Aliveness (Sexual Chemistry)

Aliveness is the embodiment of Sexual Chemistry where we are not compromised or codependent with our partners. Initially, when individuals are less conscious, they use Excitement and instinctive factors to connect. Of course, this is not really a conscious connection because neither partner can be present with the other. All of us have these instinctive types of partner candidates when we fall into love immediately. Enmeshment (where we lose ourselves in our partners) or disengagement (where we keep others at bay) are two indications of pre-established instinctive patterns. The shift from these dissociated states to authentic connection occurs when we embody Cellular Affinity. Cellular Affinity is the conscious awareness of how our energy matches or synchs up with another person’s energy. This creates either a response, or reaction. Our choices become more obvious based on either attempting to escape from ourselves or affirming ourselves when choosing someone like us. When we have developed Cellular Affinity, we will be attracted to people who are not our instinctive patterns but could reflect our Creative patterns. The experience of Aliveness opens up greater options to actually connect.

Sexual Chemistry is an instinctive process where we lose ourselves in the idea of a perfect partner.  Hopefully, this partner interacts with us in familiar ways that make us want to forget the past difficulties we’ve had in relationships. We frequently think of the kind of connection as falling immediately into love. This quality of ‘falling in love’ is really lust. Higher Alignment points out that often this process is the result of trying to complete our relationships with our parents, which frequently go wrong. Instead, we propose that good Sexual Chemistry is the result of being more consciously engaged. An indication of this is how we pay attention to our ability to energetically connect to another individual through Aliveness. The more Aliveness we experience, the more opportunities we have to creatively meet others and establish an empowered experience of Creative Flow. This conscious connection is further deepened by Cellular Affinity and choosing those who have the same Compatibility Factors.

Sexual chemistry in its highest expression results in finding someone aligned with us. This alignment is the result of having the same Compatibility Factors, Motives, Attractions and Skills. Unfortunately, this comes into conflict with our needs for familiarity, opposition and agreement. This is because sexual chemistry is minimized when we have incomplete relationships with our parents. When we are not complete, we look for partners who match our parents’ patterns so we can continue to heal. We could also get caught up in looking for safety and security in a partner, which translates into choosing opposite type partners. The key issue is that Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety are the False Attraction Hooks and become a substitute for authentic Aliveness.

Aliveness is the capacity to take aligned action, regardless of the cost. It is in our nature to assert ourselves in the world, whether merely for survival, success, or to express our Creative contribution. At its core, it is about owning our Intent and following through with it. This is why it seems so direct and unambiguous. It is hard to repress Aliveness because it operates on many levels. Most repression relates to the attacks upon the potential aggression of our masculine side or a denial of the truth of our represented experience to others. In short, we are either overdoing our assertiveness and aggression, or abdicating from our masculine responsibility to make things work for others. Aliveness is the experience of the empowered middle way where we take a stand for our Truth and let people either benefit from it or discount it based on their own experience.

Aliveness is the capacity to act in alignment with our Truth and experience. It requires a unified Intent, both within our selves and with others. The more fragmented we are, the more likely we use Excitement as a substitute so that our imagination creates a false sense of alignment. It is the desire to live life fully without compromise or by withholding and not being present to others. When we accept our Life energy, our zest for living supports us in taking action to fulfill our Authentic Life Expression. This is the natural progression and expression of Aliveness in our life. Key words in accomplishing this are Physical Discernment and Rhythm. The more we become an irrepressible Stand for creative possibilities, the easier it is to attract those who are aligned with us. What we seek is to be close to those individuals who are manifesting their creative source.

The greater our sense of Aliveness, the more we see the wholeness that exists within us and others. This process of directly responding to our polar opposite to create a greater unity can initially be perceived in all nine types of unconscious attractions. It is about personal ownership of an aspect of ourselves, which then attracts us to others who have complementary strengths. When this occurs we feel a greater sense of safety because we believe we know we are. On the Instinctive level this is particularly profound when we
“fall in love” with another and unconsciously merge. While this may be unbalanced choice reflecting a parental pattern, there is also a desire to accept it as all we can get right now. As long as we do not want to challenge our Attractions, we could get caught in a state of limbo where having anything better would actually be too scary. When this occurs it is a misuse of Cellular Affinity to close down options and become more possessive about whom we are attracted to.

The upside of Cellular Affinity is that when we are willing to grow, and we are clear about what we need, it can lead us into an exploration process, which opens up possibilities. We can then see how many more attractions that what we initially imagined are operational. It is when we mix and match these new possibilities that a new type of connection emerges that transmutes who we are and what we want. Transmutation is where we go beyond our beliefs about what is possible and we connect with those with similar interests, parental patterns, and physical chemistry that help us to grow. This is a result of appreciating our inner and outer Beauty. When we recognize that we are evolving from a sense of Personal Achievement to Mutual Accomplishment with others it indicates that we are moving to Vibratory Response.

