth harmlessly and being able to self reflect and share our inner experience), we are limited to choosing individuals that reflect our opposite polarities.

For example, if we are working on Intimacy lessons, we are naturally attracted to a person who is working on Autonomy lessons. It becomes more complicated on levels above the Instinctive because it is possible for more feminine men on the idealized level and working on Autonomy lessons to attract women who are more masculine, on the idealized level working on Intimacy lessons. At each level there is a desire to maintain the status quo and only include those lessons that reflect the initial level of consciousness established by the relationship. It is also possible as we become more conscious and are able to operate in a more embodied way in one of these polarities that we could shift our attractive orientation (from negative to positive or vice versa) to each other because our partner did not grow with us. In this situation a person’s ability to embody one of the poles, either masculine or feminine, could result in the partner being repulsed because they cannot do the same. This problem is completely nullified if we are able to embody both the masculine and feminine within us.

Every time we use an unconscious attraction to justify being in a relationship, it encourages our partners to also use unconscious attractions to connect with us. The more unconscious attractions we put forth, the more the relationship is characterized by sub-optimal creative expressions. It is more effective to have fewer conscious attractions than to have more attractions that are unconscious. This is because unconscious attractions create more polarity internally, between our fears and desires and, externally, in our interactions with others.

Unconscious attractions drive us to define our selves in terms of each other, which automatically creates compromise. Neutralizing polarity tends to initially scare us because we are so used to thinking of our value as providing what our partner needs. What if we could create a relationship where we are non-judgmental and congruent with each other? Could we be attracted to the peaceful, soft, and loving way in which we interact? This is the final polarity we must overcome to shift from unconscious to conscious attractions.

Twelve Steps to Conscious Attraction is a step by step process to break out of our limiting belief systems about Beauty, Truth, and Goodness. Currently, we may have unconscious beliefs that are reinforcing the idea that we need others to satisfy our unconscious attractions. These beliefs emerge when we begin to search for our natural Beauty, Truth, and Goodness. Wherever we have compromised ourselves and taken shortcuts to get what we want will end up defining us in terms of outer attractions. This requires that we stop pursuing quick-fix solutions and sink into our self-presence so we can recognize the belief patterns that limit us. This table can facilitate us to see what is in the way of being present with our Beauty, Truth, and Goodness. Let us endeavor to unhook our unconscious attractions, first by admitting them to our selves, and then healing the disconnection from which they arise. 

The gift of conscious attractions is that energy is freed up to invest in our growth. Instead of being defined in external ways that drain us, we come to own our internal power to define our own boundaries so that we can serve more effectively in the world. We begin to appreciate how giving to others creates a response not only in us, but in the willingness of the Universe to supply what is needed. This reflects the principle that in giving what we want, we are able to receive what we get. This is more difficult than might be imagined, if we are still holding on to defensive personality perspectives. In the perennial, western spiritual tradition, it is often emphasized that we must give in order to receive. For example, it is said, “in teaching, we are taught, in healing, we are healed, in serving, we are served and in loving, we are loved, so that all things are given to us.” This reflects that our capacity to create our internal experience makes possible the attraction of external experience. Let us recognize that attractions illustrate to us where we are not paying attention in any particular moment. In this way, there are either reflections of where we need to place our attention, or invitations to explore our mutual potential with others.