Compassionate Intelligence Secondary Expression

(formerly known as Server, Interpersonal or Ray 2)

Known for teaching others to Love. As Secondary Compassionate Intelligences, we seek to be honored for our commitment to loving others unconditionally. We place ourselves in the center of all passionate and/or feeling expression. We envision our contribution to be one of directly supporting the growth and well being of those around us. We are known for being nice, easy and nurturing, because we see this as part of our job in the world.

In this process, we can become extremely protective and concerned about the well-being and emotional health of any person, which represents an expression of good (to us). Our sensitivity and attachment to these individuals is a source of both our strength and weakness. It motivates us to move forward and be supportive, but it can also result in an unconscious protection or coddling of those who we believe need our help. This means that some of our motivation for doing things with others arises from a fear of being alone and therefore, we create safety for ourselves by making sure we are at their side. Without realizing it, our need to be supportive and our desire to protect others can actually reflect our own need to protect ourselves. The biggest challenge of course is to let go of our attachments and embody selfless altruism. The capacity to lead and make a difference cannot be mediated by conditional love (I’ll love you if you love me).

Fusion is a key word for those of us with the Compassionate Intelligence. We need to tune in and absorb the inner quality of a thing to truly know it. Our Compassionate Intelligence allows us to clearly differentiate between a wide variety of qualities and characteristics that pertain to anything we look at. This makes us a generalist by nature.  We typically experience our Intelligence as a series of choices between many different options. It is the blending of these qualities which makes us appear to others to be much more inclusive. Others can view our Secondary Intelligence as heart-centered or even abstract and/or sentimental. This occurs, because others do not have the capacity to blend and synthesize an experience like we Compassionates can.  

Another way of looking at this is to notice our tendency to focus on the quality of something rather than its outer appearance. This enables us to synthesize and summarize the qualities of others in a somewhat abstract manner. The key thing to understand is that we tend to unify the underpinnings of Thoughts which reflect our emotional truth with the feeling sensibilities of our Sensations, which ground us in our body. It is the strength of our Emotions and Feelings, which sometimes misleads others to believe that we Feel first, when in fact we may be a Think first individual. Like Inventive Intelligence individuals, we are very impressionable. We absorb the truth of any circumstance and can carry a residual energetic signature long afterwards. Because of our innate capacity to unify the Emotions of the mind with the Feelings of the body, we have an inherent head start in developing and understanding Intuition. This makes it possible for us to see the likely outcomes of any circumstance before others do.

We are energetically able to anticipate reactions and responses to possible activities both as an individual and as a group. This makes us extremely good at integrating and teaching a broad series of topics or anything that develops the inner spiritual perspective of others. Our inner peacefulness and patience is also an antidote to the urgency and abrasiveness of both Orchestrating and Intentional Intelligence individuals. Due to our inner focus, we have a greater capacity to use the Law of Attraction to inevitably bring together all that is needed to be personally fulfilled. When evolved, we possess an empowered, Creative knowing that supports us in seeing deeply into the being of others. Our ability to distinguish and energize our inner knowing also makes us more tolerant of the differences of others (when we are self-actualized). Ironically, we seem to have the least tolerance of any other Intelligence, when we deny our ability to love our own Creative Nature.

The key quality of our self-knowing empowers us to be extremely insightful when it comes to dealing with different psychological perspectives. Our capacity to recognize different distortions and self-denials is exemplary. Combining this capability with the capacity to forgive and see the higher possibility in others makes us extremely good as psychiatrists or addiction counselors. What makes us so effective is our ability not to judge or dismiss our patients when they do not know how to take care of themselves. Some would say that our secret weapon is our capacity to use the positive nurturing, feminine energies to evoke the possibility of faith in others. It is critical to understand how this is different in essence and scope than the Visionary Intelligence. Visionary Intelligence individuals invoke ideals and goals more powerfully in a group format to inspire transformation. Compassionates invite others to investigate their problems in a uniquely personal one-on-one manner.

Secondary Compassionates seek to help those around us as a way to demonstrate our transpersonal commitment to the well-being of others. Our niceness can sometimes be overwhelming to others. Our need to serve can actually put others off, especially when others do not know whether it is real or authentic for the Compassionate Secondary. What Compassionate Secondaries seek most is to be honored for our commitment to loving others unconditionally. In the U.S., it is hard for us to convey this to others in ways that can be understood because others do not know how to put in context the connection they have with the Compassionate Secondary. Simply stated, Compassionate Secondaries want to feel the heart connection demonstrated by the actions we take without being defined or limited by the service. In a way, our contributions are just our ante in the game, which we hope others will meet or raise. Undeveloped Compassionate Secondaries are extremely critical and act as if love does not matter, when it really does. Actualized Compassionate Secondaries learn how to not take things personally when people do not know how to return the love we give.

