Attitudes Compatibility

Clearly Recognizing Our Attitude Reactions

When we experience a reaction it indicates we have triggered an internal fear that we won’t be able to live up to the expectations of others. We then create counter-beliefs to offset these fears. Explore the following reactions primarily to identify our Attitude imprinting. In this section we are assuming that all of the remaining compatibility factors are the same, so we can focus on the Attitude differences. We will first deal with the reactions we experience when one person with a Attitude meets another individual with the same Attitude:

1. Stoic with Stoic. Either individual could react to the other person because of their perceived indifference to the thinking and experience of the other. Therefore, they would have no natural inclination or willingness to connect to others that are the same Attitude as they are.

2. Skeptic with Skeptic. These individuals would have great difficulty in being around each other because it’s likely they would disagree about everything. While it isn’t as bad as a Cynic with a Cynic, it is challenging because Skeptics are used to others agreeing with them, even if the others are doing it only to keep the peace. Another Skeptic, who typically won’t go along, would most likely create an adversarial, competitive relationship because each of them will try to out-compete each other for the attention of others.

3. Cynic with Cynic. Two individuals in Cynic could find it extremely difficult to be with each other if there was not a pre-established common goal. This is because Cynic and Cynic imprinting don’t like to hang out with each other unless they are reminiscing about past exploits.

4. Spiritualist with Spiritualist. The biggest challenge will be their ability to support each other in grounding their ideas. While Spiritualists are open to exploring all points of view, it is sometimes hard for them to deal with others’ attitudes. The only Attitude this is not true for is when in combination with another Spiritualist. Their biggest issue together will be mutually deepening their creative process, for they will have a tendency to believe they are “redundant systems” for each other and therefore may not perseverance in their creative endeavor.

5. Idealist with Idealist. Two individuals with an Attitude of Idealist could find extremely easy to be with each other. This is because their common framework as Idealists allows them to see things in virtually the same way. Usually they can even start to outdo each other in a playful way by coming up with even more Idealistic ways of doing things. This reflects the fact that they will amplify each other greatly.

6. Realist with Realist. Two individuals with an Attitude of Realist would find extremely easy to be with each other. Eventually the challenge could become about who has more influence of ability to command the attention of each other. As Realists tend to make pronouncements about their view of reality, having two Realists competing with each other could become distracting. What both need is an audience that honors their contribution.


7. Pragmatist with Pragmatist. Two individuals in Pragmatism would do very well together talking about possibilities until they start trying to support each other. Since Pragmatists always try to find a common framework with others, it is more challenging to find a common framework within a common framework. In other words, these two could get so caught up in trying to be accommodating of each other’s ideas that they would neutralize each other and can render each other ineffective.

8. Spiritualist with Stoic. An individual with an Attitude of Stoic would tend to be very selective about what and with whom they are willing to engage. If the individual in Spiritualist is willing to accommodate the person in Stoic, the relationship will go well. This is because both of these energies are based on Inspiration and they share a common heritage. As the individual with the Attitude of Spiritualist is group-oriented, they may not feel as empowered when they’re interacting one-on-one with the person in Stoic. Since this example is based on one-on-one interaction, it would be easier for the person in Stoic to deal with the Spiritualist person. This, of course, would change if they were interacting in a group.

9. Idealist with Skeptic. A person with an Attitude of Skeptic could find it difficult to be with a person with an Attitude of Idealist. This is because the one-on-one Skeptic focus would conflict with the group-oriented Idealist Attitude directly. Both would likely feel they have common heritage, but still be in conflict with one another.

10. Realist with Cynic. An individual with an Attitude of Cynic can do moderately well with an individual with an Attitude of Realist. This is because both believe action is the predominant variable that makes something succeed or fail. Since both are action Attitudes, they can get judgmental with each other if there is a difference in how they believe they should proceed. The individual with the Attitude of Realist would have more flexibility around many people because of their group orientation. The person with the Attitude of Cynic would be more isolated and self-directed, preferring not to define themselves by the views of the group unless there was a compelling reason to do so.

11. Pragmatist with Cynic. An individual with an Attitude of Pragmatist could be a little challenged by a person in an Attitude of Cynic. The Pragmatist, being an adaptive Attitude, could find it difficult to deal with the Cynic unless they completely agreed with the Cynic. The more difficult a Cynic is to be seen the more problematic the issue will become. What they have in common is the ability to sequence through many options to find the one that will work best. To some degree, the Pragmatist will be the most impacted because they may feel constantly exercised by the Cynic’s constantly wanting to make small changes.

