A Note On Our Exploration

The process of becoming more conscious is usually a long and difficult one. This document is meant to accelerate our development by presenting the patterns and processes of relationship growth in a compressed timeframe. To facilitate this discussion, each level will also be identified by a name that reflects our consciousness in relationship processes. It requires individuals to be able to affirm their own truth and not personalize the issues being discussed. If this seems daunting, perhaps it is not the time to consider this discussion. It usually takes individuals months to process the layers and levels we are engaging.

Even if we have a lot of experience in relationships, we still need to go through our experiences and recognize the patterns in our past so we no longer have to repeat them. It takes a lot of fortitude to reset our current relationship patterns so we can put our past lessons in the past. Otherwise, we just carry forward old experiences and try to fit new partners into our old shoes. If this does not turn you off, then it is time to proceed, knowing that you will not be able to forget what you are about to learn.  Each level of consciousness has different subtexts and is driven by different principles. While it is extremely powerful to know these principles, it requires a willingness to reconsider our actions, thoughts and motivations. If you are delighted by this possibility, then you are on the right path and this process may contribute to it. 

This document can be considered a condensed summary of the HigherAlignment.com website. It details how we grow from instinctive to intellectual, to idealized, and finally, intuitive relationships. In this layered approach, we need to master the basic lessons before we can get to more sophisticated relationship issues. Many individuals are primarily focused on one layer of this process. Sometimes, our partners may not be complete a level before they attempt to explore the next one. This creates even greater confusion and ends up attracting partners working with multiple levels. The important thing to realize is that, at its core, each level has a fundamental duality that needs to be resolved, allowing us to complete the next one. This means we cannot advance very far without first resolving previous levels.

Some of these lessons will become apparent because we will recognize them in our life. In some circumstances, we could have simultaneous relationships with various people while operating on different levels. Every relationship is a combination of our mutual lessons, which we may or may not be able to address with each other. We have to find a common framework to work out the issues in a relationship, which usually means that someone has to diminish their light and their approach in order to make it accessible to their partner. What we want to do is minimize, or even eliminate, all compromise.

Autonomy, Intimacy and Co-Creativity are the primary Skills that empower us to be in conscious, Co-Creative relationships. When we know who we are, both on a body and mind level, and can integrate the experience of these two, then we know how to speak for ourselves. The big opportunity is to be able to speak our truth harmlessly with others, so they can hear us. This requires us to stop dumping our Emotions, particularly our anger or frustration upon others. Instead, we need to learn that when we are upset, we need to process and find a mid point or place where we can be neutral before we share our experiences. Individuals who need to do emotional dumping to get more balanced end up minimizing their ability to create solutions within themselves. In short, they do not develop the internal integrity they need to be accountable to the circumstances around them. Some people would say that this means we cannot trust ourselves to do the right thing.

We have a name for each level of relationship:  1) Instinctive relationships are called Unconscious Entanglements; 2) Intellectual relationships are called Status Quo Contracts; 3) Idealized relationships are called Partners in Process; and 4) Intuitive relationships are called Co-Creative Partnerships. When we talk about these levels, we commonly discuss not only what is happening on this level, but also how it is combined with previous levels. Every individual begins with relationships on the Instinctive Level and then builds from that point. A lot of us, because of the choices we make, can get involved with a partner at a certain level, keeping us from moving forward. It would be a great opportunity to learn these lessons in cooperation with a partner, making it possible to work through these issues together. Of course, this is entirely dependent on being able to choose a partner who is more creatively aligned with us. What we will learn in this document is how to engage the processes of relationships in an effective way, while developing a greater sense of our own Creative Nature. We recommend that you start building a foundation about who you are in relationship to your Primary Creative Expression. For some of you, this will entail getting a Mini-Creative Assessment.

