Level 2: Security Positions

Our Personalities emerge in Status Quo Contracts. There are two parts to this. The positive side is that we express our Secondary Creative Expression, which drives us to actualize ourselves and put our careers on track. While this career framework is not our Authentic Life Expression, it is critical in seeing that we can make a difference in the world and be acknowledged for it. On the negative side, it indicates that we are adopting our Defensive expression more powerfully, meaning we are not taking on the fears of others. Some individuals would say that we are individuating ourselves by becoming more independent. From Higher Alignment’s perspective, we are affirming and reorganizing our Personality nature so that at a later time, it can defer to our Primary Creative Expression.

Our identification with incongruent thoughts and emotions cause inner conflicts. In other words, the more we identify with our ‘Truth’, the more we think our thoughts or emotions are who we really are. The duality on the Defensive level comes from either over-identifying with our Thoughts and denying our Emotions, or identifying with our Emotions and denying our Thoughts. Until we balance and integrate our Emotions and Thoughts, this duality makes all of our life decisions by default. We tend to choose partners with opposite patterns. Masculine polarized (Think-first) partners will choose feminine polarized (Feel-first) partners. This polarization is also affected by whether or not our Secondary Creative Expression is a masculine or feminine expression. Implementers, Orchestrators, and Investigators increase our masculine polarization. Inventors, Compassionates, and Visionaries increase our feminine polarization. Storytellers are balanced in masculine and feminine expression. All of these self-identified perspectives (that we personally affirm) become our default identity until we know more about ourselves.

Intensity is the key indicator that we are focused on Level 2 behaviors. We have somehow come to the misguided conclusion that more conflict indicates a commitment to resolve a problem. For some, Intensity indicates effort and something we are passionate about. In Higher Alignment, we discover that Intensity actually minimizes passion and substitutes a driven need for certainty rather than exploration. We can see this in the NFL (National Football League), where players, despite the dangers inherent in their sport, actually become addicted to the experience of Intensity in the game. We can also see this commitment to a personalized truth in the leadership of the NFL, because they are unable or unwilling to consider the dangers posed by the sport. This is documented in the movie ‘Concussion’ starring Will Smith. Illusion is a limited mental perspective that over amplifies alternative answers to obvious problems despite overwhelming evidence. In personal relationships, this shows up as a stubborn refusal to be open to what our partner says or needs. It also shows up as denial. Instead we become addicted to arguments to increase intensity so we can feel a false sense of power over our partner. Accentuating our personal power makes enduring the pain and conflict appear worth the tradeoff. This is why many individuals stay in unsatisfying Status Quo relationships for a long time.

We know we are overdue for a breakup when there is a discounting of each other’s values, perceptions and perspectives. The relationship becomes poisonous when actual contempt is expressed between partners. This is not just a challenging relationship (as some would like to suggest), but also a choice that drains the Life, Light and Love energy out of anyone. Many illnesses are the result of staying in creatively self-denied relationships. It is also harmful when our defenses amplify or repressed Sensations, Feelings, Emotions or Thoughts. Whenever we repress one aspect of ourselves, we compensate by over doing another. Over time these out of balance compensations become our standard patterns of connection, which means we are either denying our experience or distorting it to survive. Without creative flow we are defined by our outer defensive persona and possess no capacity to adapt or change. Most people do not realize how impactful and destructive this is. Kira Asatryan, a therapist at PsychCentral.com has a 4-step checklist for identifying when breakups are overdue.

This blindness results in Illusion, and eventually the Subjectification of others, where individuals cannot see or confront the whole picture (of being with their partner). This occurs because we commonly limit our experience of our Self by adopting Defenses. What we focus on is a small segment of our content identity where we seek to prove our particular understanding as the complete truth. In doing this we unconsciously amplify the stimulus of this small segment to counterbalance the fact that it is not our whole experience. Intensity narrows our perceptions and increases our need to be right. Intensity can also be based on linking stronger emotional connections to offset intellectual possibilities that we are not comfortable addressing. For example, in co-dependent relationships, our emotional connection can sometimes outweigh the intellectual harm we are experiencing with our partner. The New York Times offers an article on this process.

In the first three levels, Power is misunderstood. For most, Personality Power is defensive, based on the fear that others can negatively impact our future. While we would like to affirm ourselves, but as long as we see Power as an influence we use to scare people into doing the ‘right’ thing rather than an opportunity to engage them fully, we will not be successful. The choice is Power over versus Power with our partner. Otherwise, we get caught in a hierarchical duality system where we need to take direction from our superiors, no matter what they say. Commonly, when we believe we are ‘less’ than or that others have influence over us, we compromise ourselves to preserve the status quo. This usually is in the pursuit of greater security or outer success. What holds the negative framework together is Subjectification, which is the pursuit of Personality Power in order to experience greater control in our life. What most of us want is to be seen as a contributor, and most importantly not being shamed in front of others by people in a position of authority. Level 2 is usually hierarchal but can have multiple power centers, each with an area of jurisdiction. When we define ourselves in terms of power that can make us appear successful by association, our failures mostly seem based on a lack of information about the larger power structure. We endeavor to correct this.

Personality Power is based on the sharing of an already scarce resource, information. This is true because success is predicated on having more information, and sharing it only when there is a vested interest. This is best demonstrated in the formation of alliances and partnerships where information can be traded or sold to guarantee a profit. We come to believe that information is Power because we misinterpret the meaning of success. In this definition, success is implementing knowledge or strategy in a money-making or personal, egoic way. Power on a negative level is the ability to suppress others’ free choice so that they will do what we want. (In contrast, power on a positive level is something we share with others creatively, so that we are able to accomplish things together in a successful way.) By personalizing success, we are bound to the frameworks of society. This apparent stability is often thought of as success, but it actually undermines progress. What if our failures revealed new ways of accomplishing something? From this interpretation, our relationship failures have been successful because we were able to recover. What if we were willing to put aside what we thought we knew and chose a relationship that would be creatively responsive rather than defensive? Would it be worth examining our attraction structures and defenses?

In Level 2 we are obsessed about optimizing our own, inner well being. Sometimes this can take the form of narcissism. Narcissism is a personality disorder where an individual does not take into account the impact they have on others and instead only focuses on what they want. This type of behavior is an amplification of our defensive identity where we are hyper vigilant about any perceived slights or lack of attention being paid to us. In our defensive identity, we realize there are other people who may be hurt, but we choose not to feel their pain. With narcissism, we deny their pain and deny their reality. Narcissists only acknowledge their own reality, unable to hear about anyone else’s. Athena Staik, PhD provides a list of how to identify a narcissist, available here.

What if information was free and available about relationship choice patterns? What would it take to shift from insecurity to true security frameworks? In insecurity frameworks we glorify information while making it scarce and hard to trust. We need experts to interpret our experiences and insights. Most importantly we do not tell our own truth, which guarantees that we attract partners who cannot tell theirs. In this scenario, we need allies and friends to guide us because we do not know our own experience. Instead, we choose to believe that others are conspiring to keep things from us. Even if they are conspiring against us, it does not help to make others the constant subject of our attention. Doing so only increases others perceived power over us. We lose a part of our truth every time we let others define what we know. Our Autonomy is weak.

