Personal Dominion

Personal Dominion is a state of conditioning where we use a personal environment, relative position or possessions to command respect and justify our choices over those of others. In Personal Dominion, the feminine pole of intellectual motives, we project our power by using possessions to get respect. When we operate in a state of Personal Dominion, we are so attached to getting the respect of others that we do not even realize when others have taken control of the situation. As long as we are being respected, we do not really care about the results. When we engage Personal Dominion, we are most upset when others change their plans without consulting us. Personal Dominion reflects our wish to be honored for our personality needs. We fear being discounted or denied in our potential. In effect, we attempt to solidify or strengthen our position by associations with people who are considered powerful or by using wealth, material possessions, or even education to distinguish ourselves from others. In Personal Dominion, personal identity and personality emerge more forcefully, particularly if we feel frustrated. We believe that others have more power than we do, thus we force respect by expecting others to confirm what we are due.

In the motive of Personal Dominion, we operate from the false perspective that others will not respect us unless we can affect them. As a result we emphasize the nature of our power or position so others will realize there may be consequences to ignoring us. We believe that others will not pay attention to us or take us into consideration without these external reflections of success. In effect, we believe we need the right car, house, clothing, etc. to make an impression so that others will treat us right. This is reinforced because we tend to justify the treatment others get by the outer indications of success they manifest. Another aspect of Personal dominion is the subtle belief that others will not appreciate me if they actually know me. Ironically, by concealing who we are we actually create situations where they do not know who we are, which means they are uncertain about how to treat us. In this way our fear actually generates the negative response we are seeking to avoid. One way of validating that we are operating in a state of Personal Dominion is how we falsely believe that others need our protection (either physically or emotionally), when in fact, we act this way to reinforce our perception that they need us.

The hidden belief of Personal Dominion is that if I do not demand respect, others will walk all over me. In this motive, we typically react to this belief by asserting that others take us into consideration because we are someone important. By asserting this belief, we actually distance our self from others, which reinforces our belief that we are being excluded or defined by others beliefs about us. We naturally rebel against any categorization of who we are because we want our potential honored. As a result we frequently categorize others so that we do not feel at the effect of their perceptions. When we are uncertain about our self, it is likely that we will operate as if our beliefs are unassailable so that others will not catch on to how our fears are affecting us. We are easily identified by our desire to make an impact on them, while outwardly believing that others will not grant us what is due to us. Personal Dominion is where we begin to acknowledge our self yet are unable to believe hat others will honor us as we are because we are as yet not fully honoring our self.

Now we will address how to heal our Personal Dominion conditioning. Let us recognize that who we are is more than what we possess and is not naturally reflected in how others treat us. Instead of demanding respect, let us create Self-Respect within ourselves in a way that others would naturally pay attention to. Let us create this possibility by recognizing and honoring our innate potential, thereby supporting the innate potential in others. Let us imagine ourselves expressing our more freely in our everyday lives so that others delight in our presence. Let us consider how our openness and lack of attachment to how others relate to us can actually be a freeing experience where the truth of others emerges alongside our own. Let us consider that every interaction is more revealing when we do not place our expectations upon others. Instead of wanting others to treat us well, let us release any attachments to how they treat us so we can discover more about how they honor themselves. When we are operating at this level, graciously Respect others without being asked. This will naturally uplift us to the Idealized Trust level. In this way, we create more honest and direct relationships with others. This will all occur when we accept our natural vivaciousness and allow ourselves to be truly adored.

When we release ourselves into the chaos of all possibilities, the larger, more magnificent options emerge. Fear contracts our options, and the more we demand that others respect us, the less respect we actually receive. Instead of insisting on outer appreciation of our situation and needs, let us invite others to respond based on their perception of what they can appropriately contribute to us. When we step into this possibility, let us not do it seductively. This supports us in releasing our fear of not being seen as special and being excluded. It is paradoxical that the less special we are, the more others can respond to us in unique ways. Personal Dominion is fully experienced when we let each individual choose the appropriate degree of connection they seek with us.

What we are learning in the experience of Personal Dominion is to honor our boundaries so that we can begin to see and appreciate the boundaries of others. Any time someone acts in an egregious way with us, we can use our greater contextual awareness to meet him or her where they are. When we can respond without reacting, they will be intrigued at our ability to be present with them, despite their attacks. This mystery is merely our ability to be present with ourselves, empowering us to use any additional energy to be present with them. We can use our supplemental energy to help them to be present to their own truth so they can heal. In this way, by honoring the Dominion of all people, we can effectively honor our own without diminishing theirs. In listening and mirroring their experience, our honoring of their space will support them in honoring our space as well.

The three belief structures of Romance, Motives, and Love assert their power whenever we are not conscious of our true choices. Personal Dominion is the assertion of our personal ownership (both of our possessions and our position) that empowers us in our mind to dispose of certain issues in the manner we choose. It allows us to use our “self beliefs” to distance our personality self from others. This way our superiority beliefs (either conscious or unconscious) can prevail. In effect, we believe it is our right to operate in whatever way we wish and we believe others should meekly accept our decisions.