When people do not know who we are, they could be attracted by our Smarts or qualities of intelligence. When others see our Strength and value our heroic commitment to go beyond outer projections of Power to the inner experience of Creative Power, they see they can unify with us to be more empowered. The masculine attractions are all about unifying our Intent. The masculine attractions are also about a way to help us to go through an inner re-evaluation process where our knowledge becomes Wisdom. In this same way, when we honor the Truth of our Creative Nature, Aliveness becomes manifest.

Cellular Affinity is all about connecting to the big picture through Intent. For most people, it is about acknowledging our choices about what we want and seeing how the world places the right people in the right positions to experience that connection. It is about an attractive force bringing things together into the exact form where action can be manifest. With Cellular Affinity individuals become clear about their choices or at least, about their intention to make proposals that could generate response. It is also about shrugging off what is non-essential to make sure that we are focused on what is needed or important. What we want to avoid most of all is being distracted (such as in Excitement, Jealousy, or being jaded). What makes Cellular Affinity so fluid is its ability to constantly regenerate itself because its power comes from letting go of any Attachments or Positions where it defines itself in terms of something else. Cellular Affinity regenerates itself through Stillness where it realizes that what is real is where we are constantly present with ourselves and what is unreal is what is moving or changing to fit the circumstances.

In the diagram: Attractions Define The Level Of Relationship we convey how a predominant fixation of unconscious attractions on any level, predefines our attractions at that level. This means that our deepest most unfulfilled attractions actually define our choices in relationships. This is because attractions create the Intent for the relationship we attract and reflect the fulfillment of that Intent over the life of the relationship. Even if we intellectually understood all the lessons behind each level of attraction this would not change who we attract to be in relationship with us. Only our actual attraction choices produce relationships with a certain perspective and life span. If we want to change the direction of a current relationship we not only need to shift our attractions but our partner has to be willing to shift their attractions as well. Unless we actually neutralize the power of unconscious attractions, we will continue to manifest compromised relationships where it is difficult to be Co-Creative with each other.

The nature and type of attraction can also be identified by how it ends. Whenever we end a relationship, the experience of the process reflects the nature of the attractions we had in the partnership. Instinctive attractions end in DISinterest and boredom. They die a quick death because we can no longer pretend that our partner will give us what we want. Without the stimulus of Excitement, reinforced by the need for connection, our fantasy of our partner evaporates as though it never existed. Intellectual attractions end in DISappointment and disillusionment. They die with sadness and longing because we feel circumstances did not support things working out. We leave because they let us down by not living up to our explicit and implicit expectations about our agreements. Eventually our intensity becomes a stressed out disbelief in the Truth of our partner. Idealized attractions end in DISenchantment and Repulsion. Usually, we are angry that our partner did not do what we wanted them to do. We leave because they didn't live up to our ideals of them (actually of our selves). This projection requires constant anger to distance others from us, otherwise we might be willing to re-engage the relationship. The three DIS's reflect how we become over-identified with a particular attraction and expect our partners to fix it!

Individuals, such as Arnold Keyserling and Ken Wilbur have articulated a model of growth (known as Holons) where each level of growth permits us to engage the next. In this work this means that until we engage our instinctive attractions, we cannot fully understand our intellectual attractions. This concept, which requires transcending and including the previous level, fits well with our experience about Attractions. To fully embody our attractions, we need to understand and accept how they impact us on each level. We cannot fully appreciate the magnificence of the design of our attractions until we see how each aspect of attraction empowers us to engage the world. Using our attractions as a means of growth is, therefore, a major way to accelerate growth in our awareness of relationships. We can best support this by systematically exploring and releasing the attachments, positions, and projections of attractions, from the bottom-up. We can use this document as a top-down perspective to facilitate this integration process.

Ultimately, attractions are about our ability be Co-Creative with others. The more we are in denial of our creative nature, the more our attractions are defined in terms of outer form, function and fantasy. Beneath the facade of attraction is the transpersonal desire to be seen and accepted for who we are as Creative Beings. This allows us to articulate the third principle of attraction, until we love ourselves for our Creative Nature, we ignore and distance ourselves from those individuals who are most like us. Higher attractions cannot evolve unless we are willing to see how unconscious attractions limit us. In Higher Alignment, we have demonstrated how common it is to not see those who are similar to us when we deny our Creative Gifts. We can begin the process of overcoming this blindness by learning to identify Higher Alignments fourteen Compatibility Factors. Since they provide a framework for understanding and embodying our Creative Natures, we have a way to describe our Creative Being that honors our desire to contribute and connect with others in the world. Affirming the way this framework operates within us, provides a way to see and validate our conscious attractions and the degree we are willing to love ourselves naturally as we are.

Page Author: 
© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

Newsletter Subscription

Sign up now to get updates and event notifications, and you will immediately receive a Higher Alignment Mini Creative Assessment that summarizes the seven most important Compatibility Factors.

Go to top