True security frameworks begin with our truth and acceptance that everyone has their own interpretation of their truth. Information is not considered fully objective in our mind unless it is our experience. Even subjective experiences can have objective elements when they deal with our Modalities. Instead of elevating information to the point that it is only to heal our doubts, could we not dispute the minor details and work out common understandings? If our information is not powerful, maybe the combination of objective and subjective experiences can unify in a way that increases the strength of our truth? The best way this can happen is to share our self (in a harmless way) so that the experiences of others can amplify our own truth. This is a voluntary choice and cannot be coerced from anyone. It requires trusting our self and others to be who they are. This precludes defensive individuals (who show only one side of themselves) from fully participating.

Defenses are counter-productive because they make both parties weaker, not stronger. What they do is develop greater distancing and denial as we learn how to isolate ourselves better from each other. Science has demonstrated that being generous and kind are the two greatest success factors for long-term relationships. For more information on this, see the article by Athena Staik, PhD on long lasting relationships. While this should be obvious, we grow up in a defensive society without much bonding and therefore, a lack of trust. Getting to know others frequently means adapting to them, rather than being with them. The more co-dependent we become the more trapped we are in managing our opposing needs. We cannot seem to find ways to work together, so we optimize our growth individually, at the cost of the relationship. This is one of the biggest relationship problems we currently have in the western world.

Defenses are the result of unsuccessful individuation. The reason we need Defenses is that we are not yet willing to accept our whole being. When we focus on our strengths and hide our weaknesses, it comes from a self-perception that we are Unwanted, Inadequate, Unlovable or some combination of these three. More importantly, we need to prove that we are worthy, by living up to the expectations of others. Being ashamed drives us to define ourselves in terms of others. We cannot even see that our Defenses create a fundamental imbalance within us that produces a pressure to perform, usually in ways that ultimately are unsuccessful. Sure, we could be outwardly successful, but the pressure does not go away until we accept ourselves as separate individuals with our own natural contribution and destiny. The more we shift from focusing on what we need to prove to being who we are, the more creatively powerful we become. When we affirm our natural skills and talents, we relax. This does not mean our lives are easy, but that we become more independent and self-actualized. CNG expands because we separate our issues from others. This shows up as being able to have a clear boundary between personal experience and the experience of others. This permits us to establish a separate relationship space by imagining it completely outside our personal energetic field.

Defenses seem to be a way to distinguish boundaries; but they actually have the opposite effect. What they do is entangle us in codependent interactions because we look to each other for affirmation. They also become a way to separate and isolate us from our partner. When our partner has an opposite Defense, we are constantly reminded that they do not see things the way we do. The value of Defenses is that they teach us about who we are not. Over time, we start realizing that most of our initial, defensive preconceptions were limited and narrow in their focus. This is caused by our own self-imposed desire to prove to others that we have strengths. What we do not realize is that in attempting to hide our weaknesses, we end up denying our true capacity leaving us with the need to justify why we use our Defense.

The more we define ourselves in terms of our Thoughts, the more trapped we are in Subjectification. Athena Staik, PhD acknowledges that if we do not go beyond our current thinking, our past thoughts will rule us. She particularly points out that we can either be victims by our thoughts, or be empowered by the vibrancy of our thinking. She recommends that we learn to relax and be present to our process so we can go beyond it. She speaks of compassion, acceptance and gratitude as elements to rebuild our thinking so we can be more self-generating and affirming. She acknowledges the power of emotions to make our thoughts supportive.

Until we manifest creative ways of connecting, we easily get compromised because our Fears, Desires and Needs get mixed up with others. If they want to push our buttons, they know our triggers, easily activating us. The more Defensive we are, the easier it is for others to control us. This is why we say that Defenses are illusions of Safety and Security that we constantly repeat and reinforce in our inner dialogue. When we eliminate our self-judgments, it opens the door to not judge others; therefore we are no longer Defensively interlocked. An opportunity is created for choices to be made rather than being locked into minimal Defensive options. We can then grow in a way that nurtures and supports us, rather than being driven by the pressures of living up to others’ beliefs. When we separate ourselves from the enmeshment of Defensive interactions we experience greater Solitude and Autonomy. We can then make choices based on our own nature and even say, “No” when something does not work for us. This can be a relief after living in a world of compromise where making excuses becomes the way we justify our choices.

Thoughts are electromagnetic fields that convey certain stimuli to the brain allowing us to sustain an ongoing awareness of our processes. The quality of thought depends on the type of thinking and our ability to focus ourselves. In Level 1, most of the thinking is an associative thinking process. In Level 2, we start discriminating between thoughts, leading us to deductive reasoning. At Level 3, we expand our ability to use our imagination. In Level 4, we seek to be inclusive by doing Unity thinking. Thoughts can be manipulated, managed, directed, and remembered by attaching Emotions to them. Meaning that our Emotions are necessary for our Thoughts to be strong. The more variety of Emotional experiences, the more open our thinking is. Thoughts are developed through concentration, meditation, contemplation, or conscious re-creation.

Emotions are the energetic clothing of Thoughts. While we think of Emotions as turbulent or peaceful, complex or connective, and internalized or externalized, they are in fact, amplifiers of Thoughts. Many times, our Emotions provide the framework for understanding complex issues. Without Emotions, we would have little capacity to fully discriminate between all the possible choices before us. Due to Emotions, we can reorganize our Thoughts to emphasize whatever we want. Problems arise when we are not conscious about what we are creating, resulting in the creation of something we do not appreciate. This is the main way we get stuck in fixed ways of operating. What we need to remember is that we are the authors of our own experience, and if we do not like the way our Thoughts are showing up, we can change them. Otherwise, we feel that we are at the effect of our circumstances, instead of using our Thoughts to create new possibilities.

Until we unify our Thoughts and Emotions, we do not know Wisdom. It takes the integration of Thoughts and Emotions to be able to discriminate and to go beyond our personal circumstances to see the larger possibilities. This occurs because when we unify Thoughts and Emotions, we create a foundation for our Truth. This Truth increases our confidence because we have done our due diligence about what our experience is and are no longer taking the experience of others as truth. This breaks us out of any ‘herd’ mentality type of experiences. It also differentiates us on Level 2 so that we can take responsibility for our own experience. Of course, until this occurs, we usually have chosen opposite defensive partners in order to compensate for our weaknesses. This means that if we are stronger in our Emotions (Disarming and Disnamic), we look for a person who is stronger in their Thinking (Distant and Dynamic Defense), without being aware of it.

When Emotions and Thoughts are unified, we are balanced in our knowing and no longer need to defend ourselves. This creates openness or an ability to look beyond defensive patterns, which we call Vibratory Response. Vibratory Response is intellectually stimulating when we are around people with similar interests and capacities. In other words, we see them as a companion who quickly understands what is going on and knows our language. Of course, this experience is greatly accelerated when we have the same Defenses and/or the same Communication Process. This creates an intellectual connection and a way to grow and bond at a level that enriches our lives. Some individuals think of Vibratory Response as being with a friend that you can trust.

Wisdom is inclusive, not exclusive. Outer Success thinking is about being clever and outsmarting others. It operates from a position of ambition and is therefore separative and seen as elite. This creates a need for leverage to power through adversity. It does not promote balance because it needs imbalance to pressure others. As a result, it uses tailored versions of the truth to convince others that their interests will be served. The problem is that the illusion of power has to do with knowing more than others to gain an advantage. Wisdom is about sharing our understanding without withholding anything. It creates accountability, which Outer Success people avoid. What we can trust is openness and transparency.