The word “Dominion” has its history as an expression of legal authority. Usually it is an assertion of an undisputed right in some area where we avoid being challenged or questioned. In our personal lives this typically reflects our past mistakes and requires that others respect our process (even if they do not know it.) Personal Dominion reflects a belief in our own sovereignty when we are, in reality, not yet respecting the sovereignty of others. This shows that we consciously or unconsciously, through our possessions or position, to expand our sphere of influence by getting others to define themselves in terms of us. We can see examples of this by unilateral expectations that others should treat us in a “particular way.” This is not to suggest that we do not have the right to request natural dignity, but many unilateral demands are out of balance to the circumstances and situation. Our demand that they respect us without us respecting them illustrates how our past wounds are defining our interactions. Without the assertion of Personal Dominion, we would realize in any conscious relationship, that we have to find ways to honor others to effectively engage them.

There are two primary ways we gain this ascendant position in our own minds.  The first is through covert manipulation and secrecy by which we take a position that does not immediately challenge others but, over time, becomes leverage to extort greater influence for ourselves. This is the covert

or stealth path to dominion where through our familiarity and consistent effort we make it unattractive for people to oppose us. The second is to take possession of some position or thing and, by right ownership, to stir up the current way things are done in an effort to stimulate confrontation. In this overt confrontational process, we keep pushing our agenda until we cannot push any further. This second path assumes others who want something from us will actually be subject to our rule. In both of these situations, there is an emphasis that implies the subordination of others, either overtly or covertly. We can tell if a person is operating in a motive of Personal Dominion because they operate in a unilateral belief that they can dispose of the situation independently.

The core issue behind Personal Dominion is the false belief that their possessions or position give them the right to impose their will on others. In effect, authority is derived from their belief in their superiority over others. This makes it hard to work out co-creative solutions because people operating in Personal Dominion find it difficult to listen or be open in any real way. Major examples of this are women and their attachment to their homes or men and their attachment to their offices and having these places be the way they want them to be. More recently in our history, our cars have represented a state of Personal Dominion for us. In this way, our possessions become seen as a reflection of our power to manifest and our potential to influence others. In actuality, it expresses how many of the people around us are in a greater state of denial than we are. When they are in a greater state of denial, they are willing to believe they need to conform to us to maintain our friendship.

Personal Dominion is supportive to the degree that we begin to tell and express our authentic truth. The problem is when we believe we have to make an impact and not just tell our truth, but assert it over others. This usually reflects that we were not listened to or taken into account in our past. Being able to make others listen to us offsets some of the pain we felt when we were not listened to in the past. Unfortunately, we typically feel justified in making these assertions only when there is some external support or justification for our statements. This means we fall back on the belief that possessions are what make us valuable and deserving of being listened to. This becomes an obstacle because then we evaluate what we are willing to say based on the position and possessions we have to substantiate our thoughts.

The irony is that this logic would dictate that only people who own everything would have a right to say anything they want. This means those with possessions are the ones with power and those without them have no right to say anything. While this may be the prevailing trend among the exclusive, upper class as a way to justify their beliefs, it is not a useful framework to employ in any democracy. We heal these perceptions by seeing that many people have brought great new ideas to humanity and had them accepted despite their social status. It is the clarity and power of our thoughts that makes them undeniable. When we begin to take responsibility for how our self-expression has been limited unless we believed we could substantiate it with position or possessions, we awaken to how much of our Truth has gone unsaid and even denied within our self. Instead, we probably have fallen into trying to convince others by appealing to their fears or desires rather than to their sense of Truth.

The degree to which we compromised our self is the same degree to which we have been unable or unwilling to reveal our Truth. Secrecy becomes an artificial power when we know more than others and use it to make them aware that we can influence their image (particularly with others). Even when we do not know others, we sometimes are reluctant to speak our truth for fear of judgment. Instead, we fall into the need to seek agreement with others and to make our self “right” through the acceptance of our beliefs by others. Wherever we could not assert our belief, we used either secrecy or the need others have to agree with us as a way to expand our sense of influence. Over time, the stories we told ourselves were reflected by friends, associates, and partners, which further reinforced the idea that we needed them to agree with us to assert our larger reality in the world.

The paradox is that we become dualistic in our approach to others by, on the one hand, asserting ourselves in areas where we believe we can leverage our position and possessions and, on the other hand, where we collapse into the need for common agreement and must find ways to compromise ourselves so they will be willing to meet our needs, too. In this way, we are confronted with the codependent nature of Intellectual motives. In this situation, in a state of Personal Dominion we learn to become clear about what we can and cannot substantiate in our communications with others.  When we no longer seek to substantiate our perspective, we are able to share it as it is, without using it to leverage the views of others. We respect their truth so they do not have to become wrapped up in “getting it right.” Mutual truths become ways connect and create a foundation for mutual learning.