12. Pragmatist with Skeptic. A person with an Attitude of Pragmatist, being more flexible than any other Attitude, can find it easy to moderately difficult to be with a Skeptic. The challenge is, of course, the Skeptic’s negative orientation toward engaging a current process in any direct way. The greater clarity the Skeptic has, the easier it will be for them to find a common way in which to engage each other.

13. Pragmatist with Stoic. An individual in an Attitude of Pragmatist could find it interesting to be around a Stoic if they are not expecting any real conversation. This is because a Stoic is much more subtle and focused on the past than the Pragmatist. It is the Pragmatist’s ability to be fluid and non-judgmental that makes it feel safe for the Stoic to be around them. The more a Pragmatist can be supportive in a neutral way, the more a Stoic feels able to come out and participate in the process.

14. Pragmatist with Spiritualist. A Pragmatist with a Spiritualist can be a very easy-going connection, although it can be challenging for them to produce a result. Since Spiritualists have their own timeframe and agenda that cannot be affected by others, it the Pragmatist that will have to conform to the Spiritualist to make things work to the level they can. It is the lack of judgment in the Pragmatist that makes the Spiritualist able to engage in the process more fully. The challenge is the degree to which they can work together to produce results because they do not naturally amplify each other’s ability to go deeper.

15. Pragmatist with Idealist. A Pragmatist and an Idealist do naturally amplify the power of both, typically producing synergistic results. This is because the Idealist is challenged to refine their thought process such that it will be received in the world. On the other hand, the Pragmatist is uplifted by their sensing of ideas they had not considered possible. In most situations, these two interact well and get along easily.

16. Pragmatist with Realist. A Pragmatist and Realist usually reinforce one another, making an almost unbeatable team. The Pragmatist helps to increase the flexibility of the Realist so their ideas seem fresher, newer, and more interesting. A Realist provides more content and detail so that the Pragmatist is better informed and understands the circumstances more clearly than they would with any other Attitude. What occurs in this situation, is increased clarity, leading to ability to implement more effectively.

17. Cynic with Skeptic. A person with an Attitude of Cynic, while they would be more systematic, would actually find a Skeptic interesting because of the Skeptic’s unique perspectives. The Skeptic, operating in a somewhat abstract way, would also, by their intense concentration, be able to articulate the problems in just as clear a way as the Cynic. If they had a common purpose or interest, these two could have very powerful and revealing discussions. If their goals and interests were different, they could seriously undermine each other and say things both would later regret.

18. Realist with Idealist. This combination is problematic because each Attitude has a very different framework for understanding reality. In our society, this is one of primary conflicts that arise among people as it reflects a conflict in our culture. The Realist has the perspective that they understand the situation more accurately and, therefore, is not impressed when the Idealist suggests new and untested possibilities. The Idealist, by having new ideas, challenges the status quo Realist to come up with a better comment than, “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” The first step with any Realist is to prove to them that the current situation is “broken” and needs fixing. The second issue for them would be to demonstrate how effective the new idea or way of doing something could be. Realists do not take the ideas of others on faith. This means of how at least the principle of a situation will support the process. Idealists have to be ready for the long haul when they engage a Realist about changes that the Idealist sees as necessary to improve the situation.

19. Skeptic with Stoic. A Skeptic can get along with a Stoic, particularly if the Skeptic helps the Stoic clarify what’s not working. The more a Skeptic is not interested in the perspective of the Stoic, the more challenging the relationship will be because, typically, Stoics have little conversational ability and won’t know how to engage the Skeptic. The key thing to know about Skeptics, though, is that they are interested in many things and as long as they are learning something new, they’re willing to hang in with the process for as long as it takes.

20. Idealist with Spiritualist. This combination is extremely powerful in that the Idealist is opened up to greater possibilities than they typically engage and can then see things outside of the typical timeframes they expect. The Spiritualist is also supported in deepening and clarifying their ideas in a non-judgmental way. This lets them engage the process more deeply with an Idealist than they can with any other Attitude. This congruence in thinking is primarily because they share a “future” orientation, a desire for change, and a willingness to disregard what was previously considered the norm.