Truth is the perfect symmetry between our inner experience and our outer representation of it. The greater alignment we experience between what we say and what others understand, the more we are unified. Truth reveals who we are, what we see, and where we’re going. Self-deception, Defensive Distortions and secrecy all limit the experience of Truth. While Truth is fundamentally a personal experience, its expression is how we come to see each other. Any experience of being seen and accepted is greatly deepened by the expression of Truth. This occurs because even if we do not agree with another's conclusions, when the experience is shared, it makes an impact on us. Most of the time, it is our shared experiences that provide a framework for understanding. What we need to recognize is that we cannot hear others until we let go of our personal identification with the truth.

We can measure the quality of Truth by the Distortions or lack of Distortions that occur when we speak it. There are two dimensions that we can use to observe our tendencies to customize the truth for certain people. The first dimension is if our Fears or Desires compromise our expression. Do we get caught up in being afraid to say the truth, believing that others could reject us? Or are we indifferent to what others think, so we seek to manipulate their interpretation of our truth to benefit from it? We also can judge our truth in terms of whether it is attractive or repulsive. For many of us who react to repulsive thoughts as something we refuse to share, it can be disconcerting when others bring up these types of topics. Of course, there are the attractive thoughts, which are precursors to Idealization patterns on the next level. Many people like to be identified with certain thoughts, and therefore promote them in order to feel they are the first ones to understand a possibility, e.g. a person wanting to get credit for being the first one to promote an idea.

What this reveals is that we tend to build people up who we want to make an impact on and tear down people who threaten us or make us feel insecure. Until we can see the deeper issues of this, we will not be completely harmless. Being harmless means that we do not fall into the trap of trying to influence others or leverage them for our gain. This requires a level of consciousness and integrity that few actually possess. It is much easier to go with the prevailing ways that our friends and business associates talk, than to step outside that framework and speak with integrity. Gossip (when no one takes ownership of what they are saying personally) in a group is also an example of a lack of integrity. This is why we suggest making friends with people who are more conscious. It helps incredibly to be around individuals who are not interested in compromising others.

On Level 2, agreeing or disagreeing with the Thoughts and Emotions of others can compromise our Truth when we go along with others’ points of view. At the minimum, it creates a dissonance when we feel we cannot express our Truth, believing that others will attack it. Since these issues happen all the time, it seems easier to keep our opinions to ourselves. If we are willing to honor others’ Truth as presented, even if they are not harmless, shows that we have developed a strong sense of Autonomy. Sometimes being reactive to other people’s Truth, while it may have the right intentions, will not have the impact that we want because we will end up being perceived as weak or compromised. Learning when to speak up and holding ourselves accountable to being harmless are two major elements in developing stronger Autonomy skills.

We shed our fixation on polarities when we heal our Defenses. By releasing this snakeskin, we become unifying and inclusive rather than dissecting thinkers. Most importantly, our thoughts no longer need outer structure and agreement to be a legitimate perception. By letting go of proving ourselves, we become integrators and healers. Paradoxically, the depth and breadth of our thinking expands and we come to question previous assumptions. This rebuilding process supports us in accepting our new perceptions and insights by being more open and available. We uplift our thinking out of polarity ranking. By taking responsibility for our thinking, our speaking becomes more clear and unveiled. This is how we individuate ourselves.

To begin with, Defenses are how we learn to protect ourselves from others as we grow up. Each Defense pattern originates with our parents, but it requires us to assert a response about how we wish to interpret the circumstances. This means that we make assumptions about the degree to which we are masculine or feminine and how others respond to this expression goes into our choice. The thing to remember is that we build our Defense, which means that we can dismantle it when we wish. There is just no incentive to dismantle our Defense while we feel unsafe or insecure. While we may have a Defense, we need to remember that we are not our Defense. The more we understand Defenses, the less we will personalize the Defensive interactions we built and our past reactions. Self-forgiveness is the key.

There are five basic choices based on the degree to which we actualize both our masculine and feminine sides. Notice that we are saying that every individual has both a masculine and feminine side. We are not just our gender identity, but also a creative being with greater responsiveness and bandwidth. Only we can deny this bandwidth by limiting how we respond to either our masculine or feminine opportunities. If we were highly impacted as a child, we do not end up trying either our masculine or feminine side and therefore become more Distant in our Defense. If we respond to the masculine, but deny the feminine, we become more Dynamic. If we respond to the feminine, but deny the masculine, we become more Disarming. Of course there are those who switch between doing masculine and feminine responses, which we call Disnamic. Ultimately, we all want to be able to simultaneously respond in both masculine and feminine ways. This is called Pioneering, which is not technically a Defense, but an affirmation process.

Defenses not only impact our Attractions, they also tie us into co-dependent relationships. This means our desire for growth is undermined and we end up defining ourselves in terms of our partners. The key to healing our Defenses is to stop identifying ourselves with just a part of our creativity over the wholeness that we truly represent. Until we can do this, we are caught in our self-defined limitations and cannot go much beyond this level. Instead of thinking of ourselves as Defensive individuals, we need to see ourselves as creative beings with a Defensive style. This is the first step in getting some distance from the Defensive trap. Objectification, Subjectification and Idealization are all Defensive Distortions that operate on each of the levels. On this level, we will focus on how our identity gets trapped by our Thoughts and Emotions in Subjectification patterns.

The five main Defensive Patterns are:

  • Distant Defense is about establishing a comfort zone for each individual we are around, depending on whether or not they accept us as we are. We seek safety by having predefined rules about how we engage each other. These usually end up being more elaborate than the Expectations Pretense. We use roles to define who is in charge of what. Sometimes couples are more traditional according to gender identity roles, and other times they are not. What we have in common is that we are sensitive to pre-worked out agreements about how we are going to deal with any particular type of problem. The real issues emerge when problems manifest that are not pre-worked out, which can happen frequently. We hate being judged, criticized, or told how or why we should do things in a particular way. This is considered an infringement on the agreement. While we do some Unconscious Merging in this Defense, we use the distance between us to keep our partners from using our energy indiscriminately. We also have a number of triggers that create reactions that we believe our partner should protect us from (if they love us). Our biggest fear is not being wanted. This keeps us from overly depending on our partners for fear that they will think of us as a drain to them.

  • Dynamic Defense is about establishing clear boundaries so that others cannot easily take advantage of us. We see ourselves as strong in our Thoughts and actions, but consider our Feelings and Emotions liabilities. This makes us appear tougher to others, which we amplify by trying to impose our view of what is appropriate on any situation. We are usually more time-centered and only see ourselves as productive if we are moving things forward at a particular rate. We develop great task-management abilities. Over time, we develop our own tools so that we can be masterful and effective in implementing whatever we wish. Anyone that upsets us or slows us down is seen as an obstacle or even a threat. Our strength is our ability to master complex problems and come up with solutions that we can articulate so that others will do what we say. This brings a sense of relief and ultimately resentment from Disarming Defense style individuals, who are our opposite. Dynamics believe in a strong, outer perimeter to keep others from seeing our internal vulnerability. This vulnerability reflects our greatest fear, that we are not lovable. To anyone inside our boundaries, we are the ultimate mush ball. People outside our walls see us as tough, unrelenting, and unforgiving when things do not go well.