The most important thing others can do to honor Compassionate Secondaries is to keep things simple and connected. The more complicated things are, the more confusing it becomes for us. What we want is to maintain a heart connection with everyone we interact with. Usually this means minimizing the conflict and trying to “fix” things internally before asking for help. It is valuable for Compassionate Secondaries to question what we take on, being mindful not to lose our Self in caretaking others. Distinguishing from caretaking the places where we can truly serve and be served in the process, is critical. The common lesson frequently between Compassionate Secondaries and others we attract reflects caretaking and care receiving. When we or others have been taken advantage of in our past, we or they may misinterpret loving actions as a way to manipulate them/us. Persistence in being loving, however, will produce wonderful results. One of the challenges of Compassionate Secondaries is that we are easily inclined to become a “psychic sponge,” taking on the tensions of those around us. It is important, therefore, that others honor us and we honor our Self by owning our own issues as they come up, not expecting others to embody the issue for us. We honor others by helping them distinguish our issues from their issues.

As Compassionate Secondaries, we express our power by embracing seven techniques. First and foremost, we can make others uncomfortable by our beaming heart-centered presence. We can disarm others with our compassion and ability to empathize as well. Second, we respond to loving acknowledgements and grow by giving the same to others. What we seek the most is the experience of intimacy. Third, when we bond with others, we see it as our duty to either take care of them or perform appropriate acts of service depending on how Actualized we are in our Compassionate Secondary. Fourth, our desire to connect to others depends to some degree on their commitment and demonstrated investment in connecting to us. We do not want to feel we are doing all the connecting, while they are being passive. Fifth, we develop the capacity to understand others and in turn, seek to be understood. Sixth, we need to act whenever we are uncomfortable or uncertain about future outcomes. Otherwise, tension builds and we take on the problems of the world. Seventh, when we manifest our own heartfulness, our own ability to relax, relaxes others. Compassionate Primaries are more outer-directed and typically become teachers in some form, while Compassionate Secondaries help bond groups and family connections.

Compassionate Secondaries use a simple sense of connectedness with others to be successful in work endeavors. People around us like our reasonableness and our ability to work to make things happen. Others appreciate our common humanity and lack of pretension. This makes it easier for us to attract people who become attached as we go through their lives. Our gift is that we promote a degree of loving understanding and an ability to have others easily appreciate our goodhearted nature. We attract people who especially need emotional support making it very important that we learn how to establish boundaries, and put our needs first. Otherwise we will not have the energy to support others. The more a Compassionate Secondary is operating in higher motives, the more we attract conscious people to us. Our goal is to create a network of friends who will support us as much as we support them. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case as we end up giving more than we receive and end up thinking this is our lot in life. It is our easygoing nature that tends to invite people who abuse our open heartedness, which is our largest challenge.

We like to be seen as effective trusted coworkers that others can count on. In this way, we try to be the faithful friend who is there no matter what the weather conditions. This is our way of showing that we really care about others. We are always seeking to be more appropriate and uplifting in the way we interact with other people. Our natural radiance and warmth make us sensitive to what others need and we feel extremely capable of describing what we need. Our value becomes defined by how others see and accept us, and therefore we become very attached to being seen as a trustworthy person who is kind and considerate. We are incredibly good listeners at this stage, and we attempt to clarify the thoughts of others so they can see that they are loved and accepted. We build self-worth at this stage by following through on commitments we make to others and doing more than is expected so others naturally appreciate us. We call this process conspicuous love-ability.

At this stage we can be extremely psychic and we are natural healers because of our ability to tune in to energies, particularly through hands-on healing. One of the primary indicators that we are at this stage is our incredible sense of sweetness, which others may initially think is an act. Through our connectedness and follow-through we soon demonstrate that this sweetness is a natural thing that you can count on. It is our extreme vulnerability which makes us sensitive to the vulnerabilities of others and where we attempt to protect them from the pain they experience, sometimes to distract ourselves from our own pain. At this stage we tend to hate negativity, believing that it is something we can do without in the world.

Compassionate Secondaries are incredibly sensitive receivers. This enables us to tune in to the concerns and problems of others so that we naturally start talking to people in a way that seems as if each person is a member of our family. We are highly impressionable and can easily re-create the trauma people experience in times of crisis, producing those symptoms temporarily in ourselves. By honoring our own boundaries, we can learn to offset some of these negative characteristics. Overall, we seek to create a sense of unity with others that allows them to feel comfortable, nurtured and supported by us. We hate operating abruptly, for it is jarring in our relationships, especially when we have established a creative rapport with others.

