Becoming Simple (Accepting Ourselves)

At Level 1, we discovered that Stillness stripped away our conditioning. At Level 2, we discovered that Solitude allowed us to see how we were related to the bigger picture around us. Now, at Level 3, we explore our inner Silence and expand our Context, which allows us to understand that we do not need to define ourselves in terms of the outer world. As we resolve our internal conflicts, our personality mechanism begins to serve our Creative Nature and quiets our internal voices. On examination of the source of these voices we find that they are mostly Attachments, Positions and Projections that seek expression though our personality. Here we begin to explore how to be more creatively fluid and flexible. This inner quiet is also greatly assisted when we are able to create our own Safety and Security. The more we do this without defining ourselves in terms of needing others to validate us, the more heart and passion we experience in our life. Our experience becomes more about the adventure and the depth at which we are living our life, rather than the superficial experiences we have day to day.

Exploring our expanded perceptions can be greatly assisted by having some guidance. When we become more transpersonal and leave our defenses behind, we become greatly interested in what naturally connects us. We begin wondering why are we here and what is the core purpose of our life. In the past, we have always created meaning from our personal experiences. Now, we work to create meaning from our transpersonal experiences with others. In the Agni Yoga tradition, this is accomplished through small dialogues or aphorisms, where each day we have something to consider and ponder. You can explore the writings of Helena Roerich at www.agniyoga.org. All the books can be downloaded for free as pdfs. These books are extremely useful in clearing away Objectification, Subjectification and Idealization or discussing the blindness of Maya, Illusion and Glamour. Agni Yoga (meaning fire of the heart) is the next step beyond Raja Yoga and will grow in the Aquarian Age.

An added advantage of a CNG can be described as a process we perform for ourselves. For example, we could imagine a common space where all aspects of ourselves (Sensations, Feelings, Emotions and Thoughts) could come to a conference table to have a discussion about what are our greatest expressions of Beauty, Truth and Goodness. The more we bring together and unify our sub-personalities, or the competing aspects of our personality, the less we will need to act out our personality issues. This creates the experience of peace within us. This is also how we integrate our larger Creative Nature. Using a CNG for this integration is usually at least twice as effective as without a CNG. The increase is due in large part because we have activated our ability to be present using Life, Light and Love to address previous areas of denial (which used to contain and partition our energy). Another way of viewing this is that we learn to recognize how limited our personality is when we become caught up in its Fears or Desires.

When we choose partners based on who will heal us, it is our attempt to be important to others, or it expresses a need to prove that others need us more than we need them. We seek admiration, respect and unconditional love, not realizing that this could be enhanced with a creatively aligned partner. It would be extremely helpful for both partners to have some type of Authentic Life Expression synergy. Without this synergy, relationships become unstable because they are not focused in a common direction. This lesson is about manifesting a mutual, co-measured partnership so that both partners can co-create together. This requires us to be able to share without compromising ourselves energetically in time or in terms of another’s space. We do not need to be perfect to be in this stage of relationship.

To accomplish this, we need to eliminate our reactions to our partner’s ‘personal business’. We need to own our reactions so they do not become burdensome. Using a CNG, we can differentiate which reactions are either ours, theirs, or are a part of the relationship space. This clarifies who is responsible to clean them up. When a CNG gets trashed because a partner refuses to participate, engage or attacks the other partner, it is their responsibility to remake and rebuild the Common Ground. While it is always important for both partners to be responsive to each other, there are times when we cannot hold it together and the relationship is on life support. At these times, our partner needs to take the lead on making sure that no attacks or hurt are created. We call this process ‘holding space’ for our partner when they are going through some conflict, and this is never meant to be a long-term effort because it does minimize the capacity of the relationship. If our partner is unable to hold a safe space, the relationship becomes less trustworthy. What we need to be able to do is to build a relationship where contempt can never take hold. Until we operate with full transparency regarding our reactions, we are not ready for co-creative relationships.

When we stop doing projections, each individual can learn to manage and stabilize their own space. When we are not intruding in their space, they no longer need to be reactive or defensive. Their commitment to having an honest connection encourages them to build a separate CNG relationship space to work out the issues or deal with any disagreements within it, just as it encourages us to build a separate CNG relationship space. This means we do not need to personalize our issues with others.  It also helps us to maintain our own natural Grace and Creative Expression. Metaphorically, we learn that we cannot be violated without agreeing to the violation. This means we can always keep our own space clear and not attempt to inappropriately affect or influence the free will of others. It is this neutrality that reduces our defensive nature. As the Defenses become less important, this unused energy is then transferred to our Creative Nature, which enhances the power of our expression in the world. 

Now that we are more tuned into the energy of spaciousness, learning how to switch between our personal space and the CNG relationship space is critical. We are learning to be in both simultaneously, while feeling or knowing the differences between them. One of the best ways to anchor this is to remember that our personal space reflects everything that goes on in our life. Our CNG space reflects what we want to share with others. This means that some individuals will not be privy to some aspects of what is going on with us, which is appropriate. Having clear boundaries around this is much more effective than trying to hide something that only puts more energetic emphasis upon it. We can see this in many situations where what people are hiding becomes the most obvious thing in the room.

Another major difference in the CNG space is that their energy is mixing with our energy in it. Over time, we develop more and more tools, not only to quickly invite them into the space, but also to be able to deeply probe into their energy and recognize what is going on. This process can take only a few seconds giving you the lay of the land for the person in the last twenty-four hours. The key benefit is to be able to see how our process can match their process, allowing us to bring together a possible connection that matters in that moment. Most of the time, we are focusing on where the commonalities are, or where the mutual interests are that promise a deepening benefit for both parties in the relationship. As we become more proficient in a CNG, we are able, not only to feel the difference between our space and the relationship space, but to jump back and forth quickly, depending on our intent.

When we are first engaging new individuals, we may actually spend more time in the CNG than in our own space because we are trying to get the full picture. On the other hand, when we have been around individuals for a long time and we do not have a lot of extra energy, we may place the priority on maintaining our own space. In this case, we would only engage the CNG as a passive response to inquiries they are making to make sure we are on track with them. Typically, we use the CNG to the degree that we want to make sure that they are congruent with their responses. Any lack of congruence indicates that they are lying, distorting their own process, or not willing for some reason to see what is going on. Most of the time, we will invest in people who are congruent with us. This means that we do not have to pay attention as much to the CNG and it can be more of a mutual thing where we jump back and forth to make sure we are taking care of ourselves, or taking care of the connection with our partner.

Manifesting a CNG with others becomes more of a conscious step at this level. Even people who have not heard of this technology naturally learn it on their own. We usually direct them to the four-step description of how to create the CNG structure and then, when they have had more experience with it, we have them expand this into the seven-step sequence. The main indicators that we have reached this level of CNG are that we are self-reflective, more cooperative and seek to have greater transparency in our personal processes. This neutral way of engaging our partner helps many to use their active listening skills. This is how they initially develop the quality of Presence within themselves and with others. When people are at the third level, CNG classes become a benefit, bearing fruit because they assist us in eliminating projections.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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