  • Disarming Defense is about establishing a flexible inner truth that allows us to adjust our outer frameworks to meet others where they are. We see ourselves as fluid because we are strong in our Feelings and Emotions and sometimes perceived as weaker in our Thoughts and actions. This makes us appear more amenable and open to others and we develop extraordinary relationship abilities with all types of individuals. We evoke possibilities, suggest multiple options, and generally upset the common perceptions so that new ways of doing things can be implemented. Some people hate the chaos we bring to a situation and instead try to minimize its impact. This is particularly true for Dynamic Defense style individuals, who are our opposite. We are often optimistic and enthusiastic about things that have never been done. We are more people-oriented and recognize when something needs to be different to make it work. We enjoy mysteries and see the world as full of possibilities. The challenge here is that we may not focus ourselves in linear, sequential ways and therefore fear that others will perceive us as inadequate. Our fear is that we will be seen as not good enough. Our Defense Style is a more of a guerilla warfare approach, which is mostly misdirection, with no central headquarters in charge. This makes it hard for others to know how to hurt us and we are great at hiding when we are hurt. Individuals around us do not necessarily know what we are committed to, which makes it difficult to evaluate our success.

  • Disnamic Defense is about finding the right balance with others so we are not at the effect of them as much as we would be otherwise. This means when others are strong, we want to be soft, but calm. If others are soft, we want to strong, but more direct. This Defense pattern is a mixture of masculine and feminine responses, guaranteed to bring out a complementary or opposite perspective viewpoint. The goal of this Defense is to reflect what the other person is denying back to them. It is hoped that this will make them able to see the entire picture. Of course, being a Defense, it seldom works out this way. One of the big challenges is that because Security is Safety through time, we go back and forth between time-centered processes and personal perspectives of our needs. Our needs drive our Safety issues and our Time-centered processes help fulfill our Security needs. The problem occurs when we need both. There is not an easy way to have both of these perspectives because the Defense is not designed that way. The best way out of the Defense is to go straight to Pioneering, which happens to be possible because it is more balanced than the other Defenses. The way we accomplish this is to meet others where they are so that they expand to include both Safety and Security perspectives. This means that if a person comes on soft to us, we need to meet them in their softness, recognizing that they want to talk about their needs. This would allow them to evolve from their needs into their long-term needs, which is about Security, by talking about the strength they need to implement their long-term solutions. If a person comes on strong, we need to meet them in that place, so that they may eventually realize that they are vulnerable and can then meet us on a deeper level. The goal of all Disnamic behavior, when we are unconscious, is to polarize a way to get distance from the situation. We need to turn this into engagement where others are at so that there is a greater blending and unification. From there, Disnamic individuals can go straight into Pioneering. Another aspect of our Defense pattern is that we are more sensitive to Idealization issues, because at its core it contains more Anxiety.  We will explore Idealization on the next level.

  • Pioneering Defense is when we embody both our masculine and feminine expressions and can respond to others without reactions. When we shift into Pioneering, it first of all means that we are accepting our natural creative energy and realizing that we do longer need to use creative energy to defend ourselves. Instead, our creative energy can be used for self-expression. The other major lesson we learn is that the more we carry around our history, the more unbalanced and fearful we are, attracting most of the problems we experience in our life. We need to start asking ourselves, Who would we be without these problems? By neutralizing our Defense patterns, we heal our fears and open up an enormous amount of time in our lives to focus on the positive. We also begin to see how everything actually is in balance. It has been our preoccupation with certain truths and perspectives that has kept us out of balance. Things that we learned in our past to protect ourselves may not have a future when they keep us fixated in the past. What being Pioneering actually means is being able to see all the options. When we are caught in other Defenses, we only see a small subset of solutions that match that Defense. We keep trying to do more to get the result, only to find that it gets us deeper into trouble. When we are Pioneers, we actually find the right solution for every problem that does not accentuate the problem. This allows us to ‘right size’ our solutions. This means having the right level of response to produce exactly what is needed.

A Defensive Façade may cover up each Defense, which is how we hide the Defense from our parents if it will not be acceptable to them. The problem with Facades is that if we start believing in the Façade, it cuts us off from being able to see the Defense, creating another layer of separation between our image of ourselves and our creative expression in the world. This is why we suggest that one of the priorities we place on Defensive healing pays off, not just in awakening us to our deeper truth and creativity, but also in rebalancing us so that our natural expressions are empowered. Otherwise, the Defenses distract us from what is truly important in being who we are in our lives. This is the legacy of believing in our Defenses. 

Defensive Power Struggles

There are many ways we limit ourselves and get into power struggles that have no end. It starts with believing that we need to prove ourselves to others to gain their esteem. The more we identify with our Thoughts and/or Emotions, believing them to be who we are, the less spacious we are as observers of our own process. Our identification with pre-set defensive beliefs provides a shortcut where we do not need to think for ourselves. We become Safety and Security oriented, as our reactive-ness increasingly dominates our interactions. This lack of distance from our reactive Thought processes means we do not see our Self in perspective. We often lack depth in our understanding. The self-denial of our Emotions or Thoughts reinforces our feeling of incompleteness and insecurity. While we may not be exactly clear about what this means, it shifts us into discussions about what our Truth is. We become overly concerned about what those close to us believe. When we are compromised by our Defenses, we only see partial points of view, which we then decide are the complete Truth.

The main indicator that we are caught in an identity struggle preventing individualization is endless arguments. The more we are locked into defensive perspectives (masculine, feminine, or role-playing) the less we can see our Truth. This creates insecurity, where we become fixated on proving how right we are. We then see differences in others as threats to our ability to be effective, because we need agreement. We typically view support from our partner as suspicious, tending to believe they are seeking to get what they want at the cost of what we want. This leads to arguments where both partners try to wear each other down, believing tenacity to be the answer. We do not possess the ability to navigate these differences and move through them without conflict. The desire for quick, independent action is overwhelmed by the requirement to deal with unanticipated complexity. We also lack confidence because of the unknown aspects of outcomes when mutuality is necessary. This encourages co-dependent interactions because they are known. A final indicator is the obvious pride we display when we learn how to adapt to our partner’s differences. What we do not see is that our solution (to establish independent decision-making domains and areas of personal responsibility) only leads to greater co-dependence.

There is a huge difference between doing and being right and needing to prove ourselves right. If we want to make an improvement and are open to suggestions, being or doing right is actually just following our heart’s knowing. This kind of thinking is open, deep and appreciates engagement with others. This means does not contain any form of Subjectification. On the other hand, if we need to prove ourselves right, it is a personal position that only feels right because it attempts to offset our own Fears and Desires. The Fears and Desires of others are often triggered when we take any position that does not match their defensive perspective. Telling our truth ‘from a position’ is highly localized and has no depth or breadth, and is therefore the worst type of Subjectification we can engage in. When we project our partial custom truth on others, falsely believing this will solve the problem at hand, it will provoke defensive actions. We can validate this communication when on the receiving end we are flabbergasted, shocked or unable to respond to someone’s request. The result is a standoff where the person proving they are right becomes increasingly frustrated and believes the person they are talking to must be stupid. The real problem is that we are thinking in a defensive manner, when the solution is to be more inclusive.