As we grow in our Compassionate Secondary, we need to love others in order to love our Self. The more we purify ourselves of greed, avarice, jealousy, envy and anger, the more we allow ourselves to love and accept ourselves as we are. When we are not committed to purifying ourselves, we become more attached to others loving us to make up for our perceived deficiencies, and we can be more fearful. This is when we attempt to set high standards that even we cannot live up to, believing that our ideals have to be out of reach to offset the fears that we are too easy on ourselves. When we begin to love ourselves, we relax into the possibility that we create our reality and it would be more effective to be gradually growing in our ability to implement, rather than to assume we have to wait to attain some huge ideal before we are willing to accept ourselves.

As Secondary Compassionates we try to prove that we are faithful to ourselves. This usually means we experience our connectedness through our spirituality or religious activity. On the personality level, Compassionates use reasonableness and happy self-radiance to minimize the problems of others. We believe the love we have for ourselves is enough to transform the problems of others around us. Therefore we become committed to being there for people even if they are not there for us. What we enjoy most is clarifying the needs of others so they can determine what they truly want. We also find enjoyment in helping people set standards of behavior that make others proud.

Undeveloped, we seek to express an inspirational compassion that draws people. Many times we are caught up in roles that emphasize our healing and teaching qualities, which then diminishes our ability to take risks. What we seek is for people to be as patient and understanding with us as we are with others. Unfortunately, this is unlikely, as we make it our life work to be the most adaptive and loving of everyone. The problem is that at this stage we are extremely emotionally sensitive and can be hurt by people not honoring us or our needs.

Undeveloped, we are resentful caretakers that end up becoming judgmental and fearful of the needs of others. At this stage, survival drives us to try to take care of ourselves when, in fact, we believe we have to take care of others first. This inner conflict makes us timid, controlling and overly attached to impractical ideals. Our separative perceptions of what is needed drive us to choose what we are able to do for others without compromising ourselves. Unfortunately, these actions are not always necessary and others get into resistance when they are being cared for in ways they are not requesting. The challenge is that we need clear guidance as to what would work for other people, which we are unwilling to ask for because then we may have to do it. As a result, our ignorance keeps us jammed where we do not see a way out.

The difference between a Compassionate Primary and Compassionate Secondary is that on the primary level our service is uplifting and transforms us, while on the Secondary level, our Compassionate supports and nurtures others so we can be nurtured in return. On a primary level, our service is joyful and exuberant because it is our ideal growth process and we are uplifted by it. On the Compassionate Secondary level, we are interested in making sure others know they are loved by what we do for them. This means our contribution is one where we expect a return and desire to be seen as valuable. On the Compassionate Primary level, we know we are valuable and we do not need confirmation from others to prove it.

One of the challenges for Compassionates is that we become protective about love and its many expressions. It is easy for us in this situation to get hurt and blindsided by the fickle expression of love by others. As a result we become more fixated on building continuity around our experience of love by reinforcing its eternal nature. When this happens, we end up asserting a structure about how love around us operates or at least how it should operate. This creates a situation where we demand others to be devoted to love the way we are. We enforce this framework by using “tough love” whenever we see someone acting in a way that is not loving to us. Tough love is where we threaten to withdraw and not participate if they do not engage us the way we want. Some other Intelligence expressions could experience this as a defensive structure where we either need to play the game of our Secondary Compassionate Intelligence or go home. While it is true that this structure requires effort to engage, the potential benefit is that we as Compassionates are in fact committed to expressing love and therefore try to live up to our own beliefs.

Expressions of personality love mean so much to us because it is a way to make real our internal desires. One indication of this is how we become more structured and demanding that others love us in particular ways. When others do not follow our suggestions, we believe they do not care for us. The truth is, for their Creative Nature this expression of love may not be natural. For example, a Secondary Compassionate may desire public displays of affection in a certain way which may be resisted by their partner. Other potential ways of showing love could be acts of service, gift giving, celebrations of different occasions, and words of acknowledgement and encouragement. Secondary Compassionates appreciate all these expressions and normally need this type of support to validate their internal structure which can distance them from their own experience of being loved. When another individual does not live up to our expectations, the common issue is that we need these expressions of love to offset our own internal doubts and fears because we have not embodied love to the degree we think we should.