The hidden denied belief is the default assumption that we operate from when we are unconscious. Our fear is that we will continue to be hurt by others not listening to us. When we operate with the motive of Personal Dominion, we turn it around this belief so that we hurt others before they hurt us. While initially it appears to relieve the pressure, overall it will create more animosity and struggle in our relationships with others. The ideal of Personal Dominion is to reflect that we have a choice about how to participate. When we shift from being personally repressed in our expression to repressing others in their expression, it continues the inner compromise in a new way. We also attract people who perpetuate this cycle. This reflects the worst-case Personal Dominion scenario where we are self-identified with our possessions and position and are using them to get our way. Until we recognize that our relationships are not one-way streets, we will not be able to work with others successfully.

The issue of self-denial and recovery from that denial requires us to find a balance within ourselves. How can we assert ourselves over others without reaping a similar response from them? The illusion is that we can assert ourselves in such a way that others will eventually have to give up and submit or go away. The reality is that people do give up and we are left without anyone to relate to. Then we need to pay people to interact with us. We can see this in many of the homes of the wealthy who do not trust any relationship where they are not in charge and, thereby, they feel do not provide them from a superior position from which to speak. As a result, they are more comfortable hiring whomever they need because they do not trust that anyone would really want to interact and grow with them simply for its own sake. This reflects our own attachment to being superior and how, the more others threaten us with their own ideas of what is right, the more we retreat to using covert or overt attacks on their competence or understanding of the situation.

Whenever we feel threatened by the Truth of someone else, it indicates we have not yet affirmed our own Truth in this area. Instead of using gossip to tear others down, a conscious person would work to establish their own Truth independent of others. Getting caught up in comparison games indicate we are insecure and are unwilling or unable to confront the parts of us that are not yet complete and whole. Some call this “learning to embrace and love our shadow side”, which seems to encompass all the dispossessed and denied aspects of our self. With investigation we realize that, what we believe to be our weaknesses when compared to other people, have led us to shut down even more in our self-expression. One way to come out of the shadow is to affirm our natural lack of aptitude in some area and play (in an outwardly revealing way) with these issues. When we transcend any need for secrecy or to hide any aspect of our self, we will no longer be attached to our image or outer perception of power. Self-revelation leads to true power and self-expression.

We heal ourselves by learning how to respect our Truth in all circumstances, realizing that any need to assert it over others is a reflection of our past denials. Instead of reacting to our past and trying to re-make it in a way so that we push ourselves on others, we need to forgive ourselves for our past and find ways to co-create our Truth with others. This means respecting the Truth of others as much as and simultaneously as our own. It also means we must examine what is appropriate for us and not be stubborn and fixated about getting others to honor us and ways we have not yet honored ourselves. In this way, we will discover that much of our stubbornness is really a reaction to how our over-adaptability was taken advantage of in the past. Personal Dominion is an ongoing opportunity to determine what we need to affirm to find and maintain our own inner power. Unfortunately, we choose to reinforce our importance at the cost of our real value. Recognizing our humanity and authentic nature allows us to create safety internally so we will not take on the judgments of others. Releasing our secrecy empowers us to grow and engage with strength any weaknesses. To transcend Personal Dominion we need to see and value our inner beauty (just as we are) so we do not become trapped in false ways of being.

By putting aside our need for vengeance, our addiction to envy and not buying into our fears of inadequacy, we can transform our petty views of Personal Dominion into a fully empowered Personal Dominion without “withholds”, secrecy, and gossip.  Rather than hiding our Truth (which is known as withholding), it is time to be more naturally revealing in our Truth without needing to assert it over others. Finding the balance between speaking our truth and listening to the truth of others develops over time. This releases us from any attachment to our current beliefs about our Self. In this way we remember that our beliefs are only supports in our exploration of the universe, not a substitute for experiencing it. The freedom to transmute our beliefs allows us to change and grow with the universe.

Self acceptance and greater humility occur when we realize that no one can actually deny our truth besides us. Recognizing that our beliefs are only a reflection our expression allows us to release our grasp on them so we can breathe more deeply and richly all our natural relationship possibilities. Through Personal Dominion we are not able to embrace these opportunities because we are too busy holding on to our “polished” personality self image. We see beyond this façade when we can admit that our truth is merely what it is… an evolutionary point of view that reflects where we are on our path. While it needs no explanation or justification, we only slow down our growth by any need to assert it over others.

We need to find true self-confidence that allows us to share our Truth without the need for the agreement of others. When we can interact from our in the moment truth without worrying about how other will view our perspective, we will be moving into the motive of Universal Dominion. We need to step out of our fears that we are not important to recognize that our true importance lies in our ability to express ourselves completely. We do not have to elevate our importance. Our importance in already present in our natural Being. Any attempt to be superior just reflects our fears that we will be treated as inferior. The only way out of this dilemma is through it. We need to make it a practice to just be ourselves and accept that sometimes people will be responsive and sometimes they will not. Everything does not have to go according to our agenda to be beneficial to us. We can learn to interact freely with the Universe without preconceptions of what others would or should look like. This is true trust.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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