Some people falsely believe that arguments are normal and the anger they express is crucial to the process of making up sexually. However, this type of polarization based on Intensity is a straightjacket, with each partner ending up attempting to control the relationships in order to minimize personal insecurities. The more a partner compromises their Truth, the less comfortable they are to speak about it. Over time, the structure (and rigidity) of the relationship overwhelms the joy in it, building contempt. For example, if we choose someone with an opposite Defense, it may initially feel more secure, but over time, when we are not seen and accepted by our partner in a crucial way, trust becomes eroded, which causes more antagonism. CNG becomes a way to neutralize adversity. One of the biggest problems at this level of relationship is the constant battle between taking care of our Self and taking care of our partner. Until we begin to understand the imbalance from both perspectives, remediation is impossible.

The goal is to balance our Emotions and Thoughts so our Truth can be experienced. Otherwise, imbalances within us attract others with complementary imbalances. Defensive differences become the way we choose partners in the well-known model of  ‘opposites attract’. The benefit of operating on this level is we begin to appreciate that our choices have consequences. The challenge now is that our security is the key need. Security is Safety through Time. Having a partner we ‘need’ brings about co-dependence, which becomes increasingly apparent. Co-dependence is also difficult because the very reasons the relationship makes us feel more secure are the same things that make it difficult to be seen and accepted by our partner. When we are able to communicate this process to others, we can be a cohesive voice of great power. This teaches us the difference between Power as an externalized force and Power as an integrated and unified expression.

Defensive healing is a paradoxical process. On one hand, we typically feel incomplete because we have not been fully seen or honored in the ways we desired. Meaning that our attempts to wake up others have resulted in being hurt a lot more than we would wish to acknowledge. On the other hand, we keep believing that if we just got better at our defenses, we would have more leverage and clarity to get things right. The problem is that we are not confronting the deeper truth of our circumstances. One truth is that we have been hurt, not seen and not appreciated when we have made many attempts to connect. Under this truth is a lot of anger and unwillingness to put ourselves back into this position. Another truth is that we do not like being isolated and lonely. Underneath this is a desire to try to accommodate or superficially embrace others so that we get some of our needs met. We typically feel compromised because there seems to be no answer for this dilemma.

As long as we do not take on a third, independent position, such as acknowledging our Creative Nature, we are caught in the paradox of these two sides. By embracing our Creative Nature, we begin to notice that it is our creative presence, not what we do, that attracts people to us. We could ask, “What creativity within us naturally provides us Pleasure, Power and Passion?” This is quite distinct from what we do Defensively, which is to believe these experiences are scarce and are not readily available to us. In other words, our Personality is anchored by our Thoughts, Emotions, Feelings and Sensations, which are all lower level identifications with our experience that have little or no larger creative context. Many of these experiences are not interlinked with each other and do not add to the awareness of what is happening in the moment. In effect, we are paying attention to the superficial aspects of our nature, believing that they are all we are. Until we can separate our Personality from our Creative Nature, we cannot appropriately identify the cause of our Defensive pain. This is because we do not have any part that is not in pain. When we are Defensive, there is only pain. This is why life is a struggle, why relationships are always considered work, and why we always believe that we have to compromise. Almost all of the pain that we experience comes from Personality identifications, whether there is isolation or loneliness.

Of course, we frequently make up stories that justify the choices we make and intensify the pain we experience. Here we are seeking the power to get out of our pain. The true way of doing this is to acknowledge our Creative Nature and give room for its growth and development. When we do this, we are no longer constrained by the limitations of our Defenses, allowing us to make new choices. If we do not do this, we keep repeating the patterns of our past and live with the pain. Unfortunately, the quickest way out of our pain is to embrace it as it is. We cannot avoid pain because this would reinforce our Defensive patterns. We recommend that you create a space around your heart, which can represent your creativity, allowing you to unpeel the layers of pain from the past so you can eventually create a space of no pain. One way of imagining this is by either burning away the superficiality of our defensive entanglements, and then imagining expanding the space slightly so that the energy that we have tied up in those experiences can be freed.

Establishing a separate CNG space is the first step in learning to manage boundaries in our relationships. When we have established a separate space outside of our personal space, it allows us to keep our personal issues separate from relationship issues. It also helps us to distinguish when we are reacting to things within ourselves versus when we are reacting to others. This means we can own our issues and be responsible for them in an appropriate way. It also helps to establish when we need time for ourselves and when we want time in relationship. Some individuals actually place the CNG farther away or even imagine that it is farther away (when they need more personal room) to do their own processing. At other times, when we want to feel connected, we can bring it closer to our personal boundaries. Metaphorically, having this separate space gives us a way to modify our perception of interactions with others. We can imagine we are using our soft, inner voice reflecting our personal space, or are using a strong voice when we feel others are infringing upon our options or possibilities. We could make the CNG relationship space smaller or larger to reflect our mood. When we have partners that sense these differences, they know exactly how to treat us. The key behind all of this is that CNG is actually an energetic practice; as we become more proficient, we discover more ways to communicate with others.

What we want to accomplish with this practice is to avoid feeling pressured into making defensive choices. No matter our Defense Style, we tend to invade the space of others when we feel upset, and withdraw when we feel overwhelmed. The more we can calibrate to our partner, the less we act out these automatic venting mechanisms and learn new coping skills. This leads to recognizing that our partner could be sensitive and available to support us (if we request it). When we are caught in a defensive pattern, we make ourselves unavailable to our partner, because we are caught in our personal reactions. Even if our partner is present to us, we are not able to utilize their support if we are defensively engaged. We want to learn how to breathe and simply express our experience so any pressure is completely released. This is one of the most valuable consciousness support capabilities our partner can provide. To not engage a partner when in crisis only creates more isolation and less trust in them.

Autonomy, on a personal level, is being able to tell our truth harmlessly, under adverse circumstances. The more clear we are about what we think, what our priorities are and what does not work will lead us to make better choices to affirm and sustain our autonomous nature. We develop Personal Autonomy by being able to stand up for ourselves, while not worrying about what others think. For many of us, this type of Autonomy means going against what others want us to do. This ability becomes a strength, a Skill and an Attraction that others tend to admire. While it does not take ownership of our Creative Nature and how we may interact with others, it is a large personal achievement, knowing what we want and able to implement it. The more we develop a reputation for being able to act independently the more obvious it is when we adapt to others as we see its personal value. This united self-interest is the basis of our existing social structure. Personal Autonomy is mostly compromised when we cannot resolve or differentiate between our needs and our social structure. While we do not want to become a threat, causing others to be angry or reject us, growing in our Personal Autonomy means that we have to find more ways to contribute in order to avoid feeling obligated to compromise.