The core issue is that we are growing through love to be successful. Because it is so core to us we take personally every fault we discover about ourselves along the way. These results in a degree of hyper-alertness about how we should be loving and show love even if it does not feel appropriate. In short, we become fixated on proving that we can love better than others. Most of the time, this shows up in our choosing partners who are projects and need loving attention. We end up believing that if we can transform our partner and make them more able to love themselves that we will finally be able to accept how loving we are. The problem is that others may come to resist our suggestions because it seems to compromise their autonomy and rebel against our objective. This creates an enormous amount of frustration and may result in our becoming more stubborn and strong willed, where we need to prove our independent toughness about getting our way. In effect, we try to break down our partner’s resolve by showing them how much they need us.

What we need to learn to do is to release our attachments to seeing love as only a personality expression. Instead of fixating on love as the result of sex or believing that love depends on how well we protect or direct our partner we need to let the whole idea that love is manifested as serving the needs of our partner. While these expressions of love are not bad, the consciousness behind these expressions is limited. We need to find a way to be more inclusive, open and recognize that others are loving us the best way they can. If their expression of love does not meet us or bring about a full engagement of who they are, then it is important to move on. The key issue is to recognize that we cannot change another’s way of expressing love other than being loving with them and accepting them as they are.

What is often misunderstood is our sense of duty and calling to do the best in any situation. This means that we frequently get caught up in doubt and fearfulness about the outcomes of any particular situation about people. In any situation where people are affected we want to make sure that we have anticipated the negative impact and be able to compensate for the problems. As a result it takes us more time to work through our strategies when others might be hurt. Ironically, it is only because we have to deal with these circumstances and difficulties of solving these particular problems which can take away an element of our humanity over time. This is why we can be seen as cold and indifferent, when actually we are always second-guessing our choices. It is also likely that our sense of duty transforms our fearfulness into fearlessness. Some individuals would even suggest that it is only our desire to transcend our fears that makes us want to convince others of our superiority. Again, in our attempt to deny or discount our fears, it sometimes drives us to overcompensate by falsely believing that there is no other way of doing things other than what we are suggesting.

It is also important to remember that we love others where they are, and we use the power of love as our source of redemption. Unlike Visionary Intelligence individuals, Compassionate Intelligence individuals can easily get caught up with a variety of attachments. As a Compassionate Intelligence, whenever we focus on the outer form or appearance of things we are also subject to the distortions of Maya [Sanskrit: illusion] and Glamour. Our personal challenge is to support a greater sense of personality detachment by seeing and acknowledging those characteristics which unify and reveal our common humanity. This usually begins when we are able to see the inner nature of our constituents so we do not get caught up in the outer presentation. This requires that we develop and expand our commitment to the growth of our internal knowing and being. The more we develop transpersonal tools, the easier it will be for us to support others in a way that transforms them.

Our growth comes about by establishing an internal center of magnetism, heartfelt caring, and a reflection of others. In this space, there is safety, support and a calm, kind sense of being seen. The more we trust our intuitive sense of what works for those around us, the more effectively we can encourage our friends and partners to take on the challenges of their lives. It is our grounded appreciation of the issues of others, which assists us in guiding them on their path. We do this not only for their vocation but also for the growth they seek for the relationships they are in. We feel satisfied when others are able to share their Truth without reservation, knowing that it will be honored and respected by us.  We are designed to help inspire others to go beyond their fears and not become frozen by them. Unfortunately, we can get caught up in our own fears and become unwilling to take advantage of unexpected opportunities where our destiny could be revealed. Ultimately, we need to learn to balance our desire to show up for others with a commitment to be there for ourselves.

We demonstrate our power by being able to see things simultaneously, from multiple points of view. We possess a degree of 'groundedness' by being anchored in our body through Sensations (10%) and Feelings (30%).  We do not need to be combative because our Emotions are 10% and Thoughts are 20%, although when undeveloped we can become hardened, cool and tough. The more developed we are, the more we use our Intuition to internally recreate the experience of others within ourselves. This provides us with an enormous advantage by being able to put ourselves in others’ shoes so we literally approximate what others experience. An advantage of this approach is our ability to operate on all levels; we know how to reflect the experience of others without distorting it. The downside of this Intelligence is that we can become incredibly absorbed in taking on the problems of others, when we may not have the tools to differentiate where we are versus taking on the experience of others.

We can recognize the importance of Compassionate Intelligence by how we overdo, under-do, or react to it. When we overdo this Intelligence, we project a desire for stillness and clarity on others, criticizing and harassing them if they do not comply. Over doing can lead to the appearance that we are intolerant, judgmental and fixed in our ways. When we under-do this Intelligence, we become absorbent, accumulate Thoughts (without processing them), and become discombobulated. This can lead to others doubting our power or capacity to make tough decisions. When overwhelmed and/or discounted by individuals who do not accept our form of Intelligence (particularly when we are open and receptive and others cannot get a fix on us), we become extremely distressed. It is interesting to note that while we can be non-judgmental, we do not want to get lost in inaction or being indecisive. When we are hurt, we become cold, wary, and constricted as a way to protect our self.