21.  Cynic with Stoic. This combination, while very quiet, can be effective if the Cynic is interested in some way in the Stoic’s projects. The Stoic will be reinforced by the assumptions of the Cynic, for both believe the challenges they face have no easy answers. The Cynic will be uplifted to some degree and reinforced by the persevering nature of the Stoic and their willingness to take action, despite the pain or compromises they feel. What unified these two is their belief that changing the circumstances of our lives is difficult.

22. Realist with Spiritualist. A Realist and a Spiritualist can experience challenges because of the vast gulf between them when it comes to generating ideas versus implementing them. When these two are far apart, there is no competition because there is not threat. Both Realists and Spiritualists live in their own worlds and see each other interesting, but limited. Since they both enjoy their perspectives and each isn’t likely to cross into the other’s domain, it is easy to converse and discuss the “what ifs” with each other. To some extent, this is because the Spiritualist usually doesn’t have their ideas developed to a level where they’re ready to be implemented. If the Spiritualist’s ideas were at this stage, it would be much for challenging for the Realist to deal with.

23. Cynic with Idealist. A Cynic and an Idealist also don’t get along easily because it is too easy for them to get into arguments. Their time frameworks are directly opposed to each other, so that almost anything they say will be challenged by the other. The only way to get a more difficult combination is a Cynic with a Spiritualist or a Skeptic with a Spiritualist. The problem is that a Cynic and an Idealist have little in common with each other and, even if they do have some common interest, their motivations will be totally different.

24. Realist with Skeptic. It is ironic that a Realist and a Skeptic actually do better together than do a Realist and a Cynic. This is because a Realist and a Cynic are more naturally polarized because they operate in exactly opposite ways.
The Skeptic enhances the Realist and vice versa more because they are less different. The Skeptic is uplifted by the information of the Realist, while the Realist is able to refine their argument by listening to the objections of the Skeptic. As long as total war doesn’t break out, they tend to do fairly well with each other, particularly when respect each other’s boundaries and insights.

25. Cynic with Spiritualist. This combination does not do well together because neither person understands the other. The person in Cynic holds back action because they realize that anything they do will affect the Spiritualist. The Spiritualist doesn’t feel heard and often feels like the Cynic is condescending to them because of their “limitations”. The “limitations”, of course, we are speaking out is the lack of ability to define a problem, prioritize what needs to be done, ad then effectively implement it. The Spiritualist is undefinable because they do not follow predictable courses of interactions. This so-called downside is actually what makes the Spiritualist so effective at engaging new possibilities. Unfortunately, Cynics don’t bring out “possibility thinking” in Spiritualists. Spiritualists see Cynics as “wet blankets”. From a Spiritualist perspective, doubt “kills” – which makes it difficult for them to be with both Skeptics and Cynics.

26. Realist with Stoic. In this situation, between Realist and Stoic, the interactions can be very synergistic because of the common understanding these two have. The Realist is able to affirm and value the process the Stoic has gone through and the Stoic is able to affirm and respect the “due diligence” the Realist uses in creating that perspective. In other words, what the Stoic loves about other people is their perseverance and tenacity in confronting a problem head-on and bending it to their will. For Stoics, Realists “bend” reality by seeking deeper answers. In a similar way, Realists see Stoics as a perfect case study of what it takes to succeed. Most of the time this “mutual admiration society” does well with each other. The only time this is not true is when individuals have different degrees of consciousness and comfort in interacting with each other.

27. Idealist with Stoic. This combination is typically problematic, particularly if there is little common interest between them. The Stoic, being more independent and quiet, may listen to the Idealist, but usually without any passion or the feedback that would be desired by the Idealist. Usually their differences would bring up fears of judgment and being misunderstood by each other. While the Idealist would be the more flexible, they would likely lose interest because the Stoic is not very open to new ideas.

28. Skeptic with Spiritualist. This combination is one of the worst you can possibly have. The Skeptic lacks any common ground with the Spiritualist and vice versa. What makes a Spiritualist interesting is their pre-occupation with the future with a timeframe. One of the most important things to a Skeptic is to have a timeframe so things can be prioritized and ordered in a way that makes sense to the Skeptic. This means a discussion with a Spiritualist makes little sense to the Skeptic because it is not sequences in any timeframe. From the Spiritualist’s point of view, the systematic assumption-checking done by the Skeptic is seen as an intrusive criticism of their reality. For this reason, it is easy for either of them to become reactive to each other. The best advice you can give to individuals in this situation, is to have them take it easy and constantly remind them that neither of them is trying to attack the other.

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© Copyright 2016, Larry Byram. All Rights Reserved.

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