Autonomy on a transpersonal level is when we put the greater Common Good in front of our personal self-interest. What we seek is to evaluate not only how our choices will work for us, but how they will also work for others. This requires that we see beyond our personal needs and take more responsibility for the world we wish to create, rather than to just accept the world as it is. With transpersonal Autonomy we make choices that serve us, and others. Over time, we grow in our capacity to be aligned with others, particularly within the larger, important issues. This means being able, where possible to increasingly coordinate our actions in alignment with others, maximizing the benefits of our choices. By stretching ourselves to unify with others we continue to build our transpersonal Autonomy. The tradeoff becomes choosing the most inclusive option that we can maintain without compromising our Personal Autonomy.  This is why transpersonal Autonomy is always built on great Personal Autonomy. When we can bring these options together, we discover the power of operating in Unity with others toward common goals. The more we know about others, including their needs, desires and aspirations, the easier it is to make a difference by making choices that include their interests as well. We want to make contributions that will sustainably serve both ourselves and others.

When we are fully free to be autonomous, our communications become more embodied. The paradox is that when others come to know and trust us, they can give up a lot of their defensiveness, in order to work together. This ability to get to the heart of the matter inspires partners to do the same, recognizing that whatever we are saying is not intended to hurt them. This allows us to be open and free in our communication process so that we can act immediately from a sense of mutually knowing how to honor each other. By looking beyond our needs, we can see the larger opportunities. These can be viewed from the perspective of who would be in alignment with us. The more this occurs in a CNG, the easier it is to experience the ‘we’ that this document refers to. Instead of the royal ‘We’, it can be the ‘we’ of equals, determined to express ourselves, while simultaneously respecting and esteeming our partner’s point of view. This whole document is being written from the place of shared discovery and exploration. It is meant to be a stimulus allowing us to think together rather than to use information to take a Position about what is better or worse. The main change we are making in the New Age is building inter-group reflections and synthesis as we bring ever-larger groups together.

Transpersonal alignment is built on the personal Attractions of others that become centers for larger Attractions being formed. The more we can share ourselves fully, the more others can appreciate our ideas and wisdom, which become the nucleus that attracts individuals who will share common principles, interests and agreement about what is important in the world. If we cannot trust people to tell their Truth, this type of creative endeavor will not be possible. If people are trapped in their concerns about what others will think, they are not ready for this part of the conversation. Bringing together personal and transpersonal Autonomy is not easy. It takes courage to look for solutions or perspectives that do not seem comfortable or obvious. Many of us need to be able to look at opportunities from the perspective of others. This helps us move from a personal Content perspective to expanding our transpersonal Context. The more we stick to our own points of view and get locked into them, the less likely we will integrate autonomy in a way that reflects our ability to contribute in the world.

What we are seeking is a form of autonomous expression that supports our truth and contribution in a way that can be fully received. This requires attracting partners with some degree of alignment. Otherwise, we will have nothing to build on and it will be difficult to manifest the Creative Flow necessary for expansion. Autonomy is therefore a very powerful Attraction, which helps us make a transition from a personal to a transpersonal point of view. Without Autonomy there would be no Vibratory Expansion and people would not be magnetically drawn to us. The irony is that our Defense Styles, while promising to protect us, actually separates us from the power of our own Truth. Our vibration is released world when we stop being defensive. This only occurs if we are willing to speak our truth. This does not mean that we should be indiscriminate in the expression of our truth. Whenever we are in reaction, it is best to talk with others who have a CNG and will not take on or amplify our existing reactions. Unless we are energetically present, and not reactive, our Attractions will be minimal and have a limited impact on our life. Otherwise, we will be caught up in the Attractions of others, needing to define ourselves in terms of them. This is Anti-Autonomy at its best.

The more we manifest our Autonomy, the more Creative Flow and momentum we will have in creating the things we want in our life. Meeting others where they are, so we can experience each other in terms of Attractions, allows us to generate more possibilities together, than independently. It becomes clear that we need partners who can appreciate our motivations, goals and aspirations. Autonomy not only defines what works, but it helps us to grow our ability to operate in alignment with others, because we are then able to trust each other. The risk, of course, is that others might abandon or betray us. Individuals with great autonomy put themselves out as far as they can, without threatening their own survival, so they can benefit from the power that is generated from these types of relationships. They are willing to talk about the risks, and will only risk what they are willing to lose so they never become resentful if the relationship does not produce a mutually beneficial outcome. Any compromise is experienced by their partners and will become an obstacle to further growth if not addressed. This means Autonomy is only growing if we are willing to take risks. The outcomes of our truth-sharing process will benefit us as long as we continue to work for a larger, common purpose. Even if we break up, we can then support each other following the same purpose in other ways. Meaning that we are not being betrayed, and we do not have to take it personally, as we are now focusing on a larger value. For some, trust may be the most important, long-term possibility that is developed. This trust allows us to create relationships that are easier in the future.

While our inner process is the most important in developing Autonomy, we also need to pay attention to the Thoughts and Emotions of those around us. This means being willing to experience commonalities and differences in order to recognize what reflects our choices in the moment. Being able to distinguish and honor the Truth of others, so it is not diminished relative to our own, is a key indicator that we have reached a higher level of Autonomy. The highest level of Autonomy is when we sponsor possibilities that others can also adopt, creating an environment of agreement. Of course, Autonomy cannot be maintained if we are compromising ourselves in any major way to facilitate an agreement.

The more we believe in our Defenses, the more difficult it is to accept the lack of Defenses in others. This difference becomes more apparent when someone who is operating in CNG does not argue with us. Instead they focus on trying to ascertain our concerns and perspectives. What a person in a CNG is doing is focusing on what would work to create mutual options; they are not focusing on projecting their Position on others. What this indicates is that those who operate in a CNG do not commonly define themselves in terms of behaviors, emotions or thoughts. They recognize that they have these experiences, but do not define themselves in terms of them. This scares us, because it awakens our awareness to the possibility there may be more to us than previously seen. This difference is between the Personality framework (that needs Attachments and Positions to define itself) and someone who is operating in their Creative Nature (without the need for Safety and Security structures). The problem is that there is no way to compete with this awareness besides becoming more aware. This is the basis for shifting to a new way of knowing that transforms our Defenses.

Shifting out of two-dimensional views of the world (where we stop competing) requires that we view Truth differently. It starts with accepting the possibility that the Truth of others can be just as valid as our own. It opens up the reality that cooperation encourages greater unity and mutual gain, while competition is a zero sum game, where everyone loses. Why do we ignore the obvious cost of not creating common solutions, even if it is a compromise? What we sometimes call a compromise, could be a legitimate, third option that optimizes things beyond a two-dimensional framework.  It is our shortsightedness, which takes us back into our historical perspectives, falsely believing that they represent our best future. The answer to why we are stuck in our past is our Attachments, Positions and Idealizations. The angst we experience is how our personality identity is tied together by our Beliefs in separation. This means it is the belief that we need to avoid pain that convolutes our situation, making us believe that there is no way out. This shows the success of the Defense system because, once you give up, it is in charge.

We overcome both independence and co-dependence by seeing that we need both to transform our defensiveness. We need independence, by recognizing that we are separate from others. We must recognize that co-dependence is an out-of-balance reaction to our Desire to work with others. This means that we only know our Truth in terms of defensive reactions. Most importantly, we have no creative future. When we are not in balance between these two, we are lost in our Defense. When we embrace our separativeness, we no longer fear being alone. When we embrace our togetherness (without over-reacting or trying to make the other person need us), we can experience the value of co-operation. Competition on either of these dimensions means that we are still not present and balanced in ourselves.  When we find the acceptance of each of these so that we are no longer attached, the result is a blossoming of our creativity.