On the Secondary level, we always confront the issue of under doing or over doing our Creative expression. The goal is to find a point of flow within ourselves where we are not imposing ourselves on others nor are we being affected by their response to us. In this middle road, our energy can be expressed without taking a position about what is too little or too much. With the Secondary Compassionate Intelligence, too little means that we are not willing to confront others when something does not work for us. We are too frightened to express our clear perceptions of what is happening and we can even become patronizing in our sympathetic attempts to acknowledge others. When we are under doing our Secondary Compassionate Intelligence, we end up fantasizing how we will salvage the lives of others and redeem ourselves in the process.

Under doing provides us the opportunity to understand love but not necessarily act on it. In effect, we are trying to minimize our visibility and be the “power behind the throne” that everyone else needs to consult. We drown ourselves in sensitive, receptive and impressionable ways to emotionally influence others. Some reasons for under doing our Secondary Compassionate Intelligence are likely that we are afraid to actually acknowledge that love is a power we need to be responsible for because its effects are long-lasting and permanent. Perhaps we are also afraid that others will judge us for being too harsh, indifferent or even strong about our principles and expression of love. As a result, our Tertiary Intelligence is overtaxed and we are more oriented to self-protection than expression.

When we over do our Secondary Compassionate Intelligence, it is easy to get caught up in believing that because we are so loving, everyone should engage us. This leads to greater distortions where we end up competing to be the best caretaker and try to be the most compassionate. We also can get caught up in demonstrating how sensitive we are to the behavior of others and frequently claim (behind their backs) that they are too mean to us. Over doing our Intelligence leads to an exalted state where we believe we need to teach and illuminate the minds of others because we obviously have the answers they want. We can also assert that our love of the truth makes us the most faithful and trusting friend they could ever have. This could lead to situations where when others react negatively, we are the first to claim foul and therefore feel justified imposing a sentence of tough love upon them. The major downside of over doing our Intelligence is we compete to be the most loving in a way that is actually manipulative, competitive and even materialistic.

We mature and find our fulfillment in our contribution by learning how to organize our Secondary expression in terms of our Primary. Either under and over doing our Secondary Compassionate Intelligence minimizes our capacity to be fulfilled in our life work. It should be noted that any use and implementation of our Secondary Intelligence will get us noticed by others. This is a different experience than operating in our Tertiary Intelligence where others accept us but do not see our power. It is also different than any Creative expression imprinting that merely irritates others and pushes them to ignore us. When we can find the place of expressing our Secondary Intelligence in a flowing way it automatically re-orients us by organizing our Secondary expression in terms of our Primary. Secondary Compassionate Intelligence helps us to cohere and clarify the expression of love in terms of our Primary expression. In this way, Radiant Self Unifying Love becomes the foundation of how we express our Primary. The power of our Secondary uplifts and makes clear through magnetic re-organization, the method of our Primary expression. In effect, we naturally integrate and heal ourselves through love so that our own energetic field transforms any negative expression by others. As a result, we become more serene in our expression of our Primary.

It is likely that we wish to be more popular but find that some individuals do not seem to like us. This irritates and frustrates us, particularly when we make extended effort to do everything in our power to be seen by them. Little do we realize that this response is not about us but usually reflects their upbringing and problems in accepting them selves. We blame ourselves because our Compassionate Intelligence has as its internal goal to “get” others directly and truthfully. If we are not getting them then we believe we failed. It also hurts us when they cannot get us no matter how much we try to explain things. Unfortunately, we define our success at this level as having others appreciate us for what we contribute. How we react is usually to find ways to contribute that they can’t deny. This can be seen in our attempts to make sure that things run smoothly, that everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and that everybody is contributing the best they can. This heightens our appetite to prove we are more responsible than those around us.

We accomplish this by being more determined to be inclusive and see all points of view and take into account everyone who is contributing. We get caught up in this high minded, big view (of ourselves) as a way of making ourselves feel like bigger people. We could also strive to make everything perfect and then discount and/or deny any value when something is not complete or done to our satisfaction. This is particularly true when something does not meet up to our high standards. Ironically, while we hate arrogance we can end up appearing egotistical to others because we want everything to be “just so”. Another indication is our desire to be esteemed by others for the completeness we need to make things work. The more we honor ourselves and do not require others to compensate for our not valuing our own contribution, the more we become balanced and whole in our Secondary Intelligence expression.

Page Author: 
© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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