We grow in relationships by expanding the dimensions in which we experience others. Higher Alignment cannot teach us how to be more conscious by merely talking about behaviors, motivations, perspectives and outcomes. Instead, each relationship circumstance is its own paradigm or morphogenic field that is itself a learning environment. Since we learn by exploration and trial-and-error experimentation, all or our relationship opportunities could be different. Initially, they are mostly the same as we interact through different roles. As our Personalities develop, we seek to differentiate ourselves from others creating a focus on differences. It is not until we start to learn about conscious relationships that we start to unify our experiences, standardizing how we respond to people in our world. The problem with this is that others may not have our same perspective, which can limit our ability to respond and resonate with each other.

What empowers us in a CNG is to be able to create new possibilities with each other. There are twelve Skills: Aliveness, Wisdom, Growth, Playfulness, Personality Detachment, Personal Autonomy, Paradox, Intuitive Discrimination, Intimacy, Mutual Learning, Physical Discernment, and Co-Creativity that enhance the CNG. This is because Skills require the mutual recognition of an opportunity with your partner to positively impact a relationship. We like to say that Skills influence us to show up at our best.

We propose that there are seven basic frameworks, or maps, that can be distinguished in our growth of relationships. The following document outlines these seven levels and discusses how a CNG helps us to make shifts within these frameworks so that we can see something more. This is not to say that everyone will fit every framework, or suggest that there is only one right path to becoming more conscious about relationships. In short, the map is not the territory. Despite this, many of us will find ourselves recognizing the signposts along the way. Each level is a platform with its own way of thinking and relating to others.

Within each level we have different stressors that can override our options and reduce our capabilities. Any crisis, trauma or personal shock could be enough to temporarily reduce our capabilities. We can also be attached to previous practices on a lower level that will initially make it difficult to determine our state of relationship embodiment. We will also provide short discussions about some of the critical Compatibility Factors that are important on each of these levels so that we become able to start acknowledging what makes us unique. A case study will complete each level. Finally, we will provide links to many of our different websites so that more information can be provided if you so wish.

When we have a Co-Creative Partner, it is possible to facilitate our process by establishing common Intent, Content and Context. The level of relationship can also identify how we consciously connect with a partner and the nature of our partnership. We call Level 5 relationship Transpersonal Alignment, here we consciously choose partners that will facilitate our direction. We call Level 6 relationships Consensus Creation, this is about learning to make decisions together that are not dependent on compromise. We call Level 7 relationships World Service opportunities because it is where everything comes together and we have optimized our relationships for their full creative expression. A CNG is naturally developed at Level 4, allowing the additional levels to be expansions and new ways to actually use the CNG. Level 4 is the Personality Integration stage where we accept our authentic Creative Nature, made up of three Creative Expressions, each with seven options about how we contribute to the world. Better possibilities are created when we integrate these patterns and follow our natural path.

Currently, most of us choose partners for the wrong reasons. We let our biases, fears, unconscious needs and transitory desires influence our choices. We do not possess a clear and conscious understanding about what would determine our best choices. As a result, we consistently choose partners who are the most difficult. We recently did an analysis of several thousand individuals who came to us wanting to make better relationship choices. We concluded that you have a better chance of choosing a good partner by randomly choosing people on the street than actually choosing them based on your attractions and history. This is because most people choose partners based on parental patterns or an opposite attraction framework. This parental pattern issue also occurs when we choose to work in organizations; often our bosses mirror our parental patterns as well. This creates a distorted view where no one seems to get us.

This document will address how to attract better partners. It requires us to become conscious about how the layers of Defenses, Pretenses, and Imprinting distort our choices. Beneath these distortions is who we are as natural creative beings. The first three levels in CNG help us to ‘see’ ourselves in order to attract partners that can see us. At each subsequent level, we become more clear about what motivates us, which in turn shows us what motivates others. In the first three levels we learn how to respect, esteem and love who we are by unpeeling and deconstructing the coping mechanisms of our past. At the fourth level, we fully accept our creativity, and acknowledge that we have to treat partners with equality in order to receive and benefit from their love. The last three levels are about empowering ourselves to make a contribution in the world. They are a roadmap to attracting Constituents that will support our Authentic Life Expression. This is how we come to externalize all the lessons we have learned.

© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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