To release ourselves from our Defenses we need to discover our complete Truth, which includes our Emotions and Thoughts, and our ability to be with Truth without any attachment to it. This would mean that our need for something does not truncate our ability to see what is actually happening around us. As long as we are fixated on a preconception of our Truth, we prevent the current experience from informing us about what is changing moment to moment. The more we fixate on it, the more we become defined by it.  Truth is a matter of inclusivity and flexibility. As we heal and unify our Feelings and Emotions, we become more relaxed, joyful and able to put everything in perspective. It is critical that we do not get focused on our preconceptions about something; we do this by making the effort to be open to examining the larger possibilities. This means we need to learn to be non-positional and not assume a position just because it makes it easier for us to define our lives. Most importantly, we need to open ourselves to the possibility that our Truth is always changing, as is the universe around us.

Artificial distancing is the most obvious way we demonstrate our defensiveness. We get attached to contraction, by caretaking and controlling others as a way of preserving the illusion that we are not hurt or scared. These are default frameworks used to placate others, falsely believing that we are doing them a favor. We seek to prove that we can be independent by not appearing to need others. We believe that we need to have clarity and the confidence that what we know is applicable to every situation we find ourselves in. This creates a false impression that we need to be certain in order to keep others from questioning our perspective. To release our Defenses, we need to realize that true Strength is the result of being open to creating new solutions in the moment, and that being curious and inquisitive is an asset and not a liability. Being vulnerable creates its own form of strength because it indicates we are not caught up in our personality’s perception of our self.

The more focused we are on fixing others, the more creatively repressed we are. CNG provides us the opportunity to safely share both who we are and how we have denied ourselves. CNG allows us to metaphorically end our isolation and eliminates the fear that we will not be accepted. Most importantly, it supports us in being present in our Truth so that we no longer need to distract ourselves by attempting to fix others. When we give up trying to fix others, they are able to feel safer when sharing their truth about their creative challenges. We are required to unilaterally disarm and demonstrate our capacity to trust the process without any reassurance that things will go well. It is ironic that we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to see how powerful we actually are. This experience is facilitated by a CNG because it provides an optimum framework in which our partners can respond with effectiveness to our vulnerability.

Now, all that is in the way are our compromised, personal Beliefs that have become encrusted Positions about ‘how life is’. This is called a Subjectification pattern, where we always need to be right. It leaves us on the ground (unaware of our Beauty and wings) unable to access the flight controls of our vehicle (from Level 1). This dissonance minimizes our ability to use Attractions or Skills to transform our situation. As long as we are positional and arguing for our limitations without listening to others, we cannot accept our complete Truth. We need others to reflect and replicate our truth. When we Subjectify others, we are looking for them to mirror our understanding; our partners usually feel their Truth has no value or purpose in this reflection. This misunderstanding perpetuates conflicts as layers of possibilities go unrecognized. Subjectification compounds this process by increasing the number of denied and discounted layers so that we eventually cannot recognize our actual experience. Instead, it becomes the norm that others need to tell us what to do. This pattern gets reinforced in various business situations until we challenge it. The indications that we are caught in defensiveness are Intensity and a desire to compete. We need to be right at all costs.

Defenses internally unbalance us because here we separate our strengths from our perceived weakness so that we can deny personal limitations. This fragmentation is the source of our fear of abandonment, because we separate our ‘good’ side from our supposed ‘bad’ side. By making this internal judgment, it opens the door to rationalizing that we could and should judge others. As we cut ourselves off from the pain of abandoning our Self, it also prevents us from feeling the pain others experience when we judge them. For Dynamic Defense style-individuals, all that is left of this pain is irritation when others do not agree with their ways of improving things. For Disarming Defense Style individuals, the pain is represented by a sense of doubt about the available choices. Distant Defense Style individuals are the most able to screen out their defensive pain, but it leaves them with a sense of emptiness and lack of substance.

This imbalance is further amplified by focusing only on our strengths. For Dynamic Defense Styles, this means focusing on task management, scheduling, sequencing activities and getting the job done. What they avoid is getting enmeshed in unproductive conversations that delay the implementation of a solution. For Disarming Defense Styles, it means building a connection with others so they can discuss what is needed to individually address the issues. This permits Disarming individuals to feel supported by others so they know their work effort will be appreciated. Distant Defense Style individuals try to keep others at bay, but not too far away. Their challenge is getting agreements before taking action, as well as knowing what to do independent of others.

Each Defense Style is attracted to its opposite in order to create a co-dependent relationship. This means Dynamic individuals seek out Disarming Defense Style individuals, and Distant provider types seek out Distant nurturing types. The irony of this process is that by using Defense Style attractions to choose a partner, we actually create the greatest frustration and resentment possible. This is because when we choose opposite Defense partners, we each take ownership of only a part of ourselves and choose those who attempt to complete us (which limits long-term growth). We become territorial because we seek to use our strengths to offset our weaknesses, which further emphasizes the imbalance of the relationship. By choosing partners who seek to minimize in-roads into healing our weaknesses, it threatens the Security of the relationship, and we find ourselves in a catch-22 situation. We want to grow, but growth at this level is often interpreted by our partner that we are preparing to leave them.

To create a sense of Security, many individuals choose opposite attraction Defenses and other Compatibility Factors. This follows the model of finding people to provide what we cannot easily provide for ourselves. What people do not know is that if we choose partners with the same masculine or feminine polarity, we will naturally balance ourselves out. The other major benefit of choosing individuals with the same Defenses is that they will understand us and we cannot hide our experience from them. They will see through any distortion, deletion or deception. It should be noted that the more masculine or feminine alignment we have between our Defense and our Secondary Creative Expression, the more we experience power as something to get, rather than something that affirms us. We commonly think of these extremes as either Heroes or Heroines, reflecting the notion that we need to lead others to the right answers. We can be extremely powerful in either our masculine or feminine reality, equally. The individuals caught in the middle have the most difficulties with having power over others.

In the following diagram, the Creative Manifestation Process shows how we can move from a fragmented state into a complete, embodied state. We see that Imprinting, Pretenses and Defenses cut us off from Unity Thinking, which produces an over-reliance on fragmented Experiential Modalities, which then pushes our defensive identity into overdrive. In order to overcome this disconnection with ourselves, we adopt greater Objectification and Subjectification patterns. This bottom-up model is an attempt to adjust to each problem as it occurs, which requires us to constantly upgrade our entire framework of knowing for each step taken. This is confusing and inefficient. On each level there is always a new duality that will change our perception. For example, a defensive identity is a false identity that can trap us in a Subjectification program where we are later completely blind-sided by the emergence of Idealization issues. Then, when we define ourselves in terms of Idealization, we are blind-sided when we realize we want to be more creatively authentic. This is how the bottom-up model is completely inefficient: we would do much better focusing on our Creative Nature while we keep uncovering and manifesting our Authentic Life Expression. All the distortions would disappear naturally if we kept focused on our Creative Being. These distortions require constant energetic investment. This is the top-down model, which Higher Alignment recommends. Unfortunately, since many of us choose to learn incrementally, we do not trust our Creative Being, and we use the more difficult bottom-up model. The top-down model would take a third of the developmental time of the bottom-up model.

Subjectification keeps us from being receptive to new experiences and receiving feedback from the Universe. Our isolation (cut off from our Creative Self or Unity Thinking) and insulation (cut off from the lessons of the universe or Universal Intent) guarantees that we falsely believe that we have no support and (ironically) confirms that our defensive identity must be accurate (when we receive no support). What we do not realize is that Defenses attract attack because of the Fear and imbalance they represent. The Universe always supports or accommodates us by providing opportunities to recognize the fears we are holding onto. The Defense itself guarantees Self-denial and perceived separation. We end up attracting individuals who are not available.

The Creative Manifestation diagram demonstrates how a top-down model would naturally work. If we step into our Creative Being and express ourselves through our Experimental Modalities, over time the Defensive Distortions will be minimized, allowing us to manifest ourselves authentically. The problems arise when we first do not focus on our Creative Nature or have distortions in our Creative Modalities, which end up amplifying Idealization, Subjectification, and Objectification. This creates a false defensive persona that is not true. The purpose of this diagram is to demonstrate how there is a level of interpretation that can be upset by how we respond to our environment, what we choose to make important, and what we choose to ignore. If we operate in a piece-meal way, our life will be erratic, random, and unpredictable. If we choose to pay attention to our Creative Energy, and we can express ourselves in harmony with our true nature, the Universe will support us.

As we come to own our experience, we move into greater balance. This reduces the pressure to act out our Defenses, which produces greater transparency. This opens us up to our Creative Nature as we transfer from reactions to responses. The more we act in alignment with our Creative Being, the more we attract aligned partners, building better possibilities. These will only work if we neutralize (make transparent) our defensive identify. If we step into our Creative Nature, we can own our experience of our Modalities, opening us up to Universal Intent. Seeing each other on a creative level begins at Level 3, but it also depends on the size of our Context, because we need to be able to experience the overlapping fields in the CNG. When we explore how our Authentic Creative Expression is received and how we calibrate to the responses, we improve our contribution and effectiveness. It teaches us about Universal Intent. Eventually, when we take ownership of our experiences, we can learn what the Universe seeks through our interactions.

Whatever we deny or repress in ourselves unconsciously becomes what we look for in others (thinking it will complete us). While these imbalances (between partners) initially seem to make us feel more secure (we each provide part of the whole), over time they isolate us and create friction. When we are with partners who are not complementary (of opposite polarities), creative dissonance results. This is actually a creative opportunity but, instead, we experience it as a threat. When we do not know how to integrate the dissonance into our lives, it is because we do not see ourselves capable of changing our own polarity. Since it is all energy, we can make whatever we wish harmonic with us. The primary issue it to know what is truly working for us at any level and not worry about enforcing fixed perspectives. We can see many examples of this as we empower an opposite-attraction model, such as Disarming Defense Style individuals being attracted to Dynamic Defense Style individuals. What is learned in this kind of relationship is who we are not, rather than who we are. The differences set us up to sabotage our partner’s growth when the growth threatens our personal security. This is all a matter of perspective. If we develop a greater transpersonal context, none of this will matter because we will have the space to transform any conflicts.

Typically, when we identify with a Defense, we lock ourselves into a certain way of thinking about our circumstances and ourselves. When we become indifferent to our partner, we either hide our indifference or flamboyantly flaunt it to make it possible to do what we want, when we want to do it. This is the theme of Imprinting, Pretenses and Defense Styles where we either overdo or underdo our activities to keep others off balance and provide us with greater room to express our Self. While we do this to protect ourselves, it creates greater distance as others learn not to trust us. The eventual cost is that when we try to expose the limitations of our partners to others (to sabotage), it shames them, making their weaknesses more prominent.

Due to our own uncertainty, we are driven to appear more certain. This pushes us to be Performers, where we are always comparing and contrasting what we think we should be versus the activities we do. This creates duality within us when circumstances do not work out the way we imagined. This drives us to always think about what we ‘could do’ to make things better. Some individuals think we are stuck in our heads because we are always analyzing, trying to figure out the best way to accomplish what we want. This separation between what we do and what we think we could do, is made more complex because we are always searching for ideas that would allow us to do things better than others. This makes us extremely externally focused; we do not spend time on our internal development and integration.

The problem is that we have become identified with our Defensive beliefs. Defensive beliefs anchor us in fears of scarcity and emphasize that we need to use others to get what we want. This perception naturally occurs because there is always someone who has something we do not have. When we build our identity around possessions or perceived economic success (our car, house, profession or business), we Subjectify ourselves as an asset to be managed. Our view about our value makes us oblivious to the truthful perceptions of others because our perspective becomes the only thing that is important. We only choose partners who will cater to our self-perceived importance. This creates a lot of isolation and insulation as our personal issues clash with the perspectives of others. This creates an experience of us against the world. 

When we argue it is usually because we desire something we do not have. The more others seem to possess something we want, the more important it becomes for us to have it. Individuals at the Intellectual level become attracted to their opposites yet cannot relax enough to recreate the experience of the opposite within them selves. (Critical to our success is whether we can embody the opposite experience congruently in all sensory Modalities and that it is something to which we are aligned.) Arguments reinforce polarization on different levels of Modalities, preventing problems from being seen or addressed. When we isolate ourselves and are cut off from different levels of input from our senses, it creates a sense of entitlement. We end up having no sense of appropriate balance and start to seek external things that justify (and amplify) our own importance. Just because we have the belief that we deserve something, is not a justification for manifesting it. It needs to support our authentic contribution or be in alignment with our growth path for it to be fulfilling (or it further isolates or separates us from our Self).

When we can identify our Desires, name them and they fulfill an aspect of our Life expression, they are easier to manifest. Being fully present to a possibility supports it manifesting in our life. This means that we need to have an inner experience of the possibility that aligns with the our external experience of communicating about it with others. Whenever something goes from a mutual idea to ‘my idea’, it becomes a separate (and isolated) thought framework, which becomes an obstacle to manifestation. Any negative discussion is viewed as an attack on our truth or our needs. Our identification with what we want becomes a needs-fulfillment mechanism, where we attempt to possess everything we desire. Like most personality Desires, we do not examine the possibility based on appropriateness. Without distinguishing our wishes from our wants and needs. Wishes are fantasy projections based on solving past difficulties. Wants are possible needs not fully developed or defined. Needs are what we manifest each and every day to move ourselves forward. Universal Intent always supports us in what we need, even though it may not be what we think it should be. We always have what we need, based on where we are in our Authentic Life Expression actualization cycle. When assessing our Wants, we often do not consider that every experience has many different lessons, and lessons determine our manifestation more than anything else.

Manifesting something requires that we internally re-create it so that we can effectively share it with others externally and they can respond to it. Whenever we attempt to make something an absolute ‘right’ way to be or do, it automatically creates an opposite reflection that counters our intention. This neutralizes our Intent, making it harder to manifest what we need. For this reason we recommend that we do not become negative and intense about how we will do things; in fact, it can sabotage our process. Every time we Subjectify a thought, person, or thing, we are forcefully asserting our thoughts onto it. This invites an equal and opposite reaction counter to what we are trying to accomplish. People not only burn out around Subjectifiers, but they increasingly become more resistant to anything they say.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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